Can't make Girlfriend orgasm

LegacyUser

Hi, im 24 and i cant make my girlfriend (22) have an orgasam. We have been together 9 months and are going away on a holiday next week to Africa and i would really love to give her her first one. She has never had one before and doesnt really know what to expect and thinks she has to do something to make it happen. To be honest i havent really got a clue how to give her one, dont get me wrong we have great sex otherwise, i always go down on her and we do all sorts of other stuff but i cant get her to orgasam. Were very much in love and its not a huge issue to be honest but i would like to be able to do it for her. As far as im concerned this is the one, we are really really close and she whispered into my ear the other night that she wants her husband (me) to give her her first one. Can anybody give me any advise? Im a little above average in the size department and she seems to get plenty of pleasure. I am prepared to do just about anything to get her off so can somebody please give me a few pointers. Much Obliged...

D

Beruthiel

How long are you spending on foreplay?
If she were totally 100% relaxed she would cum, either she's holding back or you're not taking your time and 'hitting the right spots'
You say you go down on her, have you attempted to make her cum by that means?

Marksie

OK its important to realise one thing: No-one can make someone else OrG*sm.
It is their body after all, all you can do is facilitate their own orgasm.

How do you facilitate it then?

Communication, both verbal and not verbal. Move away from teh thoughts of org*sm, concentrate on the pleasure itself and not the end point (or rather the climax)

Dont juts think of genital stroking touching and kissing. The whole body can be truned into one massive erogenous zone. Don't forget the mind, tha is a huge s*x organ. Tell her what you are doing, and also listen to what she says, ask her what she wants be the giver in all senses of the word.

THink about the strokes and that youa re using with both tongue and fingers. Vary them, light fast slow, move around her body, but in concetrating on the genitals stroke different areas gently and LISTEN for a respons, but via her sounds and via her body m,ovements, volunatry or involuntary.

Dont rush to anything, her physical responses will give you clues but also again ask her. I really cannot stress enough that you must also talk and tell her what you are doing, to make sure she is relaxed. If, for example, you are aiing for a gentle G-spot massage, let her know at each stage, it can be quite a shock for her when you find it. (spongy roughened area about 2cm in from the front wall of the V*gina). Dont go too vigourously there, a gently come hither gesture with two fingers would do it, explore the area.. Simulataneous stroking of the Cl*toris gently would be a two phase approach and wokrs very very nicely. Use a good quality lubricant to stop dyrness and hence soreness.

Overall, tell her not to go for or*asm, but to just relax and breath deeply and enjoy the sensations.
One point: is she is straining and tensing, she may very well be willing it to happen too hard. This may cause her to feel pain or frustration as she so depsrrately wants this and so do you and it becomses SOOOOOOOOOOOOOo important.

If you feel this happening, tell her to go for deep slow breaths, focus in the genital area and especially on the sensations amd above all relax the body, literall relax it and let the mind go.
Don't go fast or hard at it, juts let it build.

Of course when she has hit the heights, its your turn to be reciever :-).

Civilian_Target

help_with_gf wrote:

... She has never had one ...

Here lies the crux of the problem. If she can't give herself an orgasm, it's going to be very hard for you to be able to! There are lots of reasons for this, could be physical but it's probably a mental issue, which means she's not relaxed enough to get there.

Have you considered encouraging her to play with herself, perhaps buy her some toys? That way she can figure out what she likes herself, and you can use them together when you're away

And don't sweat it, it's most likely to happen when you're just enjoying the moment, rather than pounding away, trying to make it so!

Marksie

Civilian_Target wrote:

Here lies the crux of the problem. If she can't give herself an orgasm, it's going to be very hard for you to be able to! There are lots of reasons for this, could be physical but it's probably a mental issue, which means she's not relaxed enough to get there.

Have you considered encouraging her to play with herself, perhaps buy her some toys? That way she can figure out what she likes herself, and you can use them together when you're away

And don't sweat it, it's most likely to happen when you're just enjoying the moment, rather than pounding away, trying to make it so!

Good point!

ands something I would recommend for couples to do and forgot to add above). Is to be come comfortable enough with each other that you can self pleasure in front of each other.... a damn good (and arousing way) of learning about your partner

po0k

BODY MASSAGE

Light & deft touch >>> crotch banging.

Every woman is different, and some (few I'd wager) are clinically incapable of achieving what is considered an orgasm.

muboop1

i hated trying to get this done...was wit a girl for 9 months and cudnt get this right...since with my current i can! but even then it really all about patience, her beign vocal(u dont know if she wants u to go faster etc unless she tells you or what is working and wat isnt) comfort(has to be somewhere she feels perfectly comortable, and she has to be completly relaxed about the whole thing) want(she has to want it! and help you to achieve it)

some girls only come from cliterous stimulation, others from g-spot, find out which she likes better! more girls come from clit do... but either way ur in for a long haul prob to help her achieve it! expecially if its the first time, ecause u havent yet figured it out... seriously...it realy just comes down to being vocal, she will know(or should anyway) if somethign is working, and she has to tell you!

and once again, she must be relaxed, if she is stressed etc, and cant just let go then it will make this so much harder... alot o it has to do with her mentality at a given time!

ladylorenzo

As one poster said, you wont be able to make her orgasm until she knows how to make herself orgasm. Buy her a clit kit and tell her to go off and play with it. She will soon make herself come and it will be so much easier from there on in because she will know her own body better.

I couldnt orgasm with my BF for ages...got a RR and have been enjoying new heights with him ever since! It really was the key for me.

Also, with the clit kit, you can toy about with it on her too so it can be loads of fun!!

Good Luck LL

spiritcrusher

On top of everything else that's been said, you should try using some of the lubricants available. I use the tingle one with my girlfriend and she loves it, it seems to make orgasm a lot easier to achieve and she can have many in one "session". Mightn't sound like much but she used to say that she found it difficult to orgasm during sex but now, even with no lube, has no problem at all.
You should give it a go and see what happens.

spurious

Gentle clitoral stimulation and then more gentle clitoral stimulation.
Forget entirely about any penetration and spend a couple of hours (yes, hours) giving her oral. The clitoris is technically part of the same structure that is known as the G-Spot and it is the business end of orgasms.

The vagina has little to do with most women's orgasms. Just banging about in there is not a lot of use for most women.

**edit She may feel a sensation like she is going to wet herself - this is a good thing, she needs to keep on through this. Some women feel this and ask their partner to stop.

slemons

ate da box off her


sorry man, have a few beers. then 2 fingers goin like 90 and lick like crazy just above the fingers, hey presto

Shinners23

Marksie wrote:

OK its important to realise one thing: No-one can make someone else OrG*sm.
It is their body after all, all you can do is facilitate their own orgasm.

How do you facilitate it then?

Communication, both verbal and not verbal. Move away from teh thoughts of org*sm, concentrate on the pleasure itself and not the end point (or rather the climax)

Dont juts think of genital stroking touching and kissing. The whole body can be truned into one massive erogenous zone. Don't forget the mind, tha is a huge s*x organ. Tell her what you are doing, and also listen to what she says, ask her what she wants be the giver in all senses of the word.

THink about the strokes and that youa re using with both tongue and fingers. Vary them, light fast slow, move around her body, but in concetrating on the genitals stroke different areas gently and LISTEN for a respons, but via her sounds and via her body m,ovements, volunatry or involuntary.

Dont rush to anything, her physical responses will give you clues but also again ask her. I really cannot stress enough that you must also talk and tell her what you are doing, to make sure she is relaxed. If, for example, you are aiing for a gentle G-spot massage, let her know at each stage, it can be quite a shock for her when you find it. (spongy roughened area about 2cm in from the front wall of the V*gina). Dont go too vigourously there, a gently come hither gesture with two fingers would do it, explore the area.. Simulataneous stroking of the Cl*toris gently would be a two phase approach and wokrs very very nicely. Use a good quality lubricant to stop dyrness and hence soreness.

Overall, tell her not to go for or*asm, but to just relax and breath deeply and enjoy the sensations.
One point: is she is straining and tensing, she may very well be willing it to happen too hard. This may cause her to feel pain or frustration as she so depsrrately wants this and so do you and it becomses SOOOOOOOOOOOOOo important.

If you feel this happening, tell her to go for deep slow breaths, focus in the genital area and especially on the sensations amd above all relax the body, literall relax it and let the mind go.
Don't go fast or hard at it, juts let it build.

Of course when she has hit the heights, its your turn to be reciever :-).

Jaysus Marksie, that alone nearly did it for me:)

yes Op - she needs to make herself cum so she knows what works for her.

scitpo

Agree with other people about her having to know how do it herself.

Some girls are clit orgasmic and others are more g-spot orientated. Its fairly hard to make a girl orgasm from straight sex so don't be too bothered if you can't.

LegacyUser

Civilian_Target wrote:

Here lies the crux of the problem. If she can't give herself an orgasm, it's going to be very hard for you to be able to! There are lots of reasons for this, could be physical but it's probably a mental issue, which means she's not relaxed enough to get there.

Have you considered encouraging her to play with herself, perhaps buy her some toys? That way she can figure out what she likes herself, and you can use them together when you're away

And don't sweat it, it's most likely to happen when you're just enjoying the moment, rather than pounding away, trying to make it so!

first paragraph there...thats after shi**ing me up!
I have that problem....and close friends keep telling me it'll happen when i find someone i have proper feelings for and am totally relaxed with.... i was hoping it was true but now i just don't know....
sorry... i changed the subject a bit there...

metrovelvet

slemons wrote:

ate da box off her


sorry man, have a few beers. then 2 fingers goin like 90 and lick like crazy just above the fingers, hey presto

FFS it's not the 5 piece special at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Marksie

Shinners 23: You have highlighted one very important point, almost in a practical fashion it seems:) . Never understimate the power of the mind and imagination OP. You can commence lovemaking long before you are actually due to see each other. By stimulating her mind with messages, texts and phone calls, you can begin the process of arousal long before you actually see her.

help_with_gf wrote:

As far as im concerned this is the one, we are really really close D

I missed this the first time around and everyone ahs been giving advice on the howtoos.
But i will take a slightly different tack now.

When all the pratical advice is taken and applied or thought about. It all comes down to this statement above.

If you can summon and visualise all the feelings you have for her, then express it in what you do it will help immesureably. If every touch and caress is an expression of what you feel, it will show, in what you do and her response. If you put every feeling into a slow movement (after all you dont rush your beloved do you?) that will be transmitted in your lovemaking.

If you extend this further and naturally, if you are doing this with your body, you can do it with your eyes. Gaze at her eyes and express all you feel through yours. Literally allow what you feel to envelop her and comfort her. opening to each other, drawing you both in and just hold it there with her. By all means keep the stroking and touching but allow your hands to work naturally to their own rhythym, allow your breathing to match and just fall into each other without the thoughts of the big O. Just talk to her softly tellling her what you feel and asking her feel the same through her eyes and what you are doing.

metrovelvet

PS. I like the malapropism on the title of this thread : ORAGASM. It should be the name of a sex toy that mimics oral sex.

Try to remember female sexuality is 24 hours. If you build up tension and keep her relaxed outside of the bedroom it will become easier.

Maybe try swaddling her in media res. She could always try a sex toy and if she doesn't feel like using that the back of an electric toothbrush will do also.

Civilian_Target

Freeked out wrote:

first paragraph there...thats after shi**ing me up!
I have that problem....and close friends keep telling me it'll happen when i find someone i have proper feelings for and am totally relaxed with.... i was hoping it was true but now i just don't know....
sorry... i changed the subject a bit there...

I'm afraid that's really unlikely. It can be done if you have really strong chemistry with your partner and you spend hours at foreplay, and you're totally relaxed in mind and body about it. But that chances are, if you're that offhand about it, you've probably spent time playing with yourself anyway

Either way, why would you wait around, you're missing out on quite a lot of fun, and you might find you're a more relaxed person if you have a bit of a fiddle once in a while!

I dont have any personal experience with this theory, so I dont know if it works, but I read an arcticle which talked about this. Its actually not that rare for a woman not to be able to orgasm,and its not due to what you are or arent doing. Apparently the key is how her body is. Things to "train" her body into orgasming. Stuff like eating a square of dark chocolate every day, and exercising the muscles down there (some kinda clench/unclench thing). It was in Cosmo. Might just be a bunch of airy fairy but i thought it would be worth mentioning.

Talliesin

Pelvic floor exercises are not just for preparing for childbirth, they have other advantages as well, including easier and stronger orgasms.

FlutterinBantam

Just tickle her button with light easy touches .

take your time and don't rush her.

When she is mad for knob, touch her more and make her wait... make her wait.

When she really wants the "big fella" tease her more and penetrate her with slow steady strokes... hold the blow as long as possible and only when she (hopefully) has exploded can you shoot the wadd ...

That is a start, and you should explore further ways to excite her and make lovemaking an exciting and pleasureable experience rather than a dull monotonous chore.

Thats my bagsworth!!:D

Jesus Wept

lol

You should write wimmins 'romance' novels flutter.