hard to find a date!

LegacyUser

Male 23 and single for a year just over a year now. Was in a 5 year relationship before that so found the whole dating game a big change from my teens. Anyways... while i've been been enjoying the single life, have no problem pulling women and im not too bothered about being in a relationship, it would be nice to have something more than a random score sometimes! I've a small class in college so that rules them out and never really been interested in any friends of friends i've met. That leaves nightclub scoring as the only way to meet people.
To cut a long story short, i always get a number and always get in touch. Have tried everything, leaving it a few days, next day, playing it cool, asking straight out. While they all reply, bar one or two exceptions it never comes to anything (one of those having a few guys on the go). I have female friends, am a nice attractive confident guy and treat women with a great deal respect, but im starting to feel like women are bigger players that any guy know and im also concerned i might lose that respect ive had for women.
I dont expect anybody to know what im doing wrong or have a magic answer, but just wondering can trying to meet someone dis way EVER come to anything. Should the guy always have to put in all the effort? Is there any rule (the 3 day rule was news to me when i was first told!!!) im missing about this? Glad of any advice!

Victor

Come to the Boards Beers this weekend. http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055110862

tuxy

Victor wrote:

Come to the Boards Beers this weekend. http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055110862

I think he is heterosexual.

challengemaster

lol

seriously though - boards beers is a great idea. god knows how many couples have been formed due to these blessed fora.

Girrrrseach

tuxy wrote:

I think he is heterosexual.

Hey! Im a girl and Im going to it :P



Women are strange. I, for example, have NO problem approaching a guy at a bar and asking him out. Other women will preen and prance around and flutter their eyelashes waiting for the man to make their move. You may be a nice guy, some women only go for a55holes, and thats that. You don't want them anyway.

The whole pub/nightclub scene can get very depressing when it doesn't work for you... So maybe try something different? Try internet dating, join a club or learn a language and meet a sexy Brazilian gal, the possibilities are endless!!!

You'll roll your eyes but good things come to those that wait, and anything that was worth having never came easy. To be honest, the dating/singles world can suck, but it can also be a lot of fun. You just need a break is all....

As for if you get a womans number - Id wait until the next day or 2 to txt. Don't seem needy, and keep it casual. Nothing makes us want you like you showing the 'meh!' attitude.

G

Talliesin

tuxy wrote:

I think he is heterosexual.

I've found that one can generally get some action with gay men or straight women at them. After enough alcohol I've found one can generally get some action with straight men and gay women also. Aren't they fun?

dateless wrote:

Is there any rule

No.

You can make up your own rules. I have a rule of "always, ALWAYS, provide breakfast for someone the morning after you first spend a night together". It's a good rule, but if it made its way into urban folklore the way other dating rules do it would immediately become another stupid thing for people to worry about (the last thing we need is PI threads going "Oh noes I was really into them but they didn't make me breakfast what does this mean?").

Somebody hit on the 3 day rule as a way to try to hit a balance between demonstrating interest and being pushy and that person was being reasonably sensible, but whoever made it into some sort of universal rule was a moron.

LegacyUser

Da beers sounds like a great idea, will be there!

I think it time to give coppers a rest, not the best place to be looking!

While the 3 day rule may be moronic it is 'universal' so good to know and play by. Like phoning or texting (i assume phone but never do, could be where im going wrong?), Or leave a proposition as general as possible or exact day and plan? while they maybe no such 'rules,' from experience there may be one course of action which is more successful than the other and become rules. I love the breakfast one by the way Anything else that i have yet to learn?

TheJoker

I wonder what the ratio of boys to girlies will be for the get togther?

Talliesin

dateless wrote:

I think it time to give coppers a rest, not the best place to be looking!

Ah. I think we've found the root of the problem.

dateless wrote:

While the 3 day rule may be moronic it is 'universal' so good to know and play by.

No, it's moronic as a universal.

For a start if you'd spent a night with a friend and had a good time, you might very well send a quick text or IM the next day to say "thanks for having me/thanks for coming over/enjoyed last night/etc." It's just good manners, why not do so with a date?

If you feel like giving someone a call after 2 days or really are not in the mood to talk much (or are hella busy) on the 3rd, why worry about a stupid "rule".

dateless wrote:

Like phoning or texting (i assume phone but never do, could be where im going wrong?),

Briefly imagine that you are a character in a Jane Austen novel (this actually works better if you don't like Austen, I'm working off the stereotypes here - you're dashing but extremely formal, mouth full of marbles, broomstick up ass). In the social situation in question would you leave a card or write a letter. If our faux-Austen version of you would write a card then text, otherwise phone.

dateless wrote:

from experience there may be one course of action which is more successful than the other and become rules.

At which part you've stopped following the course of action that was being successful and started emulating the mental strategies used by high-functioning autistics to cope with social interaction. Following rules is quite literally what they do. Is that really what you want?

dateless wrote:

I love the breakfast one by the way

Copy it if you think you'll enjoy sharing breakfast, otherwise definitely don't.

the_syco

TheJoker wrote:

I wonder what the ratio of boys to girlies will be for the get togther?

Usually 10 girls, 20 guys. 2 of the girls will be single, 25 of the guys will be single. There is no set ratio.

LegacyUser

hey OP,just browsing and thought i might have the answer to your question. women are EVERYWHERE.i know, cause a) i am one and b) i've been asked out everywhere. im not particularly good looking or anything like it(if only...) but in the past week i've been asked out: at my bus-stop, on my bus, walking down the street, in the park, at the supermarket ane..i think thats it, but come on now lads,its only thursday! if you see someone you think you could like, get chatting, strike up a conversation, then link it to the number- eg,we should be bus buddies- call ya next time im headed into town? then when you call, or text, as opposed to saying "hey,how are you,do you wanna go for a drink" you say" had the worst bus journey ever today, sitting beside the missing link!where were you lady?" it gives her an excuse to give u her number, and it gives you both something to say when you call. give it a lash!

Drift

dateilicious wrote:

hey OP,just browsing and thought i might have the answer to your question. women are EVERYWHERE.i know, cause a) i am one and b) i've been asked out everywhere. im not particularly good looking or anything like it(if only...) but in the past week i've been asked out: at my bus-stop, on my bus, walking down the street, in the park, at the supermarket ane..i think thats it, but come on now lads,its only thursday! if you see someone you think you could like, get chatting, strike up a conversation, then link it to the number- eg,we should be bus buddies- call ya next time im headed into town? then when you call, or text, as opposed to saying "hey,how are you,do you wanna go for a drink" you say" had the worst bus journey ever today, sitting beside the missing link!where were you lady?" it gives her an excuse to give u her number, and it gives you both something to say when you call. give it a lash!

I'm no ladykiller myself but that sounds like savage advice dateilicious... thanks

LegacyUser

dateilicious wrote:

hey OP,just browsing and thought i might have the answer to your question. women are EVERYWHERE.i know, cause a) i am one and b) i've been asked out everywhere. im not particularly good looking or anything like it(if only...) but in the past week i've been asked out: at my bus-stop, on my bus, walking down the street, in the park, at the supermarket ane..i think thats it, but come on now lads,its only thursday! if you see someone you think you could like, get chatting, strike up a conversation, then link it to the number- eg,we should be bus buddies- call ya next time im headed into town? then when you call, or text, as opposed to saying "hey,how are you,do you wanna go for a drink" you say" had the worst bus journey ever today, sitting beside the missing link!where were you lady?" it gives her an excuse to give u her number, and it gives you both something to say when you call. give it a lash!

Datelicious...what perfume do you wear?!!!! I think that's the number of times I been asked out in a year...and I'm no back of a bus lady!! I'm genuinely amazed at that amount you were asked out. Was your skirt caught in up the back of your nickers or are ya just chatty, as you say you're not drop dead the bomb gorgeous, are you just being modest? The most I get are a few "hellos" on the street now and then you're doing fab...amazed!

Marksie

Regattadeblanc wrote:

Datelicious...what perfume do you wear?!!!! I think that's the number of times I been asked out in a year...and I'm no back of a bus lady!! I'm genuinely amazed at that amount you were asked out. Was your skirt caught in up the back of your nickers or are ya just chatty, as you say you're not drop dead the bomb gorgeous, are you just being modest? The most I get are a few "hellos" on the street now and then you're doing fab...amazed!

Outloook, personality, self condfidence, positive vibes, openness, freindliness. any and all can contribute.

carnival_joe

I think just not being bothered with getting a date, just being actually happy and laid back as just you gives off good vibes, and you get hit on/asked out. and if you really want a date, they all disappear, cause it gives negative needy vibes.

anyhoo, treat people as a friend, with jokes and stuff, nice and relaxed- as opposed to as a conquest/love interest. if you chillax, you'll score more.

I maintain if you can get a woman to belly-laugh, you can get her to let go in other ways.......

LegacyUser

'well,you know, its summer, so i think everyone's in a sort of happy, flirty mood with the few hours of sun!while id never start the conversation; unless something screams WEIRDO im generally quite receptive to anyone who takes the time to say hello. i dont give out my number all the time, but the sheer increased number of encounters ups the chance of being asked out, ups the odds of finding someone nice!(mmm...mathematical goodness!and it works in reverse OP)i might also be unrealistically optimistic on acounta i met my last boyfriend on a bus, and we went out for two years.



and....Jean Paul Gaultier, "Femme Classique". '

barbie girl

Ya can date me!!

Victor

barbie girl wrote:

Ya can date me!!

Get a room!

How do we know you aren't Bubbles?

littlesurfer

i always think its when your looking to meet someone that its hardest. just try forget about it...if your as nice and attractive and rexpectful and you say then it'll happen!

But yeah, coppers isn't always the best place to get chatting to the right girl


...and how did beers go!? i was there myself and met lots of nice people....not a bad spot to meet someone!