can I trust him?

LegacyUser

I started seeing a guy just a few weeks ago and I'm starting to wonder if I'm his bit on the side, or just one girl he's with. How can you know?
Before this, I was in steady relationships and fidelity or trust wasn't a problem for me. This guy works nights in a bar and I'm working days and as I know what he's like- he's a major flirt- I'm just worried that it would be easy for him to be cheating.

Ok, this will sound vague, maybe I'm overthinking the whole thing as I don't know him that well yet, but I'd appreciate any feedback..
One example that got me thinking was when he asked me back to his place and gave me the keys so I could go over there before him as he would be in the bar til late. He hadn't been there himself for a few days. When I got in, I noticed on the couch his coat facing inside up, trousers lying over them and then a shirt lying inside up as well and at the time I thought it was nothing, like that he just got changed downstairs or something, but since then I've been thinking about it a lot and just wish I'd said something at the time...like how can I bring it up now?

Then when we were talking on the phone one night his phone just went off after he had said something and when I rang it back it was 'out of reach/person has their mobile switched off' message... It was still off all of the next day and night and I just think that's really strange...I asked him about it soon as he called me and he said that it's been dead, then he as out of credit, etc..

I guess I'm worried cause I know he has in the past been with lots of women and Im wondering is he really serious about me. We've said we're going out together, but I've been hearing stories about the guards and how they're outrageous two timers,and I'm getting paranoid about this guy...
I don't really know what to do. I don't want to get deep into this and get hurt down the line if I ever found out he was cheating...and the clothes thing...I was thinking he could have easily forgotten they were there as he hadn't been back there himself for a few days, and also, his room is right overhead so why change there at all? it feels weird.

Any advice?

It sounds like you might as well break up with him, if you mistrust him so badly. Not necessarily because of how he has acted, but it doesn't sound like you're ever going to trust him

spurious

What has he done to give you reason to mistrust him?

You believe he has been with 'lots' of women.
He had some clothes downstairs.
His phone went dead once.
He works nights.

You already don't trust him, apparently with no reason. Very hard to get trust back.

happen_stance

happen_stance wrote:

Any advice?

Yes.
Don't be so ridiculous.None of those things suggest infidelity.
If my partner ordered me to stop flirting or being myself ,there'd be breakupsville rather quickly.
Relax and enjoy your new relationship and quit the worrying before it puts your BF off.

If you can't quit the ridiculous worrying then break up like the others have said.