Young Gay Spots?

meeeboards

Hey Guys,

I'm a young 19 year old bi/gay lad. At the moment only close friends know about me and for the time being i wanna keep it like that. BUT.... I really wanna try find myself a guy, i've been with a couple of lads before but never as a couple, and at that it was guys i had met through other friends. Like most people would do to try find that special someone i'd like to go out to a club on the weekend..... but where do all the young gay lads be?

I'm not into camp at all so i dont think the likes of 'The George' or 'Glitz' would be the right place would it? The pics on the websites have all the guys dressed up like women and stuff and to be honest that dosnt intrest me much. I'm just looking for other guys around my age who ya wouldnt really look at and think 'gay'..... in a word i'm looking for 'Staightacting'.

Am i asking to much?
Whats the likes of the abouve clubs like?

Cheers Guys!

Goodshape

Belong To is a Dublin based LGBT youth group. Might be worth checking them out.

Aside from that, the 'usual' places (George, Front Lounge, Dragon, etc.) probably aren't as overly camp as you're thinking. It's usually a similar experience to any other nightclub (for better or worse), only considerably more gay.

Sapien

meeeboards wrote:

Am i asking to much?
Whats the likes of the abouve clubs like?

Cheers Guys!

You're asking to much in expecting that there is a place - a club or meeting place of any kind - populated by exactly the kind of guys you are interested in. In order to meet people you might like, you may just have to rub shoulders with a couple of camps boys and drag queens along the way. C'est la vie.

LegacyUser

I'm in a similar situation - noone knows about me and I don't really know anyone I feel comfortable telling because of how they might take it. I'm your everyday Jack the Lad on nights out for an easy life which is hard because I've never had any sort of meaningful relationship, even though I do want it. To tell anyone now would be a bit like a deception for the last few years. I have some gay friends but I don't really want to tell them because they might get the wrong idea, let it slip at some stage or think I've just been false all the time.

I find it really hard to meet any young gay guys. I'm trying to pluck up the courage to go along to a gay bar some night, even though I'll probably sit in the corner alone for a half an hour before losing my nerve and fecking off home. The thought of someone seeing me in the wrong place or with the wrong person and it getting out that I'm gay is scaring me. Any advice?

Boston

Be warned, you'll get a lot of perverted old men in places where "the young ones" go. You seem to be placing un-needed restrictions on who you will date. Theres nothing wrong with being camp, it just different.

Sapien wrote:

You're asking to much in expecting that there is a place - a club or meeting place of any kind - populated by exactly the kind of guys you are interested in. In order to meet people you might like, you may just have to rub shoulders with a couple of camps boys and drag queens along the way. C'est la vie.

I don't really agree with that, there's guys of questionable sexuality everywhere, you don't need a gay bar, in fact I'd go as far as saying you're probably limiting yourself trying to pull in a gay bar.

Sapien

Boston wrote:

Sapien wrote:

You're asking to much in expecting that there is a place - a club or meeting place of any kind - populated by exactly the kind of guys you are interested in. In order to meet people you might like, you may just have to rub shoulders with a couple of camps boys and drag queens along the way. C'est la vie.

I don't really agree with that, there's guys of questionable sexuality everywhere, you don't need a gay bar, in fact I'd go as far as saying you're probably limiting yourself trying to pull in a gay bar.

I'm not sure what you mean - scanning for gay guys in non-gay clubs? If so, I can't imagine how that could be considered easier than simply going to gay clubs, unless one is altogether repelled by some of the people found there. If one is so repelled then, well, get over it. Not everyone in the George is a drag queen, nor even necessarily enjoys drag queens, just as not everyone who goes to Redz or the Palace is a failed, middle-aged dj, or wishes to be one or have sex with one.

If you mean depending on the natural, casual encounters of life and work to provide opportunities, well, that seems nice in theory, but it is rarely enough. Not everyone is content to sit around and wait for Mr(s) Perfect to be assigned the desk next to one in the office.

Seeking to pull in a gay bar does not preclude pulling in any other way, place or aspect of one's life. If you mean that to depend entirely on encounters in bars is to narrow one's field of potential romance, I agree of course, but I think it's clear from the OP that he is looking for a means of meeting people that he presently lacks in his day-to-day.

Boston

Fundude wrote:

I'm in a similar situation - noone knows about me and I don't really know anyone I feel comfortable telling because of how they might take it. I'm your everyday Jack the Lad on nights out for an easy life which is hard because I've never had any sort of meaningful relationship, even though I do want it. To tell anyone now would be a bit like a deception for the last few years. I have some gay friends but I don't really want to tell them because they might get the wrong idea, let it slip at some stage or think I've just been false all the time.

I find it really hard to meet any young gay guys. I'm trying to pluck up the courage to go along to a gay bar some night, even though I'll probably sit in the corner alone for a half an hour before losing my nerve and fecking off home. The thought of someone seeing me in the wrong place or with the wrong person and it getting out that I'm gay is scaring me. Any advice?

Wow I know where you're going from with that one. It is a big step to take and it's very understandable that you're slow/afraid to take it, however the longer you leave something like this, the more it will eat at you. Do you really want to be still in this situation when you're 35?



Point I'm making is that you don't need a gay bar to meet other gay people. You'll meet gay and Bi-sexual men in every walk of life, the majority of whom won't go anywhere near a gay bar. So yes, in a gay bar it's like shooting fish in a barrel, but in general you have a wider choice in real life.

Sapien wrote:

I'm not sure what you mean - scanning for gay guys in non-gay clubs? If so, I can't imagine how that could be considered easier than simply going to gay clubs, unless one is altogether repelled by some of the people found there. If one is so repelled then, well, get over it. Not everyone in the George is a drag queen, nor even necessarily enjoys drag queens, just as not everyone who goes to Redz or the Palace is a failed, middle-aged dj, or wishes to be one or have sex with one.

Yes but a high percentage will be:D. You have some form of point, just because you're not attracted to certain types doesn't mean you should hide from them either.

If you mean depending on the natural, casual encounters of life and work to provide opportunities, well, that seems nice in theory, but it is rarely enough. Not everyone is content to sit around and wait for Mr(s) Perfect to be assigned the desk next to one in the office.

Make all the excuses for a lazy outlook you want, few heterosexuals need to go to meet-market bars to find someone, however a fair amount do go anyway as it's simple, easy and guaranteed, why would it be different with us. It's not just a case of people being able to identify someone as gay in a gay bar, it's also the knowledge that they are probably there for the same reason you are, to hook up.

I've lost count of the number of Gay and Bi-sexual people I know, and I've never been on the scene in the "looking to score" sense, in fact I've never really been on it at all at all. IF you get to know people you'll find out if they are interested quickly enough. Also the work comment, a huge number of people get involved with people they work with.

Seeking to pull in a gay bar does not preclude pulling in any other way, place or aspect of one's life. If you mean that to depend entirely on encounters in bars is to narrow one's field of potential romance, I agree of course, but I think it's clear from the OP that he is looking for a means of meeting people that he presently lacks in his day-to-day.

He's looking for love/relationships not just to have some gay friends, and e doesn't want to go out with Camp men and Transvestites which is fair enough, its a personal choice. He sees gay bars being full of these types of people which is a problem for him. Personally I think he's too young to be placing such restrictions upon himself.

nervous_twitch

Fundude wrote:

I'm in a similar situation - noone knows about me and I don't really know anyone I feel comfortable telling because of how they might take it. I'm your everyday Jack the Lad on nights out for an easy life which is hard because I've never had any sort of meaningful relationship, even though I do want it. To tell anyone now would be a bit like a deception for the last few years. I have some gay friends but I don't really want to tell them because they might get the wrong idea, let it slip at some stage or think I've just been false all the time.

I find it really hard to meet any young gay guys. I'm trying to pluck up the courage to go along to a gay bar some night, even though I'll probably sit in the corner alone for a half an hour before losing my nerve and fecking off home. The thought of someone seeing me in the wrong place or with the wrong person and it getting out that I'm gay is scaring me. Any advice?

- speaking from experience, no-one will take it as bad as you expect them to. In fact, I'd say you could be quite pleasantly surprised. Friends do understand why you had to be deceptive (even though I doubt you have, think about it) and will just be relieved that you're finally being honest with them. They might already know.
Unless your gay friends are particularly untrustworthy, and are likely to let it slide, I think telling them is probably your best option for the time being. Dont worry, they're not going to jump your bones as soon as they find out, and tbh, you're pretty lucky to have some people to venture out with into the scene with, which can be pretty intimidating. They'll also understand everything you're going through, as they've been through the same (and lived to tell the tale..)
By the by, unless they're of the insanely religious and/or traditional background, your parents will understand. It might be tough, particularly in the initial stages, but all in all, they just want you to be happy - by whatever means.

I think you need to forget about what other people might say or see; while they're burning the ears off each other, you'll be having a good time. Life is too short for being miserable; we are all, gay or straight, looking for our own peace of mind, and everyone has struggles to overcome.

Also, you certainly dont owe it to anyone to come out to them, tell who you feel like; its a personal thing really.

Phew; not even 8am, its gonna be a long day

Sapien

Boston wrote:

... few heterosexuals need to go to meet-market bars to find someone, however a fair amount do go anyway as it's simple, easy and guaranteed, why would it be different with us.

Firstly, I think a significant proportion of the average young heterosexual's diet of sex and romance does come from socialising in places like clubs. Secondly, the situation outside of such places is inherently different for heterosexuals. The main purpose of gay venues is to overcome the inevitable statistical disadvantage from which we suffer as a minority.

Boston wrote:

It's not just a case of people being able to identify someone as gay in a gay bar, it's also the knowledge that they are probably there for the same reason you are, to hook up.

I don't understand. Surely this could only be more true in a gay bar. I do not go to straight places with the intention to score or the expectation of scoring. I tend to think it significantly less likely than if I were at a gay place, and that it would be significantly less comfortable if it were to happen. In fact, if there were to be a suitable person - say an attractive and interested gay guy - at a straight place, I would almost certainly be less likely to notice because I wouldn't be expecting it, very much less sure, because I could never quite be certain he wasn't in fact straight, and definitely less likely to act, for the previous reasons and because I might assume that he would feel uncomfortable about scoring in a straight place.

While I understand that people resent the idea that they might be limited in their choices of social venues because of their sexuality, I think it is futile to try to argue that it is as easy for gay people to score in a straight venue as it is in a gay venue.

Boston wrote:

I've lost count of the number of Gay and Bi-sexual people I know, and I've never been on the scene in the "looking to score" sense, in fact I've never really been on it at all at all. IF you get to know people you'll find out if they are interested quickly enough.

Of course. Many people aren't suited to club scenes. But many are, gay and straight, and for the gay people who are, there are many disadvantages to patronising clubs for gay people, especially when it comes to romance.

Boston wrote:

Also the work comment, a huge number of people get involved with people they work with.

Yes, but once again, this is less likely for gay people, which explains to some extent why gay people are more likely to depend on clubs to meet new people.

Boston wrote:

He's looking for love/relationships not just to have some gay friends, and e doesn't want to go out with Camp men and Transvestites which is fair enough, its a personal choice. He sees gay bars being full of these types of people which is a problem for him. Personally I think he's too young to be placing such restrictions upon himself.

I see absolutely no problem with placing restrictions on the kind of people with whom he would like to have a romantic or sexual relationship. Better have one's standards too high than too low. What I see as a problem is deciding not to go to a club because of one element of the people in it. Surely he cannot imagine that everyone in the George is camp of a drag queen (who are not transvestites, as I'm sure you know), or that he could possibly be forced into doing anything more with them than he would want. So the only explanation for his reluctance to go to, say, the George cannot simply be that he isn't attracted to such people, but that he doesn't want to be associated with such people, or in the same building as them. That, I do have a problem with. In fact, if a straight bloke were to express displeasure at being in the mere presence of camp guys or drag queens, I would be inclined to judge him to be immature, sheltered or even bigoted.

Boston

Jesus man loose the victim complex.

I don't understand. Surely this could only be more true in a gay bar. I do not go to straight places with the intention to score or the expectation of scoring. I tend to think it significantly less likely than if I were at a gay place, and that it would be significantly less comfortable if it were to happen. In fact, if there were to be a suitable person - say an attractive and interested gay guy - at a straight place, I would almost certainly be less likely to notice because I wouldn't be expecting it, very much less sure, because I could never quite be certain he wasn't in fact straight, and definitely less likely to act, for the previous reasons and because I might assume that he would feel uncomfortable about scoring in a straight place.

Thats your issue and it's not necessarily universal. The OP is talking about forming a relationship with someone, not random guys in bars who really are only there to pull. I've never had a problem with scoring a guy in a straight venue, I've never picked up a guy in one though, but then again I've never picked up a woman either. If you want to meet and get to know people, a straight bar will facilitate that as much as a gay one, if you're just interested in getting laid, gay bar better then most places.

Have to say the OP in much better off joining a society or club, or some other activity which will bring him into contact will a lot of people, odds are a decent number will be Gay/Bi

Of course. Many people aren't suited to club scenes. But many are, gay and straight, and for the gay people who are, there are many disadvantages to patronising clubs for gay people, especially when it comes to romance.

I'll presume you meant "for straight people", Question: What do Lesbians do? I mean in any given gay bar there will be a lot of straight women, so how do lesbians handle this problem? The same way a gay guy in a straight bar would.

What I see as a problem is deciding not to go to a club because of one element of the people in it. Surely he cannot imagine that everyone in the George is camp of a drag queen (who are not transvestites, as I'm sure you know), or that he could possibly be forced into doing anything more with them than he would want. So the only explanation for his reluctance to go to, say, the George cannot simply be that he isn't attracted to such people, but that he doesn't want to be associated with such people, or in the same building as them. That, I do have a problem with. In fact, if a straight bloke were to express displeasure at being in the mere presence of camp guys or drag queens, I would be inclined to judge him to be immature, sheltered or even bigoted.

Drag in general is a form of Transvestitism, I'm uncertain of how it works if the person identifies as Transgendered. But anyway, I kinda agree. There's loads of reasons to avoid the George and its regular clientèle Issues with camp men or Drag queens doesn't seem very good.

Sapien

Boston wrote:

Jesus man loose the victim complex.

What now?

Boston wrote:

If you want to meet and get to know people, a straight bar will facilitate that as much as a gay one, if you're just interested in getting laid, gay bar better then most places.

If you want to get to know gay people, a gay bar is generally a safer bet. What with being full of gay people and all. A straight bar cannot facilitate meeting gay people as well as a gay bar can, unless one arranges to meet gay people there, which would seem to defeat the OP's purposes. While, yes, there is an emphasis on scoring in gay clubs, as with all clubs, it is not difficult to use the environment simply to make friends instead. Certainly better than going to straight places and hoping against the odds that you will experience a wonderful statistical anomaly.

Boston wrote:

Have to say the OP in much better off joining a society or club, or some other activity which will bring him into contact will a lot of people, odds are a decent number will be Gay/Bi

The odds are that the same proportion will be gay as are in society at large, which doesn't seem to be working out for the OP. Those odds can be improved by joining, say, a gay society or club - like a college LGBT society, or, as Goodshape suggests, a gay youth group like BeLonGTo.

Boston wrote:

I'll presume you meant "for straight people",

Actually, I meant "advantage" instead of "disadvantage".

Boston wrote:

Question: What do Lesbians do? I mean in any given gay bar there will be a lot of straight women, so how do lesbians handle this problem? The same way a gay guy in a straight bar would.

Hardly. While gay bars are less useful for gay women than they are for gay men, I think the odds are still stacked a lot better for them than they would be for a gay guy in a straight club. While in a straight club the proportion of men who are gay would be even smaller than the proportion in general - let's say below 5% - in a gay club like the George at least two thirds of the women will be gay, even on a bad night. Not exactly ideal, but nowhere near as much of an obstacle as a straight club.

Problems like the one the OP experience arise from the fact that gay men are a minority, and thinly dispersed throughout the broader community. There being even fewer lesbians that gay men, they experience that problem even more.

yellowdoor

In my experience, a significant amount of lesbian women meet online.

Enigma365

I'm not into camp at all so i dont think the likes of 'The George' or 'Glitz' would be the right place would it? The pics on the websites have all the guys dressed up like women and stuff and to be honest that dosnt intrest me much.

Pretty much all gay bars and clubs in Dublin are going to have a few drag queens, and people dressed as women. However they generally make up maybe 2-3% of the people in the place and may be more apparent in pictures because they area lot more photogenic than regularly dressed people.

Some places will be camper than others and I would say glitz is pretty camp and the George is a mixture of everything. If you were to do anything first I would suggest going to Dragon or Front Lounge with straight friends, if they will go, on say a Wednesday or Thursday(Friday or Saturday will be packed and may be a bit overwhelming). You can just find a table/booth and have a pint with your friends. You won't look out of place. They are just like any other bars inside.

In short there are lots of camp people in gay bars but there are just as many, if not more, straight acting people who you wouldn't know were gay if you weren't in a gay bar.

Oh and with regard age, you will find loads of young people(i.e. 18-25), in Dragon, the George and especially Glitz. Weekends tend to get older crowds in all these places, although there will still be plenty of younger people. The Front Lounge/Gubu are generally older all week round.

seanjohn88

Enigma365 got it pretty much spot on i gota say. Only thing i'd add is that i never notice drag queens, only the ones performing on stage. Maybe im too drunk to realise the person sittin at the table next to me is a drag queen! :rolleyes:

Oh and GUBU is now closed, was generally an older crowd but i still liked it, except the heart shaped bed/seats, they were kinda weird.

Front Lounge is a good place to start. Cos its "Gay friendly" instead of an actual gay bar, apparently.

Stark

seanjohn88 wrote:

Front Lounge is a good place to start. Cos its "Gay friendly" instead of an actual gay bar, apparently.

Apparently. Though someone mentioned in a thread here previously that they got hassled by some people in there. I've also noticed any time I've gone there myself that the bouncers gave me the unwelcoming "You know what kind of place this is?" when I was going in.

Boston

The orginal idea was to have the back lounge and the front lounge with two difference entrances, one was supposedly straight, the other gay, from what I remember. The place is about as gay a bar as you'll get.

Enigma365

When did Gubu close?

Boston

Ages ago, but I think one off events are still held there.