Right or Wrong/Issues--??

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, I'm looking for some help. I think I have a major head problem.
I broke up with my girlfriend around 3 months ago. In that time I havent so much as chatted another girl up, I feel weird. I still keep in very regular contact with her. I broke up with her because of my own issues.
She's 23 I'm 29. I never wanted to spend any time with her, usually only when I wanted sex. Its so weird, when I wanted sex I made every effort, not realising whats happening, then the minute I'd come I switch back off for around a half hour or so and not care about her. just being honest here. So to me that means I was using her for sex subconciously.
Another issue I had was jealousy, paranoia, obsession. Basically I was very, very uptight and worried when we were out that she would talk to another man or even think of another man, or that another man would come over and try it on and I'd start a fight. It used to make my mind explode to the point where i'd have to just give up, which is what I did, and broke up with her. I was a mess.
Now I thought I was starting to get over this nonsense, and was going to try and psych myself to ask her out again, cos she has told me that she hasnt been with anyone else and still loves me alot, and I do her aswell. But, heres what happened last night. Went over to hers out of nowhere to share a drink with her and some mates, and low and behold I find her wearing the skimpiest gear possible. A skirt so short you could nearly see her panties..and suspenders under that. Basically any small gust of wind and it would blow up, showing my love's bits to the world.
To me, that was a blatant slap in the face saying only one thing. She was going out to attract the attention of other males in the hope of getting laid.
Trust is gone. I told her how I felt and that to me the situation was black and white. She screamed abuse at me and told me how wrong I was saying she always wears things like that which isnt true. I dont want a girl who shows herself off like a slut, I'd prefer a classier dresser, but I am inlove with her.
Who is in the right?I know its none of my business now that we arent together. But I love her so much for things away from niteclubs etc. But I just experience mad wild internal rage when I think of other blokes and her.
Do I need counselling or are these normal feelings of attachment?
I'm sorry about the length of the post.

spinandscribble

you dont have a right to feel the way you do.
if you only used her for sex you do not love her why the hell do you feel a right to TELL her not to wear something. your not even going out anymore! she need not dress to your wishes. get over yourself.

davyjose

freckledfibula wrote:

Who is in the right?

She is, and she's lucky to be rid of you. You have treated her like crap, and now, even now, you refer to her as a slut, just because you - her ex - don't like how she dresses.
You use the term "my love", but it is quite apparent you have no such feelings for her.
and I would strongly advise counselling before attempting another relationship.

Talliesin

freckledfibula wrote:

Do I need counselling

Intense and ongoing.

In the meantime, do not talk to any women. People deserve to be able to live their lives without exposure to sickos spouting to crap like that.

LegacyUser

i know. i just feel like absolute ****. i love her and want to get back with her.she loves me too but is annoyed now. I need feedback from males on that using for sex thing. I enjoy her friendship, but i'm sure that i am driven by my loins wanting to reproduce the whole time. I think every male might be like that subconsciously. I dont think it would be different with another female.

smiley666

No these are definitely not normal feelings of attachment. At no stage did you state in your post that she has done anything to warrant such actions from you. You certainly sound like you have problems and in my opinion at 23 she’s too young to be lumbered with them.

Re read these extracts from your post

I broke up with my girlfriend around 3 months ago because of my own issues.
I never wanted to spend any time with her, usually only when I wanted sex. When I wanted sex I made every effort, then the minute I'd come I switch back off for around a half hour or so and not care about her.

Another issue I had was jealousy, paranoia, obsession. It used to make my mind explode to the point where I'd have to just give up, which is what I did, and broke up with her.

You have an absolute cheek to assume she owes you any degree of care considering the way you have treated her.

If in fact the short skirt and suspenders were in the hope of getting laid, good for her. With any luck it will be by someone who will appreciate her and treat her properly. She did right to scream abuse at you. The slap in the face you felt at the sight of it would have left a lot more of a sting had it come from me!

You feel the trust is gone because you do not like the way she has dressed in your absence. Remember, you dumped her. Because of your inability to work on your own insecurities. Did you expect her to live like a hermit and dress like a nun?

Well they say love is blind and from what you have written alone I am well inclined to agree. You’re lucky that despite your behaviour she still loves you. So there you are, sort out whats going on inside your head. Go to her and apologise profusely for your utter stupidity. Beg for forgiveness and stop harbouring feelings of rage and insecurity. (How you do this will greatly depend on what it is exactly that causes you to have such feelings.)

Remember that she was with you because she wanted to be. Continue carrying on as you have done and I can’t see her loving you for much longer. No matter how much she wants you there is only so long this girl will allow you to treat her like a doormat.

Yes I think you are wrong, To begin with, you should apologise to your exgirlfriend and be sure that she in no way feels responsible or blames herself for the way you have treated her. You then need to get yourself some help and stay away from her until you sort yourself out.

PeakOutput

i was going to just call you a ****ing dickhead and suck up the ban but im not going to instead i just want to emphasize the below

Yes I think you are wrong, To begin with, you should apologise to your exgirlfriend and be sure that she in no way feels responsible or blames herself for the way you have treated her. You then need to get yourself some help and stay away from her until you sort yourself out.

accept id replace "until you sort yourself out" with "for good"

Esel

You have a big problem. Get counselling now.

Also, she's your ex (lucky her), not your girlfriend.

Marksie

freckledfibula wrote:

i know. i just feel like absolute ****. i love her and want to get back with her.she loves me too but is annoyed now. I need feedback from males on that using for sex thing. I enjoy her friendship, but i'm sure that i am driven by my loins wanting to reproduce the whole time. I think every male might be like that subconsciously. I dont think it would be different with another female.

OP: you are not being driven by your loins.

You are being driven by whats in your own head.

You have outlined in great detail what your issues are and it is not use trying to justify them by asking guys whether this is due to the primal urge.

It isn't, and I am not sure that you understand the term love it seems to be more like a symptom of obsession.

Stop, now, break all contact and seek guidance and help to detremine the root cause of these problems

thecutter

Did you evver think she was wearing those skimpy clothes to get 'YOUR' attention?

PeakOutput

thecutter wrote:

Did you evver think she was wearing those skimpy clothes to get 'YOUR' attention?

that was my first reaction too..........

if i went to an ex's(who i had recently broken up with) weather on my own or in a group for a few drinks and she was dressed like that I would automatically think she was trying to get my attention but again im sure there are deeprooted issues of my own that affect that like having a big head

op there is no mystical force driving you to be an idiot. imo you do not love her at all........you were using you and in most respects you did the right thing by breaking up with her because of that.......then you saw wat u were missing and wanted it back and instead of blaming yourself for not being able to (in your head anyway) you blamed her.

chump

OP, definite issues.

I've no doubt there is some underlying reasons for this excessive "jealousy, paranoia, obsession".

You need to explore what the underlying reasons are and learn to control these emotions. First step is accepting they are not right - and hopefully this thread will knock that into your head.

When you're in love with someone, they become part of your life. Could it be that youre only clinging to her because you've lost control and structure in your life? The possessiveness you described could be because you were forcing something that wasnt there. The idea and pupose of someone instead of them themselves. Either way, you definitely need to seek help, and try not to get involved with anyone until you're sure you can control yourself, not them.

Amy- Cayx

i think that you probably got a little complacent in the relationship - so did she it seems. you ignored the other stuff and went straight for the rewarding sex.
i think if you love her and you got back together now, it could work.
but you need to work on your anger, its not fair, its opressive if she feels she cant wear things or talk to people.

nacho libre

true-or-false wrote:

When you're in love with someone, they become part of your life. Could it be that youre only clinging to her because you've lost control and structure in your life? The possessiveness you described could be because you were forcing something that wasnt there. The idea and pupose of someone instead of them themselves. Either way, you definitely need to seek help, and try not to get involved with anyone until you're sure you can control yourself, not them.

This poster has pretty got to the crux of the issue. If you have any regard for yourself i hope you can find the courage to act on their advice.

pbsuxok1znja4r

OP, you're definitely not the insane maniac some dopes would have you believe. But you definitely don't have a wise attitude toward being with this girl. There is absolutely no point in you being jealous over any girl. If she strays or betrays you then so be it. You'll find out sooner or later, so long as you stay trusting, so why worry? If a girl ever pulled some infidelity **** on me with some dude, I'd have no real sadness nor regrets in leaving her. It's just not worth worrying over.

As for the dressing slutty thing (Yeah, I used a derivative of the word SLUT. Deal with it, all you sexually enlightened cats), maybe talk to her about it, tell her like your girlfriend to have some class and modesty in public. If she can't be that for you, then she's not for you, for definite. So once again, no regrets there in leaving. No problem!

Esel

s.t, the girl is his ex (broke up 3 months ago). You don't think he has a jealousy issue? Or if he does it can be addressed by 'not worrying' about it?

carnival_joe

You used the poor girl, you treat her badly even now. Stop playing games with her. Its not fair. At all.

You are very wrong here. You may be reacting badly to the break-up, and no doubt she is to. However you have no rights what so ever to behave the way you are.

I could go on a rant, but I think my own personal issues with this situation will affect what i say. And I would no doubt be to harsh

tritium

OP you have some serios control and possesiveness issues here. You really need to get yourself a lot of counselling. Posting here may point you in this direction but until you take this step you'll stay stuck in the same rather scary place. You're head isn't in a place where you can be in a relationship right now and it ould be better for you and any prospective partner if you look for help first

I hope you the advice of many posters here and seek some help. Good luck!

Talliesin

scouser.tommy wrote:

As for the dressing slutty thing (Yeah, I used a derivative of the word SLUT. Deal with it, all you sexually enlightened cats), maybe talk to her about it, tell her like your girlfriend to have some class and modesty in public.

If an ex-boyfriend comes up to a woman and starts telling her to dress less provocatively then she'd probably be best advised to first get herself into a public space with clear exits, then contact the gardai.

Advising people to develop nut-job stalkerish behaviour towards an ex is not really the wisest.

meglome

A relationship should be about sharing but your relationship was all about you. You want to control it as it pleases you. Someone might put up with that but eventually they'll wise up and rightly dump your ass, even though to keep control you actually did it. If I was her I’d stay well away from you unless you wised up in a big way. You cannot control other people no matter how much you want to and at 29 you should have realised that by now.

There used to be this Italian guy who lived in an apartment opposite me and he was a total control freak. I would often hear him shouting at his girlfriend over next to nothing, who was eastern European (although I dunno if that's relevant or not). The final straw came when he was screaming at her for not having the keys to the front door, seriously why the f*ck didn't he have his own keys. So I went over there and told the f*cking asshole what I thought of him. And I rang the guards for good measure. A few days later his girlfriend was heading out and saw my girlfriend and had a good laugh at her. Nothing like plenty of abuse to mess you up but you didn’t have to look too hard at her to see she wasn’t really laughing. I really f*cking hate bullies.

Maple

Leave the girl alone. You need to sort your head out and you're doing neither of you any favours by staying in contact.

JABH

Lads lay off, at least hes being honest. Get back with her and treat her better. You have it in you

Zzippy

freckledfibula wrote:

Another issue I had was jealousy, paranoia, obsession. Basically I was very, very uptight and worried when we were out that she would talk to another man or even think of another man, or that another man would come over and try it on and I'd start a fight. It used to make my mind explode to the point where i'd have to just give up, which is what I did, and broke up with her. I was a mess.

This is major insecurity on your part. From your post she never gave any indication of being interested in anyone else or encouraging anyone else's attention. You seriously need to talk to a professional about this. Its not healthy and will destroy any future relationships you have.

freckledfibula wrote:

I know its none of my business now that we arent together. But I love her so much for things away from niteclubs etc. But I just experience mad wild internal rage when I think of other blokes and her.

You're right. Its none of your business now. The mad wild internal rage is, again, not healthy.

freckledfibula wrote:

Do I need counselling or are these normal feelings of attachment?

No these are not normal feelings, they are way past that.
Yes, you need counselling. For your own sake and for anyone else you get involved with in the future.

Mighty_Mouse

So to me that means I was using her for sex subconciously.
Another issue I had was jealousy, paranoia, obsession.

If you cant even take responsibility for your own actions then what sort of a man are you?

Be a prick to women or dont be a prick,Personally wouldnt tell any bloke how to live his life.
But at least dont be the wimpy whiny middle ground. ie the type of person with excuses for everything

The above is very simple. If you cant do that then couselling it is.
Or would that just be another way of validation/excusing your actions?

pbsuxok1znja4r

Talliesin wrote:

If an ex-boyfriend comes up to a woman and starts telling her to dress less provocatively then she'd probably be best advised to first get herself into a public space with clear exits, then contact the gardai.

Haha, why? Because she's dressed so dangerously provocatively?

wrote:

Advising people to develop nut-job stalkerish behaviour towards an ex is not really the wisest.

Unless one is subversively advising someone so intentionally. As for "nut-job", well, it's all relative, innit? I'd have thought you'd be the first to debunk synonyms for 'abnormal', no?

As JABH, said, OP: no-one here can tell you you don't have it in you to cop-on, sort out your mentality and get back with the girl and do things right in future.

Talliesin

scouser.tommy wrote:

As for "nut-job", well, it's all relative,innit?

Nut-job is a perfectly useful term for someone that goes around telling women they have no relationship with what they should wear.

It's threatening behaviour and it's also perfectly reasonable for her to assume he may move on to being violent and take reasonable precautions.

scouser.tommy wrote:

I'd have thought you'd be the first to debunk synonyms for 'abnormal', no?

Who gives a damn how far it is along any bell-curve.

pbsuxok1znja4r

Talliesin wrote:

Nut-job is a perfectly useful term for someone that goes around telling women they have no relationship with what they should wear.

It's threatening behaviour and it's also perfectly reasonable for her to assume he may move on to being violent and take reasonable precautions.

Who gives a damn how far it is along any bell-curve.

You do, by the sounds of it.

Saying the OP exhibited "threatening behaviour" is a joke. Your opinions are a joke. With the dressing thing all he did was tell the girl how disappointed he was that she seemed not to be the conservative girl he thought she was. To each their own, though, in that sense. He's entitled to his disappointment and/or diapproval. To him it was evidence of her having moved on (and fair enough, one might say) within what he felt was too short a time-period.

Take note that the OP never said he's actually started any fight. He's just worried about such an eventuality coming to pass. Hardly insane.

But whatever, dude. I'm not here to argue this with you. I think you've got some strange ingrained notions about this kind of thing, especially when it comes to anyone accusing anyone else of being too seually liberal or whatever. Try not to take it personally in future, eh?

AngryBadger

OP I think you're "ex" was dressing like that specifically to get a response from you, and you reacted like a pratt.

You were having sex with her and nothing else. Unlike many other posters I don't believe you "used" her since she has her own mind, and if she was unhappy with things she should be able to speak up. Then again maybe I'm just a crazy revolutionary.

That said, you maybe do want to look at how you view sex, more int erms of how a negative attitude can be damaging to yourself.

I'm not going to comment on you and your ex, since i really don't know enough about how you were together. Although I would propose you look elsewhere since you probably need to work some stuff out yourself, and she sounds too immature to stand her ground, (re: getting all dolled up just to piss you off, and allowing herself to be "used").

Talliesin

scouser.tommy wrote:

With the dressing thing all he did was tell the girl how disappointed he was that she seemed not to be the conservative girl he thought she was. To each their own, though, in that sense. He's entitled to his disappointment and/or diapproval.

No he isn't. Who the hell is he to her?

He's someone she used to have a relationship with. It doesn't matter what his opinions on her clothes is. Whether he thinks her skirt should be 6 inches longer or 6 inches shorter it's none of his business.

It's thinking anything about her life is anything he's in a position to comment upon that is where he's seriously stepping out of line.

LegacyUser

I always wondered about the whiny middleground type..you must be a real man, mighty mouse, the clint eastwood type, never question, just live or die.
Scouser tommy thanks for the most 'sane' advice, i was actually starting to put myself in with some of the most dangerous paedophiles and serial killers in the country.
well she's not just an ex girlfriend, we are much closer than that, the word exgirlfriend and the term is so clicheed at this stage that it almost tries to tell you how to act. words have nothing to do with feelings or emotions. We have very strong feelings for eachother still but I just panic sometimes and go through waves of mood change. Which probably explains my comments to her and also the initial post.
I took her out to the cinema on sunday to say sorry for what i said, but understandably she says she is still hurt.
Then, last night I had a dream/nightmare. She was sitting on a bench and some bloke was beside her chatting. I saw this and became agitated, which she noticed and also him. Then they started talking about me being annoyed and a bit posessive, which annoyed me more. I could tell now the guy was swaying her against me making me out to be a psycho, and getting ready to take advantage of her. The more annoyed I got the more she went away to the other guy, eventually almost cowering from me and laughing at me with this other fella. I couldnt win. I also realised that he was better looking and would take her from me if he wanted to anyway regardless.
The dream made me realise a few things. I hate my appearance, and have no self confidence. This would explain why I never wanted to go into public with her and risk losing her.
If she strayed to another, then why would I want to waste any more of my time with her?I say that now, but I know how unattractive I am and how easily any girl would stray..Its all about self confidence, but being attractive looking is a big help. The thread has helped me immensely though to start looking for the answers to these issues, and what caused them.I actually remember a few huge mental scars of rejection from women, who then turned around to my better looking mates and were nice as pie...its no wonder I dont chat women up. I'm too bloody sensitive for rejection.
anyway, sliding off the issue there, I did make a mistake in informing my ex-girlfriend what i thought of her dresscode, i should have used more tact. She's normally fine. Thanks for all the replies.

Beruthiel

scouser.tommy wrote:

Saying the OP exhibited "threatening behaviour" is a joke. Your opinions are a joke.

Talliesin is intitled to his opinion and I agree with him, the OP's behaviour is threatening imo. In fact, I suggest the OP is in need of professional help and hope he goes get it. His intense feelings of jealousy, paranoia and obsession need to be addressed.

With the dressing thing all he did was tell the girl how disappointed he was that she seemed not to be the conservative girl he thought she was.

And he had no right whatsoever to tell her anything of the sort. She's his ex and can dress any ways she pleases.

Marksie

freckledfibula: Whiny middle ground types don't give a direct opinion. You got that directly from Talliesin for example.

If you are now having dramas concerning the jealousy and reaction then I would re-iterate you have to work out these insecurity/ rejection issues.
You have highlighted yourself where the issues lie now in yourself view which ar most likely approaching the root cause of all theh subsequent jealousy

Mighty_Mouse

always wondered about the whiny middleground type..you must be a real man, mighty mouse, the clint eastwood type, never question, just live or die

Not really. Im not talking about emotionless/emotionally-detatched decision-making here.
Conversly Im talking about confronting your emotions and making decisions...ie taking responsibility for your actions.

If I was in a similar relationship to you and came to a stage whether I wasnt sure if I was still in love.
I'd decide whether it was a normal relationship phase ppl go through or something more serious and then take appropriate actions. ie work harder at it or finish it.
You panick about the fact you're still having sex with your partner and blame your inability to make a decision on subconscience reasoning!!!

well she's not just an ex girlfriend, we are much closer than that,

Not in my book. Either its on or off.
You can still maintain friendships with exes but there has to be a line in what you can and cant say to each other.
Otherwise ye are both better off keeping yer distance.
eg. losing it with an ex for what she wears is slightly beyond the friendship line.

Then, last night I had a dream/nightmare.

Fantastic, another abstract method of confronting obvious issues.
I suppose you didnt realise before your dream last night that you had self-image problems.

Fyi everybody has self-confidence issues at some level. Personally I choose to address them by going to the gym, watching my weight, making an effort to buy nice clothes ........etc

You choose to address them through dreams and contemplations of counselling.

You see I aint talking about emotionless, robot-like, country & western man like behaviour. I'm talking about the way normal male or female live their lives & make day-to-day decisions.

Finally, everyone gets a kick in the nuts from a relationship at some stage.
Nasty business & a fierce blow to confidence for most people. But eventually most people find their independance and self-worth again& learn from the mistakes made..............ie they move on and seek different & better things from future relationships.
Whereby you carry " mental scarring" and a conviction that past failed relationships were your fault competely.

ps
9 time from 10 if woman runs off with another bloke its because her current relationship isnt working.
Unlike men women usually dont cheat because the other guy is better looking. They're emotional creatures so they cheat for emotional needs!!

Talliesin

freckled fibula wrote:

i was actually starting to put myself in with some of the most dangerous paedophiles and serial killers in the country.

I think you're far too quick to put yourself in a category.

Same with your "all men" nonsense in your second post.

Even when you agree with someone saying that you should act to your own convictions rather than make excuses (I have to say I'm in complete agreement) you digest that by putting him in a category "real man" and avatarising that category with an archetype (Clint Eastwood).

You're actually creating excuses for the fact that he doesn't make excuses!

And of course that can both excuse you for not doing the same thing, and also give you an excuse if you make a sudden effort to do the same thing and make a pig's ear of it.

Categories are useful for helping us judge other people on imperfect information. They let us rapidly decide "potential date" "potential interesting conversationalist" "pay attention to this business proposal" "potential threat" "potential bore" and so on until we have more to go on.

You're on the inside though. You should have a bit more to go on about yourself than this.

Now sure, if picking qualities of Clint Eastwood characters give you something to live up to in yourself by all means make use of that. But don't hide behind stereotyped generalisations about "all males" or particular types of men. It's not us, it's you.

freckled fibula wrote:

well she's not just an ex girlfriend, we are much closer than that, the word exgirlfriend and the term is so clicheed at this stage that it almost tries to tell you how to act. words have nothing to do with feelings or emotions.

You're actually onto something here (avoiding clichés). She is still not your girlfriend though.

If you get back together again then how much say you have in what she wears is a matter to negotiate then (and really, unless you both enjoy your having say in that regard, it's still pretty much up to her).

Indeed right now you have no say in anything she does. That includes things that preclude you ever getting back together again (i.e. if she starts dating someone else) and if you start acting like you can expect otherwise then you're just going to persuade her to cut her losses.

freckled fibula wrote:

We have very strong feelings for eachother still but I just panic sometimes and go through waves of mood change. Which probably explains my comments to her and also the initial post.

Compare that sentence with this one:

"We have very strong feelings for eachother still so I just panic sometimes and go through waves of mood change. Which probably explains my comments to her and also the initial post."

Now. That describes exactly the same feelings towards her and exactly the same actions on your part (which I still feel was completely inappropriate) but the relationship between the two is very different.

Your sentence implies that because of your feelings for each other you have some right to certain expectations from her and your panicking is despite that.

My rephrasing implies that because of your feelings for her you act like you have some right to certain expectations from her and your panicking is because of that.

The mutual feelings you have for each other potentially could be a basis for something more. They can just as easily make either or both of you act like eejits in a variety of ways. Emotions on their own don't do anything, they come into concrete effect by colouring what we do.

Love doesn't conquer all. Love doesn't conquer anything. People do overcome problems and love can inspire them to do that, but it's what people do that ultimately has an effect not what they feel.

freckled fibula wrote:

Then they started talking about me being annoyed and a bit posessive, which annoyed me more. I could tell now the guy was swaying her against me making me out to be a psycho, and getting ready to take advantage of her. The more annoyed I got the more she went away to the other guy, eventually almost cowering from me and laughing at me with this other fella. I couldnt win.

Remember that since this was a dream you aren't just you in the dream - she's coming from your mind and so is your romantic rival.

You dream that acting possessively makes her react to you as if you're a subject of both fear and amused contempt and puts you into a hopeless position. Sounds like a wise dream to me.

freckled fibula wrote:

I also realised that he was better looking and would take her from me if he wanted to anyway regardless.

Looks are the most immediate aspect of attractiveness. In your dream the guy who wasn't possessive was more attractive than you are. Tell you anything?

freckled fibula wrote:

This would explain why I never wanted to go into public with her and risk losing her.

There's something a bit deeper here.

Imagine a couple where the relationship is pretty much over, both sides see that, and really it's only a matter of days before it's officially at an end. Now, I think you'd agree that the risk of one person "losing" the other in such a situation is higher in that case than any other, yes?

Now even in the case of that couple, this would be less likely to happen if they were out in public together than at any other time.

So yes, I do think your lack of self-confidence explains this fear you had, but it's important to recognise it as an irrational fear whatever the cause.

freckled fibula wrote:

If she strayed to another, then why would I want to waste any more of my time with her?

Why buy a house when it can be destroyed in a natural disaster? Why get a job when you could be made redundant due to some unforeseen problem in the company? Why do anything?

You'll never be in a position where you have a 100% guarantee of anything. It's probably been a long time since all chemicals and sharp tools were stored out of your reach so you wouldn't hurt yourself with them. You're a big boy now, and risks will have to be taken if you want to get anything out of life.

It's reasonable and wise to try to reduce risk, but you can't reduce it to the point of eliminating it, and it's counter-productive to try.

freckled fibula wrote:

I know how unattractive

No you don't.
You're focusing on your looks, which have a lot more to do with initially attracting someone than staying with them. If they thought you were physically attractive enough to start dating then you don't have to worry that much in this regard.

The qualities that this thread has been about though are deeply unattractive.

freckled fibula wrote:

I did make a mistake in informing my ex-girlfriend what i thought of her dresscode

Anyone that can begin a sentence with "I did make a mistake" has hope.

carnival_joe

If she gets off with someone else now, its not straying. It might (more then likely will) feel like it, but its not. you're not together, and so you have no claim over her- nor her over you.

Deal with your issues, and if you guys are mean to be, then you will be, If you're not, you won't. simple as. Once you deal with your issues, then no matter who you date next, you will be a better, stronger, kinder person