Relationships in bands

LegacyUser

I am a musician and in a band that is starting to make waves around the Dublin music scene.

We spend a lot of time with each other because we rehearse quite a lot and are planning to move in together in order to immerse ourselves in the music completely.

I recently realised that I was having feelings for one of the band members.

What does one recommend to do?

Should I go with the flow and let the person know about my feelings?
Should I avoid the subject in case it f*ucks up the situation with the band, the relationship with the person involved and the other band members?

I think the other person involved might be feeling the same but I aint sure...

Help! It seriously is wrecking my head!!
Thanks!

cance

that would be a big no no in my opinion. Far too many complications.

Owen

Was in a band with three girls, and ended up with one. The band lasted about 2 months after that. It NEVER works. Every band I head about that has an internal relationship always ends up splitting. Maybe you'll be the exception, but the rule is out to prove you wrong I'm afraid.

irlirishkev

Ìs this a guy-girl thing or a guy-guy thing... or a girl-girl thing. Whichever one it is may cause different ripples, depending on the other members of the band.

In any case, I don't think it's a great idea. Tensions between band members can be trying at times. The last thing one needs is a couple involved. God, the very thought of it makes me shudder.

Shag your groupies, not eachother.

K.

LegacyUser

That's what I thought to... Damn it, I really like the person, we're just so similar it's freaky!

LegacyUser

It's a girl-guy thing. And we are 3 in the band.

BaZmO*

You're in a band, why would you limit the amount of groupies that you could bang by getting with one of the other band members? Add into the mix the fact that you're all going to be moving in together. Are you some type of masochistic emo band?

LegacyUser

Dammit!!

rusalka

Have you not seen The Commitments?

Don't go there........give the band a chance to get established first, anyway.

bombidol

As a member of a long running band and being involved in the music scene a long time here. I can tell you that nothing good will come of getting involved with a band mate. I mean my band is all dudes so its not happening on my front. But I know many bands who have self destructed from internal relationships. It becomes an us against them thing. And after your first real tour you will understand what I mean. Being in a van with someone for a few weeks can cause stress and tension between the best of friends. Throw a relationship in there and its a time bomb.

Earthhorse

It worked for Fleetwood Mac.

You sound like you really like this girl so I guess one question you may need to ask yourself is, how serious am I about this band and how serious am I about this girl? If you're all moving in together it sounds you're pretty dedicated to the band and, hard as it might be, you should probably give that a chance to blossom.

Bands break up all the time because people can't get along. Adding to that by bringing a relationship into play may be a mistake. On the other hand given that bands already break up all the time adding a relationship might only make a marginal difference to band tensions.

My advice would be to keep hush about it for the moment and pour yourself into the music; really give it everything you've got. After you've done that and, say, released your first album or done your first tour it might be easier to start something up.