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The Mathematics Of Kismet

  • 09-07-2007 10:48pm
    #1
    shiv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭


    1000 kisses in two weeks
    That's about one every twenty minutes
    Love measured whilst swapping breath
    Between coffee-flavoured velcro lips
    Toothpaste intimacy and close-up futures
    Floating by on reconfigured molecules
    The do not disturb sign hanging from
    Shuttered eyes and socket fingertips
    Plugging into what is foreign and familiar
    Alll at once, cured by accelerated time
    Virtual strangers vying for narrative space
    Swapping histories and breakfast preferences
    In a hotel-castle by the sea


Comments

  • #2
    Johnny Meagher
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 64 ✭✭Johnny Meagher


    erm, a bit lost here, but you're the poet so my fault not yours :p
    couple of things then, not criticism really. Maybe bring the last word of line 7 down to open line 8. Maybe a comma between "socket" and "fingertips" in line 8. This poem is a bit obscure and I was trying to figure out what "socket fingertips" were (yeah, I'm a bit dim too... :) ) The "virtual strangers vying for narrative space" is sort of out there, like everyone on boards.ie is a ""virtual" stranger vying for narrative space". that threw me a bit :) otherwise I don't really know what to think


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