Back to square one

ironictoaster

Hello everyone,
I'm just feeling sad right now. I'm 16 Basically, I never had real friends here in Ireland. I talked to alot of people online. I met this one girl from the US, fell in love. Eventually, I went over to the states to meet her, at the time I was the greatest day of my life. I've never being so happy in my life. Of course, I had to go home( it was this was this time last year)

After a few months went by, she said it couldn't work out due to distance.
Eventually, She got a new boyfriend and of course I really hated him and her for no aparant reason, they broke up. I felt a bit better.

Now to present day. My family decided to go on a holiday to where she lives, , at the time of booking she was single. So I had no problem going.

Yesterday, she asked me

"Would you find it weird If I had a boyfriend when come here on holiday, be honest"

I said "yes sorry, why?"

She said "Just wondering"

I knew something was fishy

But just right now, Thanks to myspace, I found it says on her profile "In a relationship" I was gobsmacked. I started to wonder would she ever tell me.

Now that I'm really sad again, I don't want to really meet her anymore or am I just being stupid. But have to go as its a family holiday and were going in 3 weeks

I don't want to see her and her new boyfriend all over each other making me more sad.

I know she will want me to come, but i dunno what to do

Anything ideas to help me,
Thanks

paulie.walnuts

Hey if she has someone else of course it sucks but there's not really a lot you can do about it, you're not the first guy in that situation.
I think if you do have to go it would not make a lot of sense to meet the girl if she is in another relationship. It's just going to P*ss you off.
Have a good holiday and try to forget about this girl as much as possible.
You might meet another girl there, American Girls love the Irish accent so lay it on thick and they will be falling over themselves to get to you.
I live in the US and seriously they love it when you tell them youre irish.

seahorse

Ah Creggy, I'm sorry you're feeling so low, but I think there's sense in what paulie walnuts says in that there's no point upsetting yourself if you're going to have to look at her all over her new boyfriend. It'll only ruin your holiday. Does she know where you'll be staying? Do you think she might turn up on her own steam?

Long distance relationships are hard Creggy; they're so hard I've never even bothered to attempt one myself. Maybe I'm too anxious or paranoid, but I'd always be wondering what he was up to that I didnt know about, and I'm talking about a bloke living somewhere over the water in England or Scotland, never mind the other side of the Atlantic!

When the hurt of all this is over (and it will end, even though right now it might feel like it never could) why dont you make something of an effort to meet Irish girls? It'd do away with the stress of having your gf so far away anyway. (then all you'd have to worry about would be the stress of having her too close for comfort, which can be pretty tough at times too, lol)

Take care.

Seahorse

Willymuncher

I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out, there are a few success stories but its incredibly hard unless both people put a lot of effort into the relationship. I met an American girl online when I was 16 too, we're married now and can look back and laugh but it was a very tough time emotionally over the 4 years we were apart.

Distance yourself from this girl for a while, it'd be best that you don't meet her when you go on holidays, you don't want it being rubbed in your face and if she has any decency then she will respect that. I can't blame you for not wanting anything to do with her again, sometimes its not possible to be "just friends".

Hope you have a decent holiday.

Black Swan

Hi creggy!
Run into you recently on boards... Cheer up! You're going to the States for 3 weeks so have fun. There's always lots to do and see. It's a huge country. Check it out. While you're there, check out the girls. There is some merit to what paulie.walnuts says...

paulie.walnuts wrote:

You might meet another girl there, American Girls love the Irish accent so lay it on thick and they will be falling over themselves to get to you.
I live in the US and seriously they love it when you tell them youre irish.

You might even see a T-shirt or two worn by American girls claiming Irish ancestry that says: "Kiss Me...I'm Irish!"

Maple

Hey Creggy, tough break for you man. But try your hardest to put it out of your mind. You're going on holidays to a great country, there are loads to see and do. And you'll meet plenty of cute american girls who will be mad for you and your cute irish accent.

ironictoaster

paulie.walnuts wrote:

I think if you do have to go it would not make a lot of sense to meet the girl if she is in another relationship.

I'm not going over there to get back together, never intended either. I was going over there as a friend, I never though this issue would effect me the way It does.

seahorse wrote:

Does she know where you'll be staying?

I'm afraid so.

seahorse wrote:

Long distance relationships are hard Creggy; they're so hard I've never even bothered to attempt one myself.

Yeah, I know. The only reason I attempted to try it is because I never had a chance here in Ireland

seahorse wrote:

When the hurt of all this is over (and it will end, even though right now it might feel like it never could) why don't you make something of an effort to meet Irish girls?

To be honest, I don't know where to begin.

Willymuncher wrote:

Distance yourself from this girl for a while, it'd be best that you don't meet her when you go on holidays, you don't want it being rubbed in your face and if she has any decency then she will respect that. I can't blame you for not wanting anything to do with her again,

I don't think she will exactly rub it my face exactly, I think it's just the fact I don't want to meet him. But, I know I will.

Willymuncher wrote:

sometimes its not possible to be "just friends".

The thing is, she considers me a really good friend. She's seriously excited for me to come, more than me.

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

Hi creggy!
Run into you recently on boards... Cheer up! You're going to the States for 3 weeks so have fun. There's always lots to do and see. It's a huge country. Check it out. While you're there, check out the girls.

I'm afraid of doing that, because that what happened to me the 1st time I met her. I went over had a good time and then I went home and was sad because I was home. I think doing that would be repeating history again.

maple wrote:

Hey Creggy, tough break for you man. But try your hardest to put it out of your mind. You're going on holidays to a great country, there are loads to see and do. And you'll meet plenty of cute american girls who will be mad for you and your cute irish accent.

Pretty much the same thing I said to Blue Lagoon.

Thanks for all the replies, very much appreciated

LegacyUser

Well ...

People do lie on profiles all the time.

But you have the following to contend with :

1. Distance
2. Culture - she is American afterall. The last good American
died with John Wayne in my opinion
3. She is melting your head
4. So ... find another mot ...

Bottle_of_Smoke

creggy wrote:

I don't think she will exactly rub it my face exactly, I think it's just the fact I don't want to meet him. But, I know I will.

The thing is, she considers me a really good friend. She's seriously excited for me to come, more than me.

Could you just say to her that you like her & meeting her boyfriend would upset you?

Then maybe you can hang out a bit alone? Or do you even want that?

ironictoaster

unrogggggie wrote:

Well ...

People do lie on profiles all the time.

But you have the following to contend with :

1. Distance
2. Culture - she is American afterall. The last good American
died with John Wayne in my opinion
3. She is melting your head
4. So ... find another mot ...

haha, actually she's not American. She would definitely not lie about something like this I'm afraid. It's not her fault I'll admit, its me not letting go the past. and the last thing you say makes it seem it so easy, for me its not...

ironictoaster

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

Could you just say to her that you like her & meeting her boyfriend would upset you?

Then maybe you can hang out a bit alone? Or do you even want that?

In an ideal world yes, But, it wouldn't be right

Bottle_of_Smoke

creggy wrote:

In an ideal world yes, But, it wouldn't be right

How do you mean? In that you don't want to say it to her or that you shouldn't hang out alone? Or something else?

ironictoaster

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

How do you mean? In that you don't want to say it to her or that you shouldn't hang out alone? Or something else?

No, I'm mean like It wouldn't be fair on her that she isn't allowed to see her boyfriend if I'm there. ahh life is horrible

af_thefragile

Dude, your story here sounds a lot similar to mine... except my gf was in scotland...
We were awesome for 8months before things went downhil and everything collapsed. Now she's going out with this other guy and after a month of tormented days and nights, i'm now finding myself running away from her and all her memories...

Seriously dude, once a girl is gone, she's gone... Hanging around is just not worth it!! It only hurts you more...
And long distance relationships are a nightmare! Esp when you're just a student and don't have enough money to do maintain it (was running 200eur phone bills and a trip to scotland everymonth, even with cheap ryan air was around 70eur...)...

Dude, the best thing you can do is forget her.. Forget her completely.. atleat for now. Just pretend she doesn't exist! or elz you'll only end up hurting yourself...

Enjoy yer vacation in USA... and when you come back to Ireland, find a cool Irish chick... You're just 16, you've still got a long way to go ahead of you... You WILL find a cool chick sometime soon in the future. Dont worry...

And its best to stay away from this girl when u're in america... If you meet her, it might all come back to you and you'll just end up hurting yourself and ruining yer vacatioin...

So, dude... best thing to do is to forget her... pretend she doesnt exist... atleast for a few months. Until you've found yourself completely over her, then you could go back and be friend with her.. sorta...
Trust me, i've just been there... i tried all that being friends **** and eventually i found myself running away from her... It hurts a lot if you let is fester i you.. You've gotta remove it while its small...

So start a new life and have fun in america!

ironictoaster

af_thefragile wrote:

Dude, your story here sounds a lot similar to mine... except my gf was in scotland...
We were awesome for 8months before things went downhil and everything collapsed. Now she's going out with this other guy and after a month of tormented days and nights, i'm now finding myself running away from her and all her memories...

Seriously dude, once a girl is gone, she's gone... Hanging around is just not worth it!! It only hurts you more...
And long distance relationships are a nightmare! Esp when you're just a student and don't have enough money to do maintain it (was running 200eur phone bills and a trip to scotland every month, even with cheap ryan air was around 70eur...)...

Dude, the best thing you can do is forget her.. Forget her completely.. atleat for now. Just pretend she doesn't exist! or elz you'll only end up hurting yourself...

Enjoy yer vacation in USA... and when you come back to Ireland, find a cool Irish chick... You're just 16, you've still got a long way to go ahead of you... You WILL find a cool chick sometime soon in the future. Dont worry...

And its best to stay away from this girl when u're in america... If you meet her, it might all come back to you and you'll just end up hurting yourself and ruining yer vacatioin...

So, dude... best thing to do is to forget her... pretend she doesnt exist... atleast for a few months. Until you've found yourself completely over her, then you could go back and be friend with her.. sorta...
Trust me, i've just been there... i tried all that being friends **** and eventually i found myself running away from her... It hurts a lot if you let is fester i you.. You've gotta remove it while its small...

So start a new life and have fun in america!

Thanks for that af_thefragile, I just talked to her for the 1st time in a few days she seems not bring it up at all. I don't she knows I know

I think I need more time to make a final decision to be honest

Peyton Manning

Not all long distance relationships are doomed. Im from Kilkenny, going out with a girl from Belfast - ok, granted its a lot easier because its not overseas and travel is a lot easier, but it was still tough in our own way. It will have been long distance relationship for 2 years and 6 months when September comes around - after that though it will be over, because im moving up there to go to college together, so very excited about that.

OP, This is the only relationship ive ever been so I cant say 'I know how youre feeling' - I can only imagine but as unbelievable, or even clichéd as it sounds, you will meet someone else. The only way youll get over her is to have somebody else to preoccupy your thoughts. Hope it all works out.