Right, Bit confused here. Foreign girl involvement

LegacyUser

Ok heres the basics ....

Met a foreigner on holiday (her holidays here) a few months ago. Hit it off right away. She even delayed her travels to stay here with me an extra 4 days (Rebooked a flight). Then she invited me to go with her to Germany for more of her travels (shes not from germany). Ended up doing that and stayed with her and her friends (not from germany). Had a great couple weeks etc etc.

Anyways. I came home, she went home. She rang me and we've being ringing/emailing since (about 2 weeks). Wants me to visit her, even looked for work for me in her home city. Told her parents about me, (i was talking to them in the little english they have).

Anyways, long story short. The last few days she hasn't rang me, ok no biggie, i'm doing all the ringing. She has being emailing me however, with no noticeable change of heart (i.e > She hasn't being acting different except for the not calling thing). Last couple days though nothing. I've rang her about 4 times with no answer on her mobile, i haven't rang her house phone because frankly, the parents have **** all english and i'd have no idea what they were saying if she wasn't there. (I can ask for her in her language but nothing else).

Anyways, thats the basic story but add this to it.

She constantly confuses me. Maybe its the language barrier, but she has really good english. Its just sometimes i get the feeling shes not so "hot" on me. e.g > Her -> "I want you to visit me but i don't think you'd be happy here" or "I want you to visit me but i don't want to be selfish". But thats like 10% of the time.
But then i ask her and shes like "what the fruit loop are u talking about??". Then other times shes scaringly "hot" on me, called me 5 times one night (there was no alcohol involved). Apparently she told her mother that i am "marraige material" since in her culture they don't really do the whole sex or living with thing for any time period at all before marraige. I won't go on about this point but basically its her "time" to get married and her mother is really pushing her. (In their culture the families have kinda arranged "meets" between people to try and get them hitched, kinda like arranged marraiges but more like arranged dates). Apparently her mom had one of these for her when she went home (she was in another country working/studying for a couple years before this) and she told me, she told her she "has someone".

Now i'm into this girl but i wouldn't be shedding tears if she did tell me "look we had our fun but etc etc". I've told her as much, especially since her moms so pushed about getting her hitched.

And before some smart arse says it, no its not to get Irish citizenship etc. Shes more educated and in a better job then i could ever get and from a very rich country.

Anyways, confused as hell. Advice ?

angelicsaz

ya really jus have to ask her to be honest about what she wants.......
do ya want to go over to her and get a job?
get married?
just explain your a bit confused and tell her what you want.... simply really

Wibbs

Could her confused behaviour be down to that she does like you as boyfriend material and/or as a foil to her mothers pressure to get married? She can't marry her off locally if you're in the picture.

LegacyUser

'

angelicsaz wrote:

ya really jus have to ask her to be honest about what she wants.......

But i have! I thought i said that in my post ?

I ask her to be honest and she gets a bit like "What the hell do you mean ?" She acts a bit shocked when i ask and tells me i'm misunderstanding her.

do ya want to go over to her and get a job?
get married?
just explain your a bit confused and tell her what you want.... simply really

I wouldn't mind going over and getting a job.

Married ? Not bloody yet i don't. Problem here is her mom wants her hitched soon.'

LegacyUser

'

Wibbs wrote:

Could her confused behaviour be down to that she does like you as boyfriend material and/or as a foil to her mothers pressure to get married? She can't marry her off locally if you're in the picture.

huh ?'

Wibbs

sstillconfused wrote:

'

huh ?'

Ok, her mother wants her married off. This woman doesn't want that yet. She tells mother she has serious(marriage material) boyfriend in Ireland. Mother then backs off trying to set her up at home. She gets less stress from mother.

Personally I steer well clear of "confused" people. The only hot and cold I want in my life is in my tap fittings. Plus you say she's from a rich country etc. I know that some cultures are still quite keen on the early marriage lark, but to this extent? I don't think you getting the full picture at all TBH.

LegacyUser

'

Wibbs wrote:

Ok, her mother wants her married off. This woman doesn't want that yet. She tells mother she has serious(marriage material) boyfriend in Ireland. Mother then backs off trying to set her up at home. She gets less stress from mother.

Right bit more explanation required me thinks.

Shes being abroad in yankland finishing her second PHD the last 2 years. Shes currently back home for 2 months holiday and the mother had planned to get her hitched before she went back to yankland (for another few months).

Yes i find that strange too but apparently its fairly normal.

I know i said it before but they don't do the whole "Long term relationship" thing. You don't live with someone unless your married etc kind of stuff.

If anything the mother is NOT impressed with the thoughts of her daughter with a foreigner. Shes from a very homogeneous country and her mother told her and i quote "I want you to have a normal life", obviously translated but you know what i mean.

I don't think i'm an excuse for her to get less stress from mom, i honestly didn't think of that till you said it.

Personally I steer well clear of "confused" people. The only hot and cold I want in my life is in my tap fittings. Plus you say she's from a rich country etc. I know that some cultures are still quite keen on the early marriage lark, but to this extent? I don't think you getting the full picture at all TBH.

Actually no i've researched this myself. Apparently shes not a "woman" till shes married and has children. Similarily a mans not a man till hes married and has kids. They even have different names for people i.e > Your a "kid" until your married and have kids, then your a "man" kinda thing.'

redfacedbear

So, to summarise:

1. You'll have to move over to her country
2. You'll probably find it hard to engratiate yourself with her family
3. If you do manage to, you'll come under pressure to marry & have kids very quickly
4. There'll be no living together before you get married
5. She's already blowing hot and cold

I really don't think this one is a runner, all things considered. Move on my friend

digitally-yours

redfacedbear wrote:

So, to summarise

1. You'll have to move over to her country
2. You'll probably find it hard to engratiate yourself with her family
3. If you do manage to, you'll come under pressure to marry & have kids very quickly
4. There'll be no living together before you get married
5. She's already blowing hot and cold

I really don't think this one is a runner, all things considered. Move on my friend

Right :rolleyes:

OP which country is she from ?
Pakistan
India or
middle east area <I know middle east is not a country>

I know normally these countries have arranged marriages.She is right what she explained you with regards to arranged marriages and no sex before marriage.I am not sure how strong your relation is with her as you have spent small time with her.

My opinion

In life some time you have to take chances.If you know she is educated and you are sure this is the woman you want to be with than its fine follow the path.
On the other hand if you are only after the fling thing and just sex than its long distance relation and you might not get much out of it.

in the end "Those who wish to sing always find a song"

Raskolnikov

What country is she from? I went out with a Swedish girl once and the whole courtship thing is a different kettle of fish to what we have here in Ireland.

digitally-yours

Raskolnikov wrote:

What country is she from? I went out with a Swedish girl once and the whole courtship thing is a different kettle of fish to what we have here in Ireland.

Enlighten me !

I would like to know more. I met one too but she was ok may be u have been unlucky. Plenty of fish there no need to worry