Is he depressed or not?

soundasapound

Hi. can anyone help? My partner of seven years recently finished with me saing that he could not cope with the responsibility of me and my daughter(12) any longer. When pushed he claimed he had fallen out of love with me too. I asked him did he have any doubts about this and his reply was that he was pretty sure.
The thing is he as been under a lot of stress both financial and emotional (he's recently got divorced after a ten year battle to do so).
We did a lot of talking and and as an exercise I asked him to list his stresses and I wrote them down. They ran into three pages!
We have agreed to go to a relationship counsellor to see if they can sort the wheat from the chaff and either put closure to this or help us sort it out.
The other day he told me that he hadn't fallen out of love with me after all. Again I asked how sure he was and he said he was sure.
I feel very uneasy about all of this. I don't know if he is really depressed and therefore is not very stable or if he is serious that he is in love with me.
Advice please, I feel like I'm cracking up here

Oryx

Whether he is depressed is really not for you to diagnose, but you can encourage him to see someone who can.

He could be depressed or not coping well with the stress he is under. But he really needs professional help for the first step. After that once you both know where you stand you can move together from there.

I know youve said you are both going for counselling, private counselling could be helpful for him alone if he is depressed.

soundasapound

My feeling is that he needs private counselling too. I'm hoping that the relationship counsellor will recognise this and say it to him. Am I right in thinking this?

Maple

he sounds stressed to the gills and is just distancing himself from everything in his life. counselling is a really good idea, he should also go for counselling by himself seperately from you. only thing you can do is be patient OP. give him some time and try not to pressure him.

soundasapound

Thanks for your advice. much appreciated. I'm getting to the point that I can't see the wood for the trees here

Oryx

OP, its hard to be the support for someone who is struggling like this, it can be hard to know where you stand, if his moods are changeable. Make sure you have someone (here or elsewhere) you can talk and vent your feelings to. And get some headspace away from it all when you can. If youre going to be looking after him, youll need to take care of you.

Hope everything works out for ya.


As an aside, sometimes in depression, your feelings towards everything disappear. You feel like you dont love your partner, your life, your hobbies, nothing. It is a deadening feeling that takes the joy from everything. If this is the case with your partner, it may help to know that this is part and parcel of depression type illness, and can get better.

soundasapound

KtK wrote:

As an aside, sometimes in depression, your feelings towards everything disappear. You feel like you dont love your partner, your life, your hobbies, nothing. It is a deadening feeling that takes the joy from everything. If this is the case with your partner, it may help to know that this is part and parcel of depression type illness, and can get better.

Thanks Ktk,
that's him in a nutshell at the moment

spinandscribble

im dealing with depression and its true your positive feelings like enjoyment of food, hobbies and the way you feel for the ones you love disappears. all it does is causes more stress. i feel smpathy for your fella because i know how horrible he must be feeling. thankfully i also have the guilty aspect of depression which while it isnt good for me means i dont hurt my bf by telling him how dead i feel with regard to him sometimes.

he realises he has a problem and thats the first step. good luck

Marksie

The fact you are going to relationship conselling is something. Perhaps he can put perspective on what is and isnt important through that.

try and take a deep breath, what is comin across is that your partner is under an awful lot of strain and literally cannot see the wood from the trees.

KtK is right about the deadening affect that happens with depression. He may be looking around at making changes and going for the wrong things. Rather than a sweeping huge change which may not be critical, sometimes it is the tiny small changes that make the difference.
good luck with the counselling

all the best
mark

milkerman

Sound as

Check your PM's

Ekancone

Send him to his GP, he will be able to make a call on whether to send him to a psych or not.

randomname2005

KtK wrote:

As an aside, sometimes in depression, your feelings towards everything disappear. You feel like you dont love your partner, your life, your hobbies, nothing. It is a deadening feeling that takes the joy from everything. If this is the case with your partner, it may help to know that this is part and parcel of depression type illness, and can get better.

QFT