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lonely, no way out

  • 08-08-2007 9:35pm
    #1
    hello23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭


    I'm 20 and me and my girlfriend have been going out for 3 years. Throughout my life I've never felt like I really belonged anywhere and I still don't. I am very shy and I don't meet a lot of new people. Basically, my girlfriend is the only person that really knows me and I've fallen out of love with her, but our social situations make breaking up seem like something that wouldn't be healthy for either of us.

    She has a really tough situation at home so I and my parents let her sleep with me every night. I don't want her to have to live there and deal with her messed up family anymore. I set out a goal to take her away from all that when we started out and now that I have, to a degree, I feel very enclosed. I'm with her everyday for at least 16 hours including sleep. I feel like my moral idea of keeping her away from harm is playing more of a factor in our continued relationship rather than love. She is a good person, we take care of each other, but I'm not attracted to her anymore and I don't enjoy sex with her. It sounds harsh, but I feel like my youth is being wasted. 0

    At the same time, my personality doesn't permit me to make many friends, so it is a great possibility that if we did break up my youth would still be wasted.

    I will try to give an appropriate analogy: Imagine being in a battlefield and one of your fellow soldiers goes down. You want to save him and you try to drag him to safety. You don't have a gun, but he has a small pistol that can hold off some enemies, but in the long run it will probably be futile as the enemies are armed with machine guns. There are bullets whizzing by everywhere and you are all but sure that if you continue to drag him, you both are gonna die. There is also a great possibility that even if you leave him, you're still gonna get shot and die, especially without the minimal protection that he is providing. You want to save him, but you're not certain if it is worth your own life and you aren't certain that you could survive on your own.

    I feel like i'm with her for the wrong reasons and under the wrong circumstances, but if I broke up with her I would literally have no one to talk to about my feelings, there would be no one I could talk to who understands me. I've been lonely throughout just about all of my adolescence and I appreciate my girlfriends love and company, but I don't think we are staying together for the right reasons. Being in this relationship makes me long for a girlfriend who I don't feel like I am being forced to stay with. As a result my loneliness seems to be perpetuated and I have become bitter.

    What would you do?


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Was in a similar situtation to you hello123. Was a shy guy, few friends and a long termrelationship. One day things will improve, you will break up and then what? It nearly got to the point where i couldnt stand to be around my ex who i lived with at the time.She had an accident and we were in final year in college so that was the situtation that kept us together. She had some back pain so felt i couldnt leave her. Ended up getting really horrible between us so broke up badly after Christmas of that year. Never felt so alone. Fell straight into another relationship after with someone i knew though weekend work. She was somebody i shouldnt have and ended soon enough and got badly messed around. Anyways had drifted away from all my own friends over the years due to the relationships so for the first time in my live felt like i handnt a friend in the world. Though the family were great and probably could have gotten back in touch with people, I just felt like i had nobody. Call it depression or whatever it really was a low point in my life. Ended up resenting the two girls for doing this to me and for everything i had missed out on over the years.
    Delighted to say i turned things around very quickly.Applied and got a course. Got to meet a great bunch of people who are now my closest friends and all in only a year. To be honest though ive realised it was all my fault all along for getting in that situtation. Friends do always have to come first and it is good to have time apart from a partner. Things will never end if ye are so dependant on one another. I've realise now if i had been honest and explained things with the first girl we could have stayed friends. I didnt and went through a tough 6 month as a result. My advice, tell her the truth and tell her your there for her but importantly make your own life and your own friends as soon as possible! You will only look back and regret it otherwise.


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