Teenager in Love

SilverChair

Often on this board a teenager will talk about being in love, or someone will talk about love and be asked if they are a teenager. The general consensus being, well, you're still young and dont really know what you are talking about.

But why is this. Im in my early 20s and I dont see all that huge a distinction between the "realness" of relationships between teenagers and my friends now.

Do the people who say love isnt real at 16 say its not real at 26 either? When does it become real[sic]?

What is it about teenage love that isnt real?

Crumble Froo

cos it often happens that teenagers fall head over heels in love with someone, more than older peoples, when it seems less likely to work out or something...

i cant talk, i dont hit 20 til next march, but that said, im pretty convinced im in love with someone, and am making huge steps to make our relationship work...

duno if you live in dublin and/or have read the metro paper that goes round on weekdays... or have read that 'nemi ' cartoon... basically this goth and her funny haired friend cyan.

one of my favourites is just them chattin...

cyan: do you remember how in love you could be when you were a teenager? ... do you think you could ever be in that much love again?

nemi: nope. the first love works like a vaccine.

alantc

It's easy to dismiss their emotions as meaningless by those who didn't feel those emotions at that age. It's easier to just say "you're young, you'll get over it" than to empathise to help the person. Admittedly, the younger people are, the faster their emotions can change.

challengemaster

Actually a teenager myself - my view on this:

People will often say that because of a few reasons

1) They were teens themselfs once, they have lived through it and know whats going on, different era, of course, but not that much changes. So they know from personal experience of point #2

2) The fact that a majority of teens, especially ones who aren't very mature, etc - can mistake a crush, for love.

all of this depends on the person involved. Things like maturity, etc. So a generalisation cant really be formed. however this does happen to a majority, there are still quite the few who it doesnt happen to.

I would tend to agree with you with one thing - /if/ the love is true, then there is no difference between any age.

however as older people tend to have a bit more knowledge, aren't developing sexually at the time, and aren't overcome by hormones/feelings they are able to make wiser decisions, and know more clearly when they are actually in love. This is why the conclusion is drawn.

Is it fair on everyone - no.
Is it something thats going to change.. - probably not
Is it implying that _every_ teen love isnt true? - of course not.

davyjose

It's a bit like asking why a teenager can't be the CEO of a major corporation, or a doctor. Because they don't have the maturity or experience. It's possible for teenagers to fall in love, I'm sure, but love isn't about the dizzy feelings in your head and the giddyness in the pit of your stomach - that's just the start.
Love takes work, and it takes time.

challengemaster

davyjose wrote:

It's a bit like asking why a teenager can't be the CEO of a major corporation, or a doctor. Because they don't have the maturity or experience.

like to generalise there, don't ye

Most don't have the maturity, Some do. It applies to adults too though, heck some adults dont have the maturity to even work in mcdonalds

Marksie

How is this a PI for you OP?

davyjose

challengemaster wrote:

like to generalise there, don't ye

It was a rather generalised thread - I figured we were talking about the majority of teens.

randylonghorn

If you fall in love, you're in love, whether you're a teenager or 25 or 65 ...

It can be a bit like drinking, though ... the first couple of drinks a teenager takes will go to their head quite quickly, and they may not know how to handle it. As they get more experienced, they are less likely to be completely bowled over, and will be more in control of the situation. They will learn the difference between drinks, and which ones they enjoy, which ones agree with them and which ones make them sick the next day ... ok, that's probably pushing the analogy a bit, but you get my point.

That said, some teenagers will handle alcohol well from day 1, some adults never learn to handle it! Some never figure out the difference between buckfast and a Glenfiddich ...

I will be starting 5th year in secondary school in september, and over the past few years, I have been witness to such things as this scrawled across someones school bag:
I love adam
I love john
I love aidan
I love eoghan
I love patrick
I love ben
etc,etc,etc. and as each one is written, the previous one is nonchalantly scribbled out. Teenagers are fickle, but so are adults. The only difference is teenagers arent afraid to hide it when they feel like that.
And anyway, in comparison, I am in an 11 month relationship and I am sure I am in love. I would gladly spend the rest of my life with him, and while we had alot of problems at the beginning, we got through every one purely because we knew we'd end up happy again, because we love each other.
Love is a feeling, it cant be measured. How can you "know" you're happy? because you know what you feel. Happiness cant turn out to be real or fake, it just is, and the same with love.

WindSock

true-or-false wrote:

I will be starting 5th year in secondary school in september, and over the past few years, I have been witness to such things as this scrawled across someones school bag:
I love adam
I love john
I love aidan
I love eoghan
I love patrick
I love ben
etc,etc,etc. and as each one is written, the previous one is nonchalantly scribbled out. Teenagers are fickle, but so are adults. The only difference is teenagers arent afraid to hide it when they feel like that.
And anyway, in comparison, I am in an 11 month relationship and I am sure I am in love. I would gladly spend the rest of my life with him, and while we had alot of problems at the beginning, we got through every one purely because we knew we'd end up happy again, because we love each other.
Love is a feeling, it cant be measured. How can you "know" you're happy? because you know what you feel. Happiness cant turn out to be real or fake, it just is, and the same with love.

Thats nicely put Not bad for a Teen...;)

Tha Gopher

true-or-false wrote:

I have been witness to such things as this scrawled across someones school bag:
I love adam
I love john
I love aidan
I love eoghan
I love patrick
I love ben
etc,etc,etc. and as each one is written, the previous one is nonchalantly scribbled out. .

On the same bag?

*Plays Snoop Dogg, Aint No Fun if the Homies Cant Have None *

Rockers/emos are downright dangerous when it comes to thinking theyre in love with whatever long haired weirdo in his 20s they have controlling them.

The Corinthian

SilverChair wrote:

But why is this. Im in my early 20s and I dont see all that huge a distinction between the "realness" of relationships between teenagers and my friends now.

Come back when you're in your late twenties.

People continue changing and evolving as they grow older, however by the time you get into your late twenties, you will pretty much be the person you'll be ten years later and - from what I've been told - twenty and thirty years later. But you'll also be quite different to who you were ten years earlier.

It's difficult to explain without sounding depressing. As you get older, you tend to see things like love in a more practical, even cynical fashion and you're less prone to 'passionate' love. Teenage love, as such, tends to to be a case of passionate and irresponsible cliches - you fall in love regardless of how dumb an idea it is. As you get older, you don't do that as much, and this is what differentiates the two.

Tha Gopher

Tha Gopher wrote:

On the same bag?

*Plays Snoop Dogg, Aint No Fun if the Homies Cant Have None *

Rockers/emos are downright dangerous when it comes to thinking theyre in love with whatever long haired weirdo in his 20s they have controlling them.

Yes, the same bag, and the lists are usually longer.

*marie*

I'm 19 and I've been going out with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. I'm about to start my final year of college. We would gladly get married now, but thankfully we're a bit sensible and are happy to wait until we can afford it etc. I am absolutely madly in love with him, you could say it's teenage love, but we've had our ups and downs and we've both matured together and come out the other side.

I agree that love takes work, but that's not all it is about. Rather than it taking time as a poster said above, I would say it changes over time, if love is true, people will evolve with it. If it can survive over time, that is what is important, not age.

I'm probably not making any sense to anyone else...

Tim Robbins

SilverChair wrote:

Often on this board a teenager will talk about being in love, or someone will talk about love and be asked if they are a teenager. The general consensus being, well, you're still young and dont really know what you are talking about.

But why is this. Im in my early 20s and I dont see all that huge a distinction between the "realness" of relationships between teenagers and my friends now.

Do the people who say love isnt real at 16 say its not real at 26 either? When does it become real[sic]?

What is it about teenage love that isnt real?

I think when you are young you have an expectation things are going to be perfect and can't deal with realising that they are not. You have an expection that they should be perfect.

I think when you are older you work under the philosophy that things are never perfect and you trying to figure out ways of dealing with imperfections or figuring out if they are bearable and acceptable imperfections.

CathyMoran

The Corinthian wrote:

Come back when you're in your late twenties.

People continue changing and evolving as they grow older, however by the time you get into your late twenties, you will pretty much be the person you'll be ten years later and - from what I've been told - twenty and thirty years later. But you'll also be quite different to who you were ten years earlier.

It's difficult to explain without sounding depressing. As you get older, you tend to see things like love in a more practical, even cynical fashion and you're less prone to 'passionate' love. Teenage love, as such, tends to to be a case of passionate and irresponsible cliches - you fall in love regardless of how dumb an idea it is. As you get older, you don't do that as much, and this is what differentiates the two.

I agree with The Corinthian. I fell in love at the relatively young age of 23 with my now hubby but things did not seem totally right, luckily we grew closer to one another over time (I had to do a lot of growing up to do).

The things that I looked for and appreciate in my husband are far different from what I wanted when I was younger, he is my lover and my friend, when I was younger all that mattered was chemistry no matter how unsuitable they were.

I also think that there is the thing about falling in love for the first time, I did that in my early 20's but it knocked me for 6 and of course failed though I gained a friend. Some people are lucky, their first love is their true love but most of us are not as lucky.

Either way, true love is a wonderful thing no matter what age you experience it.

angelicsaz

im strongly of the opinion... that teenage love is the most pure, real, innocent, amazing thing in the world.
learning to love and to be in love and to be loved is a learning curve. that as a teenager you are looking at with innocence and curiousty. and because i think because of those things its more real, because its untainted, pure.
it has not been damaged by previous hurt or expeirence.

you can liken the love of a teenager to the love of a child.......
they just love you. and i think teenagers can, have and will continue to fall in love, because sometimes ya simply cant help it.

Cake Fiend

SilverChair wrote:

I dont see all that huge a distinction between the "realness" of relationships between teenagers and my friends now.

You're in the minority.

00112984

I think that, we as adults, like to dismiss things we did when we were younger as silly because we were hurt and don't have fond memories of those particular times. It's easier to cover these things under the blanket of "too young to know better" rather than face up to the pain and/or humiliation.
I, for example, fell head over heels in love with someone when I was 16 and it didn't work out. It's easy for me to look back now and say "I was foolish. Actually, no, I've never been a fool so there must be some other reason. Ah yes, I was young. Young equals foolish".

On the flip side, I met my husband when I was 19 and that's worked out very well

humbert

I would say the opposite in fact. I'm in my mid-twenties and falling in love is getting harder because once you've been burned once or twice and most of the people the same age also have it's harder for both parties to open up to each other. Often they see things in a horribly practical way, balancing feelings/passion against compatibility and risk. I think it's often the case the older people resent teenagers for the carefree approach they take to love, and is ultimately cowardice/cynicism.