What do I do?

Petey2006

I'm currently in the process of buying an apartment. I'm making the leap from my childhood home to the big bad world of mortgages, bills and independence. The process is in full swing. I've chosen an apartment, solicitors are involved, and it all should be done and dusted in a few weeks. Add to this I'm about to become a godfather, and it's all coming up Millhouse. And I'm pretty excited by the whole thing.

However, tonight one fear I've been sweating over has been realised and I don't know what to do. You see, my mother is an alcoholic. She has been (publicly) for nearly 2 years now. She's been into rehab, done that whole thing and seemed to be doing well. Tonight, though, I found her absolutely hammered in our living room. To the point where she couldn't talk or even sit up straight. I helped her to bed and I've checked her once or twice since then.

My parents are separated and my da has moved away. They don't really get on due to his controlling manner and such. But that's another story. My sister went abroad for a year and will be away til next summer. So it's just me left to deal with this. But what do I do about moving out. I'm terrified something will happen to her while I'm living away. She'll be alone (apart from the dog) so if something happens to her, there'll be nobody here to help her. I cant give up my life and stay here, or at least, that's what I think. But I'm really scared something will happen. I feel pretty rotten about the whole thing... Sorry for the long post.

LegacyUser

'I'd be concerned that if you delay your plans now then she'll go dry again but when you get your plans in place again you'll find she's fallen of the wagon.

Of course you want to be a support to her, but it's important you don't be a crutch. A balance that is a hell of a lot easier to talk about than get right in practice I know.

Is she using the AA system? Could you maybe talk to her sponsor?'

milkerman

Hey Petey,
You are not obliged to put your own life on hold due to your mothers illness. Sadly, her addiction has fec*d up her life. The only silver lining being that you emerged ok from the whole thing. DO NOT LET HER ADDICTION FEC*K YOU UP TOO.
At least your mum knows and admits she has a problem. From time to time she may fall off the wagon, it may be years before she decides to quit again. That is her choice.
Give her your moral support & the love and affection she deserves. Make it clear that her recent lapse concerns you and that you hope she can put the bits together again. Also make it clear that it is now time for you to make your own way in the world and that her illness will not change this.
You must not suspend your life, this life is not a dress rehearsal, you only get one shot.

Would you agree there is a special corner of hell reserved for auctioneers & solicitors?

tritium

Hey Petey

It's good that you care enough about your mum to think about putting your own life on hold, but as someone else pointed out, you can't be a crutch for her. If shes tried the rehab thing etc then it would seem that she's trying to take responsibility for her illness, and that great. However it may be that the uncertainty of your moving out has her falling back into bad habits as a cry for help. You might want to consider discussing ant concers she has with her and giving her some reassurances that you're not simply going to disappear, will still be there if she needs you etc. It might also be useful to have her discuss some of this stuff with a qualified therapist

Good luck to both of you