Unplanned pregnancy - how do I tell my parents?

-Leelo-

Hey All,

I'm 20 and Just found out today that I am 5 weeks pregnant.
I'm lucky in some ways, because I have been with my boyfriend 3 years and he is very supportive, but my mother was just 20 when she had me and always warned me that there'd be murder if I got pregnant at a young age. I'm really upset with myself for letting her down but she has to find out sometime and I don't know how to tell her. Can anyone offer me any advice?


xL

PeakOutput

just get it out there to be honest i usually find that my parents reactions are no where near as bad as i thought they would be...........maybe she will be angry and scream and shout or whatever but im sure she will come around and be the best person to help you with the "problem" at the end of the day

Maccattack

My mum was the same with my sisters. My eldest sister was scared poopless to tell her when she got pregnant.

Mum changed her tune as soon as she heard. and when the baby was born she went into grandma over drive.

That was 20 years ago when there was a lot more taboo around young mothers.

Your situation is not un common. Ill bet my lefticle that she will love that baby like crazy.

Tell her now.

Mr. Incognito

Hey there,

I know this is the most streesfull time for you in the world but the main thing is not to rush into anything. i have a two year old son who was unplanned and I still remember that surreal moment when I found out he was on the way.

The main thing is to take a deep breath and relax. There is no hurry. You have to have a chat with your boyfriend first and foremost. Your parents attitudes are irrelevant as they will support you regardless and I mean this. No-one here can offer you more cogent advice than yourself as only you know what you can do and trust your instincts. I've never heard a negative word or criticsim from anyone about having our son. Things have moved on thank God.

Victor

As people suggest, you may be pleasently surpriased by their reaction. Someone posted here that her mother took it a lot better because she was in her twenties, not her teens.

Marksie

Hey, hope it goes swimmingly for you too.

I remember when my sis in law got pregnant, a little bit os shock, but everything smoothed pretty quckly.
No use prolonging the agony.
Times have changed OP

:-)

Nevyn

First off you are an adult and in a relationship and if it is your choice to continue this pregnancy then Congratulations I hope things go well and you have a healthy baby.

You are 20, you are not 14 or 16 and it is not up to your mother when or how young you have a child. What ever her ambitions are for you they are hers and you have live your life as you choose.

She may be upset and disapproving and disappointed but honestly if she is any sort of a mother she will get over it and soon will be concerned for you as you go through this pregnancy and once she gets to hold her grandchild her heart should melt.

Sometimes our parents never see us as being grown up enough.
You have to with your partner start planning your lifes accordingly and take responsiblity for how your lives will change and how best to cater for the baby when it arrives.

Have you started taking folic acid yet ?

http://www.positiveoptions.ie/home.html

That site has a list of organisations who can help you move forward and tell you what help and support is available to you.

A baby is not the worset thing that can happen to you, it is not like you have cancer.

I know of someone who had simular issues with her mother and it was when she threathen to move away and not see her mother again and not let her mother see the child that the tune changed rahter quickly.

Again Congratulations and realy you have more important things to be spending time thinking on then your mother's dissapointment;
it is not like you are being arriested and put in jail, or dealing drugs ect.

bandit*baby

Maccattack wrote:

Ill bet my lefticle that she will love that baby like crazy.

lefticle brilliant!!!!

when my brother's girlfriend found out she was pregnant (he was 18 she was 17) he refused to tell my parents and it went on for 4months until they eventually found out from someone else....
my mam was heartbroken.... not so much because of the pregnancy she knew that in the end she would love any grandchild of hers no matter how unplanned the pregnancy was ..... it was because she was so hurt that my brother didn't think he could come and talk to her about it ... she saw it as a failing in her parenting that her children didnt trust her....

now i'll give you the same advice i gave my brother .... your mother is the most experienced person you know .... you need her support and the sooner you get her on side the better...

in addition you are pregnant now (not that i need to tell you that) and any unnecessary strain you but yourself through you also put your baby through... by not telling your mother asap you are undeniably putting yourself through large amounts of stress

just sit her down and tell her... if she cries, shouts, goes quiet just sit there listen to her and then give her time to calm down ... that is even if she needs it .... the longer you leave the more you might hurt her because she will feel like my mam did

EDIT: by the way congratulations a baby is a wonderful thing, my niece has brought no end of joy into my parent's home and i hope it all works out well for you

Strawberries07

I was one of those babies. My grandma is very old fashioned and when my mum told her she pregnant she didn't like it at all for about a week, cuz she's a single mum. But after that week she couldn't wait and now she loves me! So although if your mum gets angry it'll only be for the shortest time and then she'll be buying baby clothes and bringing him/her out to show to everyone!!!

giddyup

When I was 20ish 2 different people close to me both had some unexpected news for their parents. There was some initial shock and mortification (the only word for it) for both that quickly wore off and the support they got from everyone was amazing. Both of those kids are now 13 and they are 2 of the nicest most well-balanced kids I know. Life is an adventure. Best of luck.

-Leelo-

Thanks Everyone, I know she's going to be so disappointed and that is what is killing me. We're not worried about telling my boyfriends parents because we know they'll be fine with it.
Other than telling my mother, I am really looking forward to having the baby, and my boyfriend is delighted. Unfortunately I cant enjoy the pregnancy until I have the bottle to get it out there

bandit*baby

well then get it out there....
your mother loves if she didnt she wouldnt worry for you
go for it you have nothing to loose

Nevyn

Well tbh it would be the done thing not to tell anyone until you are 3 mouths and you are pat the point of a misscarraige so you don't have to go rushing to tell her just yet.

You could make your appointment with your dr and get your first scan done and then give her a copy of the scan and say guess who is going to be a granny...

-Leelo-

Thaedydal wrote:

You could make your appointment with your dr and get your first scan done and then give her a copy of the scan and say guess who is going to be a granny...

Ha...Thats one way of giving her a heart attack before her time anyway lol shes only 40, I think I'll dodge the word "Granny" for as long as I can get away with

Dreamer 7

Congrats OP, please tell your parents asap. I was terrified of telling my parents and kept the secret for 4 months, i nearly had a breakdown. I was physically sick with worry every day , thought i would be thrown out onto the streets etc. Eventually just blurted it out, the were more dissappointed than angry, no cross words thank god and here I am 5 yrs on with two little beauts who granny and grandad absolutley adore Godd Luck but do get it over with soon

BoozyBabe

Congratulations pet.

Well, your ma knows better than most how these things can happen, as it happened to her.

& really, was having you such a disappointment in her life?

No, didn't think so.

It would be worst news if you'd to tell her you'd terminal cancer!!!
You're only bringing a bundle of joy into the world for her to love & spoil rotten.

I'm not so sure she'll be disappointed per say, I think she'll be more worried if you'll cope at your age (again, remem she's been there!!), worried that you might not always be with the father, worried your options for a career, education will be very limited etc.
I think those will be her concerns, not so much that "Oh my God you're having a what!!!"

Best of luck.
Just tell her now. You know you have to sooner or later, so you might as well relieve yourself of all the extra stress now.
(Easier said than done, I know)

Shelli

I agree, you sound like you've decided on your plans for this baby, now the only thing you need to do is tell mom! Yes she may be dissapointed, but not for long.

And believe me (see signature!), the support of a mother whos been through pregnancy is the best thing in the world, nobody, not even the father will show as much intrest in your unborn child or how your feeling, becuase she went through it all with you!! Plus it's great to have someone to moan at when your feeling crap and you OH is annoying the piss out of you! Damn crazy pregnancy hormones

Good luck, and I know you'll be fine!

Oh....and huge congratulations!!!!

Maple

just tell your mum. the sooner the better. there are much worse things out there than a baby and you have the support of your boyfriend so you are luckier than alot of girls finding themselves in similar situations. she might be disappointed and angry at first but that will only be because she might have wanted you to maybe be in a more "secure" position when first pregnant, older, travelled, with a career under your belt, married with a house etc.

Just tell her and work from there. I wish you the best of luck with it and congratulations on your pregnancy.

-Leelo-

Thanks again for yer advice, Its mucho appreciated. Still not sure as to when I'll tell her, but Im a little clearer on how to tell her.
This will be the first baby in the house since me (Im an only child) so she might take it better than expected.

Heres hoping anyway lol....

dudara

If you are happy with this pregnancy and will love this baby, then your mother will realise that. She might be initially shocked, so be prepared to give her some time.

Congratulations.

Moojuice

Congrats. Its not as bad as you think. It is hard telling your family about it but once you do you will look back and wonder what all the fuss was about. My sister got pregnant at 18. It was hard for her to tell the family but she did, people got over it and 4 years later she has a great life. Everyone loves the kid too. Your mom will be upset but will come around to it and will go into Grandma over drive.

Tell her straight out and be honest. She is your mom so should support you through it.

00112984

Hi OP- I have no advise to offer because I've never been in that situation but I just wanted to say congratulations.

I'm sure your mom will be shocked and maybe, initially, a little disappointed but she'll come round. In a few months, you'll be making posts about how she's driving you mad by fussing over you and filling the house with little cardigans and bootees.

Let us know how you get on.

-Leelo-

Thanks a mill, I'll keep ya posted

Thaedydal

Thaedydal wrote:

A baby is not the worset thing that can happen to you, it is not like you have cancer.

This is exactly what my nanny said when my cousin got pregnant as my uncle died at 26 from a rare cancer!
You might be surprised by their reaction ...:) just do it!

-Leelo-

Hi Everyone,

I actually did it, I told her this morning and you were all right, she was a bit upset (I actually think she was more upset than she let on) but she just gave me a big hug and told me that she'd help me out as much as possible. So phew

Thanks everyone for ur help, dont think I would've got the nerve up to do it otherwise

x

Marksie

Well Done -leelo-.

I hope everything goes beautifully for you

Maple

-Leelo- wrote:

Hi Everyone,

I actually did it, I told her this morning and you were all right, she was a bit upset (I actually think she was more upset than she let on) but she just gave me a big hug and told me that she'd help me out as much as possible. So phew

Thanks everyone for ur help, dont think I would've got the nerve up to do it otherwise

x

fantastic news. best of luck with everything.

Dreamer 7

Great news you must feel so much lighter now that weight has been lifted from your shoulders no sit back relax and enjoy ur pregnancy, oh and a bit of advisce I give to all pregnant women
GO TO SLEEP NOW!! Sleep sleep sleep you will need you stores built up for when babs arrives

Victor

-Leelo- wrote:

she was a bit upset (I actually think she was more upset than she let on)

Emotion can be a strange thing. Sometimes we are feeling an emotion we aren't used to and another emotion comes out. So sometimes we cry when we are happy, etc. So upset can have little bits of happiness and humour and sometimes humour can cause upset.

I'm sure it will all work out. Look after yourself.

SarahSassy

Thats great news Leelo!!! Enjoy the pregnancy