Hooked up with my girlfriends best friend.

LegacyUser

LONG POST

So anyway meant to be going out with my girlfriend and some of her friends on friday. We were going to rathmines. So basically for a good hour it ended up being just me and my gf's best friend, lets call her denise. Which wasnt a problem as after 5 years i know her quite well. I had had a few drinks after work and so had she so we were pretty merry.


So my girlfriend is going on a holidays next friday for a week with a couple of girls she works with. I had got her justin timberlake tickets ( i also managed to get tickets to vicar street this morning) now obviously she cant go. So i was saying to denise about it and yes i do like mr sexyback....
So she was saying she'd love to go. So JT came on, that girlfriend song with nelly. so she grabs me up to dance and we are dancing and pushing against each other etc and you know that point where you look at someone and you just know you are gonna kiss...well we had one of those moments...my lips were on her cheek and hers on mine for what seem liked ages and we were kinda holding hands.
so we just kinda danced slowly with each other and kept looking into each others eyes, the song finished and we still just stood there finally i said i had to go to the toilet.


While i was in the toilet she sent me a txt sayin "sorry about that" i replied and said "dont worry it was a good dance"

so anyway i got back out and we were alone for 5 mins and my gf and 2 other friends came. So we were all chatting away but we kept catching each others eye.

Anyway my gf and her 2 friend were at the bar/ toilet so myself and denise were sitting there and our feet touched under the and we just had a moment.

Anyway we were on the way home denise lives on the way to my house so there was me my gf and denise and we were in the back. i had my hand at my leg and so did she we were mingling fingers..

Anyway myself and the gf get to our place and she goes to bed but i stay up for some spring rolls and ketchup. I txt denise and said "had a great night, must do it again" she replied "well im still up for going to JT if you want me to"

I said "yeah, you showed some great moves on the dancefloor earlier so it'll be good to dance with you for the night"

She said "you werent too bad yourself nite xxx"

Now i do love my gf i have never cheated on her in 5 years.

But i do find myself really attracted to denise. i have always thought she was good looking.

So now i am going to a gig then an intimate gig with a girl who i almost kissed and now who i am starting to feel very attracted to, all while my girlfriend is on majorca for a week. Am i an idiot in beleiving that nothing will happen?

As i said she lives near enough to me so we can share a nitelink/taxi home.

Or should i just be sensible and say its nto a good idea after what almost happened?

Mr. Incognito

Am i an idiot in beleiving that nothing will happen?

Yes. You are already planning it.

As i said she lives near enough to me so we can share a nitelink/taxi home.

Or should i just be sensible and say its nto a good idea after what almost happened?

Truth. I remember a great line from a movie that your girlfriends friends can always give you what your girlfriend can't......... a break from your girlfriend. You're only going to melt your head if you go down this route. There's no such thing as a free lunch. Once you hook up with this girl she has the power to destroy your relationship. Right now the only person that has that power is your girlfriend and you.

bandit*baby

you know full well that if you go something wil happen with this girl and you are therefore only going to go if you want something to happen

my advice would be to leave it .....
if you care for your girlfriend at all think of the amount of pain it would cause her if she found out that her best friend and her boyfriend of 5 years scored..

its one thing if it just happens ....
but you're in a position where you can prevent it so be a man and do the right thing and prevent it

king_of_inismac

If you love your girlfriend, don't go to the concert. In fact, try to avoid meeting her at all for a while.

You are probably just enjoying the excitment of it all. You almost kissed her the last night, and almost ruined a 5 year relationship.

Go out with your girlfriend while shes here, put the effort into the relationship you have.

If you can't do that, then your g/f deserves better.

biko

A: Cheat
B: Break up with gf and date Denise
C: Go to gig but don't cheat.

I'd say go with C.

king_of_inismac

I'd usually agree with you Biko, but not in this case.

Avoid this girl for a while. Don't put yourself in temptation.

Try to remember the many reasons you're with your present g/f for 5 years!

claire-g

Oh dear *shakes head*

Lets face it 'something' will probably happen if you go to JT with Denise and it sounds like you want it to. If you do then you should break up with your girlfriend and not cheat (said above). That said, what are you two playing at holding hands in the taxi while your girlfriend who you claim to love is in the front seat????

Be very careful how you carry on, if you want to carry this on with Denise you will and should lose your girlfriend, is it worth it for what will proabaly one nite of lust?????

It doesnt sound like you love your girlfriend as much as you say and it doesnt sound like Denise is a great friend.

little miss

You've already crossed a line you shouldn't have. This would devastate your gf, even if nothing else happened. You either need to break up with her, or do the right thing, and avoid this girl for a while and never do anything of the sort again. You're a crap bf and she's a crap best friend to do this. If you truly care for someone then you resist the temptation! You just don't do anything of the kind if you love your partner, or if you care for your friend. Seriously think about what you've done and stop being naive. If you want to stay with your gf, avoid seeing this girl on your own and do not text her.

Craft25

Remember that you "almost" kissed..you didn't actually do it.

Then you came on here to try and stop yourself going too far...Have a chat with your girlfriend mate!!

bandit*baby

biko wrote:

A: Cheat
B: Break up with gf and date Denise
C: Go to gig but don't cheat.

I'd say go with C.

ahhh if only we lived in a perfect world .....
it would naive to go and expect nothing to happen especially when your practically planning it already

funkrooney

Go to the concert, seriously do it!!!

Get a little drunker than you should, flirt a lot more than you normally would, let all the thoughts and mischief thats going through your brain get the better of you.... Kiss her, then bring her home, shag her...........

Wake up in the morning and feel like puking with guilt and regretting it for a long long time

Trust me man, I'v seen this a hundred times and its a bad bad idea, but you already know that, its a question of whether your a big enough person to do the right thing or risk it all on a whim for something that wont be even close to what you'v got it,

But yeh go to the concert, what ya got to lose

Maple

don't do it. seriously. it won't be worth it. you're throwing your relationship away for a cheap thrill.

this girl is too close to home, you won't get away with it and will most probably find yourself living in a world of pain for months to come.

don't do it.

Wibbs

Lovely "best friend" your girlfriend has. Jeez.

Lets say you hook up with the "friend". What next? Answer, she either tells your GF(power trip) or you start to have an affair with the friend. Not ideal really in the scheme of things. People are going to get hurt. Fact. By doing nothing that will be nipped in the bud. If you no longer want to be with your GF leave her. She deserves better in that case. Let's say you do that and then hook up with her friend(soon to be ex friend), I would not be surprised to find out that she drops you soon after.

Look, you are faced with a choice. Cheat or not. You've already started. You can stop it now. Keep it in your pants and act with some responsibility. This stuff isn't exactly a moral dilemma. If you do go through with going to the gig, you will screw up, unless you have supreme self control. Judging from the story so far, that's a little too much to be asking for.

event

there is no advice wanted here?
like what can we say to you?

you want approval, thats all. You want one person on here to tell you its ok to plan cheating on your girlfriend of 5 years, with her best friend.

its wrong and no good will come of it. How can you possibly think that it would be ok to go to the concert?

seamus

claire-g wrote:

Lets face it 'something' will probably happen if you go to JT with Denise and it sounds like you want it to.

Yep. Far from being worried about "Will something happen?", you seem excited that something may happen. If you really didn't want anything to happen, you wouldn't even be posting here. You would know exactly what you would do.

If you actually want to stay with your girlfriend, then you have two options:

1. Uninvite the friend from going to the gig with you.
2. Don't go to the gig.

On the other hand, if you're looking for the go-ahead to cheat, then go ahead. You'll enjoy it, but the consequences will be no fun at all.

Miss Fluff

Sell the tickets or invite a (male) mate. Some best friend by the way....you know yourself something will happen if you go the gig so at this stage the choice is not whether you go but whether you do the dirt. And you will if you go to the gig, trust me.

TheBigEvil

Go for it dude, if things happen, things happen.

Don't let regret rule your life.

Enjoy the night and lay it cool. See where the wind takes you.

dbs_sailor

somehow bring both girls to the JT gig and do a double date saved by the bell style.

then nail that denise girl.

no seriously stay with your gf.

GoWithTheFlow

I think from all the replys so far its obvious you shouldnt go to the concert and I think its just confusing the situation at the moment. I think the answer is basically straightforward:

Stay with your girlfriend and give the relationship a go!

Break up with your girlfriend and do what you want ie. fool around with her friend, start another relationship, whatever!

Cheating should not be an option if you've any cop-on at all. Im not going to tell you off for fancying your girlfriends friend but if you really want to see what it would be like with the other girl then give your girlfriend the respect she deserves and finish the relationship instead of cheating. It just makes sense!

Now I know starting something with your ex-girlfriend's friend is a whole different problem but thats for another thread:D

Clairecluck

If you ask me you're a f*#cker for even considering it. You live with your girlfriend ffs. Act like a grown up and stop thinking about yourself and whats in your pants, god so selfish, this kind of situation really bugs me

Seraphina

man, its so funny that you seem excited, because you've clearly no idea whats going on.

if you TOUCH this girl, she will make your life a living hell. HELLO BLACKMAIL.

it'll be .. do this, do that, or i tell your gf ****e. if she's enough of a bitch to be carrying on with her best friends boyfriend of 5 years, then she'll enough of a bitch to blackmail you for all your worth. i've seen it happen before.
she'll take what she wants from you, play you around a little, then screw you over.

once you give in to temptation, you relinquish control of everything. dont be stupid enough to think you can 'work' this situation somehow. it'll never happen, and it'll all end in tears. your tears most likely.

i'm trying to point out the very obvious consequences, because you seem to be considering this idea as if you think you'd get away with it. you're clearly too selfish and stupid to take advice about not touching the girl for your girlfriends sake, you wouldn't have engaged in such activity with your girlfriends best friend if you had any respect for her.

OS119

its very exciting to be fancied by a good-looking woman after five years of 'marriage', that excitement, and perhaps slavish gratitude, can allow you to do things you wouldn't otherwise do.

i would almost be tempted to say 'do it'. you may well have reached a point where you 'need' to go outside your relationship by the excitement that Denise has caused, in that case you could stamp on it (if you are a monk), you could go a long way away, get a hotel, pick up a bird, shag her and ensure you're never seen again in that city, or you could see where your new relationship with Denise takes you.

if you go to the concert, sleep with her and spend time with her then you may find that actually Denise is the person you want, not your GF. if however you sleep with her and its all a disaster then its quite likely that the sordid story will emerge - not neccesarily because either of you will tell her, but because she'll twig when her BF and best freind can't be in the same room with each other.

i'd make the decision based on whether you think you're actually attracted to Denise (in a deeper way than, 'oh, nice tits'), or whether you are just excited that after 5 years of being part of the furniture you have been noticed as actually being a bloke. both possibilities contain trouble (probably fatal) for your relationship, but one might lead to a new (better?) relationship while the other won't, and will cause just as much pain to your girlfriend.

(the above is based on the premise that if you get that excited over a pretty girl noticing you then your relationship with you GF is heading down the toilet anyway - though not neccesarily for that reason).

koneko

Wibbs wrote:

Lovely "best friend" your girlfriend has. Jeez.

Don't forget the boyfriend. What a lucky girl, her best friend and boyfriend both seem pretty willing to screw her over.

Caliden

It's a terrible idea bringing Denise. Even an idiot can see that something is going to happen when you're up there.
You're a guy, she's a girl and you're both probably going to be drunk in a hotel room alone.

Sell the tickets to Denise, both of them and explain why.

bandit*baby

TheBigEvil wrote:

Go for it dude, if things happen, things happen.

Don't let regret rule your life.

Enjoy the night and lay it cool. See where the wind takes you.

:rolleyes:
see where the night takes you and your girlfriend and your girlfriends best friend and all the friends and family that you and your girlfriend share ... don't be so selfish as to assume it is only you involved
regret will be waking up in the morning and realising that you have condemned your relationship to lies and shame and all for a drunken shag

and also have you considered the risk of STD's i know it probably seems right out there but its a chance you take and something you risk passin to your girlfriend

LegacyUser

i think a lot of people are getting mixed up with going to the gig and going to the gig with denise.

i say go to the gig but not with denise
defo dont give her the tickets (they're like gold-dust)

also, there's nothing wrong with a little flirt, but to think you could do the dirt with your gf's bestfriend is insane.

and as a lot of peeps have said she cant be much of a 'best mate'


oh and btw, do you trust your gf in majorca ?

Petey2006

I find it very entertaining when people come on here and profess 'I love my girlfriend (or boyfriend)' and then go on about how they've cheated or are thinking about cheating or some other such rubbish.

OP, you claim to love your girlfriend. Clearly you don't, or you'd have stayed away from this other girl the moment you had an inkling something was going to happen. Especially after your girlfriend turned up. Do your girlfriend a favor and break up with her. She deserves better than some jerk-off who's considering cheating on her.

AnonoBoy

I've been on the receiving end of this sort of behaviour from a girlfriend and my 'best' friend.

Let me tell you that if you go through with this you will absolutely crush your girlfriend. Not only will her boyfriend of 5 years have cheated on her but it will be have been with the very person who she would normally turn to to overcome hardship.

Believe me, it'll be a long time before she ever trusts anyone again. You and her so called friend will completely ruin her faith in people. Imagine it, the two people she trusts most in the world teaming up behind her back to screw her over?

You're a lovely guy and her friend is even worse.

MikeHoncho

Clairecluck wrote:

If you ask me you're a f*#cker for even considering it. You live with your girlfriend ffs. Act like a grown up and stop thinking about yourself and whats in your pants, god so selfish, this kind of situation really bugs me

I whole heartedly endorse the views expressed in this post. If your gonna do sh!t like that you dont deserve a girlfriend in the first place. Do you seriously need advice from random strangers on an internet forum as to what to do here? Shame on Denise too though what a b!tch. You will pobably be really happy together.

LegacyUser

OP go ahead and give her one, I was in a similar position to you about a year ago. I was in a relationship for 3 years and basically found myself drifting towards her friend. So in the end what happened was i did some flirting with the friend though nothing physical happened. The flirting lasted for about 4 days. My girlfriend went on holiday about a month later and basically f**ked everyone on the island she went to!
And no she didnt know about the flirting between me and her friend.
The sad thing is she had been on 6 such holidays while we were together.... Not sure what the situation is with your GF.

Go ahead and shag denise your GF may come back and your relationship may be over anway.

LegacyUser

Whats the harm in a bit of flirting? Oh and my gf has been on holidays 3 times without me, i'm dont think she has cheated on me...

OS119

some posters are getting bit po-faced about our friends situation.

love/attraction is not rational, it is at times exceedingly irrational. yet some are suggesting that he treats this situation as if it were merely numbers on a ledger sheet.

if he has been bitten by the different bugs of Denise or the five-year itch then he has no more control over what he feels than he is able to grow a third leg from his chest.

if love/attraction were entirely rational then quite simply the ugly/fat/ginger/stupid/smelly/bald/short/weak/flat-chested/poor/lame wouldn't get a look in, but they do, people fall for people who - if one looked at the match objectively - they wouldn't touch with a burning barge-pole.

one has no more control over the timing of these feelings than they have over the recipient, people should remember that.

DRakE

EDIT:

on the cheek? thats not cheating you big mary

Wibbs

koneko wrote:

Don't forget the boyfriend. What a lucky girl, her best friend and boyfriend both seem pretty willing to screw her over.

Oh I hear you. Don't think for a second I think his behaviour is anything but dodgy.

OS119 wrote:

if he has been bitten by the different bugs of Denise or the five-year itch then he has no more control over what he feels than he is able to grow a third leg from his chest.

No but he has control of how he acts. He's not a blind automaton to his urges.

if love/attraction were entirely rational then quite simply the ugly/fat/ginger/stupid/smelly/bald/short/weak/flat-chested/poor/lame wouldn't get a look in, but they do, people fall for people who - if one looked at the match objectively - they wouldn't touch with a burning barge-pole.

Actually a lot of studies have shown that people tend to end up with others of similar attraction. While the details differ, love and attraction is often quite logical and objective, if not to the participants at the time.

one has no more control over the timing of these feelings than they have over the recipient, people should remember that.

Hey I strike a horn with women I'm not with and sometimes them with me, that doesn't mean act on such impulses willy nilly(so to speak) if circumstances are not optimal. This is especially true if I'm with someone(or they're with someone) and the object of my horniness is her best mate and that any action in that direction would cause undue distress, just because I got a momentary itch I wanna scratch.

Look nobodies perfect, but a bit of effort where commitment is concerned is hardly difficult.

Maybe I'm just old fashioned that way.

MikeHoncho

OS119 wrote:

some posters are getting bit po-faced about our friends situation.

love/attraction is not rational, it is at times exceedingly irrational. yet some are suggesting that he treats this situation as if it were merely numbers on a ledger sheet.

if he has been bitten by the different bugs of Denise or the five-year itch then he has no more control over what he feels than he is able to grow a third leg from his chest.

if love/attraction were entirely rational then quite simply the ugly/fat/ginger/stupid/smelly/bald/short/weak/flat-chested/poor/lame wouldn't get a look in, but they do, people fall for people who - if one looked at the match objectively - they wouldn't touch with a burning barge-pole.

one has no more control over the timing of these feelings than they have over the recipient, people should remember that.

We may not have control over the timings of the feelings but we should all have something called a moral compass and hurting someone you supposodly love is wrong. Do you suggest we all just act like animals and go around trying to shag whoever we find attractive regardless of the consequences? I dont blame him for being attracted to someone else but acting on it would be a bad thing to do if he doesnt want to hurt his gf.

So basically while I agree that you can not control how you feel you can control how you act and he can still make the right decision because he hasnt quite crossed the line yet.

Marksie

DraKE: Borderline at best, less of the personal comments

little miss

notagoodbf wrote:

Whats the harm in a bit of flirting? Oh and my gf has been on holidays 3 times without me, i'm dont think she has cheated on me...

What's wrong with flirting with her best friend? Seriously, are you for real? And flirty dancing, holding hands and sending texts behind your gf's back is more than just harmless flirting. Have you read the advice given here? Seems to me you're trying to justify what you've done up to now. Your own user name gives you the answer. You are not a good bf to have done this, and you'll be a million times worse if you don't stop this in its tracks now.

jellie

As someone else mentioned, you kind of seem excited, like its a new romantic prospect or something.

I would suggest you stay well away from denise until you sort your head out. Its bad enough that youre thinking about some other girl this way but your gfs best friend! (although i dunno about calling her a friend when shes pretty much trying it on with her bf)

If you wanna go to the gig, make some excuse for not bringing her & find someone else. or you could always be honest & say you just dont think going with her is a good idea.

PS. if you wanna sell them vicar st tickets keep me in mind :P

DRakE

You god damn better go to the concert.. that show sold out in 30 seconds If your morals are making you think of not going just bin em both and go by yourself instead.

edit: go with em both and wear a fake mustache and jumper for one girl, and take em off while you go to the 2nd one.. just dont forget what to wear for each chick! could be trouble a la mrs doubtfire where he has the interview and the dinner in the same place. genius!


*not condoning crossdressing, that could just make it worse

Marksie

Drake: Off topic and unhelpful posting will get you banned

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

Wibbs

The Scientist wrote:

Thats because you dont have a penis.

Well I'm in proud possession of one. I'm also in possession of a brain and luckily unlike the OP it seems, I have a blood supply that can feed both at once. Having a penis has got sweet F A to do with it frankly. Having the feelings fine. Acting on those feelings not so fine. Simple moral choice really.

The guys been with his gf for 5 years, i think its only natural to have thoughts of flirtation after 5 years.

Again thoughts aren't the issue really.

God only knows what the excitment must feel like.

Balanced against the hurt and confusion that any action may cause(not least to him) is hardly worth the frisson of excitement he may get from this.

I think you should go to the concert, enjoy the flirting and go home, seperately.
And really, if she is your gf's best friend then she wont even think about making a move either.

Great in theory, but the OP is posting here precisely because neither of them seem to quick to resist based on the first time.

DD

I agree with him.
I think its obvious what will happen, cos u already did so much that night while ur gf was with u. It was more like a flirt and you know it. If you were alone I am pretty sure you would have done more. If you love your gf dont do anything, you are attracted to "denise" ...but there are more denise around you, are you sure you want to ruin your r*ship?
Do you agree that if you go with her to the concert it will happen more?

king_of_inismac wrote:

Avoid this girl for a while. Don't put yourself in temptation.
Try to remember the many reasons you're with your present g/f for 5 years!

LegacyUser

In a previous relationship, I had been going out with my then gf for 4 yrs (both aged 22 or so at time). My gf was out of country for while with work, I used to see her friends out and about as we would frequent the same bars and clubs. Long story short ended up f**king the best friend [they had been friends since primary school] (i'm not going to lie it was all the better because of the danger thing) but the guilt was terrible. In the end the friend told other friends who in turn told my then gf. Needless to say the sh*t really hit the fan and I have never seen or spoken to ex since.

At the time, I thought it was the worst thing ever and that I had lost everything. But within a couple of months things started to pick up, fast forward a few years and I'm now living with current gf and haven't nor have ever had the urge to (although virtually impossible to say that I will never) cheat. In a childish/laddish sort of way my mates thought the whole thing was the best and most hillarious thing ever. But in reality it wasn't , it was mean and selfish and at the time caused a fair amount of hurt. Not going to lie and say I wouldn't do it again, but you have to think out the consequences OP (as I think it is virtually certain given the facts so far that you're going to end up being bold at that gig with ur gf's friend- to think otherwise you're only fooling yourself), bottom line- if you want to do the deed then do it but be prepared for the fall-out..

Clairecluck

OS119 wrote:

some posters are getting bit po-faced about our friends situation.

love/attraction is not rational, it is at times exceedingly irrational. yet some are suggesting that he treats this situation as if it were merely numbers on a ledger sheet.

if he has been bitten by the different bugs of Denise or the five-year itch then he has no more control over what he feels than he is able to grow a third leg from his chest.

if love/attraction were entirely rational then quite simply the ugly/fat/ginger/stupid/smelly/bald/short/weak/flat-chested/poor/lame wouldn't get a look in, but they do, people fall for people who - if one looked at the match objectively - they wouldn't touch with a burning barge-pole.

one has no more control over the timing of these feelings than they have over the recipient, people should remember that.

Oh shut up, that's why were called "Adults" we make "mature" decisions.

Marksie

Clairecluck: Adults also post mature coherent arguments

I have placed warnings in this thread.

Banned 1 week

smileysurfer

you know something is going to happen!!
so avoid the disaster b4 it goes ahead and just stay away from this other girl and stay true to your girlfriend. she doesn't deserve her boyfriend going off with her friend!!!!

smileysurfer

you know something is going to happen!!
so avoid the disaster b4 it goes ahead and just stay away from this other girl and stay true to your girlfriend. she doesn't deserve her boyfriend going off with her friend!!!!