He won't leave me alone

SunLover83

Kept bumpin into this goodlooking nigerian guy on me walk to work every morning and we would smile at each other and that went on for a good few weeks.
Then one day he handed me a note with his number and I rang him and we saw each other a few times. I made the mistake of sleeping with him (I was curious!) but it was an awful expierence. Now he wont leave me alone. I have gone so far as to tell him to feck off. I am wary of antagonising him because I don't know what he might do if he gets angry. Any suggestions?

fifth

I know someone who had the exact same thing happen where a nigerian guy was doing that, then gave her a note with his number but she didnt do anything - common sense if you ask me..think you already know what mistake you made tho!

Just go to the Gardai, I don't think you'll shake him off!

pwd

The police can arrest him for harassment once he persists in this sort of thing after you have told him it is making you uncomfortable and to stop. They will arrest him too.

There are websites for support for stalker victims. It is a tricky subject because there are different types of stalkers, and what will deter one type will make a different type react badly.

SunLover83

funkyflea wrote:

I know someone who had the exact same thing happen where a nigerian guy was doing that, then gave her a note with his number but she didnt do anything - common sense if you ask me..think you already know what mistake you made tho!

Just go to the Gardai, I don't think you'll shake him off!

Yes, I definitely won't be making that mistake again. I feel like such an eejit. I'd just be worried that the gards will tell me there's nothing they can do about it unless he threatens me physically.

Miss Fluff

In what way won't he leave you alone? Is he being abusive? Is he calling to your home? Do you still see him every morning? If so change your route. Change your phone number if you have to.

SunLover83

Miss Fluff wrote:

In what way won't he leave you alone? Is he being abusive? Is he calling to your home? Do you still see him every morning? If so change your route. Change your phone number if you have to.

He texts me nonstop and I normally ignore his texts but he somehow got hold of my work number and started ringing me there and leaving messages on my voicemail where he wouldn't talk he would just play my mobile voicemail over the phone...really creepy. He doesn't know where I live and I have changed my route and made it clear that I am not interested in him and don't ever want to see him again. He's just not getting the message. Not trying to sound racist but is this a common trait among nigrian men?

fifth

Well thats the second case I've heard of a nigerian man doing that very thing, I wonder if its the same man!!

Definitely get it sorted, change number, get a friend to walk with you if possible or get a lift.

azezil

Hows his English, is he perhaps not getting the full meaning of what you're saying?

SunLover83

azezil wrote:

Hows his English, is he perhaps not getting the full meaning of what you're saying?

His english is nearly perfect.

pwd

The police can arrest him for harassment without him threatening you physically. Psychological damage needs to be defended against as well as physical damage. I know of someone who recently went to the police about a man following her. They attempted to arrest him for harassment - and he had not made any physical threats.
The particular guard you spoke to was either misinformed or just unhelpful. If you have told the guy he is distressing you by refusing to leave you alone then you have grounds for a complaint of harassment against him.

cichlid child

SunLover83 wrote:

He texts me nonstop and I normally ignore his texts but he somehow got hold of my work number and started ringing me there and leaving messages on my voicemail where he wouldn't talk he would just play my mobile voicemail over the phone...really creepy. He doesn't know where I live and I have changed my route and made it clear that I am not interested in him and don't ever want to see him again. He's just not getting the message. Not trying to sound racist but is this a common trait among nigrian men?

Tell him to meet you at the boards night out and we will all tell him to get lost

pwd

I find myself wondering if the guards are being unhelpful because they're scared of being accused of being racist.

StormWarrior

cichlid child wrote:

Tell him to meet you at the boards night out and we will all tell him to get lost

I was stalked myself, so I know that if you give a stalker any encouragement at all, even just talking to them to tell them to go away, it makes things worse. Ignore him totally and if it still continues, report him.

SunLover83

pwd wrote:

I find myself wondering if the guards are being unhelpful because they're scared of being accused of being racist.

Thanks PWD and Cichlid - really appreciate the advice. I've never had a problem taking hints from fellas when they don't want to continue a relatioinship with me and also I've never had problems with fellas after I've finished with them. Aside from scaring me, he's also really pissing me off.

aye

SunLover83 wrote:

Aside from scaring me, he's also really pissing me off.

Ignore him. he should give up. If he doesn't, get the police involved.

event

pwd wrote:

I find myself wondering if the guards are being unhelpful because they're scared of being accused of being racist.

no, i dont think so

monkeyfudge

pwd wrote:

I find myself wondering if the guards are being unhelpful because they're scared of being accused of being racist.

I think they are just generally uninterested.

I was receiving death threats on my voice mail a few years back, I had Esat listen to them and store them and they were really concerned... took the recordings to the local Garda station and they wouldn't even bother listening to them.

pwd

Well, like I said, they were very helpful in the case I described recently. They had a plainclothes guard wait for the guy to arrest him 3 mornings, only he had already been scared off when we told him we had him on camera and stuff like this.

milkerman

I worked for 3 years in 2 central African states. I dont think the behaviour you described fits in with any of the local cultures I encountered, though I did encounter some attitudes I never could understand.

This guy is probably applying for asylum here. He probably fears refusal as happens to most applicants from Nigeria. His situation would be made so much easier if he found an IRISH WIFE. But maybe I am cynical.

Go ahead and report the guy to the Gardai. When you make the report ask for the Incident Number assigned to the report. After a week, ring up and ask for progress on the incident. If you get disinterested BS, pen a letter to the local Super and ask for a response.

This whole thing will do the Nigerian guy's asylum application no favours, which is only right. Our own culture breeds sufficient loonies, stalkers, pervs etc as is.

sunny2004

milkerman wrote:

I Our own culture breeds sufficient loonies, stalkers, pervs etc as is.

Could not have put it better myself..
This has nothing to do with nationality..

Have you got rid of your mobile number ? If not, then it begs the question why not ?

Demonique

Did you use protection? If not get yourself tested for STDs, AIDS is prevalent in many African countries

Pigman II

Yeah OP I wouldn't worry about making it too clear that you want him to leave you alone.

I'd say once you make it clear as day that you want nothing to do with him he'll p-off and look for some other hole to sniff. Maybe you could tell him you got a new b/f if he doesn't get the message.

Talliesin

pwd wrote:

I find myself wondering if the guards are being unhelpful because they're scared of being accused of being racist.

Well the OP hasn't gone to them yet, so that's moot as of yet.

It's not something the gardai would have to worry about, they deal with plenty of Irish creeps, the statistics would counter any racism claim easily enough.

cowzerp

I would say it is a nationality thing, Nigerians are well known for harrasing women and stalking like behaviour-im not a racist but i never hear of jamaicans doing this or ethiopians etc,, its always nigerians,they try to dominate and control women and dont like to take no for an answer, i know loads of girls in coolock that have babies for nigerians and are lone mothers as soon as the baby arrives, and i dont know 1 that is still with the father-this is my experience as i know not all nigerian fathers do this.

Bottle_of_Smoke

I remember I started getting calls from a Nigerian guy(well African accent anyway, I think it was Nigerian) looking for some girl. Can only assume girl got asked for her number, was too awkward to refuse & gave him a fake one..... Which happened to be mine!

He left a voicemail one day - I rang him back & I was like "Eh think youve got the wrong number man" (i'm male)

He was polite, apologised, but then a week later same thing happened. Ring him again, he seemed embarrassed, I was saying "I don't know any Celine's, you have the wrong number" Then after a few calls where I answered the phone he stopped.

They're certainly a persistant bunch! Maybe get a male friend to threaten him.

OLDYELLAR

Same thing happened a frend of mine with a nigerian guy she met on a night out , he just wouldnt stop showing up where she lived and constantly ringing and texting telling her he loved her , he wouldnt let up in the end our male frend had to tell him to F off basically but this guy was very very persistant.

Firetrap

I'd go to the police definitely. Is he an asylum seeker? Getting into trouble with the authorities certainly won't help his case for staying here. He could be on the lookout for an Irish wife and maybe an Irish kid.

Don't forget either that it could be a cultural thing. I know from anecdotal evidence that giving some of these people any sort of leeway at all can lead to hassle. I won't say anymore for fear of being branded a racist.

passive

that makes, what, 7 threads dug up by demonique today after the OP stopped participating and nobody passed comment in a week+? bad demonique!