I hate him

worriednow

My dad. I don't want this to be the typical whingy post about a teenager complaining about their parents and how they don't understand and blah blah blah. But I swear to god he is the biggest prick I know, such a snide bastard. I don't even like to call him dad, we're more strangers than anything else.

He has not once made any effort to get to know me, as a person. We've never even had a proper conversation, as incredible as that may sound. In the past I did everything in my power to get to know him, but it's him that doesn't want to know me. He's just completely apathetic, he doesn't care about anything. If, by some miracle, we end up talking, it always spirals into an argument, which he can't even argue like an adult, he's like a f*cking 14 year old, making snide comments, trying to ridicule and mimic me, and in general being a total asshole.

I'd prefer if he wasn't in my life at all (he might as well not have been when I was growing up, for all the help he was)

It's hard to post this, as I know the advice will probably be to go talk to him, but believe me, I've tried. I have given up debating the reasons why he acts like this, and have settled on the conclusion that, he just likes being a w*nker to everybody. Coz there isn't any other explanation. I've given up trying to get to know him. The way he goes on, I'd rather not.

Sorry for the rant, just needed to get it off my chest:o

Maybe you could consider getting on in your life without him?

LegacyUser

Some people are just ****.

Some people we have to cut out of our lives. Some people we have in our lives, we'll never be close to.

I hope you manage to find a way to build a relationship with your father, but if you can't you won't be the first person in that situation and it won't necessarily be your fault.

It's important for all of us to have family in our lives, but our true family isn't always blood-kin.

county

surely you should consider talking to your mum about it,or maybe move in with a family member or friend just to get your head sorted for a while

Oryx

What would you like to be able to do? Do you want him to realise how hurt you are? To hear your anger and be ashamed? Or do you want to move on and forget him?

Neither option is easy, in fact the first one may be impossible if hes so pigheaded. I cant tell how old either of you are from your post, and I cant tell if you live with him or depend on him for anything. So I dont know how easy/hard cutting him out would be. But emotionally, if hes being the child, then you need to be the adult. Get on with your own stuff, dont bother trying to confront him and try to let go of your anger towards him. It seems the only one its hurting is you.

Maybe given time he might change, or you might see the reasons behind the way he behaves.

Sounds like my old man. We just avoid each other. Life is easier for both of us that way.

WindSock

Do you live in the same house as him? It may be a little difficult to cut him off if you do. You say he is a dick to everyone, so it might not be personal, although you are his son. He may realise this a few years down the road and could try start making up for lost time. In the meantime, try to get on with your own life. It must be a terrible thing to hate a parent, but most people only really start to get on with them when they are much older. It would be a drastic approach to never talk to him again.

worriednow

Actually I'm his daughter.:o Yes we live in the same house, which is why I've tried so hard in the past to get to know him. My older sister (she's 21) has completely given up on him, but she's not at home much and is moving to Australia in November anyway. Then there's my younger brother (he's 12) who my father shouts at even more than he does at me...

Thank you all so much for the replies, I think the best option for the moment is to just do my own thing and try to forget about him and the way he acts. As nialler said, it will probably be easier for both of us that way.

meglome

As is often said, you can pick your friends...

My father is a nice guy and we used to kill each other when we lived in the same house. As others have said just get on with your life and don't take it personally (however difficult that may be). Becoming a parent doesn't suddenly make you a nice person and he may be too long in the tooth to change now.

LegacyUser

Ask you're dad why he had kids.
If I thought my dad's behaviour was this bad I would seriously ask him this question.
Better still ask your mother.

If he acts like a twat, and starts mimicking you and acting like a child overlook his bad behaviour, and ignore it, and just keep asking him why he had kids in the first place.

Then tell him he'll regret his behaviour when is old and you have to put him in a home.
Then tell him that now you realise why people should have a licence to have kids.

The other thing is that this could be just his "way" and he may not be capable of doing anything except slagging, maybe you're far too serious???
Have you ever considered that?
As for the bullying and shouting at your brother, I really think you should speak to your mother about these issues to try and get someone else's point of view. See what she has to say.

democrates

worriednow wrote:

Actually I'm his daughter.:o Yes we live in the same house, which is why I've tried so hard in the past to get to know him. My older sister (she's 21) has completely given up on him, but she's not at home much and is moving to Australia in November anyway. Then there's my younger brother (he's 12) who my father shouts at even more than he does at me...

Thank you all so much for the replies, I think the best option for the moment is to just do my own thing and try to forget about him and the way he acts. As nialler said, it will probably be easier for both of us that way.

You poor blossom. He doesn't deserve you, and you deserve better, same goes for your sibs. By god how sorry is he going to be when he eventually cops on to what an a55h0le he's been, be that in this life or the next.

Since he's not acting in your best interests, just look after yourself, keep yourself right and be happy in the knowledge that you'll never choose a man like that to be a father to your children. If he eventually cops on, so be it, if not, his problem, not your responsibility, his problems do not go on your shoulders. Look after yourself, and know that you and yours have a sunny future.

evil_seed

take a look in the mirror. don't be to quick to blame. bet ur not his daughter LOL:D Ib all seriousness though, have an aul chat a proper heart to heart. Lay down the rules and ye will sort it all out. i had to do that. almost ended in a fist fight too. we cool now tho and best of friends

Leeby

If he hasn't made any effort to know you then I can only presume he hasn't shared anything about himself with you? Could he possibly have issues that are affecting his relationship with you? How's his relationship with his own family? Is he happy in his job? It may be unfair but as I'm sure you know yourself. some times when we're having problems we tend to take it out on those closest to us. This may not be the case with your dad but I'd never recommend giving up on your family, he may be a prick now but maybe in years to some when you don't live together anymore, things could be better?

Pineapple stu

Your father may have some issues of his own which he is hiding and thats why he his being a prick with the family. Hopefuly im wrong but stick with him and talk to your ma(if she's around.)