plain old manners

LegacyUser

so i go out for a night, meet a lovely girl, have a great time, swap numbers with her. wait the obligitory 3 days, then text her. see how she is, does she wanna meet up for a drink etc. and what do i get? nothing. i mean, c'mon. u know, even a text to say she's not interested or whatever is better than nothing.
i mean, its just plain rude in my book. if roles were reversed i would always reply. but then, thats just me. its not the first time this has happened. far from it. i'm just sick of it at this stage. i think someone else had a post on here saying how much does it take to send an 11c text to someone! well girls, are yous all just really tight or something?! i know this is more of a rant than an issue, but seriously, how often does this happen to people?

Zillah

Three days? A little over kill. Maybe make a phone call like an actual adult.


What if the woman was kinda creepy and not fun? It'd be so much easier to just ignore her than respond and explain you don't like her. Hell, it'd be so much easier to just give her a fake number in the first place!

Oh course you'd always respond, in situations like this, you like her and want to see her again. I'm sure your tune would change if you felt the opposite. Things don't work out, move on.

Maybe ring her to double check but its not looking good.

EdChigliak

Im thouroughly sick of it too! and Im a girl. Im sick of being the grown up who says "feck it, I'll get in touch and stop all the beating around the bush with all the who should text/call first mullarky" only to have some immature boy squirm around and go back on the great impression he made in the first place. Where are all the other grown ups?

00112984

You really should ring her- texts are a bit of a no man's land.

LegacyUser

well, i already txt'd her the day after we hooked up, just to say i had a good time and all. she replied back, so i defo have the right number! then i waited a few days before asking if she wanted to go out again. i don't think there's anything wrong with that. its not lookin too good now, but thats not what i'm annoyed at. its just the complete lack of response i'm sick of. i know what you're saying about ringing instead of texting, but i think texting is not a bad way to go, esp when its very early days.
anway EdChigliak - i'm glad i'm not the only one!

sillymoo2007

EdChigliak wrote:

Im thouroughly sick of it too! and Im a girl. Im sick of being the grown up who says "feck it, I'll get in touch and stop all the beating around the bush with all the who should text/call first mullarky" only to have some immature boy squirm around and go back on the great impression he made in the first place. Where are all the other grown ups?

Here Here, I absolutely agree. This dating ettiquete of who phones who and how many days later it is is a whole load of crap. If you like somebody and get on well at a date why should ya get in touch and not be thinking Oh I cant contact him for another two days cos he'll think im too keen, what rubbish!! BUT to get back to the thread yes it does happen increddibly often and it makes ya feel like crap, if ya didnt feel like crap already worry about dating ettiquete.

louisecm

I agree, people should definitely reply to texts sent and it is really irritating when they don't. BUT, phone calls are definitely the preferred option. Worst case the person will be rude and then they're not someone you should fancy anyway.

So there.

LegacyUser

louisecm wrote:

Worst case the person will be rude and then they're not someone you should fancy anyway.

So there.

i suppose thats it in a nutshell alright.

Zillah

louisecm wrote:

I agree, people should definitely reply to texts sent and it is really irritating when they don't. BUT, phone calls are definitely the preferred option. Worst case the person will be rude and then they're not someone you should fancy anyway.

So there.

Yup, much harder to ignore a phone call. And when they do answer its quite likely you'll guage how they feel.

Talliesin

Text message etiquette: any such communication isn't important and a reply is not needed.

LegacyUser

Talliesin wrote:

Text message etiquette: any such communication isn't important and a reply is not needed.

really? thats not the kind of etiquette i practice...

dudara

To me, text messages are useful for reminding someone to take out the rubbish or sending silly jokes. It's always much better to pick up the phone and talk to someone.

Talliesin

Yep, agree with dudara there. It's just plain old manners.

tritium

Sorry, can't agree with Dudara/ Tallessin. Spend half my day communicating by email and text so I've come to treat it as an acceptable form of communication. Certainly one that deserves the courtesy of a reply. That said I've had my share of nonresponse too, but then it's no different to being told they're busy this week and then being put off forever over the phone. Some people just don't have the cojones to say they're not really interested, simple as that, so I've stopped feeling bad over their lack of confidence and communication skills when it occasionally happens

LegacyUser

I personally feel it's ok to text to say you had anice time etc within 24 hrs. If your really interested and want to meet again or even need to cancel/postpone a date then a phone call is required.
I have been on both ends where I have not responded (when I already have and have made it clear I don't want to meet again) And where I have gotten no response when I send a very direct text.
Feast of famine!
ring her

CliffHuxtabel

Text her after 3 days? Who came up with the 3 days rule?
Why do we wait so long? To maintain the suspense/ Pretend were not interested/ Give her time to think about how much of a great guy you are?

Sorry bout all the questions but seriously though am i the only one who always calls the next day?

TheJoker

The 3 day rule is a load of sh1t. If you like them get in touch with them the next day, that way you know they haven't forgotten about you....

As a famous sports brand once said...Just do it!

Froot

lol

louisecm

CliffHuxtabel wrote:

Text her after 3 days? Who came up with the 3 days rule?
Why do we wait so long? To maintain the suspense/ Pretend were not interested/ Give her time to think about how much of a great guy you are?

Sorry bout all the questions but seriously though am i the only one who always calls the next day?

Yeah. I hate all that three day rule ****e. In fact, I hate any game playing of any kind. Grew out of that at 19. :mad:

Star Lord

Anyone into playin games and all that shyte isn't worth bothering with imho...

Text or call whenever!

Last time I was on a first date, we were both goin home on public transport (in different directions) and I just sent a text to say thanks for a nice evening, and hope she got home safe, which then went into a whole conversation between the two of us!

I don't think there is any right or wrong time to leave between the date and making contact again, and anyone that tries to interpret is as something different is just being ridiculous.

matt-dublin

3 day rule - good
text - bad!

you shoulda rang, texting for a date is for kids and show no cohunas for lack of a better word!

You might find she may wait 3 days to text you back just to piss you off too....

Next time, ring, don't text, shows your more interested and a bit more confident. Anyone cand send a text, its easy especially in these matters, and I also think people who text like this, to me, it seems like they're just interested in playing hide the trouser python rather than properly folllowing up and being interested in taking things further

Star Lord

matt-dublin wrote:

and I also think people who text like this, to me, it seems like they're just interested in playing hide the trouser python rather than properly folllowing up and being interested in taking things further

I totally disagree with you on that. I think its just such a convenient way of communication these days that its second nature to most people, and as easy if not easier than talking on the phone in some cases!

Beruthiel

sickofit wrote:

wait the obligitory 3 days, then text her. see how she is, does she wanna meet up for a drink etc. and what do i get? nothing. i mean, c'mon. u know, even a text to say she's not interested or whatever is better than nothing.

I don't know how many times I have to say it, but teenagers text, adults pick up the phone and call you.
You just met this girl, wanted a date with her and displayed total immaturity by texting. Now you are upset due to total lack of communication which you brought upon yourself by not calling her in the first place so you could get the lie of the land.
You are blaming her when you should be kicking yourself.

As for there being '3 day rules', what? Game playing will also get you no where, try being straight forward and honest.

Marksie

Beruthiel wrote:

I don't know how many times I have to say it, but teenagers text, adults pick up the phone and call you..

Maybe you will have to text them about it

Beruthiel wrote:

You just met this girl, wanted a date with her and displayed total immaturity by texting. Now you are upset due to total lack of communication which you brought upon yourself by not calling her in the first place so you could get the lie of the land.
You are blaming her when you should be kicking yourself..

Not to mention the panicky worry because you haven't recieved a reply in a while or days. At least picking up the phone and saying HI... how are you etc. is immediate. If she gives you the PFO you will then at least know.
Honestly, if you cannot communicate at teh beginning what are you going to be like later on.
I often have this impression of a post coital couple lying next to each other texting each other.."how was it for you?"

Beruthiel wrote:

As for there being '3 day rules', what? Game playing will also get you no where, try being straight forward and honest.

Whoever came up with that rule? This is cropping up more and more often. I darent contact them til after three days or else they might think I like em?

It is one of the most assinine rules i have heard in a long time.

Sorry B. i was going to wait the obligatory three days before replying to you post :rolleyes: Just in case you thought i liked you too much like

In fact whoever invented texting ? You tell me the person who can put as much emotion in a 256 charatcer message that can be put into 15 seconds of direct communication!

matt-dublin

Beruthiel wrote:

I don't know how many times I have to say it, but teenagers text, adults pick up the phone and call you.
You just met this girl, wanted a date with her and displayed total immaturity by texting. Now you are upset due to total lack of communication which you brought upon yourself by not calling her in the first place so you could get the lie of the land.
You are blaming her when you should be kicking yourself.

As for there being '3 day rules', what? Game playing will also get you no where, try being straight forward and honest.

Agreed with the teenagers text and adults call...

The 3 day rule, isn't a rule... its more of a you have 3 days to make contact, after that your chances are diminishing of anything happening. People confuse it for you have to wait for 3 days to make contact.

@DamoElDiablo:

Yes texting is very prominent now, but at the same time, its too easy to ask someone out on a "date" through text. And not rewarding, you contact your friends through text, if you're really interested in someone you've scored, get bigger balls and ring them. Anyone can send a text, my neice who's 13 gets text from boys asking her out, and i wouldn't expect anyone older than that to text. Its childish, immature and an easy way out. Sorry, but my two cents

matt-dublin

Marksie wrote:

In fact whoever invented texting ? You tell me the person who can put as much emotion in a 256 charatcer message that can be put into 15 seconds of direct communication!

excellently put! well said!

Blackpitts

please, do yourself a favour, call her!

Dublinstiofán

EdChigliak wrote:

Im thouroughly sick of it too! and Im a girl. Im sick of being the grown up who says "feck it, I'll get in touch and stop all the beating around the bush with all the who should text/call first mullarky" only to have some immature boy squirm around and go back on the great impression he made in the first place. Where are all the other grown ups?

Maybe you two should hook up :rolleyes:. Both seem to be having the same problems and at least if you weren't interested you would know where each other stand

Talliesin

DamoElDiablo wrote:

I think its just such a convenient way of communication these days that its second nature to most people

Yep. It is a tool of convenience and suitable for convenient communications, not for anything of any depth.

Marksie wrote:

I often have this impression of a post coital couple lying next to each other texting each other.."how was it for you?"

That said, as much as I don't think texting is appropriate for most in-depth communications the silence of it and the mixture of immediacy and persistance (as in it's fast to do, but the message will wait if it can't be read there and then) does make a series of extremely graphic 4-page texts quite fun. That only works in the context of there having been some earlier communication through another medium though.

Marksie wrote:

Whoever came up with that rule? This is cropping up more and more often. I darent contact them til after three days or else they might think I like em?

I'm convinced it was invented by a high-functioning autistic who couldn't handle social situations without codifying it into rules.

Marksie wrote:

In fact whoever invented texting ? You tell me the person who can put as much emotion in a 256 charatcer message that can be put into 15 seconds of direct communication!

The Nokia engineer who came up with it was apparently quite shocked that people actually use it for anything "real".