my best friends bf

LegacyUser

Ok ill start from the beginning(This will be long)

Im 21 and have been best friends with my mate(Kelly) since i was 15- She is now engaged to my ex bf(who i wouldnt even call an ex i dated him for 2 weeks to piss off another guy) We will cal him James

Anyway they fell in love etc and got engaged. I am with my fiancee 3 and a half years.

Last year we were all out at a party and James kissed me-I mean he grabbed me and snogged me kinda thing-I pushed him off me and told him to bug off. Got a text from him later that night asking if he could see me again in private.I got mad and told him to piss off.That was that and no more was said about it

Then the 4 of us were in their house one night got pretty drunk and started a game of spin the bottle(V childish i know) Anyway My bf dared me to kiss james and i didnt want to but did for the sake of the lads not moaning. After the game i popped up tp the loo and James followed me- I told him to get out and he said "I just wanted to let u know ive been dying to kiss u all night" and left.

Fast forward to a month ago-The night of the Champions League final-We are all mad liverpool fans so went out for the game- Got very drunk and lost the lads-So walking home and bumped into james who lost Kelly too.We wer chatting for a few mins then he kissed me- and i kissed him back(And yes i will blame the drink cos i dont like him otherwise). I went home and he text me and asked me to come online- When i went on he kept saying "I love kelly but im crazy about u- Ur so sound and im getting feelings for u etc.

I told him i was drunk and thats that and i dont like him that way etc and he said "Ok im sorry"

THEN (last 1 i promise) last weekend we were out for a mates bday-We were all pretty drunk and he kept feeling my arse- i tried to sit as far away from him as i could but he kept coming up sitting beside me and huggn me(His gf didnt mind she was pissed anyway) I told him 2 bug off and he wouldnt so i went over to my bf and told him i wanted to go home. On my way home James text me going"Whats wrong with u ya normally dont get so mad at me KISSES XXXXXXX"

Now Kellys cuzs weddings in 3 weeks and we are invited-Its an open bar and my bf really wants to go but i dont cos i know James will get sloshed and wont leave me alone-Hes sly out hed feel my arse when his gfs sitting beside him. Everyones going and when i said i had to work(i dont) all i got was grief off everyone

Help

Caliden

Tell your BF that James keeps trying to feel you up. James won't be long going back into his shell when someone his own size tells him to bugger off.

bandit*baby

Caliden wrote:

Tell your BF that James keeps trying to feel you up. James won't be long going back into his shell when someone his own size tells him to bugger off.

i agree
your next step might be to consider telling your best friend what sort of sleaze-bag she is getting hooked up with

dellas1979

I know ye are 21 and all, but does every line have to start with "we were drunk right......?".

Ok. That kind of came out the wrong way, what am trying to say is that it all seems to happen where there is liquor involved. If something was going on like this with me, Id immediately stop drinking, become a bit more aware of things.

I know you are young and all, but you snogged him as well. You said it was due to liquor. At this stage, are you getting the point I made above?

In no way meant condecendingly, you need to grow up a little.

Maple

just tell him to bog off and threaten to tell his girlfriend.

LegacyUser

dellas1979 wrote:

I know ye are 21 and all, but does every line have to start with "we were drunk right......?".

If something was going on like this with me, Id immediately stop drinking

I know you are young and all, but you snogged him as well.

You said it was due to liquor.

you need to grow up a little.

So i am not allowed enjoy myself is it?And we were drunk and i kissed him back once and i shouldnt have. Im not going to stop drinking cos of one mistake- i work hard and i am entitled to enjoy myself

No ones pointed out all the times i told him to get lost when i was drunk and the one time i stumbled im told to lay off the drink


typical!!!

LegacyUser

And we were drunk and i kissed him back once and i shouldnt have. Im not going to stop drinking cos of one mistake

No but if you cheat on your boyfriend because "you had too much too drink" then maybe you need to cut down on the amount of alcohol you're drinking.

We wer chatting for a few mins then he kissed me- and i kissed him back(And yes i will blame the drink cos i dont like him otherwise).

pah...you can blame who ever and what ever you like if it makes you feel better, you can even use the old 'everyone makes mistakes' crap but its not going to change the fact that you cheated on your fiancee.

seems to me that your f**ked to be honest, you're definately gonna be the loser in this situation!

If you don't tell your Fiancee James is gonna keep sleasin all over you.

If you tell your fiancee about James, i think its reasonable to assume that James is gonna tell him about your 'drunkin kiss', i mean he obviously doesn't give a sh*t about his girlfriend.

No ones pointed out all the times i told him to get lost when i was drunk

oh wow...you managed to resist the advances of a slimeball EVEN while you were drunk! thats amazing! what do you want a medal?

you deserve everything thats coming to you in my opinion.

spinandscribble

a bit of you liked the attention otherwise you wouldnt have kissed back in the first place.

tell your boyfriend.

The Queen

OP just tell your boyfriend.. Tell him everything so James can't turn around and say well she snogged me. Then tell your friend. You already should of told them, why haven't you?

Venom

Your best bet is not to tell your BF about this gimp as it will just bring up the whole you snogging the gimp side of things and that will just screw you over. Better for you to tell your best mate what her fella is up to, that way your ass is covered all your BF hears is Kelly's BF got ditched.

CliffHuxtabel

Unless you enjoy this current situation (and judging by your post, it seems you do enjoy it to some degree) then you should tell this dude to f**k off once and for all.

If this doesnt work (which it probably wont) then you knee him in the balls or threaten to tell his poor fiance or something that will genuinely get through to him.

Youre not helpless. Have some conviction. This guy sounds uncool and shouldnt be gettin married.

LegacyUser

Attention seeker. The op that is...loving the attention.

dellas1979

Sorry, OP, I'll stick to what I said, you need to grow up - after your reply, I'd say a lot, not a little.

As another poster said there, you'll use any excuse in the book in order not to take any blame for the mess you are in. And again, like other posters said, you revel in the attention.

I advised you to give up alcohol in order to regain your senses when you are in this or any situation.

Thats like saying "Ohhhhhh alcohol makes me all giggly and warm inside, to the point I dont know what I am doing, but I am drunk so what I do when I am drunk has no consequences".

I reckon your boyfriend and your friend would be better off rid of you, if, at 21, this is the only crap you can contribute to life, cheating and lying, using alcohol as an excuse.

smileysurfer

op if u dont tell him soon im sure hes gonna find out anyway!!
This James character seems like a bit of an a** who cud drunkenly blurt out that ye kissed at any time anyway!
tell your fiance before he finds out from some one else!
and stop blaming drink, lots of ppl get drunk, and STILL manage to stay faithful!!try it!!!!:rolleyes:

5starpool

It sounds like you are both too immature to be engaged. 21 year olds shouldn't be engaged in my opinion, plenty of time for that later.

As for this problem, tell your bf, but be aware that it will probably come out in the wash that you kissed him that night so either be prepared to admit this up front, or have a damn good denial ready.

Mr. Incognito

To be honest I think you love the attention. Its VERY easy to stop this situation and you know it is, so instead of coming on here and going "Oh, he wants me soo much, but he can't have none of this honey pot" why don't you just put an end to this.

A. Tell your boyfriend. If he has any sense he'd probably realise that it takes two to tango and dump you. Drunk or not if my fiance kissed anyone- toodles.

B. Tell his girlfriend. I think she has a right to know what sort of fella she's marrying.

You know he'll get the blame and you can suck up some more attention. Yum yum.

LegacyUser

I think U fancy him a little bit.

So, U either do what the other people have suggested
above (for example, mention it to your b/f) or U let
him 'give U one' until U both get it out of your
system ...

kryogen

Im not gonna get all high and mighty on u by telling u ur a terrible person, people make mistakes, its a fact of life....u had a drunkedn kiss with him and i assume u probly dont want anything more, but is it possible maybe u like the attention u are getting from him???

i mean why havent u told the girl who u say is ur best friend that her b/f is a slime ball???? do u really want ur friend to b with someone like this??? the best thing u can do is tell ur boyfriend that he is harrassing you and tell ur "best friend" that she is in a relationship with a total nob! if u wanna deny ur drunken kiss do!!! ur boyfriend will believe u over this other guy anyway....but then ur opening up a whole new can of worms wen u start to lie to each other!!!

bottom line for me,i dont think u can stay in the situation any longer, one way or another it has to stop...one drunken kiss wont have u lose ur fiancee if thats all it was...but ur friend deserves better then a jerk who is constantly trying to get off with her friend!! why have u let this go on?? is it because u like the attention or do u genuinly like a little drama in ur life??:p

bug

You know you can put an end to this if you really want to.
You come across incredibly immature in the way that you have handled this and how you are speaking of it.
I'm not being funny, but this sounds like a game of boyfriend/girlfriend at 15!

/why are these people engaged at 21? what's going on there?

Doodee

/why are these people engaged at 21? what's going on there?[/QUOTE]


youth is wasted on the young?

LegacyUser

'

kryogen wrote:

Im not gonna get all high and mighty on u by telling u ur a terrible person, people make mistakes, its a fact of life....u had a drunkedn kiss with him and i assume u probly dont want anything more, but is it possible maybe u like the attention u are getting from him???

i mean why havent u told the girl who u say is ur best friend that her b/f is a slime ball???? do u really want ur friend to b with someone like this??? the best thing u can do is tell ur boyfriend that he is harrassing you and tell ur "best friend" that she is in a relationship with a total nob! if u wanna deny ur drunken kiss do!!! ur boyfriend will believe u over this other guy anyway....but then ur opening up a whole new can of worms wen u start to lie to each other!!!

bottom line for me,i dont think u can stay in the situation any longer, one way or another it has to stop...one drunken kiss wont have u lose ur fiancee if thats all it was...but ur friend deserves better then a jerk who is constantly trying to get off with her friend!! why have u let this go on?? is it because u like the attention or do u genuinly like a little drama in ur life??:p

Shes not gonna believe me i know she wont and ill lose my best friend

Thats why i wont tell her'

~Rick~

I think I'm pretty much gonna be restating what most other people have already stated.

My first thought is, I understand that playing 'spin the bottle' is a game, but to be honest, if I was playing spin the bottle, I wouldn't dare tell my gf to kiss another guy. It may be because I happen to be a jealous person by nature, but I kinda think its weird that your bf would tell you to kiss another guy, regardless of it being a game. I mean, if you were playing spin the bottle still--would you be ok with telling him to kiss your best friend??? Just something to think about.

Moving on, its understandable that you wanna go out and have fun and it is understandable that you wanna drink. Some people just need to have some fun at times. But the problem is, you were drunk when you kissed him back at one point. We all understand that he's becomming kinda 'obsessed' with being around you, but the point is--if you dont wanna be with him, then its not rite to sit there and kiss him back regardless of whether you were drunk or not. Getting drunk is no excuse for cheating. Like i said, its understandable that you wanna have fun, but perhaps you might wanna take that down a bit and furthermore, you might not wanna be getting drunk around james and just do it around someone you can trust. Its quite obvious that you cannot trust james.

Moving on, you need to tell your bf the truth about kissing him. If he's your fiance, then he has a right to know what's going on. And you need to be grown up enough to tell him the truth. Yes, it will be hard and yes he might not wanna be with you after it...but could you really go through your entire marriage with him or the rest of your life with him knowing that you kissed this other guy while you were dating your bf? Put yourself in his position, how would you feel if he kissed your best friend when he was drunk and just decided not to tell you? Would you be ok with not knowing, or would you rather know the truth? Just something to think about.

As far as james is concerned, if/when you tell your bf, then tell him what james has been doing. Also, if he sends you those text messages again--keep them and show his gf (your best friend) so she knows exactly what she's getting herself into. Added to that, sit down with james and talk to him to make him aware that you're uncomfortable with him trying to kiss you and you're asking nicely to stop. Stop following you around and stop trying to kiss you. If you have to, then you might have to cut down hanging around at the times he's around. But try talking to him first and see how that works out.

Good luck

Mighty_Mouse

Sounds like a bunch of kids trying to play a game called "grown-ups" but not really knowing how.
I mean wtf are ye all engaged for?

Do ye even understand the concept of getting engaged - married?

ps
you kissed him back and its sounds like he's the a-typical plonker who'll shout that from the tree-tops should you tell yer boyfriend.

AngryBadger

This has all mainly been said already. In my experience these kinds of situations only end to occur where people are too weak to take action, or where they want them to occur. This james character would't be trying it on with you all the tiem if you weren't giving him some kind of encouragement. You admit that you kissed him back one night, and the went home and chatted to him online, and you also admit you went with James for a fortnight just to piss another guy off (which is such a pathetic manoeuvre I can't find the words for it), you strike me as the kind of woman who loves drama and attention.

If you really want to stop this situation you shouldn't need to tell anyone anything. however you should say it to your boyfriend, and to be honest if you're any kind of real friend you should tell James girlfriend that he's cracking onto you.

muppetkiller

Your a cheat .
James is a Cheat
Your man is an idiot for getting you to kiss an ex at spin the bottle and
Your female friend is a muppet for letting him.

I think all 4 of you show break up , grow up and go your seperate ways.

I mean who plays spin the bottle when your engaged ..god this has to be a Troll or the I fear for the future of Humanity if these people Breed.

Georgez

How do you think your friend and boyfriend would react if you told them about how James has behaved? I mean you did kiss him in front of both of them while playing truth or dare and it didn't bother them.

It seems to me you haven't drawn clear boundaries as to what is and isn't appropriate behaiour between yourself and James. I think you're going to have to come clean with them anyway as to why you don't want to come to the wedding, so maybe this is your chance to clear the air.