Dating a Co-Worker?

LegacyUser

I broke up with my boyfriend and two weeks ago, a very nice guy from work kissed me on a night out. It was awkward at first but now we're getting on ok and I would like to see him again but we both work in law, and we really don't get any time whatsover to ourselves in work. I really like him, everytime he comes into the office I get embarrassed and when he leaves, I'm smiling. I smile everytime I see him... can't control it..hehe *

What do people think of getting involved with people they work with?
Markie.. I know you will have some wisdom on this one...share share!

Marksie

Hi, thanks for the vote of confidence! , I had better reply now lol .

Ok as for dating people at work, for me I wouldn't it can cause work issues. i have worked in too many places where such things are commonplace and arguments and breakups carry on at work, then again, i have seen people married who worked together.

Still thats me!

Now, having said that, and speaking of votes of confidence, its entirely up to you.

If he makes you smile well then :-). If you cannot see him in work, then meet outside of work. I take it that after the first kiss, it wasn't repeated, does he smile when he sees you?

The uncomfortableness..due to the closeness of the breakup? or suprise?

He may be unsure how to proceed himself, do you smile at him and say hi, or juts sort of mumble and hang the head in that way we have when we are embarrassed?

If you are smiling when he leaves, why dont you look him in the eye and smile when he is there, be a devil and drop a wink!

The only way to be sure is to summon the courage and start a direct conversation. See what you both have common ground in and then ask him to join you. Don't leave it up to him to initiate, men can be very dense at times.
Go get him tiger!

biko

If you feel it's real then by all means dive in.
If you're only looking for a shag or flirt stay away.

boffin

You are going to get both sides replying to this....

those that have gotten involved with someone in work or know of someone who has and it has ended in a disaster and those who have ended up meeting their soulmate.

If it was me - I wouldn't get involved with someone in work - it is too messy and when it goes wrong it just causes too much trouble.

Has he made any suggestion of maybe going on a date? How does he act towards you?

LegacyUser

Well, Markie thanks, that was all spot on advice. Ta-ta!

He was giving me little winks before we kissed when he said hello, so I think I will give him a smile and a wink some time...One day before we kissed we were at the photocopier and we both looked up and I held back a smile and he smiled. Its cute...its good, I know he has feelings for me but I think getting involved with a work mate, its new to me, and I'm just looking for some good old boards opinions here.

And Boffin, we have had no opportunity to talk because we are with people all the time, and I'm too shy to do it, cause I like him. He acts very kind to me, asks me do I need a hand with anything and I did him a favour yesterday that needed to get out before close of business and he was extremely grateful I completed it. I am not as shy as I was the first week so I'm able to look him in the eye now and talk work, but he is a little embarassed/shy which I don't mind, because hes a nice guy, and not cocky or real macho around the guys.

I'm really grateful of your replies guys! I'm not really able to chat to anyone in work about this, so thanks a mil.

biko

I held back a smile and he smiled.

Just don't string him along.
Either jump in and ask him out or "Hey, you're nice but I think dating at work is too problematic".

LegacyUser

By holding a smile back I mean we both looked straight into each others eyes and a big dirty grin crept up and I held it back. I aint stringing him along... I just am a little clueless, thats all.

I am too shy for this ****.

Marksie

Original Poster wrote:

By holding a smile back I mean we both looked straight into each others eyes and a big dirty grin crept up and I held it back. I aint stringing him along... I just am a little clueless, thats all.

I am too shy for this ****.

Don't hold it back next time.

Try just looking at yourself in the mirror for an extended period of time, looking right in the eyes and hold it. A gaze like this not a stare like this :eek: .

It gets us used to doing things that we are told not to really, maintain eye contact build in ths smile and talk about anything, the weahter, the day, how itchy those laws wigs are, anmy good places for lunch, where they are (even if you know where it is), will he show you where it is.

Hopefully , practicing the gaze in the mirror will allow you to become accustomed to two things: looking at another and also, if you look at the left eye only, being looked at by another.

If he is smiling at you he is indicating positive things.

Life is too short OP for not going for it if you want to. Don't look back and regret it because you were too shy to ask.

"A dumb Priest never got a Parish".

biko

Who dares, wins - Motto of the British SAS

Mr E

I know most people will say "Go for it, what have you got to lose?".

I did it, it didn't work out, and I ended up leaving the job. So it can go wrong.
Sorry!

Spud83

If you dont go for it, dont you think you are going to spend every day in the job wondering what if??? I say go for it...even if it goes wrong, once you can both be mature enough then it shouldn't become a problem where you cant be civil to each other in work.

LegacyUser

'All excellent points and mixed opinions.

Thanks I am going to wait to see if we're headin for a few scoops after work tomorrow night and if we do, then I'm grand to chat away but if we don't I think I'll send him a mail and go from there.

Thanks guys!

Phoar I am blushing like mad....'

Malice

I went out with a girl that I worked with a few years ago. As the nursery rhyme goes - When it was good, it was very, very good but when it was bad it was horrid We worked near each other in a factory and without wanting to generalise, there was a lot of gossiping going with the consequence that everyone knew your business, often even before you did!

With that said though, I would have no hesitation in seeing someone else that I worked with. Just be aware that things may be very awkward if the relationship ends. Then of course, you probably shouldn't enter into a relationship if you're worried about how it's going to end

King of Kings

hey - i married a co -worker and we subsequently split. although we are not too friendly with each other - in work it's fine.
The doom and gloom of dating a co worker is over stated
I say go with it

Partizan

King of Kings wrote:

hey - i married a co -worker and we subsequently split. although we are not too friendly with each other - in work it's fine.
The doom and gloom of dating a co worker is over stated
I say go with it

holy guacamole

SarahSassy

Is it a tiny office????

BaZmO*

I've done it and it turned out to be a disaster. I'd definitely think twice before doing again.

Although if I'm honest, the reason why the relationship didn't work was because I thought that it was just going to be a fling and then it just got too heavy and the thoughts of a potential messy breakup in work was a nightmare.

When the breakup came it was just weird going from being so close with someone to just working on a business level. And the fact that you see each other for most of your waking hours gets a bit too much.

On the other hand, a friend met her boyfriend in work and they've been going out for the last 2000 years.......or there abouts. And my sister met her boyfriend in work and they've been going out for about the same amount of time, although he's an ass.hole but that's irrelevant.

Basically, as is the way with most things in life you'll have your successes and disasters but you need to try it out first before you can see what comes of it.

TCP/IP

I just married my boss now beat that ha ha so it can work

LegacyUser

'hey OP, i've done the commited thing with a workmate. great for ages, but ended up very very messy- living, working and socialising together. bad news==breakup

i also had a fling, which we both knew that was all it was. just having fun.and that stayed great.

anyway, it can work- but careful of living in eachothers pockets. it will choke any relationship

just have fun. why not? you deserve it!'

bill_ashmount

Go for it, when it works it is brilliant. I've seen loads of people do it. It's very common (at least it is in large companies). If it doesn't work out, it will be a little akward for a while but you'll get over it. I've been there when it didn't work out and it ain't the end of the world.

BaZmO*

TCP/IP wrote:

I just married my boss now beat that ha ha so it can work

There's a great reply to that if it was the "After Hours Forum"!!!

Reku

You seem to be getting a few nay-sayers stating about how badly it can go wrong, but in reality does that not apply to all relationships? The only added difficulty here is that if it does end you can't easily take time apart from one another due to working in the same place.
Fact is though, as we are spending more of our lives in work and commuting too and from work, it's becoming a more and more significant dating scene relative to the more casual environments, we simply don't have the time to get to know people outside work like we do those in work. In my workplace there are a few people who married people they met through this job (former staff) so it can work out, then there are others who it didn't work out for.

BaZmO*

farohar wrote:

You seem to be getting a few nay-sayers stating about how badly it can go wrong, but in reality does that not apply to all relationships? The only added difficulty here is that if it does end you can't easily take time apart from one another due to working in the same place.

That's all well and good but what's the number one piece of advice that people on here give to someone that has just split up from a partner? It's that they should try and break all contact with their ex and give themselves some time to get over the relationship. A task that is made infinitely more difficult when you're working with that person on a daily basis.

Having said that though, I still think the OP should go for it and just be aware of the possible consequences if it all does go pear-shaped.

Reku

Well I was trying to be not so negative in saying have another job lined up just in case, which seems to be the gist of the view of a fair few of the posters....:(

Electric

I'm dating a guy I work with for over a year now and it works really well. We don't work on the same floor but would email each other and meet for lunch.

When he first asked me out I was going to say no but something made me change my mind and I'm so glad I did.

I met my current boyfriend in work and there were a few not so good moments before he becamemy boyfriend that made me wish I hadn't worked with him or gotten involved.
If your job is disposable then go for i but I would say no way!

LegacyUser

Hey guys

I sent him an email Friday 2 weeks ago, telling him nicely where I was going later and he never replied back, not even on Monday. I left my number in it saying Id had a good time, it was fun and if your out and about later on pop in. Instead, things got more awkward between us.

We're just begaving like nothing ever happened.

I didnt repost because do you know what, I am just so annoyed...but never fear Im going out to meet friends tonight after yet another embarassing work do (argh).

I think its more just lust now that I want HIM. But I know, there'll be plenty of men where I'm going tonight.

Im bloody frustrated. I was being polite by emailing him and asking him out and he wasn't even polite enough to email me back.... and excuse!

Men! (and women) Bah!

Maple

Original poster wrote:

Hey guys

I sent him an email Friday 2 weeks ago, telling him nicely where I was going later and he never replied back, not even on Monday. I left my number in it saying Id had a good time, it was fun and if your out and about later on pop in. Instead, things got more awkward between us.

We're just begaving like nothing ever happened.

I didnt repost because do you know what, I am just so annoyed...but never fear Im going out to meet friends tonight after yet another embarassing work do (argh).

I think its more just lust now that I want HIM. But I know, there'll be plenty of men where I'm going tonight.

Im bloody frustrated. I was being polite by emailing him and asking him out and he wasn't even polite enough to email me back.... and excuse!

Men! (and women) Bah!

eeek. oh well OP, not a lot you can do. Just hold your head high and be pleasant towards him. Do not let him know how rattled you are. Chalk it down to experience and move on.