Virgin

LegacyUser

I suppose I want to know how odd or unusual is is that im still a virgin. Im a 26 yr old and I've actually never had a proper girlfriend which is probably part of the reason. When it comes to girls, Im quite shy. I need to get to know a girl before i feel comfortable around them. The thing is i get on very well with girls when i get to know them and some of my best friends are female. Im often told how good a catch I would be and any girl would be lucky to go out with me but they dont. Ive been with girls on nights out but to be completely honest I was never interested in them that much. Im not the kinda guy who would have a one night stand or use a girl. If I was to go out with a girl tomorrow, I'd happily wait. Any girl I do like either seems to be taken, not interested or I feel they wouldnt be interested in me. I recently started going out with a girl but it was a complicated situation and it turned out she was just using me. This has knocked my confidence big time as she ticked all the right boxes in what i look for in a girl. I'm no Brad Pitt but then again Im no Shrek and I have been told of girls fancying me in the past. The thing is theres a huge emphasis on having sex etc. and the longer it goes on the more pressure I feel. When I think about it I feel like im the only guy on the planet who hasnt had sex and "40 Year Old Virgin" springs to mind

Bottle_of_Smoke

It is certainly unusual.

One thing I've noticed though. Whenever I have sex with someone, how good it is depends mainly on how much I fancy them. So I wouldn't worry about being inexperienced.

katie_00

i suppose it is a little unusual, have to say though i'd find it a huge turn on if i knew i was a guys first. Sex is always better with someone you really care about, so if you've waited this long, you might as well wait a little longer till you find the right girl!

challengemaster

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

It is certainly unusual.

says who? different people different times for developing. _plenty_ of people your age probably still are virgins, most dont admit it though, while some lost it at 13-16 - its not like you're the only one on the planet.

I'll put it this way - would you prefer to have had sex for the first time down some alley with someone you liked when you were 16, ended up breaking up 3 weeks down the line? If you feel that you're willing to wait for the right time/person to come along, then by all means fire ahead - many people do. but if you're going to let others influence what choices you make in life.. then all you're doing is giving in to peer pressure and not getting your own goals/choices in life. the way you describe yourself -

Im not the kinda guy who would have a one night stand or use a girl

Personally I'm the same - and i think some people are fairly well respected due to this. might make things harder, but the benifits are there for the work..

my advice - keep on as you're doing, and dont let anything get to you. dont go looking for sex and dont worry about it either. if you just go for a relationship then sex/etc will follow, just relax about the situation. The right person will come along - if you stop worrying and just go with it, you'll see

Drift

Replace the 26 with 25 and everything else fits me aswell OP. I used to go unregged to answer these PI posts about virginity but realised lately that it's nothing to be ashamed of despite what tv and the internet might tell you. Popular culture attaches a stigma to being a virgin as if its something that makes you less of a person. I think its bullsh*t but the only way of removing the stigma associated with being a virgin is for people of our age to admit to it which is fairly difficult ... I'm all brave talk about it here behind my anonymous username but I still wouldn't admit it to many in real life. So it hasn't happened for you yet - hang in there and keep doing what you're doing just be confident in yourself and that it will happen eventually. Don't let yourself be persuaded by anybody that you're some sort of freak because nothing could be further from the truth and you'll only damage your own chances with girls if you start thinking like that.

I'm afraid I don't have much useful advice OP but you're not alone. There's at least me as well and a few others I'm sure.

I think challengemasters advice is good and its what I'm doing myself. Hopefully sooner or later (I'd much prefer sooner ) the right girl will come along and she'll probably have to take 2 weeks off work with all the catching up I have to do.

You might find this thread interesting too:
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055096674

LegacyUser

Just reading into your profile, you say you have a lot of female friends, you go out on girls nights, you never mention that you go out with the lads or with male friends or any male friends you have give you advise..
Have you explored the possibility that you may be Gay?

MooseJam

he's not gay, did you read his post

LegacyUser

To the above posters and OP replace 25 with 24 and I'm in the same position. My ex was my first serious gf and she basically had more issues than hotpress. We usually came close to having sex but she always stopped never telling me why. I know this sounds bad but due to frustration I dumped her. My head was wrecked. Here I am now alone and still a virgin and very pissed off. I get on great with girls and whatnot but all the ones I'm into are taken. It's difficult to meet a girl on a night out when you have to go out with your mates and they drag their gf's along. No girls in work available or in the sports that I do.

So you're not alone, I've been waiting awhile now and bored as hell. I need a plan of action or something.

davyjose

Advis0r wrote:

Have you explored the possibility that you may be Gay?

Most ridiculous statement of all time. Nothing in this thread hints that he is not interested in women. Being a virgin automatically makes someone gay now..... :rolleyes:

little miss

I have two friends the same age as you who are still virgins, and its just simply because they've never been in relationships. Right guy just didn't come along and now they have huge hang ups about it. Honestly now I think its far more common that people realise. These two girls are lovely, and are very attractive. They haven't held out for the one or anything - just hasn't happened for them. But they remain hopeful! Good luck, and don't get hung up on the age factor. It will happen when the right girl comes along.

spurious

It's not odd or unusual. There is no rule for losing one's virginity - some people never do. As with many things in life, you'll find once you stop worrying about it that things happen.

What is the source of the 'huge pressure to have sex'? It sounds trite, but it will happen when it happens. Worrying about it makes it less likely.

Anyone worth bothering about won't care that you're a virgin.

Talliesin

Unregvirgin wrote:

Im not the kinda guy who would have a one night stand or use a girl.

I am. Therefore I'm not speaking out of personal bias when I say, "fair play, if that's how you relate to your sexuality then that's how you should do things".

Unregvirgin wrote:

The thing is theres a huge emphasis on having sex etc. and the longer it goes on the more pressure I feel.

Be upfront about how you feel about this from early on with a woman.

Now, sure for some people that pretty rules you out as a romantic prospect; but that's ruled them out for you as a romantic prospect. There are plenty of people around with similar attitudes to yourself, so there's no point compromising if it's truly how you feel.

Unregvirgin wrote:

When I think about it I feel like im the only guy on the planet who hasnt had sex

You aren't even hitting on being unusual yet (it's a very flat bell-curve, while the mean age in this country is 19 that really doesn't say very much - the curve's so flat it's like trying to guess a dice roll from knowing the average is 3.5).

Unregvirgin wrote:

and "40 Year Old Virgin" springs to mind

Some films have been described as "a film that will change your life", "a movie that will permanently impact on how you think" or as having "a deeply insightful message about the human condition". I don't think that was one of them.

laura l

Unregvirgin wrote:

I suppose I want to know how odd or unusual is is that im still a virgin. Im a 26 yr old and I've actually never had a proper girlfriend which is probably part of the reason. When it comes to girls, Im quite shy. I need to get to know a girl before i feel comfortable around them. The thing is i get on very well with girls when i get to know them and some of my best friends are female. Im often told how good a catch I would be and any girl would be lucky to go out with me but they dont. Ive been with girls on nights out but to be completely honest I was never interested in them that much. Im not the kinda guy who would have a one night stand or use a girl. If I was to go out with a girl tomorrow, I'd happily wait. Any girl I do like either seems to be taken, not interested or I feel they wouldnt be interested in me. I recently started going out with a girl but it was a complicated situation and it turned out she was just using me. This has knocked my confidence big time as she ticked all the right boxes in what i look for in a girl. I'm no Brad Pitt but then again Im no Shrek and I have been told of girls fancying me in the past. The thing is theres a huge emphasis on having sex etc. and the longer it goes on the more pressure I feel. When I think about it I feel like im the only guy on the planet who hasnt had sex and "40 Year Old Virgin" springs to mind

Are you talking about your friends or other girls?
Do you ask these girls out after they tell you this? Sounds to me like they're meeting you more than 50% of the way here, it's up to you to close the deal and ask them out!

Put the whole "virgin" thing out of your head. You sound like a good person, any girl would be lucky to have you. Clearly, you want to hang on until you're in a serious relationship before you have sex, and don't want to have a one night stand or use anybody just to have sex - there's absolutely nothing abnormal about that. You've obviously had opportunities where you could have just lost it if you wanted to, but have chosen to wait til you are in a relationship, and that is very admirable.
Go away and enjoy yourself, chat up a few girls on a night out or bite the bullet and ask someone out.
The rest will look after itself.

Korea

its weird that i found this thread as im going through the exact same thing.

Im 22 and found myself at this age with no sexual experience. For me anyway its part of a larger social problem i have of being nervous and detatched around people, both male and female. Recently i was going out with a girl and explained i had never done it, she seemed pretty understanding and said she would be patient with me and to a large degree was, we only really tried to do it once but i was a nervous wreck when it came to it and didnt go through with it. I was mad about this girl, she was sexy, funny, witty. About a month ago she broke it off with me, i think it was because she didnt want the emotional burden i would have placed on her by being the first. It bummed me out and still does, i think the experience set me back a lot because i really wanted it bad with this girl as i thought she was the right person. Really dont know where to go from here with it

biko

Ask your female friends to set you up with someone they know. Go on the date and try to be sexually forward, point out how beautiful she looks, touch her hand and shoulder often, try to kiss her at the end of the night etc etc.
Join online dating.
Speed date.
You need to practise being forward with a girl, risk a slap, etc.
Do not fall into the "friends" category, make clear that you have a romantic interest!

Korea

the problem for me isnt getting girls interested in me, throughout college there was plenty of girls that were interested in me, it was when it came to it (and i had the opportunity to do it on a few occasions) it was that i was too nervous, too afraid of being rejected or being crap at it. I know that i could be a good sexual partner if i got over this mental block, its just that i dont know how to do it, its like i dont know how to be sexual. It makes me feel like crap because i see so many of my friends that are sexual people, that can enjoy being with their partners on all levels both emotionally and physically, and i just cant be that way for some reason.

Esel

Advis0r wrote:

Just reading into your profile, you say you have a lot of female friends, you go out on girls nights, you never mention that you go out with the lads or with male friends or any male friends you have give you advise..
Have you explored the possibility that you may be Gay?

How the hell did this unregged post get through?

The OP said he had "been with girls on nights out". mAdvis0r reads this as "you go out on girls nights", and proceeds to pose the "you may be teh Gay" question.

Seriously, what a crock! :mad:

OP: I don't see a problem with you being sexually inexperienced at your age.

@mAdvis0r: I'd say you have more than explored that possibility.

davyjose

Talliesin wrote:

Some films have been described as "a film that will change your life", "a movie that will permanently impact on how you think" or as having "a deeply insightful message about the human condition". I don't think that was one of them.

Lol - well put

mikemac

I didn't come up with this anology but I think it's very good.

It's comparing losing your virginity to passing your driving test.
Some people start driving the second they turn 17, constantly get driving experience and pass their test as soon as they can.

Some people never start driving or maybe wait until they are 25 or over. It doesn't make them failures, that's just the way their life turned out and learning to drive was never a serious need or want for them. They managed fine without it.

So it much the same way with meeting the opposite sex. Some people are constantly meeting people from 16/17 onwards and it just seems normal and natural to them. That's great

And some people don't go out much or maybe don't have the opportunity to meet people and just feel more comfortable the ways things are so they don't push themselves to get out into new and potentially scary situations.

Either way, if you want your life to change (ie. you want a partner but you're not willing to take rejection), it's up to you and noone else to change it.

Edit: The advice here mightn't realy apply to the OP but good advice nonetheless

CathyMoran

I lost my virginity at the age of 24 to my now husband. He was a virgin too and we were very honest about it from the begining. You just have to find the right woman, you will know. There is far too much pressure to have sex in any case.

Marksie

Society and peer pressure can do really funny things to peoples psyche.

From the pressure to conform, to the expectations that you should have done such and such by such and such else you have something wrong with you.

It can also be contradictory: yes you should be sexually experienced by such an age, but goodness just what are you if you are sexually experienced.

Confusing to say the least.

Feck what society thinks and go with how you feel about yourself.

It is possible to be a vrigin, celibate and sexually self connected.
Its possible to be a virgin and have a fulfilling sex life, If your definition of a virgin is someone who has not had penetrative intercourse.

So redefine your idea of sex and what it means, in that way you wont feel that you are pressured to go into penetrative sex whan you are not ready. Much better to wait and use teh time to connect to a potential partner.

It is also unfortunate that you felt you were being used. but it was independent of your virginity and is a whole seperate issue.
Try to avoid ticking boxes and look for simpler more straightforward relationships

pwd

When you are with a girl make sure you explain things to them. It will make you feel more comfortable, and it will stop her from thinking your reticence is because of something negative about her.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

rubyred

Korea wrote:

it was that i was too nervous, too afraid of being rejected or being crap at it.

Being good at it doesn't mean everything. I went out with a guy for four years and can honestly say that he was absolutely cr*p in bed but I loved having sex with him. And if I look back, he is the only ex that I ever think "what if we hadn't broken up" about sometimes. If a girl is mad enough about you, it's not the end of the world if you not an experienced porn star!!!

um7y1h83ge06nx

I remember from American Pie :rolleyes: one of the characters saying that sex is just sex, not a space shuttle launch.

So don't get too caught up on the whole virginity thing, just meet girls and have a laugh.

You seem to be able to socialise with women pretty well, just get the confidence to hook up with them. The main way to gain confidence with women I found is to initially bullshít, pretend you're confident. After a few successes you will naturally become confident. Easier said than done, but google about pulling women and you'll find a lot of stuff about building confidence.

Convince yourself that it's in their best interests to meet you because you're such a cool, funny, interesting guy to be around.

And to all the people that say wait for the 'one', or your first time should be 'special', sex is just sex not a space shuttle launch.

Good luck OP.

aidan24326

Unregvirgin wrote:

I suppose I want to know how odd or unusual is is that im still a virgin.

Judging by the number of similiar posts here in the past (from guys your age or older) I'd say it's not as unusual as you might think. Like previous posters have said don't make it into such a big deal. Some people build it up into some sort of major life-defining thing when it really isn't. Don't worry about it. When the right girl* comes along all will fit into place (pardon the pun )

EDIT: *Or the wrong girl, or just the right girl for this month. The point being it doesn't matter, like supersonic said it's just sex. It's a learning process and your first time does not have to be with the true love of your life, despite what some Mills and Boon fans would have you believe.

Spyral

21 virgin and i dotn give a rats @$$ :P

Bottle_of_Smoke

I posted the first reply on this thread - I said "It certainly is unusual"

I just want to add that I don't equate "unusual" with "wrong". People who responded seemed to make that assumption.

I was basing my response on the fact that out of friends I see somewhat regularly of about 20 there's only one that I don't *know* if he's a virgin or not. The rest aren't. I'm 22.

Therefore I believe it is certainly unusual.

LegacyUser

in the same boat as the OP. I'm not particularly worried about it but chances are when the time comes i will. I worry that there'll be an expectation that i'm experienced and that when she finds out im not she won't be interested? The chances of two virgins hooking up together is probably fairly slim?

LegacyUser

dito wrote:

in the same boat as the OP. I'm not particularly worried about it but chances are when the time comes i will. I worry that there'll be an expectation that i'm experienced and that when she finds out im not she won't be interested? The chances of two virgins hooking up together is probably fairly slim?

i was in the same boat as the OP and others. i hooked up with this girl last weekend and i told her i was a virgin, she was very understanding and was very nice. I had met her a few weeks back and just started talking to her.

i am not the type of person to have a one stand and she was very nice but i didn't get her number. What i need the advice on is how to i approach her, the next time i see her which could be this weekend. i would like to talk to this girl again but she is only on holidays where i am for a months so its kinda hard what to feel about her, as i am very shy i feel this could be a problem, plus i have to drive to get to the pub she may be out in so cant have some dutch courage to help, which may be better as i learn from it. any advice on how to approach this.

LegacyUser

OP, I'm 19 and Im the exact same as you, I mean the exact same!! I've been close to have one gf, but she lived at the other side of the country and we never see each other and if it had worked out, I would of wanted to have sex with her for the first time. But i met her last december and everyday I still tink of her!

LegacyUser

Well, I recently turned 38, and still a virgin. Mind you - I have an excuse - I'm also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (by a woman).

So, I guess, technically, I'm not a virgin. But I don't consider what was done to me as a kid to "count".

Anyhow, I can understand why you might think that there is something wrong with you. The society we live in is totally obsessed with sex.

I've learned a few things about "society" in my years. The first is that society blows. It is really messed up when you get into it. Some of the cr@p I've had to put up with through the years as a male survivor of sexual abuse by a woman is almost unbelievable! The second is that very very few people are really full, proper and complete members of this messed up club - and that's the good news. So maybe it is unusual for you to be a virgin in you mid twenties, but you are far from being unusual in having something that society considers unusual!!! And I think you can thank God, or whatever it is that you thank, for that!

Marksie

Unreg38 wrote:

Well, I recently turned 38, and still a virgin. Mind you - I have an excuse - I'm also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (by a woman).

So, I guess, technically, I'm not a virgin. But I don't consider what was done to me as a kid to "count".

Anyhow, I can understand why you might think that there is something wrong with you. The society we live in is totally obsessed with sex.

I've learned a few things about "society" in my years. The first is that society blows. It is really messed up when you get into it. Some of the cr@p I've had to put up with through the years as a male survivor of sexual abuse by a woman is almost unbelievable! The second is that very very few people are really full, proper and complete members of this messed up club - and that's the good news. So maybe it is unusual for you to be a virgin in you mid twenties, but you are far from being unusual in having something that society considers unusual!!! And I think you can thank God, or whatever it is that you thank, for that!

I assume that people couldn't understand how you could be abused by a woman? It must have been really dreadful for you facing that as well as what happened.
I did know a woman who was abused by another woman as a child, her husband , the undertstanding person he was told her to "get over it" as he juts couldn't understand.

Electric

26 isn't as unusual as you might think. I was similar to you in that I was 23 and my first time was with my now boyfriend. I'd gone out with a couple of guys but was never comfortable enough with them.

Personally I'm glad I waited. I love my boyfriend and I have no regrets. I don't think I'd be able to say the same if I had done it when I was 17 with the idiot I was going out with at the time.

The other thing is I thought that my inexperience would really count against me but it didn't so I wouldn't worry too much about that