Softer than air. (poem)

Zoodlebop

Just something I enjoyed writing after watching the rocket take off scene in Koyaanisqatsi. It often works that way for me. I get inspiration from images and music. I'd love some feedback. Specifically, I wonder if the rhythm works for other people.

Thanks,

Hal

Softer than Air

Strapped to the nose of a rocket
which shudders and quivers beneath
restrained by the gantries from tearing itself
into the overcast sky

The juddering stops for an instant, cold
deathly silence descends like a blanket
and swaddles the earth with soft air
Eyes blink and birds tweet, all in this nanosecond.

An explosion drives through the small of my back
And the tinkle of ice that deafens me
as it shatters just behind my ears
painfully loud as I face the sky
spread-eagled on cold metal

Air starts to ruffle my cheeks and my neck
once soft, now it tingles and burns.
I can't catch my breath, but don't need it now
Ascent to the tip of the world is breathtaking.

And with a faint "Pop" my senses retire
my skin singed and torn by the troposphere's friction
what kept me alive on the surface
has spoiled my surface up here.

Blind ,deaf and dumb, only one thing remains
though the passing of time stays the same.
For time's now the only stimulus
as it slips by far smoother than air.