Is my girlfriend right? Am I selfish?

LegacyUser

It appears my girlfriend is thinking of breaking up with me because of this. I would like your opinions please!

I was at a wedding last weekend. It was in my girlfriends village and it was the first time I was meeting her family. We've been together six months.

I have money problems at the moment, so I arranged a loan of a suit off my brother. My girlfriend didn't like it (she is really worried about everyone she knows liking me) so we went suit shopping. She pushed for the most expensive suit we could find. So in total the weekend cost me €1000 - about €800 for clothes and €200 on the hotel/travel etc. Note that she contributed €400 to my costs. I appreciate this but I'm also not totally comfortable with it. Also, taking on another €600 in debt is stressing me out.

Everything I'd previously heard about her family has been extremely negative. They are so judgemental, borderline crazy, and some of them have said they don't really care about meeting me, or that I'm not as good as her ex. There's lots of other stuff which I won't go into here, but basically I had a terrible image of them in my head. I certainly felt like I would not be welcome.

I went down to the wedding on Friday evening and went home Sunday afternoon. I was on my best behavior throughout the weekend. I didn't drink. I was polite and spoke to everyone I came across.

I will admit I was bored at the wedding and that I felt quite uncomfortable. Overall I enjoyed it though and it was nice meeting her family and seeing where she is from etc.

Now... I am in trouble.

My girlfriend had Monday off work. On Sunday morning she tried very hard to get me to stay another day. As she lives in the middle of nowhere, the option was either go home (i.e. stick to the original plan) or stay another day.

As I was kind of uncomfortable around her family, and as I am stressed about money, I really didn't feel happy about not going into work on Monday. So I weighed up all my options and felt it would be best if I stuck to the original plan and went home.

Now she feels like I just suit myself and that I am selfish / I don't care about her feelings because I didn't stay for the extra day. That I put my feelings ahead of her feelings.

Is she being unreasonable? Am I being unreasonable?

I feel like she doesn't care about my feelings and cannot see this situation at all from my perspective. I think she is just as selfish to want me to do what she wants versus letting me go home (stick to the original plan!) because I am uncomfortable and don't feel happy ringing into work on Sunday saying I won't be in the next day...

Any opinions appreciated, especially opinions which support my girlfriend.

Thanks.

LegacyUser

For the record, I have offered to go meet her family again unless less formal circumstances, but that isn't making a difference.

It seems staying the extra day was important to her (no problem) as I would be with her family (ok) but it is unacceptable I didn't do this (not ok in my opinion.)

AnonoBoy

Sounds like your girlfriend is being unreasonable to me.

You went to the wedding despite, gave in to her demands that you buy a suit (even though this puts you in debt) and were on your best behaviour all weekend.

Now because you didn't want to miss work and stay another day she's angry with you?

You're in the right and I think you need to explain to your girlfriend that missing work was not an option as you have put yourself in debt in order to make a good impression on her family and you need to make money to repay that. She sounds extremely high maintainence to me. If she doesn't see your side of it and breaks up with you over something as trivial as this then it sounds like you're better off without her.

Saruman

My God... sorry but she is very very wrong and sounds like without realising it, she has become as big of a nightmare and as judgemental as her family.

Iago

better off without her OP. If shes like this now, over something fairly small imagine what she'll be like about big things.

Get away now before you invest any more effort in it.

flash harry

run very fast away...............

seriously - she's being completely unreasonable.

BTW what were the family ACTUALLY like????

PeakOutput

To be blunt

zxcvbnmlkj wrote:

I have money problems at the moment, so I arranged a loan of a suit off my brother. My girlfriend didn't like it (she is really worried about everyone she knows liking me) so we went suit shopping. She pushed for the most expensive suit we could find. So in total the weekend cost me €1000 - about €800 for clothes and €200 on the hotel/travel etc.

i would of told her to go and ****e

Note that she contributed €400 to my costs.

aww how nice of her SHE had the problem with the suit KNOWING your financial situation she should of either paid for it all herself or not said anything

Also, taking on another €600 in debt is stressing me out.

her forcing you to do that is so ridicolously unnacceptable its not even funny not to mention horribly immature

Now she feels like I just suit myself and that I am selfish / I don't care about her feelings because I didn't stay for the extra day. That I put my feelings ahead of her feelings.

she sounds like a selfish cow to be honest you have other commitments, ie work, besides her and her family. there are loads of times in a relationship when the girlfriend comes first and everything else including work has to be put on hold no matter what, this is not one of those times. the times you do do this are generally called emergencies btw

I feel like she doesn't care about my feelings

thats how it sounds to me too

also it sounds like she dosnt trust you enough to know that you know you need to make a good impression with the family

Vegeta

Personally if I was in your situation she'd be the one in trouble.

Forcing you to buy expensive clothing and then sulking when she didn't get her way. Childish behaviour at the least (the PC way of saying what I really think)

Her family liking you is important but trying to get you to take a day off work after you spent money you didn't have is just plain out and out STUPID. If she cannot understand this is she really worth having as a girlfriend? Its only 6 months and already she comes across as a very unreasonable person

Sounds like my brothers wife. You're not my brother are you??

Mighty_Mouse

Need to lay down the law a little dude.
Everybody does it in all types of relationships. Ya gotta say exactly what you are and are not prepared to do.

Personally, I would of agreed to go to wedding wearing my brothers suit on the condition I be back sunday for work monday.

Take it or leave it lady, Literally.
Deffo wouldnt of taken any cash off her.

If she cant understand that you need to return for work then she's nuts and should be very bluntly told where to go.

unregd147

She sounds like a high maintenance Bi***. Dump her, and tell her the 400yoyos was for having to put up with her.

Maple

Your GF is being seriously unreasonable. You went above and beyond the call of duty getting yourself into financial debt for this wedding.

I can understand her being disappointed that you wouldn't stay down another day, she probably felt that you might have a better chance to get to know them in less formal circumstances. But you missing work would have meant you suffer financial loss and you're just not in a position to do that. She should have understood, its probably disappointment speaking but she's way overboard threatening to break up with you over this.

PeakOutput

show her this thread and tell her she better buck the **** up or take a hike

forget about the 400yoyos it was a gift anyway

CrazyNoob

OP I think she is using this as an excuse to break up

Nothing more you can do but dump her first. She sounds a royal pain in the ass

ali.c

Maybe she wanted you to stay so she didnt have to spent a whole day alone with her crazy family?

Honestly though i cant believe you shelled out big bucks on a suit you couldnt afford at her request,thats unreasonable IMO.

You had arrangements made to attend the wedding, you stuck to your plans no problem with that at all.

So yes it is your gf who is being unreasonable, though if her family are as crazy as you say then maybe she is reacting to their pressure rather than how she actually feels.

Tzetze

Dump her, sell the 1k suit for €750, clear your €600 debt and pocket €150 for yourself. Result!

Edit: oh, the suit was €800.

kmick

No you are not. Taking into account her hotness you should buck up and start reclaiming your manhood. Don't let her pressure you into buying stuff you dont want, never let her choose your clothes again. If you don't want to do something appear non-committal and don't do it. Just be a man. If you stand up now and be counted this time next year she will be your lapdog instead of the other way around.

Kintarō Hattori

Well I have to say I agree with most of what has been said in this thread. She really is being quite unreasonable OP. Realising you are in debt and forcing more debt upon you- that's not a cool thing to do. Telling you how her family feels and making you conscious and nervous- not cool.

You had a plan and like me you don't feel comfortable taking a day off of work. She tried to force you to change your plan and now is really making a mountain out of a molehill.

I'm sure she has some great qualities, but when a person can't listen to reason they really aren't worth being with.

dellas1979

No - she is being unreasonable. I would turn the tables on her and put it like this "If I had known it was that important to you, I would have taken the Monday off".

cas_k

Run like f**k... get rid!!! If shes like this in the early days when shes trying to make a good impression... she'll only get worse... Run run run..

PeakOutput

by the way you could always try and return the suit and say you didnt wear it assuming you have the receipt or paid by credit card

BoozyBabe

zxcvbnmlkj wrote:

I feel like she doesn't care about my feelings and cannot see this situation at all from my perspective. I think she is just as selfish to want me to do what she wants versus letting me go home.

I think you'd be right!!!!

She's being ridiculous, & if she's anything like you've portrayed her here, a spoilt little brat!!!!

TBH, I think you'd be better off if she did dump you.

You couldn't afford a suit, but bought one anyway cos she didn't like your borrowed one!

Then huffed with you & has threatened to dump you cos you felt you needed to go to work to make up the money!!!!!

Why aren't you giving HER her marching orders!!!

In saying all of this, I'm assuming she knows of your financial issues?
If not, then she might have some (small) grounds, but if she knows you're broke, then she's the one who's unreasonable

LegacyUser

Mother of God!!! Ask yourself this question, how much does she like you judging by her actions, forget her words...

Can you live with a woman like this? A woman who gives you absolutely 0 support and forces you to buy an expensive suit u can't afford?

She sounds like a total spoiled bitch.

Lola123

tbh when i read the start of ur post i thought you were going to say something like "my gf wanted me to go to a wedding to meet her family but i didn't want to go". now THAT may have been considered to be selfish.
u went to the wedding, are in debt because of it, she didn't mention til the sunday that she wanted you to stay....i think she's the selfish one.

Without sound too ricky lake "drop that zero and get yourself a hero".

whippet

she sounds very similar to an ex of mine, I lost nearly two years of my life doing absolutly everything to please her and to suit her, bending over backwards, rearranging everything around her ever changing schedules and the slightest hint of me suggesting an alternative would instigate accusation of selfishness on my part.

I manganged to get away, but not without nearly loosing a lot of friends in the process and a whopper of a credit card bill (like that she suggested things, despite my financial situation and regardless of my protests I just kept using the credit card !)

Over the course of the relationship I kept convincing myself she was the one and at the end I found myself getting ready to propose. What snapped me out of it was my best friends reaction when i asked him to give me a hand picking the ring .... he went quite, asked me was I sure and then made a comment about how she would feel not being involved in the whole plan of a suprise engagment !!! that weekend I got rid .. and it was the best thing I have ever done (happily married since)

To me she sounds like a self centred bully that is capable of making you feel like you are the one who is selfish, culminating with you over compensating for her greed and need for attention.

Is she aware of your financial situation? If she is and still forces you to go in to debt to suit her needs you have serious questions to ask yourself.

With the benifet of hindsight I should have jumped ship earlier, with only 6 months invested in this relationship I think you have a great chance to see the wood for the trees!

dame

Sounds like if you stay together you'll have a lifetime of debt and trying to keep up with the Jones's in order to please her.

Stick to your guns....

CathyMoran

She sounds absolutely horrible, you are better off rid of her.

00112984

You should've put your foot down at the new suit demand. We teach people how to treat us and you showed her how to manipulate her.

DRakE

she's wrong.

St Bill

She was way out of line to throw such a strop when you couldn't stay the extra day. Of course, it could be that she dislikes her own family so much that she needed you for support but why should you be her emotional crutch? She needs to grow up and deal with her family herself

Firetrap

No you're definitely not being unreasonable. You sound like a good guy who's bent over backwards to please his girlfriend, only to have everything you've done thrown back in your face.

Not having seen your brother's suit, I can't comment on what it looked like on you but I'm sure it would have been good enough for a wedding. Making you blow all that money on a suit for a wedding was a rotten thing to do. It's also mindblowing to me that she gave you so much money as a gift!

Like the others, I hope you find it in you to dump her. If she's being that stroppy about going to a wedding and expecting you to take a day off at the drop of a hat, can you imagine what she's going to be like down the line?

Talliesin

zxcvbnmlkj wrote:

Is she being unreasonable?

In order to be unreasonable one needs to take an understanding of the facts at hands and then apply them in a way that doesn't really make sense.

I don't think she's even doing as well as that. Sounds to me that she really doesn't have a clue that things are having an effect on you at all.

Get out.

tritium

Got to go with everyone else on this one OP

Shes being a bitch because you didn't let her be a controlling cow

Get rid of.......

Esel

BoozyBabe wrote:

TBH, I think you'd be better off if she did dump you.

No, I think he'd be a lot better off if he dumped her.

Regret is easier to handle than rejection! Give her the jacket of the suit though - she paid for it. You can still wear the trousers.

Mezcita

Dump her.