Problem with a work colleague!

Anna23

We have organized a nite out in work on friday, we all went to the dogs, had a fantastic time, after which we headed into D2, all was excellent up until a work colleague lets call him Mike, came up to me and started telling me what a bi tch I am, that I have been rude to him, and that he comes from a very rich family and that he is in a 3 year happy relationship, and that I am a cow, bully and a racist! I asked him to back this up with proof, to which he said well u have been mean to a guy in work who is from an african country, and I said to him I have been direct as he has been here a year and he still cant do the job, but never made any racist comments, to which he agreed, I had to leave the party because of him!

He also said that he and his gfriend are willing to help me become a better person, and that I pick on peoples insecurities and basically I am horrible! To be honest with you I only speak to a few ppl in work who are my friends, I rarely speak to Mike, as I have nothing in common with him, he mentiond his happy relationship, and the fact that he is rich, why I dont know, I have no idea, we do make jokes in work regarding marrying a rich man, but its fun and its not meant to make anyone feel bad.

My problem is that he is in work now, and I dont want to speak to him or deal with him not even when it comes to work, as I feel really strange around him.

I have asked ppl if they think I am the way he describe me, and they said not at all, you are loud and he is quiet, so dont mind him, ur personality is bubbly and he is a quite two faced person!!!

So now I dont know what to do to avoid him, as he is really annoying me!

biko

You need to get it out in the open though. Maybe you don't have a problem with him but clearly he has a problem with you.

Mail him and ask him out for coffee after work. Just sit down and let him do the talking. Try to avoid getting too defensive/ aggressive/ blaming.

I've a friend that wouldn't think so herself but she is quite loud, "larger than life", attention seeker etc and this rubs some people the wrong way. However she herself does not see it.

If all else fails bring it up with the manager asap. If you do so make sure both parties are in the room! Otherwise it'll be seen as back stabbing/ going crying to the boss IMO.

Gumbyman

Ask him if he wants to meet up over a cup of coffee to discuss what he said. Guaranteed he'll want the floor to drop from under him and he'll back down and then at least it has been discussed and you can close it. Otherwise you could just be as nice a punch to everybody else but treat him like turd and make a point of it. Like a self fulfilling prophesy. TBH I think anybody who attacks somebody like that after a few shandys too many isn't worth a second thought.

MrBaseball

He sounds like an absolute idiot. I'm no expert, but I'd consider reporting those comments, just in case.

Anna23

See this is the problem, because it all came up on a night out I dont know if I want to drag it into work, as he didnt say it to me in work but on a night out which has really nothing to do with work, I was told to leave it be and ignore him, so I am as lost as ever. I dont even want to look at him!

Mr. Presentable

He's not the same fella you were trying to ask out last week, is he?

seamus

Anna23 wrote:

He also said that he and his gfriend are willing to help me become a better person, and that I pick on peoples insecurities and basically I am horrible!

Is he a scientologist by any chance? They're reknowned for telling people how horrible they are, "But we can help you". They'll particularly target you if you have some money - you're in management, correct?

It's also possible that he was just completely ratarsed, and for whatever reason decided to have a go at you.

Since the incident occured on a company night out, I would recommend reporting the incident to whoever, but don't take it any further. Just make sure it's on the record.

MrBaseball

Depending on his position in the job, I might still be inclined to want to make a note of it with managers or whatever, in case you get some hassle from him down the line.

Oriel

Anna23 wrote:

ur personality is bubbly

That generally means they think you're annoying.

Spud83

Jeez. You work life must be very entertaining. You don’t get on with your boss, you have resigned but backed out of it, you turned down another job, you don’t get on with another colleague, and you just started dating another guy from work. How do you get any work done? I’m just seeing a pattern here and I think most of the problems stem from you not liking the job and not wanting to be there.

This may be being picked up by your other colleague, who could think you don’t care about your job and can’t understand why your still there. In all honesty I think you should start looking for another job as you don’t seem to be happy were you are and I think your problems are stemming or least being heightened by this.

mickoneill30

Anna23 wrote:

See this is the problem, because it all came up on a night out I dont know if I want to drag it into work, as he didnt say it to me in work but on a night out which has really nothing to do with work, I was told to leave it be and ignore him, so I am as lost as ever. I dont even want to look at him!

A lot of companies view work nights out as time they're responsible for. Depends on the company I suppose. My last company had it as a policy though. It'd be no harm bringing it up with your manager.

Anna23

no its not the guy I asked OUT LAST WEEK, its another guy, that I dont even take any notice of to be honest. It happened on a night out organized by ourselves not the actual company!

I thought he was on dru gs on friday night, so when I raised my hand to leave (like I had enough I cant listen to you anymore) he thought I was high 5ing him or something and started hugging me!

He is the one who said I dont know who he is and that he comes from a very rich family and that heis happy in his 3 year realtionship, I dont understand why those comments, I never even hinted athim that I might fancy him or something similar!

I am scared of him!

I do enjoy the job I do, and I have started getting on with my boss, actually we got on great at the aprty and in the last few weeks. I dont know maybe its me, but to be called a racist I dont think so!!!

Marksie

Anna23: I took the liberty of checking threads started by you to see if it was you who started the thread last week.
Are you still working at the same place where you posted this:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055096182&referrerid=&highlight=

It seems that there are issues at work for you. It may be two way, as i noticed that your TL in the therad there mentioned you falling on love with a colleague. Is that related to last weeks thread and is it also realted to whats happening here?

Rather than looking and pointing at others..it seems that there are a lot of people saying things to you about how you are in work.

Do you know the difference between personal and professional boundaries, or is it the culture you are working in?

Have you considered that your behaviour may contribute to this?

Are they separeta issues or are the combining to give an overall picture?

Anna23

Whatever I have posted has nothing to do with what happend on friday, it was out of the blue, from a person I have no dealings with, everyone in this job says what they want, no matter how offending it is, as we all know its a joke, we are all very young from 22-25, the oldest being 29 who happens to be Mike.

I know I have a few faults as well, but I dont speak to him at all, so why all this shi te from him, when I dont even know him and I dont care about him at all, I have my own little group and thats that!

All I am trying to find out is, should I mention it to someone or just forget about it and ignore him as I have been doing up to now!
Oh yeah he kept saying I am this posh little spoiled bi tch, and that he comes from a very rich family and just because he has done nothing with his name doesnt mean he is a nobody....I think something along these lines

Marksie

Anna23 wrote:

Whatever I have posted has nothing to do with what happend on friday, it was out of the blue, from a person I have no dealings with, everyone in this job says what they want, no matter how offending it is, as we all know its a joke, we are all very young from 22-25, the oldest being 29 who happens to be Mike.

I know I have a few faults as well, but I dont speak to him at all, so why all this shi te from him, when I dont even know him and I dont care about him at all, I have my own little group and thats that!

All I am trying to find out is, should I mention it to someone or just forget about it and ignore him as I have been doing up to now!

Anna23: There are things here red flagging all over. Someone just doesn't come up to you and say things like that, for whatever reason.

I think you are either burying your head in the sand or just haven't got a clue about what is happening at your workplace. They are not unrelated at all, in fact they may be very much related and you are wilfully of blissfully ignoring the connections.

Can you see the difference between p[ersonal and professional boundaries at all?
The indication is that you have had relationships with at least one other work colleague.... can you see the possibility of how that may relate to mikes comment?
I suspect that, rightly or wrongly, you are getting bad press of one sort or another.

everyone says what they want..no matter how offending?... try that in the equality tribunal as a defence.

Anna23

Well to be honest why would he be intrested in who I am sleeping with, its none of his problem is it?

Maybe they are related, but the problems I have in work with my manager actually had in work, do not concern him, as it had nothing to do with him, so I dont know why he came out to me and yes it was out of the blue and told me all this, when I dont have anything to do with this guy, nothing at all!!!

Yes we joke a lot in work and no we dont address anything to him, its between the 3 of us up here we make silly jokes, private jokes, and yes I do know the boundaries between professional and personal!

All that I dont understand is why, actually how come he came up to me and said all those things when I dont even speak to the guy, I have nothing in common with the guy or his friends, he looks like he is on drugs....so yeah I have nothing to do with ppl that take drugs, and yes is it so bad not to want them around me.....??? I dont think it is!

Marksie

Anna23 wrote:

Well to be honest why would he be intrested in who I am sleeping with, its none of his problem is it?

Maybe they are related, but the problems I have in work with my manager actually had in work, do not concern him, as it had nothing to do with him, so I dont know why he came out to me and yes it was out of the blue and told me all this, when I dont have anything to do with this guy, nothing at all!!!

Yes we joke a lot in work and no we dont address anything to him, its between the 3 of us up here we make silly jokes, private jokes, and yes I do know the boundaries between professional and personal!

All that I dont understand is why, actually how come he came up to me and said all those things when I dont even speak to the guy, I have nothing in common with the guy or his friends, he looks like he is on drugs....so yeah I have nothing to do with ppl that take drugs, and yes is it so bad not to want them around me.....??? I dont think it is!

Anna23: where did i say it was bad to avoid him. What i am saying here is that NOTHING in work is unconnected.

If a manager said that you have fallen in love with a work colleague previously, then you have started dating another work colleague, then someone out of the blue makes a point of saying they are in a happy relationship(regadless of them being stoned etc.)...does that not make you wonder what is being said about you???

In the end its up to you, so my last advice is strictly to the point and not exploring the wider issue.
Avoid this mike completely, do not engage in conversation.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

Anna23 wrote:

I have asked ppl if they think I am the way he describe me, and they said not at all, you are loud and he is quiet,........ ur personality is bubbly......

jezzzzzzzzzzzus sounds like he is not the only one who has a problem the way you treat your co-workers, black or white.

if somebody from work describe me as loud and bubbly i would go home a take a long hard look on how i can stop being so annoying to others in work...
i mean, loud.... fcuk, that a huge insult down here in Cork it means your annoying and irritating.
so have a look at yourself first....
hope this helps.

Anna23

thats exactly what I will be doing, and trust me I dont sleep around with everyone, I just dont go out that much to meet men somewhere else, if u have any ideas let me know!

Anna23

thats exactly what I will be doing, and trust me I dont sleep around with everyone, I just dont go out that much to meet men somewhere else, if u have any ideas let me know!

Anna23

the funny thing is that I dont care what they think of me, just I didnt appciate him coming over to me to tell me this on a night out, so if I AM that loud and annoying them, then how come all of them keep buzzing around me all the time.

I was just anoyed that I was "attacked" on a night out. Obviously I am doign something wrong, by keeping some ppl away from me especially the ones who take dr ugs and I will be ignoring him! I guess I have standars like everyone else does when it comes to ppl who the hang around with !

Mr. Presentable

Are you at work now? Is "Mike" around today?

biko

Anna23 wrote:

See this is the problem, because it all came up on a night out I dont know if I want to drag it into work, as he didnt say it to me in work but on a night out which has really nothing to do with work, I was told to leave it be and ignore him, so I am as lost as ever. I dont even want to look at him!

He is a workmate so it is a work issue. Go for that coffee, failing that ask HR.

Do something constructive rather than just post here.

Anna23

I will biko, thanks!

Miss Fluff

Find another job and get out more.

rickybutcher

Anna23 wrote:

So now I dont know what to do to avoid him, as he is really annoying me!

I would have spat in his drink about half-way through that conversation. I'd tell him straight, if there is a problem with the way you work and your interpersonal skills he can contact HR and you'll be willing to discuss any issues, I'd also tell him that anything outside that (("become a better person", changing your personality etc) is none of his f*****g business and if he speaks to you like that again YOU'LL be the one making a complaint. Completely out of order. He sounds like a big arsehole.

Huggles

Anna23 wrote:

We have organized a nite out in work on friday, we all went to the dogs, had a fantastic time, after which we headed into D2, all was excellent up until a work colleague lets call him Mike, came up to me and started telling me what a bi tch I am, that I have been rude to him, and that he comes from a very rich family and that he is in a 3 year happy relationship, and that I am a cow, bully and a racist! I asked him to back this up with proof, to which he said well u have been mean to a guy in work who is from an african country, and I said to him I have been direct as he has been here a year and he still cant do the job, but never made any racist comments, to which he agreed, I had to leave the party because of him!

He also said that he and his gfriend are willing to help me become a better person, and that I pick on peoples insecurities and basically I am horrible! To be honest with you I only speak to a few ppl in work who are my friends, I rarely speak to Mike, as I have nothing in common with him, he mentiond his happy relationship, and the fact that he is rich, why I dont know, I have no idea, we do make jokes in work regarding marrying a rich man, but its fun and its not meant to make anyone feel bad.

My problem is that he is in work now, and I dont want to speak to him or deal with him not even when it comes to work, as I feel really strange around him.

I have asked ppl if they think I am the way he describe me, and they said not at all, you are loud and he is quiet, so dont mind him, ur personality is bubbly and he is a quite two faced person!!!

So now I dont know what to do to avoid him, as he is really annoying me!

Whatever about the other issues folks here have mentioned. This one incident on its own I would personally find very aggressive! Either sort it with him outside work (I wouldn't) or bring it up with HR especially if you feel threatened.

IRISH RAIL

I worked in a place where this stuff was rife and management will not want anything to do with it as soon as someone metions the r word its pass the buck

my advice is to bolster your relationship with your friends and work around this person ie keep your distance you cant keep away totally but you mst rise above him and most important keep professional

the thing about the work do if you get paid for your breaks then the company can hold disiplinary actions if something happened on break time
930 at night in the dogs its none of thier business you will find if you report it it will probably go against you for making waves

on being called a rasist i dont know it was outside work so you could go legal but i think thats overkill but maybe telling him you could sue him over his remarks might shake him up

Marksie

Irish Rail: The civil (or not so civil) service has new regulations as regards the right to dignity at work. During a compulsory seminar it was clearly stated that even if you bump into somene you work with in the street and they you insult them, they are entitled to make a complaint against you as you are affecting how they will feel being in work.

I am not sure what the exact situation is like for the OP, but it may be very simiular. Where its works related do's you are most certainly responsible

These days if management dont handle it correctly it can be serious for them.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

Anna23 wrote:

I dont care what they think of me,

hmmmmmmm its all starting to clear up now....

when one is sharing an office with others, one has to care what other people think...especial if they have already said you were a 'LOUD' person...
this is one instant that you should read between the lines and take on board what your work colleges say.... and I'm not talking about yer man....you said that quite a lot of you colleagues think that way....
so my advice is quieten your act down... and try not to annoy people in the office

i don't know about your office, but everybody hates the loud laugh in the corner or the person who can be heard all over the office, very very irritating

Anna23

ok fair enough, but then why does everybody want to be around me, or when we go out, just make sure Anna comes, if I were so annoying I am sure tehy would try and avoid me, but no 1 is, well actually apart from Mike!

I will try and be quiet and I have been quiet all day, and I get this email asking me, whats going on???

So I AM as lost as ever, I went to lunch at 1.30 and he was there, so he started talking to me out of no where, why, I dont know, I didnt ask him anything, or said anything.

Obviously I will not bring this any further I just wanted to hear ur opinions re this problem.

I wish my life was dull and uncomplicated!

and obviously I would have an attitude where I dont care about what ppl say as it hurts me, so that would be my defense mechanism.

I might be a pain in the a ss, but not everyone seems to think that!

MojoMaker

Eh?

You start a thread giving out about how a colleague 'attacked' you on a night out and you end up asking another poster for advice on where to meet men?? For this thread, and all the other wacko ones you've started in the last month it's clear you are a raving basket case.

WindSock

It sounds like your colleague has insecurities of his own, and is projecting them onto you. Especially if it all comes out when he's had a few drinks.

He probably feels a bit embarrased by this so tried to make small talk.

So I AM as lost as ever, I went to lunch at 1.30 and he was there, so he started talking to me out of no where, why, I dont know, I didnt ask him anything, or said anything.

K-9

boreds wrote:

It sounds like your colleague has insecurities of his own, and is projecting them onto you. Especially if it all comes out when he's had a few drinks.

He probably feels a bit embarrased by this so tried to make small talk.

Agreed.

Having read about the other posts this starting to look like the office and Ricky Gervais

My God, my office is boring.

Anna23 wrote:

the funny thing is that I dont care what they think of me, just I didnt appciate him coming over to me to tell me this on a night out, so if I AM that loud and annoying them, then how come all of them keep buzzing around me all the time.

But it sounds like you do from your posts here. Did you enjoy your last job and how did you get on before you had the boss problems?

Zillah

Mike was probably off his head on coke. I've had a very similar situation previously where a friend of a friend was with us on a night out, he had barely ever seen me before, but he was on pills and coke, and completely out of the blue he came up to me and started insulting me with a dead serious tone. I just gaped at him and said "What!?". He kept at it and eventually left. Weeks later when I saw him again he apoligised and said it was because he had been off his face.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

Anna23 wrote:

..... but then why does everybody want to be around me, or when we go out, just make sure Anna comes.....

you don't half love your self... i don't even know you, but I'm picking this horrible attitude towards people form your posts on here.

Anna23 wrote:

......I wish my life was dull and uncomplicated!......

i do believe it is, that is why you feel the need to come on here and rant and rave about other people when the obvious problem from you posts is your attitude towards other people and the way you THINK other people see you, and surly a person so popular..( i wont, ill keep it helpful )
sorry, but hopefully this will help.

Anna23

ok NO prob, thanks for the advice!

sillymoo2007

As a new poster on the boards I read your other posts and threads before drawing any conclusion. I agree with who ever it was that said you were a complete basket case, and I think your seriously bored in your job and thats why you create posts. You seriously need to look at your work ethics refering to personal and most importantly professional its a job after all not a social club!!

Anna23

LIKE I said thanks for the advice, there isnt a lot of time for me to write abotu everything, hence everyone drawing their own conclusions, at the end of the day I am sure that if u met me u'd change ur mind about what a "basket case" I mite be!

Can this thread be closed please?

Spud83

Anna23 wrote:

LIKE I said thanks for the advice, there isnt a lot of time for me to write abotu everything, hence everyone drawing their own conclusions, at the end of the day I am sure that if u met me u'd change ur mind about what a "basket case" I mite be!

Can this thread be closed please?

So now that people have turned on you, you want the thread closed? I expected you thought that every one would come on and be on your side and agree with you. The fact that you are able to reply to posts within minutes of them being posted suggests you have plenty of time. We are drawing our conclusions from the multiple threads and posts you have "contributed" to boards over the last few months. Not exactly jumping to conclusions is it. Also the fact that you are sure we would change our minds about you says alot about your ego and personality. A suggest that this thread remains open, it might just open your eyes and force you to have a look at yourself.

Marksie

closed as requested by the OP