do we have a future

LegacyUser

Old story, will try to stay to short post on this,would welcome constructive feedback

I have recently met the most wonderful man.Get on great, treats me very well etc etc

He's a little inexperienced in relation to relationships, a bit younger than me.

So we've had a few speed bumps of rows but I have always taken the attitude of working it through with him and then just moving on with 'us'.

However, recently he admitted that he shared something intensely personal about me with his mother. He thought this was ok because his mother is a decent individual

I am really stuck with this however. It seems to me that he should not have shared this & by doing so has completely undermined what we have. If we don't have respect enough to keep each other's secrets what do we have

He says he meant no harm but I just don't know if that's good enough. Surely any adult knows not to share secrets.

We've been going back & forth with him saying he needs my help to fix this but on this occasion I believe he has to prove that he wants to fix this

Now I want to fix this but I want him to make some effort

so, question is, would any of you guys consider this to be fixable? Believe me what he shared is soooo private & intense I wouldn't even mention it here

thanks guys

Sleepy

Did he know he was supposed to keep this secret? Because what may be intensely private to one person isn't a major deal to another. If he did, he had no right telling his mother regardless of how decent a person she is and sounds like he needs to cut the apron strings.

misswex

I think it is fixable. He seemed to genuinely think it was ok to tell his mother the secret so I would cut him some slack this time as you do say he is inexperienced when it comes to relationships. But he now knows the boundaries and if he does it again then I would seriously consider letting him go as if you can't trust him with your secrets and he is a Mammys boy then you don't have much hope of pursuing a long term relationship with him.

biko

I believe you can work through it. He would have learned from this to not share any more secrets with anyone.

kmick

Seeing as you are unregistered you might as well tell us what it was. Then we can tell you if it is unacceptable or not. To be honest you should be able to tell most things to your mother as long as she keeps it to herself.

milkerman

This depends on the nature of the secret. Your having six toes on the left foot might be a big thing for you but just an interesting aside for everyone else. On the other hand, telling his mum that you go like the clappers after a few rum & cokes would not be acceptable.
As stated by other contributors, it depends on the nature of the secret.

Oryx

I dont think its fair to call this man a mummys boy. Plenty of girls are close to their mothers and wouldnt think twice about telling them intimate things. So why is it a problem because a man is doing it? The op has said only this, nothing about being dependent on his mother in any other way. Bear in mind that men can tend to treat their partners as they treat their mothers. So his being close to his mum is no bad thing.


Aside from that, I think that you can get past this. What your fella did was without malice, he just didnt realise how hurt you would feel. Which is just inexperience. Id say make it clear that its unacceptable to you, but forgive him. You say you want him to make some effort to fix it. Apart from an apology what do you want from him?