List of Approved Quotes

Capt'n Midnight

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. -- "Archie Bunker"
Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer. -- Al Bundy
Do not cease to drink beer, to eat, to intoxicate thyself, to make love, and to celebrate the good days. -- Ancient Egyptian Credo
The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer. -- Ancient Egyptian wisdom
I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night. -- Ancient Greek proverb
God has a brown voice, as soft and full as beer. -- Anne Sexton
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol. -- Anonymous
Beauty lies in the hands of the beerholder. -- Anonymous
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. -- Anonymous
Life is too short to drink cheap beer. -- Anonymous
Drink triple, see double, and act single. -- Anonymous
I drink, therefore, I am. -- Anonymous
Give a man a beer, he'll drink for the day.Teach a man to brew, he'll be drunk the rest of his life. -- Anonymous
Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy. -- Benjamin Franklin
There can't be good living where there is not good drinking. -- Benjamin Franklin
...Actually, I'm a drinker with writing problems. -- Brendan Behan
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven! -- Brian O'Rourke
You sit back in the darkness, nursing your beer, breathing in that ineffable aroma of the old-time saloon: dark wood, spilled beer, good cigars, and ancient whiskey - the sacred incense of the drinking man. -- Bruce Aidells
People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot. -- Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. -- Catherine Zandonella
SAM: What's new, Normie? NORM: Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer. -- Cheers
SAM: What'd you like, Normie? NORM: A reason to live. Give me another beer. -- Cheers
SAM: What'll you have Normie? NORM: Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap. SAM: Looks like beer, Norm. NORM: Call me Mister Lucky. -- Cheers
WOODY: What's the story, Mr. Peterson? NORM: The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending. -- Cheers
WOODY: Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you. NORM: I know. If she calls, I'm not here. -- Cheers
WOODY: How's it going, Mr. Peterson? NORM: Poor. WOODY: I'm sorry to hear that. NORM: No, I mean pour. -- Cheers
WOODY: Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson? NORM: All right, but stop me at one. Make that one-thirty. -- Cheers
WOODY: What's going on, Mr. Peterson? NORM: The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson? A beer please, Woody. -- Cheers
WOODY: How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson? NORM: Pretty nervous if I was in the room. -- Cheers
WOODY: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's up? NORM: The warranty on my liver. -- Cheers
SAM: What do you say, Norm? NORM: Any cheap, tawdry thing that'll get me a beer. -- Cheers
COACH: What would you say to a beer, Normie? NORM: Daddy wuvs you. -- Cheers
SAM: What do you know there, Norm? NORM: How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me? -- Cheers
COACH: Can I draw you a beer, Norm? NORM: No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one. -- Cheers
CLIFF: Hey, Norm, What's up? NORM: My blood-alcohol level. -- Cheers
Let us drink for the replenishment of our strength, not for our sorrow. -- Cicero
A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it's better to be thoroughly sure. -- Czech Proverb
The government will fall that raises the price of beer. -- Czech Saying
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. -- Dave Barry
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. -- Dave Barry
When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer. -- Dave Barry
All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow. -- Dave Barry
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. -- David Daye
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. -- David Moulton
Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire. -- David Rains Wallace
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. -- Dean Martin
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy
Life begins at 60 - 1.060, that is. -- Denny Conn
Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into. -- Don Marquis
Beer is a wholesome liquor....it abounds with nourishment. -- Dr. Benjamin Rush, American physician
You're all **** sissies if you even think about using a grain mill, teeth, or ball-peen hammer. A real brewer uses 17 vestal virgins stomping on the grain in a large wooden vat. And yeast is for losers. True brewers just dip one end of their dog into the wort to get things going. -- Drew Avis
Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies come to life and fade away. What care I how time advances; I am drinking ale today. -- Edgar Allan Poe
I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I've lost 30 pounds. -- Ernest Hemingway
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. -- Ernest Hemingway
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. -- Ernest Hemmingway, "For Whom the Bell Tolls"
I'll have another beer. I'm not driving. -- Father Theodore, Trappist Monk
You can't have a Real Country unless you have a BEER and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER. -- Frank Zappa
Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer. -- Frekerick William
Beer does not make itself properly by itself. It takes an element of mystery and of things that no one can understand. -- Fritz Maytag, American brewer
I drink to make other people interesting. -- George Jean Nathan
If my mother was tied up and held ransom, I might think about making a light beer. -- Greg Koch, CEO and co-founder of Stone Brewing
Put it back in the horse! -- H. Allen Smith, after he drank his first American beer.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -- Henny Youngman
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. -- Homer Simpson
Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. -- Homer Simpson
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. -- Humphrey Bogart
I'm Catholic and I can't commit suicide, but I plan to drink myself to death. -- Jack Kerouac
I meditate and put on a rubber tire with three bottles of beer. Most of the time I just sit picking my nose and thinking. -- James Gould Cozzens on what he does in his study.
Gimme a pigfoot and a bottle of beer. -- Janis Joplin
Why do I drink? So that I can write poetry. -- Jim Morrison
We're wanted men, we'll strike again, but first let's have a beer. -- Jimmy Buffett
The pub knows a lot, almost as much as the churches. -- Joyce Carey
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. -- Kaiser Welhelm
"Sir, you're drunk!" "Yes, Madam, I am. But in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly." -- Lady Astor and Winston Churchill
Life alas, is very drear. Up with the glass, down with the beer! -- Louis Untermeyer
Uncle Hank, V-8 juice has eight vitamins. Beer has one: barley. -- Luanne from King of the Hill
A pleasant apertif, as well as a good chaser for a short quick whiskey, as well again for a fine supper drink, is beer. -- M. F. K. Fisher, American writer
The house was as empty as a beer closet in premises where painters have been at work. -- Mark Twain
They didn't trademark everything back then. Now someone farts and they put a TM after it. Even Miller Lite says 'A Fine Pilsner Beer' on the label. It is a crime. -- Michael Jackson, the Beer Hunter
Women and drink. Too much of either can drive you to the other. -- Michael Still
I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion. -- Miguel de Cervantes
I've always thought why no one has made a women's perfume to smell like beer. I know that would turn me on. -- Nate Sampson (aka N8)
Work is the curse of the drinking classes. -- Oscar Wilde
He was a wise man who invented beer. -- Plato
God made yeast, as well as dough, and he loves fermentation just as dearly as he loves vegetation. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Beer has long been the prime lubricant in our social intercourse and the sacred throat-anointing fluid that accompanies the ritual of mateship. To sink a few cold ones with the blokes is both an escape and a confirmation of belonging. -- Rennie Ellis
What event is more awfully important to an English colony than the erection of its first brewhouse? -- Reverend Sidney Smith
The Church is near by the road is icy. The bar is far away but I will walk carefully. -- Russian Proverb
No, sir: There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern or inn. -- Samuel Johnson
I would give all my fame for a pot of ale, and safety. -- Shakespeare, King Henry V
Bad men live that they may eat and drink, whereas good men eat and drink that they may live. -- Socrates
I recommend..bread, meat, vegetables, and beer. -- Sophocles
I work until beer o'clock. -- Stephen King
There is more to life than beer alone, but beer makes those other things even better. -- Stephen Morris
Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish;Let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more. -- The Bible, Proverbs, Chapter 31 verse 6 and 7
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. -- Tom Waits
I don't have a drinking problem, except when I can't find a drink. -- Tom Waits
Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink. -- Tucker Max (from www.tuckermax.com)
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. -- W. C. Fields
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? -- W.C. Fields
I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me. -- W.C. Fields
It is a fair wind that blew men to the ale. -- Washington Irving
They who drink beer will think beer. -- Washington Irving
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. -- William Butler Yeats
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. -- Winston Churchill
Whiskey and Beer are a man's worst enemies... but the man that runs away from his enemies is a coward! -- Zeca Pagodinho (Brazilian songwriter)


I spent 90% of my money on women, drink and fast cars. The rest I wasted. - George Best