Why won't I just reach out and help myself?

LegacyUser

I was suicidal last night for a few hours. My life is miserable most of the time. I have short lasting real highs ands then everything falls out form underneath and I’m left there empty..thinking bad thoughts, not being able to sustain or enjoy conversation in anyway and worst of all not bein gable to have friends and maintain relationships. I have been like this now for the last three years. I realise that I need help but I just won’t reach out. I don’t know why…maybe I am afraid of not being able to explain my problems in front of someone. Ive never talked about my innermost issues with anyone before. I really really want to start living my life.

I have my phone here now with credit an everything but I just won’t ring anyone.

carnival_joe

Try explain them here, it helps. and nobody need know who you are.

angelicsaz

I know excatly how ya feel..felt that way for too long.
you say you wanna start living life... so go do it. I came to the conclusion that I was the only one that was gonna help me, I was the only one that could sort out my headjunk, I was the only one that could change my patternt of unstable relationship. in short I was the only one that could make me happy.
and as cliche as it sounds, admitted that you need help is the hardest part. waking up to the reality that 'yes. I do need a some help' the journey will be long and hard. but belive me its well worth it.
you need to take the first step, you need to want to be able to sustain 'normality' (what a stupid word)
its hard to start off.... but you more then likely find, your not and werent alone.
so break free of your box........ or your head...... and just go do it.
nothing beats the freedom that will come from setting yourslef free.

LegacyUser

'You know i had the same problem myself around christmas. I but i was scared, that was my main problem. I was forced into going to a counciler to which i refused to talk to him.. but somehow i talked, i didnt want to, but he got something out of me when i wasnt ready to talk.. then i burst into tears and cried for 30 minutes solid, then other stuff came out, rage, sadness a range of emotions in a single hour.

I know what you mean that you cant make yourself, i was nearly the same, i just wasnt bothered, and didnt have the self respect to do so. Im still sad, worried and depressed, but i know now in my head why i am and im starting to understand alot of these emotions more than i did before, and im discovering new ones now too(sounds odd, but i cant explain it any other way).

Im seeing life in a new light. And honestly, each day feels better. Its 6/7 months since my theorapy, and i am now a "functional entity".

Get help, its worth it. You cant be bothered now, but trust me its a lifetime investment'

snorlax

you should talk to you GP if your sucidial or at least a trusted friend/ relative.

Deliverance

snorlax wrote:

you should talk to you GP if your sucidial or at least a trusted friend/ relative.

I have felt the same way at times but I try not to let it go as far as you did, I understand your feelings, You are reaching out right now anon which is a good thing, continue to do so. If you feel that you cannot reach out in a real sense then you are doing so at the moment online at least, I feel the same way that you do at times. It is very hard.
PM me as a friend.
I feel that you need to talk, I have experience possibly adjacent to yourself, PM me and talk. I look forward to your reply.

Deliverance

99999999994 wrote:

I was suicidal last night for a few hours. My life is miserable most of the time. I have short lasting real highs ands then everything falls out form underneath and I’m left there empty..thinking bad thoughts, not being able to sustain or enjoy conversation in anyway and worst of all not bein gable to have friends and maintain relationships. I have been like this now for the last three years. I realise that I need help but I just won’t reach out. I don’t know why…maybe I am afraid of not being able to explain my problems in front of someone. Ive never talked about my innermost issues with anyone before. I really really want to start living my life.

I have my phone here now with credit an everything but I just won’t ring anyone.

ps I have total experience on how you feel by what you have said. I really understand what you are saying, it is beyond what your friends are able to deal with for a start. Take advantage of online potential friends to work this out totally anon, which is the beauty of the online experience. Good luck. To be honest life is ****, but it is a perfume to some.

LegacyUser

Ok. Cheers for the help and support but I don't know how to express how I feel so I have decided to make an appointment and got one for today. I'm really anxious though now that I will not be able to expalin myself.

matt-dublin

Hey,
it sounds like you have the exact symptoms of manic depression.
Several of my family members have it and it can be very treatable...

First thing you should do is go and talk to a psychiatrist. They will help you through it and prescribe medication if necessary

LegacyUser

'Dunno how im going to start explaining all this to the doctor?'

Deliverance

I think that you are doing a good job at the moment at trying to express it, so continue to do so, you will feel a whole lot better having said 'it' or even having tried to say it. Just because that you do not understand what is going on doesn't mean that others won't understand it.
All you can do is try, you will find that there is a lot more support out there than you feel at the moment, it takes guts to express yourself as you did, well done, continue to do so and things will get better.
See the doc and I'm sure he will help, I don't think that you have to explain it all, maybe a bit at a time? Anyway hope things get better for you.

Placebo

what age are you?

LegacyUser

'Hi, been there - was there for many many years. I would regret not getting help earlier if I wasn't feeling so much better in myself now and have realised that having regrets doesn't get me anywhere. Honestly it will be so worth it if you go and get help. I've been two years going to a counsellor every fortnight and the actual circumstances of my life haven't changed hugely but i feel so much better in myself. Its like the colour has been turned up and everything feels lighter instead of trudging through sludge every day. Just go talk and talk and talk and talk to someone. My counsellor doesn't put me under any pressure to talk about anything in particular - they are more like chats where things come up. Highly recommended. And if you are feeling a bit too stuck in the sludge to make that move, just try and get yourself down to a gp and get a prescription for anti-depressants and see if that will break the cycle a bit for you and get things moving - but recommend the talking cure for long term happiness.'