Dumped

carnival_joe

Hi, just want to have a little outpour. My heart is broken, I was dumped recently, and my ex is trying to take "custody" of our friends. he sulks if i want to hang out with them, gets insulting about me, and really acts like a spoiled brat.

but he can turn around and nice nice to, but wont tell me. i find out by mistake, so hes not looking for brownie points. its almost like he is trying to really hurt me to push me away, cause he does self-sabotage. but why bring me down to? is he that dumb?

and he knows im not a slut, so why would he call me one? just for talking to a friend. and its none of his business even if i was with other people. he broke up with me.

he chucks a fit if a guy even looks at me. but he won't come back to me. he wants sex and cuddles, and hanging out and walking but he doesn't seem to want the whole hog. hes the only guy ive ever loved. ever. and i know im the only person he has ever loved. so why hurt me? why be cruel, and then be all romantic? why act like a boyfriend, and yet not want to be one?

why say he wants to f me, but then say hes used to me? why hold me and then freak out when im out in the pub? we have to be in the same group, its not my fault.

i love him, and i hate him, and it hurts, and im so tempted to hurt myself again. i just want to crawl into bed and never get out. the only time i feel ok is when im asleep or when im dinking, which i know is bad, but i just cant bring myself to care about anything. the gloss, the joy is gone from life. how can i face a world that can be so cruel? so uncaring?

i gave him all of me, and he threw it back. im never trusting another man again ever ever ever. i cant take this pain ever again. it will kill me. literally. oh god, please help. i want him, i want us, like we were. and thats crazy cause i know he can e a total dick. but he cna be so lovely to. jeckyl and hyde, and its wrecking my head, and i wish it could be easy. i hate this so much

will this pain ever end?

Miss Fluff

Right now he's using you for sex and then treating you like sh1t. You are worth SO much more than that. I think heartbreak is like a bereavement, you can feel disbelief, depression, angst, FURY and every other emotion you can think of. Right now you are thinking you will never get over him. You will, but in order to do that you need to cut loose and going back for a sh*g from time to time definitley won't help your mental health. He sounds like a waste of space sweetheart.

If you can find the strength at all I would recommend a fling. Having someone treat you well and having fun is a good start. If you can at all, distance yourself from group situations and spend one-on-one time with the people you really like from your group of friends. Oh, and make an agreement with your friends to have chats where the subject of your ex is barred.

You WILL get over him, don't expect it to happen overnight bnut just promise yourself now you won't sleep with him again. He called you a slut, if he loved you at all he wouldn't be calling you names and cheapening you like that.

Chin up, hope you feel better soon. Try and see if a couple of mates will go on a sun holiday with you or whatever. A bit of sun and some attention will do you the world of good.

Drift

Hi OP, I'm not a psychologist but I've a feeling he's finding the breakup just as hard as you are and so he tries to make you out as a terrible person in his head but then realises you aren't. I know its tough but I think you should avoid sleeping with him or being intimate with him. It will be tough but the feeling you'll get from having taken control of your own life will boost your self confidence which will help you get through this difficult time.

All the best.

carnival_joe

thanks, most of our group was guys. so that doesn't exactly help things. trying to hang with the girls....but its hard. I get on better with guys. i keep thinking that either
a) he obviously can't love me to be so mean

or

b) he does and hes scared so hes being stupid.

either way, its me being hurt.

heads wrecked, ugh. i think a break away will be great. kind of planning one. just need the money, and im off. i want him to hurt even a little bit as much as i am. and i dont see how he could be when he isn't reacting like me. he cant hang out with me when other people are there, not without getting moody and thinking im "stalking" him. but i can hang out in a group with him. i mean he was my best mate for years. how can you just end that?

af_thefragile

Hey i've just been thru a break up myself and i'm still recovering from it..
Break up's are one of the worst things to go through in life....
My ex did pretty much the same as urs.. She found "comfort" in one of her friends and now she's going out with him...

Out of everything i've been through i can only say one thing.. You cant get over yer ex until you break all contact from him/her. Thats the only way you can get over yer ex. Thats what i've done too. I called up my ex a week ago n i told her i'ld never contact her again, atleast not until i find myself completely over her and then i'll get back to her and maybe we can be friends again...

I said that, wished her good luck, told her to take care of herself and i moved on to find a new life. Hanging around with her was only making things worse for me and i could have had never moved on until i broke all contact with her.

So the best thing to do is break all contact and try to move on with a new life... Its tough, its extremely tough. I know i've just done it.. But thats seriously the best thing to do for both of ye....

Hope that helps...

Wibbs

^^ Good advice above. Well worth taking especially coming form someone going through the same as you.

MojoMaker

Initial/early homosexual relationships can be fraught with this kind of hurt & insecurity. It's unlikely to be resolved with this particular chap, so maybe chalk it up to experience and go into the next one with your eyes open.

Kell

carnival_joe wrote:

he sulks if i want to hang out with them, gets insulting about me, and really acts like a spoiled brat.

Then see him for what he is then- a complete fúcking twat. Your anghst wont end untill you put him out of the "but he was so lovely" category into the "****wit who's using me for sex and insults me" category.

What on earth would you want to spend time around someone who calls you a slut for is beyond me. Thats plain fúcking childish so ask yourself if you like to be around children. If the answer is no, re-label his box as suggested earlier or if the answer is yes, then go ahead and keep sticking the fork into your eye.

Look, one thing is obvious. You cant handle being around eachother so stop doing it. Stop thinking he is the greatest thing since sliced bread- he is a cúnt and whenever you think of him think "<insert name> is a snivelling little cúnt who does not deserve my attention. I pity the little pond scum" instead of "ooh to hold him again and be all cuddley and romantic". <shudder>

Dont ask your friends not to be out with him when they are out with you- thats unfair. If you cant handle it, be the grown up and back off for a while till you can handle things.

Oh and lastly- stop orchestrating your own pain. To see him is to repeatedly stick a fork in your eye. If you want the pain to end, just end it. Stop wallowing in it.

K-

carnival_joe

Thanks for the replies. I'm looking for jobs- while we were getting on I was gonna stay close to home. but now, I'm looking everywhere. I'm finished college, and am looking for a "career" type job, not a "sure it will do for now" type job. In fact I'd love to move back to dublin, as it's a fantastic (if expensive) city to live in. I haven't spoken to him in nearly a week now, and its so weird. I know he became a tosser, but I don't want to write away all of our time together, it was a heck of a chunk of my growing up time, and for better or for worse he influenced it.

I won't be going back to him- not after the whole slut thing, but late at night, when I'm alone, I just miss the cuddles and that kind of cosy stuff. I'm not intersted in anyone else- so no painful rebounds at least.

When does this start to hurt less, cause two months in and I'm still in bits (although given we won't be hanging out anymore, it might speed things up)


thanks again everyone

Semele

yeah, distance is the best thing. Had 6 week relationship myself that ended badly+had to keep seeing the person due to having mutual friends- despite how short the whole thing was the constant contact kept the pain every bit as fresh for 5months! Moved away for work and got over it almost immediately then...moving back soon + scared of the first meeting though!
Good luck OP

carnival_joe

im so bored now. and *ahem* frustrated. its weird to miss someone but want to slap them so they cop on and stop putting everyone else in an akward position

Drift

carnival_joe wrote:

im so bored now. and *ahem* frustrated. its weird to miss someone but want to slap them so they cop on and stop putting everyone else in an akward position

At least you're moving on a small bit .... evidenced by the humour in the post and also your thoughts of *aheming* ... many people can't even think about getting a good *ahem* for weeks or months after a breakup.

Just be very careful of rebounding ... you're still emotionally fragile.

carnival_joe

Yeah, I guess. Its something I don't like talking about with people I know. I'm not very comfortable with being that open with people.

Since posting here first, things have become a little clearer. I now know there are some things I need to change about me, for myself and any future relationships- such as my trust issues and my paranonia issues, and in general try become more secure emotionaly. SO that when I emotionaly invest, i no longer lose my confidence.

I don't really want a rebound relationship, but damn I'd like a nice quickie with a nice guy. Which is probably very slutty of me, hut I'm fussy, so by the time i'd find a suitable person, I'll prob be in some fit way to date.

Can't believe I'm thinking all this. 3 months ago I wanted to marry my ex.

Weird. Its very very weird for me.