how often do you

LegacyUser

I have been with my gf for over a year now (well on and off). On paper she makes complete sense. She is gorgious, smart and caring. But she has no interest in sex. Every time we have sex its because I've instigated things. sometimes when I kick things off she gives me a look of... what the hell is wrong with you...

I reallly don't want to break up with her cos of something so silly as sex. But it does leave me feeling frustrated and unappreciated. I think that a young couple be sould do it every day... or so... she things very differently...

so my question is this... is this the norm. How many times do you and your loved one do it?

Beruthiel

Frustrated wrote:

so my question is this... is this the norm. How many times do you and your loved one do it?

How many times the rest of us do it is of no relevance as we are all different.
I suggest you talk to your g/f and see if you can find out why she's not that interested.

hanni1234

Once before work and after dinner usually. You should say it to her. My girlfriend loves it!

matt-dublin

its possible you're not turning her on enough or not pleasuring her so she probably feels whats the point.

Do you know if she's had an orgasm with you, or once you get started is she enjoying it or is she just lying there like a sack of spuds counting cracks on the ceiling.

I would think about sitting her down and asking these questions and she what she has to say.

We won't be able to tell you what she's thinking, she just might not enjoy sex, or may have a very low sex drive. but it sounds like sex is more of a chore to her than something she can enjoy

The Bollox

I agree with Matt, maybe she has a fantasy but is too shy to bring it up

Wibbs

Or maybe she just simply has a low sex drive. I was with a woman before that when we had sex we enjoyed it, had orgasms etc, but she wanted it a lot less than me. Sometimes peoples drives are just different.

Kurumba

hanni1234 wrote:

Once before work and after dinner usually. You should say it to her. My girlfriend loves it!

That's not very helpful advice is it now??

Op, there could be loads of different reasons she's not too into it as much as you, maybe she has a lower drive than you do and doesn't feel the need for it once or twice a day, is she stressed in work, has she other things on her mind maybe. If she is on the pill, this can effect her mood also.
It doesn't always mean she doesn't want you or fancy you or appreciate you. Couples with the same sex drive aren't as common as you might think. You need to compromise i suppose!
Somtimes she might just want a cuddle and a kiss without it leading to sex, it doesn't mean anything. Let her have the cuddle and kiss and thing unsexy things if your getting too excited
If you are both happy in other ways in your relationship then I would talk to her about it and let her tell you what her thoughts on the matter are.

I've said it to someone else here before but can't remember who, but maybe back off a bit and don't initiate it as much, she might just start initating it then.

LegacyUser

Frustrated wrote:

I have been with my gf for over a year now (well on and off). On paper she makes complete sense. She is gorgious, smart and caring. But she has no interest in sex. Every time we have sex its because I've instigated things. sometimes when I kick things off she gives me a look of... what the hell is wrong with you...

I reallly don't want to break up with her cos of something so silly as sex. But it does leave me feeling frustrated and unappreciated. I think that a young couple be sould do it every day... or so... she things very differently...

so my question is this... is this the norm. How many times do you and your loved one do it?

Same boat as you.... my gf seems to want it within 48 hours after her period finishing then nothing for the month!!! Its hell so i usually go find it else where once or twice a month

Kelter

the guy appears to be asking if his expectation for sex is normal, or high. Or if hers is low. He's not asking people for advise on how to get her interested or if he is doing something wrong.

In answer on my part. My relationship... something similiar to what he is looking for.

Reku

A person's libido is as unique as the person, even more than that really since it can depend on state of health and the situation, stress levels, etc..., for women where they are in their cycle can also affect it. There can be medical reasons for a constant low libido but unless your girlfriend feels herself that her libido is low she's unlikely to listen to any such suggestions and may be quite right to do so.
Guys tend to have higher libidos than girls naturally, but it could just be that your two libidos are at opposite ends of the scale, as such you may have to either learn to ignore your frustration or find some other way within the relationship to releave it.

The problem here is that guys tend to equate physical intimacy with love, whereas for girls it's all about the mental intimacy, you need to talk to her, tell her how you feel and always keep in mind that just because she doesn't feel in the mood doesn't mean she is angry with you/loves you less/is getting it elsewhere, it may just mean that she's not in the mood.

Marksie

Frustrated wrote:

I kick things off

Intersting turn of phrase there OP, makes it sound like a football match. Which is not as facetious a comment as it sounds as the way one approaches commencing lovemaking can Frequently influence things. To continue the theme, is it a quick dive for the goal area when the whistle blows or a slow prematch buildup?

I cannot recall reading in the realtionship manual that sex when you begin should "do it every day". It appears you have those expectations and your g/friend doesn't.
Have you communicated this, have you taken time to stroke and arouse her WITHOUT the expectation of anything going further or is it a case of "right I am up for it...are you?"

As others have said, libido plays a part, attitude plays a part, attention and respect play parts.
It is commonly said by women that intimacy for them can be simply holding and being held without things necessarily proceeding towards penetrative intercourse. For most men it doesn't. Those who do obtain a more deeper undestanding and a much more fulfilling experience. When you realsie that compromosie your expectations, matching to your partner leads to your partner opening to you and matching to you, then the whole thing finds a natural and expanding balance.

Step back a little, think of what your reaction to a direct refusal is? Is it acceptance, grumbling acquiescence or turning the lights off and rolling over? All those have affects in the future.

Oh and why is s*x silly? this comment is interesting? Was it a throw away line?
Or was it an indication of perhaps that you think sex is a purely physical instinct, not worth dwelling on as an emotional pathway, or a bonding pathway. Something to do as a form of relief?

The "on and off" comment, you have broken up and got together again or casual?
Again, i think it could be intimacy and lack of communication issues.

Remember also that you should look at why you are feeling unappreciated, what is it in yourself that makes you feel this way, raher than just allwoing things to go naturally or just simply enjyoing being with her without the expectations.

Now given that, in answer to your questions about how often should you do it... how long is a piece of string? It varies, once a week, in a fully connetced extended lovemaking session where you have taken tiome for each other is much more fulfilling, enjoyeable, bonding and mindblowig experience than once a night crammed between the end of teh telly and sleep time.

You should not be focussed on the frequency, but on the quality.

Wibbs

Marksie wrote:

You should not be focussed on the frequency, but on the quality.

Yes but when the frequency is once a month, sod the quality. Sometimes you can do all the loving foreplay in the world, respect her, be nice to her outside the bedroom, just cuddle her and still the sex is crap, infrequent or non existent. I've been there.

Now I'm not claiming to have been the perfect partner, but some people(inc. men too BTW) may have issues, a low sex drive or simply are not compatible with their partners. This issue was actually one of the reasons we split up. I'll be honest, while non sexual cuddles are great, I need more. I would be very touchy feeley without expectations of more, but the fact remains a regular good romp with someone on the same page as myself would be a very very important part of any relationship. The lack of it is either a sign of incompatibility, a sign of problems in the relationship outside the bedroom, or a lack of communication. All bad, very bad signs for the future.

aidan24326

OP as Marksie said you ought not be thinking of sex as a 'silly' thing even if you didn't really mean it that way. I would say it's very important to the majority of people and I can understand your frustrations.

But you really need to talk to your girlfriend about this. Grumbling to yourself in frustration won't solve anything. You need to find out why the situation is as it is. Why is she so often not in the mood? Is it something you're doing/not doing? Or does she simply have a low libido? If she has low libido now has it always been like this?

If it's a case that she just has a low sex drive with no medical causes (depression, stress, pharmaceutical effects etc.) then it may be that you both simply have very differing libidos and different attitudes towards sex. Sexual compatability is as important as anything else in a relationship so you really do need to talk this over with her.

If you love her then there are ways through and around this but it will take both of you making an effort to find a compromise that works for you both. If she's unwilling to make any effort then you've got a problem.

mcauley

Wibbs wrote:

Or maybe she just simply has a low sex drive. I was with a woman before that when we had sex we enjoyed it, had orgasms etc, but she wanted it a lot less than me. Sometimes peoples drives are just different.

Most sensible advice so far

goose06

I feel your pain mate, I'm in the same boat, brought it up a few times but made no difference, just a matter of grinning and bearing it, love the girl too much I guess, doesn't mean I don't get pissed off about it all the same

aidan24326

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wibbs
Or maybe she just simply has a low sex drive. I was with a woman before that when we had sex we enjoyed it, had orgasms etc, but she wanted it a lot less than me. Sometimes peoples drives are just different

mcauley wrote:

Most sensible advice so far

Agreed.

LegacyUser

Im in the same situation. well similar, we used to have a pretty good sex life, but then my gf got pregnant. we have a beautiful baba who is now 8 months old, but since the baby was born my gf doesnt want to have sex a whole lot, lets just say i woundnt even need to use my toes to count the amount of times weve done it since junior came along. I dont love my gf any less and I too do get a bit pissed off from time to time. Its kinda re-assuring to hear that im not the only one in this position though (I tought there was something wrong with me) but i do feel for ya. I know my case is a bit different in that I think her main reason for not wanting it is because she is afraid of getting prenant again. Anyway my advice is to stick with it, take your time and YE will get there. Things are looking up for me as Ive been promised a fondle tonight.

LegacyUser

Sex is a funny one. Apparently the Irish have a sex drive above the average of out EU friends. Personally I have sex with my girlfriend about twice a week, sometimes more. I would say her sex drive is stronger than mine, and it can lead to misunderstandings. My drive goes up and down a lot, but I think it is affected by my mood, sleep, diet and my smoking habit. I defiantly think you need to talk with her about it as you clearly are unhappy, and while I don’t think you will get all the answers right away, genital persistence is the key. Try to be non threatening when you approach the subject, and if the conversation is going nowhere, just let it be for another time. You will find out more in the long run this way. I really enjoy sex with my girlfriend, but sometimes I feel cagey and very tired, don’t really know why though.

LegacyUser

Well, the same boat, only I'm the girl.

My partner & I don't live together yet, so get very little alone time, & the alone time we do get is when we're drunk falling in from the pub.

We have sex once every 4-5 weeks & it's absolute hell.

What's worse is that it doesn't seem to bother him all that much.

He's the type of person who accepts things as they are.
We're not in a position to move out, so we just have to grin & bear it & hold out for the day when we can have our own place.

I, on the other hand get very depressed due to the lack of physical intimacy, so, we try to get away every so often just to rekindle the spark / lust, or whatever, just having proper time to enjoy each other.

It will get better some day, just not today, or tomorrow.

I feel your pain, as I'd like it at least 5 times a week.

Marksie

Wibbs wrote:

I would be very touchy feeley without expectations of more, but the fact remains a regular good romp with someone on the same page as myself would be a very very important part of any relationship. .

Wibbs, i think if you look at the last line, third paragraph of my original post you will see i mentioned something very similar.

In my experience once you concentrate on the quality, everything finds its balance.

Edit: I reread the OP post and couildn't see mention to monthly frequency TBH

LegacyUser

I am in the exact same boat OP. I am with my gf nearly 2 years. For most of that time, we would have sex at every free moment. But now I am lucky if I get twice/three times a month. She thinks I am "sex mad" but I have explained to her that a good/frequent sex life is important in a healthy relationship.
I have tried talking about it with her but she doesnt know what the issue is. When we are having sex, she loves it and gets really turned on but trying to get her in the mood is the issue.

She tried changing pill, which seemed to work for a while but we are back again to square one. She is going to come off the pill to see if that helps next.

The only thing you can do OP is talk to your gf and try to find a compromise.
I agree it is very very frustrating but if you love her, you will try to find a solution together.

Wibbs

Marksie wrote:

Wibbs, i think if you look at the last line, third paragraph of my original post you will see i mentioned something very similar.

No I saw that alright.

In my experience once you concentrate on the quality, everything finds its balance.

Yes and no. If the balance is that one wants it more than the other and one is naturally more sexual than the other, no amount of candlelight, joss sticks, mutual non sexual caresses and going OOOOMMMMM on a bed of organic muesli is going to change it longterm. Some people are just less sexual. Both men and women. Fact.

I've known them, I've been with some. Friends of both genders express the same. I often thought that it was just because they weren't enjoying it enough. Basically because I was thinking that any time my libido was down it was down to less involvement or enjoyment. Classic mistake and not just in this subject. I learned a very long time ago that the beginnings of interpersonal wisdom start with acknowledging that others may not think and feel like you do.

That woman I went out with who had low libido, has gone out with other men since and the same thing keeps cropping up. She's just not that pushed. I've asked her both then and since. When she's up for it, she likes it. Indeed loves it. She was quite orgasmic. More than some women I know that want sex far more than she does. She just isn't up for it that often. She doesn't have issues, her humours aren't out of balance, she wasn't probed as a child by Catholic space hamsters or any of that other guff. She's one of the most balanced people I have ever met. She's just not that sexual. It happens and it happens more than people think. Sometimes there are underlying issues, yes, but not always. She's now with a guy who is closer to her in this respect and things are hunky dory. She's found someone else who is well balanced a great guy who happens not to be that sexual. Good luck to both of them.

Now I agree that if the man is a boorish, selfish lover, things will tend to peter out. If the woman has sexual problems or has just given birth etc. things will be difficult. Of course, but sometimes there is just simply an incompatibiilty in sexual need between two people.

Edit: I reread the OP post and couildn't see mention to monthly frequency TBH

Don't be so literal. It was just an illustration.

biko

Durex Survey (2003)
People have sex an average of 127 times a year.

StephenC_IRL

hanni1234 wrote:

Once before work and after dinner usually. You should say it to her. My girlfriend loves it!

are you dating your toothbrush again ?

Rb

Repressed lesbian tbh, get a new girlfriend.

Plateau

For your average red blooded male, sex is important. No use sugar coating it with 'but I love her', etc., etc.

If the girl has a lower sex drive than you, then make sure she enjoys doing things for you and seeing you satisfied and pleased, and never refers obliquely to what she does for you as a favour that has been rendered (and therefore that may need to be repaid in some other way).

Otherwise, find a new girl, simple as that. Life is too short.

Hermione*

Plateau wrote:

For your average red blooded male, sex is important. No use sugar coating it with 'but I love her', etc., etc.

If the girl has a lower sex drive than you, then make sure she enjoys doing things for you and seeing you satisfied and pleased, and never refers obliquely to what she does for you as a favour that has been rendered (and therefore that may need to be repaid in some other way).

Otherwise, find a new girl, simple as that. Life is too short.

While I wouldn't disagree with you on the fact that sex is important to a relationship, how is your advice that the OP "make sure she enjoys doing things for you and seeing you satisfied and pleased, and never refers obliquely to what she does for you as a favour that has been rendered" going to solve his problem, which is that they have differing sex drives?

Marksie

Plateau wrote:

For your average red blooded male, sex is important. No use sugar coating it with 'but I love her', etc., etc.

If the girl has a lower sex drive than you, then make sure she enjoys doing things for you and seeing you satisfied and pleased, and never refers obliquely to what she does for you as a favour that has been rendered (and therefore that may need to be repaid in some other way).

LOL, its a very low average if that is the criterion. I would be happy to withdraw from that definition of red-blooded male.

Hermione* the advice to the OP is taken from a view of : when you do get it make sure you get it as you want it and nothing else matters. It effectively sidesteps the issue of vartying sex drives by ignoring the other partner completely

Crumble Froo

well, OP, i think the thing that stands out to me most is you mentioning that youre both young... i know that with my first b/f or two, i didnt have an especially high drive, heh, guess we just werent quite doing it right, until i met a certain guy who really did just make it feel *fantastic*... and i think it's fair to say, i have a much higher drive now, than i did... i think a lot of it might just come from experience/time.

sh1t, i hope that didnt read wrong... this is actually nothing against you, i just realised it could read that way...

Marksie

Wibbs wrote:

She's now with a guy who is closer to her in this respect and things are hunky dory. She's found someone else who is well balanced a great guy who happens not to be that sexual. Good luck to both of them.

I just highlighted this part of your post Wibbs. As the points you are making are entirely valid.
I guess from the particular part of the left field I am coming from, two things struck me:

1: As a person begins to radiate their inner sexuality and sensuality they will tend to draw to them or resonate with others of the same type. The like draws like.

2: In my experience, by allowing this sensuality to express in a form where it just "is" (i.e. just letting it be present when you are with them, being open etc.). Then it draws out the sexuality and sensuality of the other person. Sometimes they do resist for whatever reason, it may simply be as a suprise that they have it or even a morbid fear of those space hamsters . But just continuing to allow it to permeate the relationship it does open the other up to at least their own possibilities.

As you said, and it is entirely true and fundamental to ones understanding that not everyone does think and feel as you do. You cannot take anyone anywhere where they don't want to go against their will. You can however show them how it positively affects you and what the possibilities are. It is in the end up to them to follow or not. I suppose, simply put, if they are sat at the end of the bed looking open mouthed going..."wow how the hell did that happen?, did i really awaken that response in you?". Then they will want to begin to learn and eventually experience things for themselves, as well as feeling that they have been responsible for and shared something.

Certainly they may not be into some of the aspects of what i do, but they accept them and are learning more and more about themselves in the process. Whether it be simply feeling fully relaxed and safe and happy with who they are (including the physical AND emotional), E.M.Os, or a state of bliss or indeed rapture, that is a journey for them to take and for me to facilitate, and my journey is for me to take and them to facilitate. The fact we are journeying it together makes it even more delightful. The fact it also extends outside of the sexual side of things and into the general world around is even more startling.

Hermione*

Marksie wrote:

Hermione* the advice to the OP is taken from a view of : when you do get it make sure you get it as you want it and nothing else matters. It effectively sidesteps the issue of varying sex drives by ignoring the other partner completely

Thanks Marksie. I did have a feeling that it would be something like that. I still don't feel like it's the best advice though; following through with such advice would just turn the OP into an a**hole imo and if he were going to do that, which I don't think he would, it'd be much better to just end the relationship. Such behaviour would invalidate the whole point of a relatinship in my view, and they'd both be better off with other people.

Oh, and I love your last post, Marksie!

empirix

everyday and no instegating involved on my part - i've heard some women can be quite shy and unconfident when it comes to sex, try to reassure her and have a chat etc etc

LegacyUser

I've been going out with my girlfriend for over 3 years. We've lived together for the past 2. When we started going out, we both lived at home. She would come up and stay in my parents house every weekend and we would have sex (when parents were away). She was extremely sexual and any opportunity we could have sex, we would. We even had sex on the top of a hill overlooking our home town on the way back from a club one night back then. That fun period lasted about a year. When we went away on holiday together we could end up having sex 3 times a day. Then things slowed down and she didn't feel cool about having sex in my parents house. So we made plans to move in together. She told me at the time she just didn't feel comfortable any more doing it it my parents house, and I respected that. So when we moved in we had sex on the first night. Then it started to go really down hill. She turned her reasoning to not wanting to have sex because she felt too pressured now that we lived together. So I learned to back off.

She changed her pill and things spiced up for a while, and then returned to normal. Our worst period was having sex just once in 2 months. Then we moved apartment because our last place was a dump and things spiced up again. But work became a nightmare for my girlfriend and she became depressed. So her libido dropped again and she and I would have sex about twice a month (maybe once). She went to counselling and went on meds and the played with her libido also.

Anytime we do have sex she absolutely loves it, she has had multiple orgasms on many occasions and she always climaxes when we have sex. We usually go for anything up to 2 hours and get really in to it.

Sometimes she is angry at me for making her feel pressured, other times she gives me that insecure look that I will seek sex elsewhere if she doesn't satisfy me. Which I would never do in a million years, this girl is the one and only person for me and I love her dearly, so I'm not...going...anywhere!.

At the moment we have sex roughly once every 7 - 10 days. I wish we could have sex every 2 days or so, but I am willing right now to see how it goes.

This is a good thread, because at least the lads that have posted here have done so with maturity and an open mind. I think we're all aware that all people are different. I suppose what would be interesting though is, are there any cases of couples who had problems in this area and managed to get it sorted out to a mutual satisfaction? Whas it a change in the pill, other meds, change in attitude, etc?

Plateau

Hermione* wrote:

While I wouldn't disagree with you on the fact that sex is important to a relationship, how is your advice that the OP "make sure she enjoys doing things for you and seeing you satisfied and pleased, and never refers obliquely to what she does for you as a favour that has been rendered" going to solve his problem, which is that they have differing sex drives?

It's simple, if the guy wants to have sex and the girl doesn't but she is happy to 'look after him' then there may not be a problem. But if the girl does not want to know, or she is willing to do x, y or z for some benefit to herself, then that is a situation that the OP is not going to be happy in.

Differing sex drives may not be the end of the world, but it is if one party is constantly made to feel like they have a problem for looking for sex, and the other is constantly feeling like they are being harassed and pressured. Life is too short for this stuff. If the two people can't come to terms with their differences, then they should split up.

Plateau

Marksie wrote:

LOL, its a very low average if that is the criterion. I would be happy to withdraw from that definition of red-blooded male.

Hermione* the advice to the OP is taken from a view of : when you do get it make sure you get it as you want it and nothing else matters. It effectively sidesteps the issue of vartying sex drives by ignoring the other partner completely

You seem to have misread my post. I never gave a definition of a red blooded male, I just gave an instance of something that is important to the average red blooded male.

If the second part of your post refers to what I said, then I don't understand what you mean.

Kell

Folks,

to all those who have difficulties with their sex lives a few simple pointers-

A) Speak to your partner and find out if there is some issues that you werent aware of
If they decide to be more into it great. If not, and they have no issues and they just have a lower sex drive than you, move on and find someone who mirrors your own drive

You could, as Mark says, take a very long and exploratory road to fulfillment with your current partner or, as I say, take a very short road to someone who is gagging for it 24/7 like you. While Marks advice is sound, I prefer coming to the conclusion that it is broken before investing all of my energies into something where I know what the outcome is going to be anyway.

OP said he didnt want to end things over something "silly" like sex. Sex is a very big part of your relationship mate. If you arent happy in the sack, it will permeate every facet in your relationship and your frustrations just get worse and eventually get teeth. One day she'll be thinking "why the fúck did he just snap my head off" and you'll be thinking "jesus is she ever going to drop the hand without me marking it with an x". She will never get it unless you say it to her.

If someone does not make you happy in a certain very large department, move on. Yes, it really is that easy. And you shouldnt feel the slightest pang of guilt at all once you have had the very necessary chat about things.

K-

Wibbs

^ Qft

Talliesin

Plateau wrote:

You seem to have misread my post.

You seem to have miswritten your post. Marks summary differs from your original only in being more eloquent.

rollotomassi

Kell wrote:

OP said he didnt want to end things over something "silly" like sex. Sex is a very big part of your relationship mate. If you arent happy in the sack, it will permeate every facet in your relationship and your frustrations just get worse and eventually get teeth. One day she'll be thinking "why the fúck did he just snap my head off" and you'll be thinking "jesus is she ever going to drop the hand without me marking it with an x". She will never get it unless you say it to her.
K-

Absolutely spot on. I left my fiancée after a year of constant frustration and ever increasing resentment. It got to the point where we fought every day about stupid things and I was snappy with her constantly all because she refused to have sex. I felt kind of betrayed, as if she had been sexual at the beginning just to get me, but once she had me in the relationship, she didn't feel the need to make me happy anymore. This obviously was not the case, the simple truth is that we were not suitable for each other. Now I'm with a woman who has a slightly higher sex drive than mine and I am much happier, and never in the mood to start fights over something insignificant. It may be a cliché, but it's true, when the sex is good it's 10% of the relationship, when it's bad it's 90% of the relationship. OP, don't sell yourself short, think hard about if you feel you can really be happy in a low sex relationship.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

Frustrated wrote:

so my question is this... is this the norm. How many times do you and your loved one do it?

oh about twice a day when we were in our first couple of years,
slows down as time goes on, to about once every day or two now
seems at time goes on, less often but way more kinkier

so if your not getting any now....it will only get less

Plateau

Talliesin wrote:

You seem to have miswritten your post. Marks summary differs from your original only in being more eloquent.

Do you try to weave insults into all the threads you contribute to, or is it just this one? No topical content to be seen here.

LegacyUser

'Well... enough was enough. a 3 week gap... I don't care what is normal... If I'm abnormal for wanting more... then so be it...

Still feel like a pr*ck though... Damn you catholic guilt!!!'

Demonique

OP, you could always try masturbation, it's not the same, but it helps take your mind off things

LegacyUser

I'm in the exact opposite situation.

My girlfriend of over a year is SEX MAD.

Seriously, 3 times a day doesn't satisfy her (each approx 15 min sessions).
She doesn't orgasm during penetration, but even when I break out the toys and she does climax she still demands more an hour later.

If we lived together I don't know what I'd do.
As it is I can make excuses about parents being etc.
Sometimes I have to give the little fella a couple of days off just to recover (she understands this thankfully).

Victor

Please stop boasting and stay on topic.

SexyD4Lady

Don't worry OP- there are lots of men and women out there who have low sex drives, what your girlfriend feels is not that uncommon.

Perhaps your lady doesn't enjoy sex for a particular reason- maybe it's uncomfortable for her, finds it boring, too much of an effort, associates it with an unpleasant experience, etc. Many women also don't enjoy simple penetrative sex and need that extra bit of TLC. Try different more sensual things in the bedroom such as naked massages, talk to her about trying oral on eachother, and if you do come to the point of having sex with her, try creating extra pleasure for her by stimulating her "nerve centre" (!) at the same time. Good luck with it.

And with regard to the how often do we boardsters do it? Myself and my man do it on average about 5 times a week.

Wibbs

Victor wrote:

Please stop boasting and stay on topic.

Maybe he is boasting then again, maybe he's not. Funny enough, this subject came up last night over a few pints(of course, the Irish truth drug:D ) with a very close female friend of mine. She and I have known enough women who have had the OP's problem from their side(including her at the moment). This idea that men are always up for it isn't always the case. I knew one woman who's longterm(4 years) BF was very non sexual. Everything was fine at the start(as usual), then about two years in it went a bit south. Once a month if she was lucky. She tried damn near everything to get back his ardour to no avail. It split them up. Off the top of my head I can think of 3 more women with similar stories, especially in relationships over the few years mark. It's not always the women who cool off. That seems to be more likely in shorter relationships for that to happen.

I would say many factors are at play in either gender. Naturally low sex drive that becomes evident after the initial rutting stage is over. Work pressures. Loss of attraction. Relationship issues. Physical problems. Medication(esp for blood pressure/depression). Boredom.

Some of these can be overcome if both are willing to try. Sometimes though, bugger all will fix it longterm. Personally if after everything is explored and it's still an issue, I would leave. May sound harsh, but I have to be honest. If I can't express my sexuality with someone that I care about, it would drive too big a wedge between us. It wouldn't be fair on them for a start and they would be better off finding someone who is more on their wavelength. Been there.

6-8 times depending on how often I see him and usually I see him 2-3 times a week and stay over one of the nights
Appetite's can vary I've been left really frustrated in the past and have dumped guys over it.My current partner is keeping me happy anyway.

Marksie

Victor wrote:

Please stop boasting and stay on topic.

Actually Victor, i don't think he has much to boast about.

Wibbs wrote:

I would say many factors are at play in either gender. Naturally low sex drive that becomes evident after the initial rutting stage is over. Work pressures. Loss of attraction. Relationship issues. Physical problems. Medication(esp for blood pressure/depression). Boredom.

Some of these can be overcome if both are willing to try. Sometimes though, bugger all will fix it longterm. Personally if after everything is explored and it's still an issue, I would leave. May sound harsh, but I have to be honest. If I can't express my sexuality with someone that I care about, it would drive too big a wedge between us. It wouldn't be fair on them for a start and they would be better off finding someone who is more on their wavelength. Been there.

Thing is Wibbs i see people using the term low sex drive as avoiding the real issue. Its a convenient catch all excuse.
In a good working relationship people will communicate there desires and issues effectively. That does of course lead to your point about expressing your sexuality..very valid.

but your examples above can be split into two general headings.
Intra relationship issues

external facors on the realtionship: stress or physical.

Of course you can start with one and then it leads to more appearing.

If both are willing they can be overcome: reducing the stress, making time for the other. Trying to rediscover what they fond attractive in the first place.
Non-penetrative techniques, concentratring on sensuality rather than sexuality... thus beginning to stimulate the ecstatic response.

But that is assuming that there was a suitable balance in teh first place. If the imbalance existed at the beginning fo the realtionship.. one or other was lying to themselves that it would be alright.