Great Irish Quotes - funny

keltoms · 03-07-2007 1:48pm #1

Great Irish Quotes:
A man has been found dead stuffed into a briefcase floating on the Grand canal-Gardai are treating it as suspicious.
RTE Radio 1 News July 2001

"When I said they'd scored two goals, of course I meant they'd scored one."
RTE Commentator George Hamilton

"The referendum went as most people hoped it would."
Irish Times editorial displaying acute understanding of the Democratic Process.
"He's pulling him off. The Spanish manager is pulling his captain off!"
George Hamilton as Butregueno comes off against Ireland.

"What we are doing is in the interest of everybody, bar possibly the consumer."
Aer Lingus spokesman.

"Outside HIV in Grafton Street."
Gay Byrne plugging Hothouse Flowers appearance.

"A top level Garda internal inquiry is being held in Connemara into an allegation that a local garda shot a cow .... There has been

no statement from the cow."
The Irish Press.

"I think the Irish woman was freed from slavery by bingo. They can go out now, dressed up, with their handbags and have a drink and play bingo. And they deserve it."

John B. Keane.

"Ludicrous. Ridiculous."
1989 edition of Collins Concise Dictionary defines the word 'Irish'.

"Get married again."
Charles Haughey to women asking for an increase in the widows' pension.

"Bosco is a Bollox! Bosco is a Bollox!"
What Zig and Zag were caught shouting (with Ian Dempsey laughing in the background) when the cameras returned prematurely from a commercial break during 'Dempsey's Den'.

Zag was tossing the Bosco puppet around.

Ian Dempsey: "What would you give Andrew and Sarah as a wedding present?"
Caller: "I'd love to give Fergie AIDS and put a bomb up Andy's hole'"

Larry Gogan: "Name the BBC's Grand Prix commentator? I'll give you a hint. It's something you suck...."
Contestant: "Oh, Dickie Davies." (Murray Walker is the correct answer)

Larry Gogan: "What was Jeeves' occupation?"
Contestant: "He was a carpenter."

Larry Gogan: "Complete this well known phrase. 'As happy as.....' hint think of me."
Contestant: "A pig in ****e."

Larry Gogan: (after a caller got none of 18 questions right on the Just a Minute quiz) - "Ah sure the questions didn't really suit you did they?"

Caller: "Ah go fu*k off Larry you're only an old bollox."

Gerry Ryan: (during a discussion on whether people would like to be buried or cremated when they die) - "Would you like to be buried or cremated?"

Caller: "Oh, buried Gerry."
Gerry Ryan: "And where would you like to be buried?"
Caller: "Up to me balls in Bibi Baskin!"

Larry Gogan: "And who would you like to play the request for?"
Caller: "Meself"
Larry Gogan: "Any particular reason?"
Caller: "I got me first job yesterday"
Larry Gogan: "Oh, that's nice, what was the job?"
Caller: "A blowjob!"