Where Do I Stand?

babyblooms

so myself (29) and my wife (28) are married 2 1/2 years, (going out since we were 15/16). We both have good jobs, nice house etc. And since we were 23/24 we always talked about having kids once day in the future.

I always wanted to have a family and she did too. or so I thought! A few days ago I brought up about having a child.. and automatically she jumped out and said she never wants to have kids.. I was pretty shocked because not along ago she was talking about them!

I asked "why not?" and she said she didnt want to have such responsability in her life, and that she didnt wanna put on the weight (the she would never lose blah blah blah) because she is already self concious about her body. the first reason I could understand but not the second one.. She is a beautiful girl with a great body and shouldnt be self concious. And shes also been sorta greedy!

back to the point tho, what am I supose to do? I've always wanted to have children and now she doesnt! I have worked like a dawg to get a nice home, secure cash so we could settle donw.. And basicly I cant argue with her about it can i? seeing as its her body etc.

Mr. Incognito

I would have thought one of the implicit purposes of getting married was to have a family.

She seems to have all sorts of notions in her head and to be honest seems way too focused on her body shape to maintain her happiness, Time will sag that body way more than a baby. If she breastfeeds she'll get back to her pre-birth weight in no time. Children are the future.

I think you need to sit down and have a really honest conversation with her. Go through her reasons one by one and draw them out. The whole "I'll get fat" just wouldn't do it for me I'm sorry.

Oryx

Seems to me that when you discussed kids in the past it was as an abstract 'some time in the distant future' thing. Something she really didnt have to think about except as a vague idea. Now, however you are both in a situation where its not just an idea, its a very real possiblity. The pressure is on, and she suddenly has to really face it, as the time is right. She may feel scared, inadequate, selfish (which is understandable, if her life is just where she wants it) or dreading such responsiblity.

All you can do is talk, talk, talk it out with her, and see if you both can get past her reluctance. Or at least come to an understanding of it.

ptashka

well, 28 is still young. more and more often you hear people wait till you 30, as in enjoy life to its max, and then when you fed up with going out/getting blitzed/suffering hang overs/feel like something is missing/ or simply your friends' constant babytalk finally got under you skin, get youself a babino.

but you do have to realise, that in ireland it is (in 99 % of cases) the woman who sits at home with the baby. Hence terminating her career climb. Hence becoming a housewife (dreaded for some!!!). Having a baby is definitely not just about her body.

LegacyUser

it's a bit odd that she appears to have done a complete u-turn, maybe you caught her at a bad time.
There are times in the month where us girls are broody and times when we're very much not.
If she was open to the idea before there's a good chance it will become important to her again.
Whatever you do, don't accuse her of being selfish.
Many men seem to think because women are designed to have children that we automatically should not complain about loss of figure , morning sickness, labour pain, episiotomies, mastitis, and lack of sleep. Ah sure it's what they're designed to do.
To gain a better understanding of how she may feel maybe google the list above and be informed of these things if she brings them up.
I promise you, as much as i'd like to have kids someday, all these things really scare me!
If you're understanding of this she'll feel like she can discuss it on a level with you.

Definitely don't pressure her.

Good luck!!