Bullied at school, can't let go...

LegacyUser

I was bullied throughout almost my entire school life and when the time finally came to move to college I picked a completely new city and moved away from everything.
However, I was completely unable to let go of the memories of those times.
I pretty much just sleep walked my way through first year, not talking to anyone really and I'd really like to change that when I go back to college again. It's basically just that I have no real social skills because I keep thinking about everything that's happened to me.
Very specific recollections of events keep flashing across my brain and I just feel this surge of anger so that I don't bother with people and just head back to the books (which have been my only solace for a very long time).
I tried going to counselling provided by the college but I found it too uncomfortable to talk about it so I stopped going.
Is there any way for me to get over this quickly?

fattestman

Hey there, I read you message. I've been through the councelling thing too and it can be very...surreal (and difficult to adapt to). Try giving theSamaritans a call. Forstarters you don't have to feel like you're being judged while you're talking, because no-one can see you. Don't feel you even have to use your own name.

When you contact them, don't try and think about what you're going to say, and don't feel forced to say anything. Just say the first couple of words that come into your head - you'll be amazed how it feels.

If you want to be helped get this s*^& out of your head (and to stop bullying yourself with it) you've got to take the first step yourself. Just dial the number and see what happens when the person on the other end says 'hello'. Just do that much and don't think beyonf that initial 'hello'. If you do this for yourself now, you'll be taking a major step towards ridding those bullies from your life forever.

Have a look at www.samaritans.org for the number.

Good luck!!

Hal1

Seriously its not worth dwelling over, Ive had my fare share of fights with the cúnts but I took a stand to not let it bother me as its in the past. Just live for now, we may be all dead tomorrow.

barrett1965

I tried going to counselling provided by the college but I found it too uncomfortable to talk about it so I stopped going.
Is there any way for me to get over this quickly?

I was bullied too as a kid. I don't reccomend college counselling for this type of problem. I think you need a different counsellor outside the college altogether.

If you want to get well, you need to go through and feel the uncomfortable feelings you are avoiding (the anger etc). This is when the true healing begins. Unfortunately, there are no short-cuts to recovery.

I wish you well.

LegacyUser

'I don't know if this will help but who knows.

I was bullied at school and by kids on my street as a child.
My family moved and changed my school near the end of primary, partly because of this. There was one girl in my new school who was so lovely to me and who wanted to be my friend - so for 2 years I slagged her, bullied her and generally acted like an utter bitch to her.

When I went to secondary, I felt so ashamed of myself (and so I should have been). I became the bullied again and still feel upset about both being bullied and the bully.

It was nothing to do with this girl. She simply put herself in my road at a time when I must have been looking for a place to act out my anger. My home life was shockingly bad and I was a nervous wreck from the way I had been treated in my last school. Obviously these weren't my thoughts at the time. I only figured this out 15 years on.

For me, being bullied again later, left me very angry at college and I made no new friends. It's only now in my thirties, having thought about it, that I have halfway resolved issues.

I have learned how to choose my friends very carefully. People who are bullied often try to please others, and just pick users and fair weather friends. People will seek you out if you concentrate on being yourself and doing as pleases you. Then you'll have a better chance to meet like-minded friends.

It was important for me to let go of blame. It wasn't my fault I was bullied, just the same way it wasn't that girl's fault that she was nice to me at the wrong time. It's not your fault the bullies picked on you. Please remember there is nothing wrong with you.

Counselling did me no good. My counsellor treated me like a spoiled little middle class girl whining on about silly problems.
But the hurt from bullying is legitimate and you have the right to be proud of yourself for not giving up and for doing so well at college.

Really not sure what other advice to give, but if it helps at all, I do wish I could apologise to that girl and explain to her how ashamed I feel of what I did. No doubt at least some of those who bullied you feel, or will feel the same.'

LegacyUser

I'd say that by avoiding the issues and not talking about them, they are just becoming more overwhelming. If you are too uncomfortable talking about this with other people, maybe you could try writing everything down? It sounds a bit touchy-feely I know, but it really can be strangely therapeutic. Maybe then you will have the words to tell a counsellor how you are feeling.
Don't let these feelings fester, you want to be free to enjoy the whole college experience after all!

LegacyUser

'I was also bullied for most of my childhood... my dad was a teacher at the same school... with all his ex-christian brother discipline skills, (I live in Canada) so I felt it from the other kids till I was in the highest grade in the school, the older kids had graduated.

I found it to be an immense relief to attend a different school in a different city, maybe my situation was different, because no one knew me, so I had a clean start. I developed some social skills and did not do too badly.

However I went to a different school the next year, and the kids were pretty cliquey because they were all related, and so I was an outcast again but I didn't let it bother me because I knew I had social skills from the 2nd school.

Go try therapy again, you need some perspective in that a) there are ways to get people to treat you properly, if they aren't and b) other people are sometimes just as scared as you, so it's not only you.

What's good to consider is your thoughts, feelings and behaviour regarding a certain thing. If you have thoughts, feelings but no behaviour about somethign that bothers you, then it might be time to consider what your behaviour should be, and so forth, depending on whether you don't know what your feelings are regarding something, etc.'