Busy Bee,Lazy Me!! Please Rate

chaarlie

Hi Guys, im a little nervous as this is my first posting but id like to get my work rated. Go easy please!!!!!

BUSY BEE, LAZY ME.

Fizzy lizzy lets get busy,
buzzed the busy bumble bee,
as he lazed in the grass the sleepy mouse said ,
'a busy life just is'nt for me'.

said the fuzzy little mouse,
to the fizzy busy bee,
'do you ever ever wish,
a lazy mouse that you could be',

said the busy bumble bee,
as he buzzed overhead,
'to me a day wasted ,
is a lazy day in bed'.

said the fuzzy little mouse,
as the busy bee whizzed by,
'to me a day wasted ,
is working for the hive',

see the busy bumble bee,
thought the mouse was far too lazy,
while the yawning little mouse,
thought to work so hard was crazy

so the whizzing buzzing bee,
was as busy as could be,
and the lazy little mouse,
drifted back to hazy sleep.

Steve_o

Its nice and happy!! I could see something like that getting published in a school book! I like it!

Robert ninja

That's pretty damn awesome. Like the cute words.

Skip Work!

I have to say I like it, I love the zzz sound throughout which symbolises both sleep and a bee, it works really well, a clever little poem:)

Johnny Meagher

That's nice. It like a poem for children, that's a compliment! You'd have to put a moral at the end though

Matt Holck

I like the juxtaposition of the two points of view
and the buzzing of the zzz is delightful



these lines seem too long rhythmically

a lazy mouse that you could be',
as he lazed in the grass the sleepy mouse said ,