Single pretty and lonely

LegacyUser

Hi,

Maybe someone will have some good advice for me.
I am a young, pretty enough, fairly slim(chuddy) single and i like to think friendly 22 yr old girl.

I am finding it next to impossible to meet some nice guys, even if it amounts to nothing more than a friendship.

I am involved in a number of club in my town, and go out regular enough as money allows. I don't drink, but I have no problem if people around me are drinking.

Where am I going wrong?

Any ideas

Saruman

Sounds like you are doing a lot, so the question is... Are you meeting guys who you do not think are nice? Or are you simply not able to strike a friendship with any of the nice ones you meet.

Marksie

When you meet or see a guy. What expectations and preconceived ideas are you going in with?

What definition do you put to the word "Nice" and why do guys you meet not fall into this category?

It is our own individual perceptions which influence what we feel about others not necessarily the other person. So, a guy who may be a perfectly normal,pleasant, chap may simply not fall into the category that you personally have deemed to be suitable. Also, how are your own actions in relation to guys? Do you just enjoy the moment, or having deemed that no they are not what you are looking for become more distant?

Wibbs

Yea you seem to be doing all the right things. Do you meet nice guys but it goes no further or are you not meeting nice guys at all? I'd find it weird if you were meeting none at all.

barrett1965

I don't drink either but I'm convinced it has a huge bearing on my chances of going out with someone. I asked a girl out once to the movies and she no that's too boring. When I tell a girl I don't drink they kinda wonder why.

I too like you don't mind people drinking. Though if they get drunk I usually feck off home.

I just want to say I've got a few nice friends, but no non-drinking girlfriend.

LegacyUser

Marksie wrote:

When you meet or see a guy. What expectations and preconceived ideas are you going in with?

What definition do you put to the word "Nice" and why do guys you meet not fall into this category?

Oh I am not out on the prowl not a man eater, I would like someone to chat to, have a laugh with and maybe get a phone number at the end of the night.

I can flirt as good as anyone else, but I am not reckless with other peoples feelings.

Nice for me??,
Someone around my age or a bit older, interests in common sport, music etc
Looks arnt everything to me, it is important they can make me laugh though.
I think lot of guys are a bit wary of the no drink thing.

Sorry if this sounds all a bit corny but sure what harm.

Marksie

I never thought you were on the prowl :-).

What makes you think that guys are wary of the no-drinking thing. Do they walk off on you? or back away? or if you say no take it a a sign that you are not interested?

Do you ask for or give your phone number to anyone you like, or wait for them to ask/offer?

Also, are we talking solely about meeting in nightclubs, where the dynamic is totally different? or in general?
Do you wait to be approached or strike up a conversation first?

I knw I know a lot of questions :-). all useful information/ideas though (hopefully)

Frank Grimes

Wondering wrote:

I think lot of guys are a bit wary of the no drink thing.

I don't drink either. I find that when I tell some people they can be a little apprehensive so I just tell them why I quit drinking. I get the impression (and have been asked on one or two occasions) that a lot of people think the only reason someone in this country won't drink is because either they're a recovering alcoholic or someone who's anti-alcohol (oddly enough I've had that reaction in a pub of all places). I'm neither, but it can be a good way to start off a conversation.

IMO, if someone has that much of a problem with you not drinking then they're not worth knowing so don't dwell on that too much.

Kinetic^

Boards Beers.........attend, it will be fun, you will meet many nice people.

Kulgan

Kenny 5 wrote:

Boards Beers.........attend, it will be fun, you will meet many nice people.

..................................

LegacyUser

'Ok, here it goes guys..

...Ehem!....Hi....would you like to go for a coffee sometime?'

AngryBadger

I think a lot of guys prefer to have a few drinks in them because approaching irish women can be quite difficult at the best of times.

OP I'd say you just need to keep plugging away, I have no trouble chatting to people, or initiating things with women, but I still find myself not going out with anyone in a steady capacity for the last few years. Admittedly I like my own space, but a far bigger reason is that I simply haven't met someone that pushed my buttons just right. As they say you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find that prince.

Also I think it's difficult for a lot of people to have a non-romantic/sexual relationship with members of the opposite sex. Of all my friends the majority of the friendships within our various networks that are between men/women tend to occur only when one or the other of the two is involved in a relationship and therefore romantic/sexual bedivilment is out of the question.

Anyway, what i'm saying is I don't think you're doing anything wrong at all, but it's very difficult to just have a friendship with a member of the opposite sex, and as regards meeting a guy you want to go out with, well out of every hundred guys you meet there MIGHT be one you'll actually want to go out with.

And that's the way it should be, people who tend to want to go out with every person they meet invariably have esteem issues.

Just try to be patient and keep yourself in the game as it were.

johnplayerblue

Hey!
What part of the country are you in may i ask?

yawnstretch

Sounds like you're drumming up some interest already

The Corinthian

Wondering wrote:

I am a young, pretty enough, fairly slim(chuddy) single and i like to think friendly 22 yr old girl.

I am finding it next to impossible to meet some nice guys, even if it amounts to nothing more than a friendship.

I am involved in a number of club in my town, and go out regular enough as money allows. I don't drink, but I have no problem if people around me are drinking.

Two observations. Firstly courtship, and indeed the vast bulk of social interaction revolves around drinking in Ireland. That you don't drink may put you at a disadvantage in so far as a drunk man may not seem as attractive to you sober as he would to you drunk, or you sober may cause men to hesitate or any of a hundred related reasons.

Secondly, please define 'chuddy'. It's been my experience that women will downplay weight when describing themselves to men, just as men will talk up their income or size of their John Thomas when describing themselves to women.

As for meeting and getting to know men I suggest you ask one you meet and like out for dinner, a drink, coffee, whatever. Your approach seems quite passive, and if this is not working for you it may be time to rethink the wallflower stratagem.

biko

Try an online dating site.

Or PM me

GhostInTheRuins

Wondering wrote:

I think lot of guys are a bit wary of the no drink thing.

Nonsense, and if they are, they're not the type of guys that you'd want to be going after anyway. Some of the most fun/outgoing people I know don't drink.

Seems like you're stirring up a lot of interest here

Marksie

Just to remind you, this is not a dating site

ponderer

What kind of guy are you after? I sometimes go to clubs and I do drink (but by no means to get drunk) but I personally prefer not to meet girls in clubs. Ya never know if they are being serious with what they say because they may be drunk or just having a laugh with their mates etc....me personally i prefer chatting to people in a coffee shop or the cinema lobby or places like that.....Always better when drink aint involved! At least then ya know what the person says is probably genuine.......hope that helps a little...

Mkl

Perhaps you just haven't met the right nice guy. *cough*

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the advice and interest *blush*

To answer some of the questions,

I am the mid west of the country,
About the weight I think I carry it fairly well size 14 and am not to short.

Though I think your right I might be a bit to passive and I will work on that

tbh

work on it for yourself, not because you think it'll help you score. The best advice I could give you is to have a bit of patience. Are you always in the same town? Maybe you need to widen your scope a little bit? You sound lovely, I'm sure there is someone out there for you, just maybe not in the town you grew up in