Seems Like I'm Losing My Existance....

LegacyUser

Lately things have been getting pretty quite and still in my life. Everyone seems to be moving away from me. A shade of grey that has taken over every color. A numb silence that prevails over this heavy air. Everything has seemed to have lost its meaning in this still lifelessness. When i open my eyes, i find myself all alone.

Yup, thats how i've been finding myself lately. Its summer, there's no college. Most of my friends have seem to have had forgotten me. Or are just too busy to waste time over me. Though i never got close to anyone in college. It was the case of 100 acquaintances and no mates...

So here i am living this solitary life. I maybe invisible for no one can notice my presence. I may be losing my existance!
Spend long hours doing nothing. Spend longer hours planning to do something. Spend rest of the time indulging in moments of mindlessness (thats to what we call the television!), or spend time in moments of overwhelming madness! A feeling of helplessness. A feeling of loss, a feeling of emptyness.

I've been left here as an island in an ocean of skin and clothes around me.
The waves don't seem to interact with me anymore for this land seems to hold no life.

Aah well, i'll stop with the metaphors. But you might have had got the point. I've been all alone lately. I've got a few close friends who are too busy for me. I've got no friends from coll who hang out with me. They never got close to me. As i said, i had been an island.
So i'm here trying to live my life. Don't say i should get out of my house more... I do get out of my house a lot more. I go to a gym, i take guitar and singing lessons to work on my band (which is not fully formed yet) and before you say it, yes i've been going to a counselor too..

The problem is my life's just too empty. I've got no proper friends. I've got no one to hang out with, no one who's interested in joining me in all the crazy stuff i like to do.. I just walk around as an island in the ocean. All alone, all solitary.
No one calls me, no one texts me, no one bothers bout me.

If i try to organize an event, everyone slowly drops out of it and it fails almost everytime. No one takes me seriously, no one bothers to get to know me. The one person who did bother left me lonelier than ever before.

I may sound like a lifeless loser. Maybe i am. I keep trying to find a life... I just cant find one.. Maybe i'm looking in the wrong place.. Maybe I'm looking for something too far high that i cant reach. Well, i don't wanna give up cuz i'm pretty determined to achieve it. Only thing, i doubt if it can ever happen.

An empty life makes room for an empty mind which makes room for thoughts. Loads of em. Maddening, distressing, depressing, overwhelming or just a silent note of self realization and knowledge of the emptyness around.

A lonely boat slowly sinking in the middle of a deep ocean. The more the sailor looks around, the more alone he finds himself. Ignorance was bliss... If only i could create my own little bubble of illusion and confine within in... Maybe i'ld find some pleasure till the strong waves of the turbulent ocean bursts my bubble and swallows me in to oblivion...

Thumbelinatoo

Dont get into a situation where you take pleasure from your own misery. dont view yourself as a tragic hero.

Kevster

The situation you are in can be viewed in a good light or a bad light. Personally, I'd view it as good because I have Asperger's Syndrome and don't particularly like being around people for too long. However, considering that you are probably a sociable person I can understand how this is bothering you. It's time to start ignoring those that have no time for you and, perhapd, devoting more time to people that you have not been in touch with for a long time. You appear to have a lot of contacts so there must be someone there that you have not seen for a long time, and that is also doing 'nothing' this summer.

Take care,
kevin.

cichlid child

Losingit wrote:

Lately things have been getting pretty quite and still in my life. Everyone seems to be moving away from me. A shade of grey that has taken over every color. A numb silence that prevails over this heavy air. Everything has seemed to have lost its meaning in this still lifelessness. When i open my eyes, i find myself all alone.

Yup, thats how i've been finding myself lately. Its summer, there's no college. Most of my friends have seem to have had forgotten me. Or are just too busy to waste time over me. Though i never got close to anyone in college. It was the case of 100 acquaintances and no mates...

So here i am living this solitary life. I maybe invisible for no one can notice my presence. I may be losing my existance!
Spend long hours doing nothing. Spend longer hours planning to do something. Spend rest of the time indulging in moments of mindlessness (thats to what we call the television!), or spend time in moments of overwhelming madness! A feeling of helplessness. A feeling of loss, a feeling of emptyness.

I've been left here as an island in an ocean of skin and clothes around me.
The waves don't seem to interact with me anymore for this land seems to hold no life.

Aah well, i'll stop with the metaphors. But you might have had got the point. I've been all alone lately. I've got a few close friends who are too busy for me. I've got no friends from coll who hang out with me. They never got close to me. As i said, i had been an island.
So i'm here trying to live my life. Don't say i should get out of my house more... I do get out of my house a lot more. I go to a gym, i take guitar and singing lessons to work on my band (which is not fully formed yet) and before you say it, yes i've been going to a counselor too..

The problem is my life's just too empty. I've got no proper friends. I've got no one to hang out with, no one who's interested in joining me in all the crazy stuff i like to do.. I just walk around as an island in the ocean. All alone, all solitary.
No one calls me, no one texts me, no one bothers bout me.

If i try to organize an event, everyone slowly drops out of it and it fails almost everytime. No one takes me seriously, no one bothers to get to know me. The one person who did bother left me lonelier than ever before.

I may sound like a lifeless loser. Maybe i am. I keep trying to find a life... I just cant find one.. Maybe i'm looking in the wrong place.. Maybe I'm looking for something too far high that i cant reach. Well, i don't wanna give up cuz i'm pretty determined to achieve it. Only thing, i doubt if it can ever happen.

An empty life makes room for an empty mind which makes room for thoughts. Loads of em. Maddening, distressing, depressing, overwhelming or just a silent note of self realization and knowledge of the emptyness around.

A lonely boat slowly sinking in the middle of a deep ocean. The more the sailor looks around, the more alone he finds himself. Ignorance was bliss... If only i could create my own little bubble of illusion and confine within in... Maybe i'ld find some pleasure till the strong waves of the turbulent ocean bursts my bubble and swallows me in to oblivion...

or u could just turn the tv over to geographic and look at the staving people all over the world and thank god your on your little island your living on

the_syco

OP, whats your location? I ask, as if you're near a city, you could try doing some volunteer work. Check out the Stickies on the top of the Volunteerism board.

Even if you're not, look into it. When I was repeating exams last year, I met some crazy people who were selling some yellow flower things for charity. They were going to different towns and cities, selling these things, and staying in the local hostels at night. Seemed to be great craic. THis shows that if you can't goto a place, maybe it can bring you along.

Something to keep in mind. Come September, when everyone is asking what the other did, you'll be able to say you did some mad sh|t.

All else fails, look at those treks for the charites. Eg: climb Mount Fuji for the Simon Community (not a real one, but the Simon Communty have done this sort of thing).

Calibos

Anyone remember the lotto ads about playing the lotto so that certain people don't win? "If I won I think I'd buy an efulgent cloud floating on the balmy summer twilight breeze.........PLAY THE LOTTO OR IT MIGHT BE HER"

You sound just like her. I bet you like the sound of your own voice??

I think I know why you have so friends. You sound like an insufferable bore. Dropping the pretentiousness would be a start.

biko

A/S/L?

Since you are so poetic, ponder this poem:
"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."
D.H. Lawrence

LegacyUser

Okay, a few strong comments there...

I dont view myself as a tragic hero... Infact i dont view myself as a hero at all.. Lately i've just been seeing my life go in waste and yeah, i've been finding myself quite lonely.

I'm 19 and i'm living in Dublin. I'm quite a sociable person. I'm not anti-social or anything. I just dont have any sorta social life. Neither am i the sorta person who'ld go to night clubs looking for to bag chicks and all. While most of the people i know are and thats one reason why i wasn't able to get along with em that well. I don't drink and i don't like what goes on in night clubs. Where as thats what most of my friends live by. Well, thats in coll... Now that i didn't go to most of their parties and didn't get drunk with em, i didn't get close to almost all of em. In general i don't get on easily with people too...

I'm quite a shy sorta person... But i have no problem speaking to random people. I just can't hold on conversations for long.
I can't seem to get along with most people i meet. Like we'ld speak and have a conversation n all but i cant get close to anyone easily...

So in my coll, i know most of the people in my class, i'm just not in their friends group.
Most of my friends from school have forgotten bout me and don't care bout me anymore...

Here i am and i'm pretty much a nobody. I've got almost a zero social life. I know i'm still doing better than loads of people out there... But i'm not someone who'ld settle for less. I wanna find the life i want and i just cant seem to find it. I can't find a proper peer group who'ld be interested in stuff i'm into (i'm the extreme/adventurous sorta person stuck with people who have zero interest in doing something fun)....

My main problem though is that i'll join some sorta group or something but i'll find myself secluded. Something like i don't belong... I'm always in a corner or by myself. Everyone seems to be interested in each other but no ones interested in me. Even if they do come and speak to me, i can't get along with them like all the other people seem to be getting along.

So i end up making no proper friends and once the thing is over, thats it. I don't see them ever again... And once again i'm all by myself...
I just cant seem to be making any friends. All my friends in school forgot me once school was over. All my "friends" in coll have vanished once the coll closed for summer.

I do text em and all... But its very rarely i get a reply. Most of the time no one even replies back to my texts.

So yeah, thats what i'm not happy bout. I'm Sorry to say that. I know there are people doing worse... But i wanna do much better than what i am right now and i don't think there's anything wrong with that...

Thanks.

Pyjamarama

Losingit wrote:

My main problem though is that i'll join some sorta group or something but i'll find myself secluded. Something like i don't belong... I'm always in a corner or by myself. Everyone seems to be interested in each other but no ones interested in me. Even if they do come and speak to me, i can't get along with them like all the other people seem to be getting along.

You are pidgeon-holing yourself as a 'shy' person so therefore you think no-one notices you or wants to be your friend. I wouldn't be the most insanely out-going person either and take a long time to really click with people but with an attitude like this "i can't get along with them like all the other people seem to be getting along" then you never will. Maybe you didn't get on with them because they aren't your type of people. Keep trying, as people have said volunteer in an area you are interested in and you will meet like-minded people. Are you working at the moment? If so get more involved in your work social scene. Join more clubs etc etc!!

It's understandable you feel lonely when everyone has left Dublin for the summer but when college starts up again try and make more of an effort with people you think you click with. By the end of college i was friends with a lot of people I hardly spoke to in first year so don't think all the cliques are set in stone. Also maybe join some societies in college where you can meet people outside your course. The people in your course won't necessarily be your closest friends.

Just get out there and try your best. As you get older there are more and more outlets where you can meet people, just because you don't have a plethora of friends now means you won't in the future.

Just a tip, constantly referring to yourself as an island may not be the best ice-breaker

Good Luck!

LegacyUser

'As mentioned, you should try to join some clubs or societies. Even if there's nothing in your college that catches your attention, try a hillwalking club outside college or just start looking up clubs/societies around town.

Don't get caught in a trap of thinking you don't fit in anywhere just because you don't see things the way your immediate peer group does. Lot's of people aren't into the usual pub/clubs scene but you will have to seek them out, and doing so with a positive attitude will really help you get things moving in the right direction.

Without wanting to sound rude - your first post came across a bit 'oh woe is me'. This has the effect of hitting an off switch in a lot of people who would usually be pretty understanding. Try to avoid this and be positive when joining clubs, even if you are feeling low. You may find you'll bond with people a bit quicker and your mood will improve by itself.'

Calibos

poster159753 wrote:

Without wanting to sound rude - your first post came across a bit 'oh woe is me'. This has the effect of hitting an off switch in a lot of people who would usually be pretty understanding. Try to avoid this and be positive when joining clubs, even if you are feeling low. You may find you'll bond with people a bit quicker and your mood will improve by itself.'

Nail on head. I just switched off. The OP's second post was like it was by a different person.

I mean I'm not some skanger "wats he usin' big wurds fur, dya tink your better dan us", but there is a time and a place for such descriptive prose, and it ain't on a night out with the mates or on personal issues forum. Makes you sound like an EMO. Nobody likes a whining Emo:D

spinandscribble

i can relate to the op because i used to be somewhat like you. then i met ppl i confided in and let in and now i have a close group of friends. noone likes a misery guts or a tragic hero and i understand you cant help how you feel but you cant let it show.

i'd strongly advise societies or clubs in college. some run over the summer.

but for the meantime try to find a way to meet ppl who share interests with you. at gigs for example, art classes or writing workshops.

volunteerings a good idea, generally you'll meet nice friendly ppl.

volunteering for arts/films festivals ect can be a good way to meet ppl with similar interests.

Zillah

Calibos wrote:

I mean I'm not some skanger "wats he usin' big wurds fur, dya tink your better dan us", but there is a time and a place for such descriptive prose, and it ain't on a night out with the mates or on personal issues forum. Makes you sound like an EMO. Nobody likes a whining Emo:D

You sir are insufferable. Aside from the fact that emo bashing is the biggest load of jump-on-the-wagon bullshit I've seen in the last few years, there's plenty of people who do more than get pissed and talk about football on a night out. I have several friends that I enjoy swapping descriptive prose and other such pretentious silliness with, and I think they're the exact kind of people the OP needs in their life.


Losingit, do you mind if I ask what course you're doing where? A thought I've had: Are you even sure you want these people to be your friends? If you've been lonely then I'm sure you might just be reaching out to everyone/anyone. If you're trying to be friendly with people that you don't truthfully like/enjoy that much then its definately going to cause problems, no matter how hard you try.

And frankly there's nothing less appealing than someone who is needy. I think maybe you need to work out what you want, what you believe, what you think is important. Get a little more self confidence going and hopefully you'll find yourself clicking with people that you share traits with.

People don't want friends for the sake of it, people want friends that they share interests and opinions with. You can't just land yourself in social situations with randomers and expect everyone to glue together. Don't be afraid to admit to yourself that you don't actually like this person very much, maybe they're not worth your time.

Finally, do you mind if I ask why you don't drink? It doesn't have to be the fever pitched nightmare of nightclubs, I love drinking, I think its wonderful, but I also hate the sleazy atmosphere of most nightclubs. Alcohol is a wonderful ice breaker, and its great for giving you a little confidence or relaxation when you're trying to get along with new people. I can't count the times that I've started up great conversations with complete strangers just because we were both drinking, and there's a relaxed friendliness that comes with that. You seem very reserved/self-concious, I think getting pissed might be the exact sort of encouragement you need