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LegacyUser

I know its a small thing ,but its been happening alot lately so I apologise if this seems small-potatoes but...

Im not a bad guy, not as bad as most anyway, So when Im out its not uncommon to meet a girl, get one well with her, spend most of the night chatting with her and maybe even score her or whatever. Come the end of the night, numbers are exchanged, but when I text her the next day or whenever, I rarely if ever get a reply! Now I must say Im not forcing myself on these women, Im pretty laid back when It comes to these things, infact often the girl who is the driving force behind things, Usually I never see it coming until there is a tongue in my mouth etc. but come the break of day Im not worth the price of a text message.
My problem with this isnt that the girls dont like me, that I can understand, but its just the complete lack of a response. even a "**** you" is better than nothing at all because you start worrying about if the message sent, if its the wrong number etc. etc. . so my question is what am I doing wrong. I usually text the girl with something light , just an re-introduction, Im not planning the marriage. Is there a certain cool-off point? should I be calling instead of texting? I really have to know , because just since the summer started Ive gotten 4 numbers off some really great girls, but not a reply from any of them! help!

the_syco

When do you reply? When you wake up, or after the fry? Too soon, and you may be seen as needy. Also, what do you say. Re-introduction may say either "I rmember f**k all of last night, lets start again"
or it looks needy.

Next time you score, try texting the lady around 2pm next day, asking for either a coffee, or brunch.

Exar Khun

hmm I used to have similar problems myself. Being unsure if they got the message, no response etc. I have learned that if you want definite answers calling the girl is probably your best bet. It cuts out all the bull****, sure it more unnerving and you'll probably feel like a fool when you either clam up or get verbal diarrhea but its more honest and more likely to get results. Best of luck.

Zillah

They were out for some quick male attention, got it and gave you a wrong number when you asked.

I thought it was obvious.

bugler

Wait a few days at least before texting. Maybe even wait to see if they text first? Try that. Other than that, forget about them. Niteclubs are not the best place to meet women for a relationship of any length.

Marksie

bugler wrote:

Wait a few days at least before texting.

what about the old fashioned way....calling and actually talking to them, saying hello would be agood start. None of this texting rubbish

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. I dont think Im being needy at all in my text messages , they are basically a riff on "hey this is <name> from <bar> last night , hope you got home ok , Look I was wondering if you want to maybe go to <gig> next <day> or something" They arent anything fancy, and certainly not needy! If they were needy maybe it might illicit a firm "no" just to stop things getting creepy, which would be a step up from where I am now.

Its probably something more along the lines of what zillah is saying, but Its still hard enough pill to swallow. I mean the last time this happened I was talking to the chick for like two hours,Its not even really a nightclub situation, just a late bar, we got on really goddamn well (I thought) and I was good enough to stick my tongue in her mouth but not enough to get for a text? even saying thanks but no thanks? I dont know, I just cant help but feel a little used!



heh , Isnt that supposed to be her line?

carnival_joe

ummm sorry guys, hate to tell ya, but us girlies are very capable of:

a) Chasing down a guy, just to "pull", getting our kiss (or more if the lady is promiscious) and leaving, bored and done
b) Competitions- see who can "pull" the most guys
c) cheating on a boyfriend while on a girls night

Yup, the ladette culture was what we were reared with- girls can (and do) play as much hardball as guys.

Anyways OP, chances are they want a "Mr right for tonight", and nope, if we're not into you, we won't reply- don't want to tell someone to f off, don't want to lead you on, don't want to be rude at swapping numbers point.

Its a game guys made up, and one a lot of girls play. Is it mean? Yeah. Is it gonna stop people from doing it? No.

Don't pull in the club, wait and flirt, get her interested enough to meet during the sober light of day. Then make any moves.

Its weird to have guys be all attentive like that the next day. We get used to hearing you are all b*****ds, learned to deal with that (heck even disable it when in a rel), but this whole new nice-guy thing is a bit intense. Any texts are going to be open to disection with our mates.

(my assumption is you are refering to girls between 17 and 25ish) Play a little hardball, make us work a little bit for you. Next day texts are desperate. Give it a week. Or at least no less then 3 days.

(not speaking for all girls, but from the collective experience of me, my friends, cousins, workmates and accquaintances- a group of girls in the age group I mentioned, but certainly not hundreds of them, so it may be inconclusive)

ps: hope this helps!

(i know its been long)

Fizman

DO NOT text the following day. Like the above post pointed out...give it at least 2-3 days. Anytime i've exchanged numbers with a girl on a nite out, only to get a text the following day off her, that usually gets me running for the hills. Just chill for a few days and then get on to her.

Oh and another thing OP.....when you do get around to sending that first text....currently you are doing the whole " Hi this is mr X from bar Y, would you like to meet up at place Z". You are setting yourself up so that you get no response. Start off with small talk.....but only ask her to meet up after you are pretty sure she even wants to talk to you. Trust me in the long run it will be better for you self-esteem if you use this approach

Best of luck and may the force be with you

Shanda

ya i agree what a day or two at least, and maybe txt something a bit more fun and flirty. girls love to have a bit of a giggle over txt,s and its more fun to respond to something light hearted.

LegacyUser

'well yeah I guess that really is the only answer, but Im not above random scoring ,but the encounters Im thinking I thought were maybe a little more personable.I mean the place where 99% of this **** happens isnt like a Nightclub or a meatmarket, its just a pretty chill late bar. AND in my defense Im not that mechanical with my text messages, I was just trying to illustrate Im not a ****ing psycho, At least I really hope Im not. Its not that I dont begrudge a girl someone not replying to a text , Its just its happening alot, One cant help but think its something wrong with me. I mean, If youll forgive the conceit, Im a pretty cool,smart,funny attractive guy. Im the goddamn full package! Im not expecting women to throw themselves at me , but some Interest beyond the physical would be nice! I guess I should be thankful Im getting that far in the first place.'

Wibbs

carnival_joe wrote:

ummm sorry guys, hate to tell ya, but us girlies are very capable of:

a) Chasing down a guy, just to "pull", getting our kiss (or more if the lady is promiscious) and leaving, bored and done
b) Competitions- see who can "pull" the most guys
c) cheating on a boyfriend while on a girls night

Yup, the ladette culture was what we were reared with- girls can (and do) play as much hardball as guys.

Anyways OP, chances are they want a "Mr right for tonight", and nope, if we're not into you, we won't reply- don't want to tell someone to f off, don't want to lead you on, don't want to be rude at swapping numbers point.

Its a game guys made up, and one a lot of girls play. Is it mean? Yeah. Is it gonna stop people from doing it? No.

Don't pull in the club, wait and flirt, get her interested enough to meet during the sober light of day. Then make any moves.

Its weird to have guys be all attentive like that the next day. We get used to hearing you are all b*****ds, learned to deal with that (heck even disable it when in a rel), but this whole new nice-guy thing is a bit intense. Any texts are going to be open to disection with our mates.

(my assumption is you are refering to girls between 17 and 25ish) Play a little hardball, make us work a little bit for you. Next day texts are desperate. Give it a week. Or at least no less then 3 days.

(not speaking for all girls, but from the collective experience of me, my friends, cousins, workmates and accquaintances- a group of girls in the age group I mentioned, but certainly not hundreds of them, so it may be inconclusive)

ps: hope this helps!

(i know its been long)

OP, This deserves reposting and re reading. Bloody good advice. I've often thought and said(quietly ) that a man should rarely ask a woman what women want or how they operate(esp younger women). Usually you get the answer they think you want to hear or the answer as it pertains to them. That post right there bucks the trend. Hope this helps? Damn right it will if the OP(and some others out there) put it into practice. Kudos

Marksie

I have to be honest, i thought carnival_joe's post a fascinating insight into how the 17-25 year old mind works at the level of treating it all as a game.

From that extent its a great post.

Maybe i am just too old to be thinking like that, or a different mindset, or a radically different approach. But I think this you are expected to wait three days, do this and do that is utter nonsense, it is the modern equivalent of the formalised "walking out together". Complete with chaperones (the friends dissecting texts).

I can't help thinking though, that that is just storing up issues for later, once viewed totally as a game, always viewed as a game.

Still, helps me to understand what is going through their minds.

matt-dublin

its the rule of three's

wait 3 days, don't text her, call her, at about 3pm

so if you score her on a friday, ring her on monday after lunch.

texting a girl comes across as unconfident and an easy way to make contact...

you have to be seen as to be making the effort but at the same time not to be overly keen

ladylorenzo

Agree with all the other posters PLUS when you do text, dont, under any circumstances, ask her on a date. If freaks us out!! Play the game..maybe a short text like "hey there, good craic the other nite..hope u made it home in one piece!" and leave it at that. If she like you, she'll be thinking "is that it?!!" and there you have it..she's hooked and the game has started!(providing she likes the look of you of course!)

Its sad but chivalry, in the early days, just doesnt exist anymore. Play the game, maintain a balance between letting her know that you like her but also, playing it cool and if its meant to be, the time will come when its ok to actually go on a proper date and not just hook up after a nite on the town!!

Good luck
LL

Wibbs

Marksie wrote:

I have to be honest, i thought carnival_joe's post a fascinating insight into how the 17-25 year old mind works at the level of treating it all as a game.

Insight indeed. Now the 17 - 25 year old lads out there have something to work on. Cue evil laugh and laboratories full of sparks and bubbling liquids.

From that extent its a great post.

It is that.

Maybe i am just too old to be thinking like that, or a different mindset, or a radically different approach. But I think this you are expected to wait three days, do this and do that is utter nonsense, it is the modern equivalent of the formalised "walking out together". Complete with chaperones (the friends dissecting texts).

Nonsense doesn't come into it. That said many(but certainly not all) do act in this way so if a guy doesn't play that game his chances of anything are much reduced. It's like if he walks on to a football field in cricket gear he's gonna end up fiddlin with his balls on his own. So to speak. To coin a phrase....

I can't help thinking though, that that is just storing up issues for later, once viewed totally as a game, always viewed as a game.

Also true in my experience. It does lessen with time but I've seen both genders pull that game playing guff well into their thirties, when you would think they would know better. Hey I can understand this stuff when you're feeling your way into the adult world with little valuable advice and a template to go on. We all did it. I certainly acted the utter twat at 17. Throwin hindsight viewed Squirmingly embarrassing shapes in the company of a giggle of teenage girls. Par for the course. At least the younger crowd aren't as hip as I sometimes think when compared to my earlier muppetry so that's a relief at least.:D

Still, helps me to understand what is going through their minds.

Cue Marksie, now armed with inside knowledge, checking out 20 year old girls ..... An unbeatable combination.

Marksie

Wibbs wrote:

Cue Marksie, now armed with inside knowledge, checking out 20 year old girls ..... An unbeatable combination.

Not at all, way too young, your honour. Their mothers maybe lol. But in thinking back as to why I couldn't be bothered with the game playing, and it didn't reduce chances either.

It came down to one crucial relationship. At 21 i was in a realtionship with somene 30, who simply didn't put up with the childish crap. Oh that and we didn't have texting. That and an innate knowledge that there was something more powerful to be had.

LegacyUser

hi again , thanks for the advice, though I was hoping you werent going to say what you did. I mean Im 21 now, Ive done all this stuff before,but I was hoping that I was nearly reaching a point in life where candour would be responded to in kind. If I go to the hassle of texting a girl , surely its obvious that Im interested? trying to play it as if I just remembered I got some chicks number 3 days later isnt very honest ,and certainly not credible, but I guess this is the stuff you have to do! So Ill save this thread for the next time I meet a girl I like and see what happens , until then I think Ill just watch swingers again and feel sorry for myself, thanks!

Partizan

It can be very problematic reading the mind games and what women think but I think its the proper discourse to ring them 2-3 days after getting their number. Just ring the girl and ask her out and take it from there. Text messages are very impersonal and just dont seem right. By picking up the phone, you are a) showing interest and b) taking the initiative.

A totally unexpected and pleasant surprise happened to me last Thursday at Ranelagh Luas station. I was standing waiting for the tram to take me to Dundrum to do a bit of shopping when I noticed this girl trying to get on the Luas, she just missed it and we all of a sudden started up a conversation. To cut a long story short she's a Brazilian student over here to work & study and I took her number. I gave her a ring last night and we've agreed to either meet up Friday or Saturday night. It also turns out that she works around the corner from me in a Spar shop that I regularly go to (went on my usual Wednesday jaunt to the shop). Small world.

OP, you have got nothing to lose. Go for it.

katie_00

I have to be honest, i thought carnival_joe's post a fascinating insight into how the 17-25 year old mind works at the level of treating it all as a game.

yep unfortuanetly very true this is exactly how the vast majority of my female friends treat men. Just last night i was having a girlie night in with a few friends when one got a text from a guy she had met out at the weekend. She read the text aloud and the consensus was that she should wait for an hour and a half before replying, so she wouldn't appear desperate:eek: and then text that she was 'out' with the girls, so as to play hard to get or some other rubbish..

Ive done all this stuff before,but I was hoping that I was nearly reaching a point in life where candour would be responded to in kind

OP while, sad as it is carnival_joes post is an accurate representation of the vast majority of 20something women, the vast majority isn't all. If you're not into 'playing the game' then don't, you'll probably save yourself a lot of trouble in the long run.

At 21 i was in a realtionship with somene 30, who simply didn't put up with the childish crap

ah yes thank god for older men, these days i'd rarely considering a relationship with a guy my own age, far too much energy wasted trying to play the game when theres so much more fun to be had.lifes too short.

ollyk1

katie_00 wrote:

If you're not into 'playing the game' then don't, you'll probably save yourself a lot of trouble in the long run.

Pure gold!

If I was single and looking for a relationship and a woman was put off because I didn't play the "game" I'd consider myself to have had a lucky escape to be honest.

Finding the right person isn't easy but by the sounds of it the OP doesn't want to be a "game player" and I for one salute him and I trust the right lady will come along because at least you have an idea of what you are looking for when so many others are wasting years of their lives playing games.

No more texting though OP !!

Marksie

katie_00 wrote:

far too much energy wasted trying to play the game when theres so much more fun to be had.lifes too short.

I agree totally. Why lose sleep wondering if three days or 4 days is long enough to text and fretting, when you can get to know each other and find much more intersting ways to expend energy and lose sleep.

OP: you have some indication of what is happening. Refuse to play the game and tell them you aren't into this so oloing for this and that, if they can't handle it, they are not for you...... just look for somene who doesnt play the game also.
It Will work out for you

carnival_joe

Yup, i know some girls who want the immediate next day call/text, and a lot for whom this is scary and to intense.

make it interesting, flirty without a big come-on, and give space to type b (which is also mostly comprised of hurt, jaded girls who don't believe they are all that much, cover it with bravado, and freak out when someone is into them- because they don't like themselves)

type a are probably a little more self-confident over-all (or at least think they are attractive), they are less jaded and hurt, but may also end up clingy.


sadly, most girls in my age group are insecure, over compensating for it, wary of male attention (due to ulterior motives).

try an ego-rub (and no, paradoxicaly kissing us etc isn't that. after all thats just physical, and a lot of guys would get up on breeze, so you being with us doesn't mean you like us, if you get me), if you can make us think we're nice, and pretty, without being to over the top, and leave us wanting a bit more. we'll chase it.

The thrill of the chase and all that. we also get competative, you may douple in some womens (girls?) eyes if other women are flirting with you. we like to win.

(god my age group are a messed up group of mentalists!)