Friend fancies girlfriend?

LegacyUser

I was over at a mates houes last night and while we getting ready to go out he got a call, while I was waiting he told me to play on the computer to "keep myself entertained". His games were fairly boring so I tired of that almost instantly and instead began to run searchs on his computer. The folder description of the folder where he keeps all his stuff says that he has about 4,500 sub-folders so I decided to run a general search for folders on that main folder. The results were in fairly quickly and I started reading the list just out of interest. Most of them were fairly boring (to do with college etc.) but one was called after my girlfriend so I decided to take a peek.

There was 51 photos of her in there. All of them were completely normal, just her out with friends etc. and I even recognised most of them from bebo, myspace etc. The folder name shows that it's very well buried (almost sixty or so sub-folders deep) so he really doesn't want this to be found.

The only explanation I can think of as to why he would have so many photos of her is that he secretly fancies her.

What do I do? Should I challenge him about this or just try to keep them separate so he doesn't try anything?

I was tempted to delete them but I decided not to as some of them were recent additions so he probably looks at them a lot and would notice if they disappeared. I'm not sure this was right. If I get a chance should I get rid of them?

It's kinda creeping me out...

WellyJ

I would definitely ask him about it,

Say you were messing about on the computer and found it,

He left you alone with the computer to do what you wanted and to be honest it really does sound like he has a thing for your girl.

You have to say something to him

sportswear

"You have to say something to him"

????? why ??????

what are you going to do about it? he hasn't done anything wrong!


i would definitely not bring it up...


how could this be constructive. your mate fancies your girlfriend so what?
as long as he doesn't do anything about it its fine.

bringing it up just makes things awkward.

telling him you know will just embarrass him. whats the point? its not his fault.

just be glad you have her.

Shyster

At the same time, he does have a whole folder of pictures of YOUR girlfriend. Out of respect for her, something should be done. I would HATE to think anyone had pictures of me, and of all people a friend of my boyfriend's. Its not something I would be comfortable with anyway, and my boyfriend certainly wouldnt.

sweet-rasmus

i'd ask him. it's gonna bug your mind. sure, you searched his computer but he let you at his computer. i'd bring it up, though try not to be angry. it's an honest curiousity. is your girlfriend part of the group of friends which he is in? perhaps there is a simple explaination about it all. either way, your mind will be driven mad till you find out. best of luck.

Kell

Only thing to do is calm the fúck down. Theres nothing amiss. I fancy a mates GF rotten, have to leave the room when she is around because I will say something stupid. I told him so and he was cool about it- took it as a compliment which is what you should do.

So what if he fancies your girlfriend. I fancy most people I walk past. Doesnt mean I am going to get up on them or them on me does it?

K-

Fanny Cradock

If the guy has 4500 folders and sub-folders he is obviously very keen on categorising things. Did you consider the fact that in the days of digital cameras it's hardly unusual to have 1000's of pictures on your computer? What's more, when snooping, did you do a search for anybody else to see if they, too, had folders and sub folders dedicated to them? This could all be perfectly innocent.

Victor

I'd better not let Estevan Calcano* near my PC then.




*Adriana Lima's boyfriend.

AngryBadger

OP I DON't really see the problem here. If he has a thing for your girlfriend so what? As long as he doesn't do anything about it, and even then your girlfriends reaction would be more important than yours in terms of your relationship with her.

Shyster wrote:

Out of respect for her, something should be done. I would HATE to think anyone had pictures of me, and of all people a friend of my boyfriend's.

I don't see how this reflects the OP's respect for his gf at all. I don't even see how it effects his friends respect for her. The notion that someone who takes a photo is obviously perving, being disrespectful, or stealing something in some way precious to you is ridiculous, any number of people could be taking hundreds of pictures of the OPs gf at any time of the day and he/she wouldn't know about it.

spinandscribble

thats really creepy. if i was this ops gf i wouldnt want to be told except that his friend fancied me and i'd hope he'd have a word with him.
this all sounds like a fixation or obession and i think while the ops friend would be embarassed i think he needs to say he saw the pictures and hopes it wont turn into anything else

pickarooney

They weren't in a folder called Temporary Internet Files/bigloadofcrap/cache/....../myspace/nameofmematesbirdswebsite by any chance?

Bottle_of_Smoke

Is it normal to run searches on mates computers like that?

Anyway I wouldn't like it. Did he have any pictures of other girls? Which wouldn't actually make things a whole lot better.

If anything ever happens to your girlfriend you'll probably tell the cops about this so maybe nip it in the bud & ask him about the pics now.

LegacyUser

Fanny Cradock wrote:

If the guy has 4500 folders and sub-folders he is obviously very keen on categorising things. Did you consider the fact that in the days of digital cameras it's hardly unusual to have 1000's of pictures on your computer? What's more, when snooping, did you do a search for anybody else to see if they, too, had folders and sub folders dedicated to them? This could all be perfectly innocent.

No, I just saw her name and then opened it but it does seem to be incredibly excessive. Having loads of photos is understandable but grouping them like that looks to be very obsessive.

spinandscribble wrote:

thats really creepy. if i was this ops gf i wouldnt want to be told except that his friend fancied me and i'd hope he'd have a word with him.
this all sounds like a fixation or obession and i think while the ops friend would be embarassed i think he needs to say he saw the pictures and hopes it wont turn into anything else

I honestly wouldn't even know how to tell her and it's probably best if she didn't know. I mean, I'm a bit scared by it so it should be worse for her.

But I really think that I should talk to him and get the folder deleted.
Any suggestions for how I bring it up or do I just come straight out with it?

Lothaar

Don't say anything... just yet. Try to get another shot at his computer, run the same search and see if he has other folders with photos of mates. If he's maintaining a bebo/myspace page, he might have lots of pics on his machine.

If he has folders devoted to other people it either means:
1. That he is an eerily obsessive creepo who stalks everybody he knows; or
2. He just keeps his photos well organised.


If your bird is the only folder - call him out on it. Otherwise, say nothing and never run a search on his computer again (kinda weird that you did that anyway).

sticker

I have to admit I think you were wrong to just jump into his PC and have a root around. It's an invasion of his privacy and if I caught a mate thrawling through my stuff I'd be plenty pissed....

Odds on we all have private gear on our PC's.

I agree it's a little unsettling - I'd have a small problem with it myself, but I wouldn't say anything to him. It's not like he cut the heads off and attached it to po*n images - which a mate in the job had admitted to doing! Dirty little sod!

I think if you confront him, prepare for a lambasting for hitting that F3 key!

Mr. Incognito

Your general nosiness is almost greater or equal to your paranoia.

You weren't having a quick dig for porn by any chance were you?

epsnich

SetantaL wrote:

Your general nosiness is almost greater or equal to your paranoia.

You weren't having a quick dig for porn by any chance were you?

OP, if your mate is creepy, then you are just as creepy - what the hell were you trying to do, doing searches of his private folders?! Unless you suspected something, I think this is out of order.

Meanwhile your mate has photos of your gf. Ones that are on public internet spaces - so your gf obviously doesn't have a problem with potentially millions of people viewing her photo. So it shouldn't be a problem for her that he has 'public' phots saved on his computer.

Has he got pics of other friends? Maybe he's just a really organised person when it comes to photographs and he saves all the photos of his friends of folders by their same name.

Capt'n Midnight

so there's 4,499 folders without her picture

were there other folders of his other friends done by name

If he didn't want it to be found, he wouldn't have let you have a go on the computer especially if you knew as much or more than him about them.

The Bollox

take it as a compliment!

if he is a good friend of you he will not move on it, he is just jealous that you got there first.

as said before, although I personally think it's unlikely, he may not have a crush on her atall. the next time you and him are out bring her up in casual conversation and observe how he responds and talks about her

Evangelion

The Bollox wrote:

if he is a good friend of you he will not move on it, he is just jealous that you got there first.

Thinking this would be your first mistake. My best mate fancied my GF, and because I thought I could trust him I'm now short one best mate, and because of the whole aftermath, short on GF

dame

epsnich wrote:

OP, if your mate is creepy, then you are just as creepy - what the hell were you trying to do, doing searches of his private folders?! Unless you suspected something, I think this is out of order.

Meanwhile your mate has photos of your gf. Ones that are on public internet spaces - so your gf obviously doesn't have a problem with potentially millions of people viewing her photo. So it shouldn't be a problem for her that he has 'public' phots saved on his computer.

Has he got pics of other friends? Maybe he's just a really organised person when it comes to photographs and he saves all the photos of his friends of folders by their same name.

I wouldn't think that's creepy, not unless he had other candid shots of her taken when she was not aware of being photographed (as in not looking at the camera), that were not available on the internet anyway.

Is your girlfriend one of those girls who purposely takes sexy, almost pornographic, pics of herself for her Bebo page? Does she have tits hanging out in every photo? If she does then she's looking for male attention and would probably be absolutely delighted to know someone was interested enough to collect them!....or maybe you could have a quiet word with her about only putting "decent" photos on her public internet sites.

Tar.Aldarion

He jerks off thinking about your girlfriend, meh. He hasn't done anything wrong and you have never seen him make any moves on the woman, just say nothing, it will just be worse if you do imo.

Kold

I wouldn't bring that up at all. I especially wouldn't tell your girlfriend. In the end, he's your mate, you know if you trust him.

LegacyUser

Kold wrote:

I wouldn't bring that up at all. I especially wouldn't tell your girlfriend. In the end, he's your mate, you know if you trust him.

The fact is that I do trust him. But it was still a very alarming thing to find.
I don't think that I should mention it though, the fact is that my invasion of his privacy is a lot worse than what he has done.

I'll still have to watch him carefully though...

SarahSassy

You were well out of order scanning his files.... Looks like he needs to watch you too!!!!!

You havent answered if he had photos of other people on his PC.

Stabshauptmann

Meh, I have over 4,500 photos in 72 folders. I keep them extraordinarily well organised, on quick inspection 4 of those folders are named after people. But I most certainly dont fancy my brothers :P

Having photos of your GF isnt something you should be alarmed about if your mate is someone who generally has a lot of photos. Check if there are other folders named after other people.

On the other hand organising photos by person rather than event seems strange to me. If your GF is a special case Id certainly keep an eye on him.

What I certainly wouldnt do is confront him about it, because you invaded his privacy. We all have some secrets and we're entitled to them. Theres no harm in having a crush on someone that you've no intention of ever acting on.

LegacyUser

'

SarahSassy wrote:

You were well out of order scanning his files.... Looks like he needs to watch you too!!!!!

Yes, I accept that but honestly I was just bored and messing.

SarahSassy wrote:

You havent answered if he had photos of other people on his PC.

That's because I can't get close enough to his computer to find out. I don't want to accidentally reveal what I am doing...'

SarahSassy

Come on..... Your story sounds more suspect than his..... Were you checking his internet banking account when you came across his 'one file of your girlfriend'.... So you dont know if he has files of anyone else??????

There is something more going on here....

pwd

I'm surprised everyone thinks it's ok for a guy to collect photos of a girl he knows from websites. I would have thought it a bit inappropriate and probably creepy for the girl in question.

Tar.Aldarion

Guys like to jerk off, what can be done?
Also, having pictures of your friends is fine..

pwd

Having pictures of your friends is nice but having pictures specifically of one girl which you didn't take but downloaded from websites is a trifle unsavoury. That it's his friend's gf makes it worse.

He shouldn't be thinking of his friend's girlfriend in a sexual manner at all in my opinion. Major boundary violation.

The consenus seems to be that he downloaded the pics to jack off to. Why would he use pics of her rather than porn pics or filmstars? To me this says "stalker."

2funki4wheelz

pwd wrote:

I would have thought it a bit inappropriate and probably creepy for the girl in question.

Which people should remember before posting their stuff all over the net. bebo etc freak me out how willing people are to put their private lives on display.

OP I don't know what good saying anything would be - you can't tell someone not to have a crush on someone (if that's what it is). Unless anything weird happens or he starts trying to get close to her I'd forget it completely.

I would have found it worse if he has a girlfriend too.

pwd

2funki4wheelz wrote:

Which people should remember before posting their stuff all over the net. bebo etc freak me out how willing people are to put their private lives on display.

Yes I agree

smilingatyou

valid point on the whole: does he have other folders,
hell he could have a folder named after you.

do you or your gf have anything coming up and he was asked to make a collage, by some of your friends or 1 of your friends is doing it on his comp.

or would you mate know you are a nosey fcuker and put the folder in his comp. and left you there on your own TO HEADWRECK YOU.
I would! if i knew you'd be doing searches for pic files or movie files.
you deserve it(the joke)

we all know the movie file search would show too many results:)

Gekko

you do realise if he remembers what time you were there and for any reason looks at the properties of the file you opened, he'll be able to put two and two together and discover that you opened it and saw the photos?

My brother looked at a personal folder on my laptop once and I found out what stuff he'd looked at by doing this - (I've nothing to hide so I didn't have a problem with it and have never seen the need to mention it to him), so just thought I'd warn you.

Stabshauptmann

Paranoid much?