Possessive or worried?

LegacyUser

I've always been 'one of the guys'. I'm not a tomboy or anything but I just get along so much better with guys than girls. Lately I've been feeling a bit lonely and pining for some girlie chats, or even just a girl I can talk to. Over the weekend my boyfriend had a party and two girls came from his job, let's call them Sarah and Mary.

I hit it off with Sarah straight away. We spent the whole night talking and I had a laugh. From the start I didn't like Mary at all, I just got a really bad first impression of her. I didn't say this to my boyfriend but he confirmed what I was thinking. He told me he loved Sarah and had loads of time for her but Mary was a bit overbearing and tended to dominate Sarah. He also said Mary is a bit of a slut. I had picked up on this. Anyway, he said he was really happy I had clicked with Sarah but to watch out for Mary.

I was talking to him the other night and said Sarah had invited me out with Mary at the weekend and I would probably go. Straight away my boyf made a face and I questioned him. He said that the two girls attract men in a bad way and all the other guys in his job don't like their girlfriends going out with them for this reason. I figured that was fair enough but told him I would make up my own mind about going out with them.

This is where I got confused. One minute he's telling me Sarah is lovely and he has all the time in the world for her but then when I mention I'm going out with her suddenly he's implying she's a slut and that he isn't too happy about me seeing her. He's never been possessive at all, I often go out with his friends when he's not around and he never has issue with it. So I'm confused - is he honestly worried about what sort of guys these girls attract or is he being possessive. It's worth mentioning that the girls work in a chain of shops and he is the manager of another shop of the same chain. I thought that maybe he was worried that I might mention things that could come back to him as manager (in a bad way) but he's always encouraging me to become friendly with the girls who he manages directly.

I'm not really sure what his issue is. So what if the girls attract guys? He's just gone on a 'lad's holiday' with his two best mates who are quite open that they're only going for sex. Surely his mates are going to be attracting girls in a bad way too? So what do you think? Is he possessive or honestly worried?

Lola123

Tbh i doubt it's that he's worried about u all attracting attention.
Maybe I'm being a bit pessimistic here but Could he be worried that when outside his company they could tell you some stuff about him that he might not want you to know?
Also, why does he think mary is a slut?

LegacyUser

I doubt that's there's stuff that he doesn't want me to hear. Why would he be happy for me to be friends with the girls he manages and not the other two girls? He knows the girls he manages a lot better so if anyone was to dish the dirt it would be them.

Maybe 'slut' is the wrong term for Mary, 'easy' would be better suited. Basically she just goes out with the simple aim of getting a bit of sex. That's fine if that's what she wants to do, different strokes for different folks, but it's not exactly what I would define as a good night out. She also comes on to everyone, including my boyfriend on a regular basis which I don't like, obviously.

Beruthiel

weeconfused wrote:

He said that the two girls attract men in a bad way and all the other guys in his job don't like their girlfriends going out with them for this reason. I figured that was fair enough

Why is that fair enough?
The only way you are going to know it you'll enjoy their company for the night is if you go.

biko

Your boy and his mates should just shut it and let their girlfriends associate with whomever they please.
Does he have anything to worry about? No.
Is he possessive/controlling? Yes.

Btw, if you are confused - talk to him. He is the one to ask, not us.

hanni1234

Lola123 wrote:

Tbh i doubt it's that he's worried about u all attracting attention.
Maybe I'm being a bit pessimistic here but Could he be worried that when outside his company they could tell you some stuff about him that he might not want you to know?
Also, why does he think mary is a slut?

Im a lad, and i would hate a girlfriend of mine going out with any girls i work with, ONLY if i had been dodgy and they knew about it. Otherwise, i'd be gald for them to take her off my hands for the night

Marksie

Well, completely disregard what he thinks of mary and sarah altogether as that is not the issue.

The issue is simply, does he trust you?

Because mary or sarah may attract "the wrong type" :rolleyes: .

Does that mean you will go off with one? No it doesnt.
As you said, he went away on a lads weekend, you didnt have an issue because you trusted him.

Mr. Incognito

Sounds like he slept with Mary at some stage to me.

Spud83

SetantaL wrote:

Sounds like he slept with Mary at some stage to me.

Agreeded. But with out knowing them I cant be sure. My guess is one of these two girls know something and he doesn't want you to find out what it is. Obviously when there is drink involved and he is not around there is more chance of them telling you.

LegacyUser

Setanta I don't think he slept with her TBH. He never said 'don't hang around with her'. He just said that she was very overbearing and dominating to which I replied that I didn't get a first impression of her. Later he said that she had a reputation for being a bit easy but that's no reflection on her.

My main issue is with Sarah. One minute he's saying she's lovely and the next he seems to be putting me off her. He definitely didn't sleep with her, she started work almost exactly at the same time as I met him and I know he hasn't cheated on me.

Actually, now that I think of it I don't think it's a trust issue either. I have a big issue with my personal space, if guys are leering at me or coming on to me I get quite claustrophobic and feel 'invaded'. I also hate if guys are staring at my chest or something. Maybe my boyfriend is worried that I'll go out with the girls and they'll be attracting pushy guys and I'll get upset. Maybe he doesn't want my night ruined. I know he trusts me so this isn't a trust issue, I know that.

LegacyUser

As well, if he did sleep with her what's the big deal? He's 26, I would be fooling myself if I went along thinking he'd never slept with another woman before me or never had a one night stand. He knows I don't care about stuff like that either. I'm not completely naive.

Marksie

weeconfused: I suggest you talk to your B/f and ask him why he is giving mixed messages. It is the simplets and most effective way finding out for sure

LegacyUser

'Aye, I will but as he's on his lads holiday for the next week I wanted to get some opinions before then. You can lock this if you think there's no need for more replies. Thanks for your help regardless. '

Reku

Try a night out with them, make your own oppinion on whether or not it's your scene, just make sure that if they try make you do anything you're not happy/comfortable with you put your foot down (same goes for dealing with any men they might attract), other than that what's there to worry about.

Cake Fiend

Did he give you any sort of a hard time about meeting up with these women apart from the face?

If not, then how can he be called 'possessive'?

This sounds like a bit of a non-topic tbh.