initative, how to take it

sjaakie

im happily married, have a good lovemaking life but..... i have a problem to take initative, i do not know how to do it, what to say, i usally end up just pulling my husband knickers down in a kind of rough way or i say something stupid like : do you want to sleep or?

its all so " the same "... any normal suggestions would be appreciated

Sleepy

Dress for sex. Change into some lingerie and welcome him home like that / walk into the room he's in dressed like that etc.

Copy what you see in the movies, it may feel a little cheesy but he'll appreciate the effort!

Alternatively, think back to the early days of your relationship before ye were having sex, when it was 'just' kissing and fooling around and do that, things will progress from there themselves.

I can only speak for myself but I can't imagine any man responding badly to something like 'come to bed', 'I want you right now' or similar

togster

sjaakie wrote:

im happily married, have a good lovemaking life but..... i have a problem to take initative, i do not know how to do it, what to say, i usally end up just pulling my husband knickers down in a kind of rough way or i say something stupid like : do you want to sleep or?

its all so " the same "... any normal suggestions would be appreciated

Whats your ultimate fantasy? Acknowledge that and play on the idea with your husband.

biko

Say "I've been naughty"
Usually sets me off anyway

sjaakie

the thing is: he seems to like anything, whether i dress up or down or whatever, i asked him thoroughly about things but he seems to like everything about me, he says i am a attractive sensual woman and i can turn him on at any given time of the day regardless how i look or what i do.

but.. by dressing up or doing special romantic things i feel a bit like a fool because it does not seem to matter to his mood or feeling so there you are: looking like a woman out of a porn film but the reaction is the same as if i was wearing my tracksuit so i gave up on that one and after years of marriage i do not want to end up like: 2,2 times a month and it last 3 minutes. so.. how to avoid that and why do i feel embarrased to take initative ?

McGinty

Hi, do you like dressing up? If you do and it makes you feel sexy then do it for yourself, he will get to enjoy the benefit as well. Its nice he fancies you regardless but I think sex is not about making an effort for the other person but also for yourself. Ask yourself what would you like, is it more romance - you could pretend to meet on random date and pick him up, or a candlelit dinner with a nice dress on (again if you like this). There are some great books giving advice to spice things up, I remember one programme I saw, the couple were set homework tasks. This all sounds like effort, probably embarresing but if you do this you will feel excited and renewed. Its just finding what pleases you and your husband. Finally does he apprecaite your efforts when you dress up? Or is he just the same in behaviour?

Marksie

Hi OP;

Taking the initiative doesnt necessarily have to mean then and there. You can do a lot of it before hand.

I hope the following are some useful ideas:

Anticipation: send texts or messages, "i have a surprise for you tonight, etc." make em racy, but dont let him know what you have planned.

Scene setting: Change teh character of the bedroom. Use throws, candles, incence, music to change the whole room. go to town
Have wine and fruits ready.
Make the bed a space for the two of you.

Lead up: draw a bath, tell him you want something special but he has to trust you.
Dress up yourself, in however you feel, wanton or demure. Really get in tuch with your wild side.
Keep being suggestive.
I would suggest using a blinfold when he has been bathed and ready. Then lead him into the space you have created.
Now at this point I would keep the blindolfd on the person, but it up to you: You can skip the next bit.

Sensory awakening: In closing of vision it allows you to awaken all the other senses. he has to just lie or sit still for this.
So in order one after another slowly with spaces in between to build anticipation, touch: Feathers, breath, little kisses. Scent: perfume, incesne , scented oils, Sound: Little bells, a singing bowl, just played near the ears gently. taste. Starwberry half, peach and a little square of chocolate.
Take your time about 30 mins and really tease. do one from each sense after the other and finish with the chocolate (believe me the moan you will get when he eats thaht will be WELL worth it!.
Now, sit in front and ask him to remove the blindfold. Juts take five minutes to look into each others eyes.

Taking control: He will be putty by this time lol. Now, tell him to lie back, and try massage, feather touching and stroking. It may be nice to do a dance almost like a striptease. But ensure he is there to watch not to do anything else. Make this as raunchy as possible.

Always be in control when doing these.. by all means tease, if he reaches for you, s kip away, smile, just let the inner wanton show, juts enough to let him start drooling.

If you are intimately touching, build him to a point and stop, and keepo doing it, You may also wish to tie him. Stops him squirming away ;-)
Then literally you take it as far as you want to go and do what you want.

Oh and BTW when you have done that, always remember you can if you wish reverse it and surrender completely to your husband.

I hope i have given you some ideas
Best of luck and have fun!

sjaakie

i done all that, many times, i have no problem with that at all, no problem in making a whole special evening of it etc.

i have a problem with the normal days/evenings, when we are in bed to go to sleep and i would like some love making then i have the initative taking problem, i feel embarrased , dont know why but i do, i would like to find a nice loving funny way of taking the initative, as i said: i usually end up pulling of his knickers or say: wanna sleep or? and that is so rough and boring i think?

or is it ok? ............ aaaargghhh

Marksie

Then skip to the last part. Use massage touching and stroking, little kisses etc.

Sorry OP: It wasn't clear from the first post where exactly your issue lay.

Though to be honest i am surprised that if you have set scenes etc. that communicating desires would be so difficult

azezil

Play naughty, buy a whip, when he comes in, crack it and say I want sex NOW!

good times ^_^

Maple

actions speak louder than words. you don't have to say anything. just touch him, run your fingers lightly all over his body, tease him. maybe whisper in his ear how hot he makes you and how much you want him. kiss your way around his body, he'll soon get the message. And don't feel shy or silly, this is your husband and he loves you, the more open you are with each other, the better it will be.

Henry Ford III

Why does he wear his kex is bed?

sjaakie

his kex is bed? i dont understand



anyways..thanks for the advice everyone.. i think i shall work on my shyness issue in this matter

bandit*baby

biko wrote:

Say "I've been naughty"
Usually sets me off anyway

good stuff outta you

bandit*baby

Actions speak louder than words .... you don't have to saying anything you can do plenty to get the message across

Dragan

It seems to me like you are looking at this the wrong way. Your husband seems to be happy enough with your sex life….what you need to do is think about what would make it more fun for you?

Often times when a girl asks her man the sex questions he will answer that everything is cool and he is happy because he does not want to put his partner under pressure for sex! Just think about the way you would prefer to do things!

For example….in the evenings after a shower just walk into the sitting room naked or wearing nothing but a towel…that kind of thing will get results everytime!

sjaakie

dragan.. that was a good one.. made me think ....

last one will be a bit tricky though with 3 kids running around, but i get what you mean )

to the person who said: text him and say i've been naughty, haha, if i would text that to my husband he would think i spend a lot of money )

bandit*baby

sjaakie wrote:

to the person who said: text him and say i've been naughty, haha, if i would text that to my husband he would think i spend a lot of money )

LOL:)

biko

He he, I recall an old gf that put three cigarettes besides the bed one night and said "You get one after each f**k!"
Had my work cut out for me with her. Good times.

racymere

sjaakie im just wondering are you 100% comfortable with your husband? i dont know how you could be embarrased in front of him! you should unleash your wild side he wont know what hit him, just be yourself with him im sure he would love for you to just hop on top of him in bed instead of pullin down his knickers (does he wear knickers lol) in a rough way or even start by kissing the mouth, neck, chest etc etc. and take it from there.

you unleash the beast lol

racymere

sjaakie im just wondering are you 100% comfortable with your husband? i dont know how you could be embarrased in front of him! you should unleash your wild side he wont know what hit him, just be yourself with him im sure he would love for you to just hop on top of him in bed instead of pullin down his knickers (does he wear knickers lol) in a rough way, or even start by kissing the mouth, neck, chest etc etc. and take it from there.

you unleash the beast lol

sjaakie

is "knickers" not the right word for a man's underwear? i am from germany and not totally a 100% used to all the right words for it, i ment his underwear, but thats beside the point :0

i do feel comfortable with my husband, i dont feel comfortable with myself, as if there is a blockade i have to go through , i dont know its a bit silly i suppose .. but i am working on it, not easy i must say

Marksie

sjaakie: It is hard to work through stuff like that, but the first step is realising it. If you can determine what the issues are then that is a good starting point.

Its an ongoing process too, as i found in doing really intense process work this week, there is some cleansing of things occurs. However, it is well worth working on it, even if it seems like your not making headway, as it can happen all of a sudden you make the breakthrough.

All the best

Mark

PS. I don't think its silly at all

bandit*baby

biko wrote:

He he, I recall an old gf that put three cigarettes besides the bed one night and said "You get one after each f**k!"
Had my work cut out for me with her. Good times.

are you a smoker?

Henry Ford III

sjaakie wrote:

his kex is bed? i dont understand

Kex is a term for underwear.