Cant get along with BFs friend - dunno why!

LegacyUser

Ive got a little problem with a friend of my boyfriends. It all seems a bit silly, as we are all adults.

The man doesn’t seem to like me at all. We are all late 20’s to mid 30’s.

Ive know this guy now for about a year and a half. He seemed a bit odd anyways, not the friendliest of people but we did make an effort to salute/say hello to each other/have conversation. He can come across to some people as a bit rude. I think it’s more of a “hardman” act.

Anyways, we were all out at the weekend and he was there. So, at one stage every one scattered all over the place and myself and the guy were standing alone. So I tried to make conversation with him and all I got was “yes” “no”…….a few hours later again, we were standing alone again. I thought to myself I won’t say anything, see does he make an effort. He didn’t. 2 mins later he just walked off.

I wasn’t too worried about this (trying not to over think) until I saw him looking at me with what I can only describe as utter disgust on his face. I have no idea why he doesn’t like me……….I have never done anything to him or to my boyfriend that would merit this kind of behaviour.

It isn’t causing any problems for me and my boyfriend, unless I directly bring it up. My BF wants to ask him why he is acting all strange – he has noticed it too. I asked him not to as I don’t want to make things worse, between any of us. Do you think I should just ride it out? There was one other guy as well who was acting the same way towards me (him and the other guy would be good friends), but I met him out last weekend, and after months of literally being cut off/not talking to me either he came over and chatted to me – well he at least asked how I was.

Is there anything I can do?

biko

Ask your bf to find out why the mate don't like you. People generally do not dislike other people without reason. Did your bf have another gf before they really liked and he broke up with?

Guitar1979

A few of my friends Girl Friends are real ball breakers, they dont really like me, God knows why.. i am not saying this is the case with you but some guys see some GF as a real threat to thier friendship with thier mates.

I think you should just blank them and forget them. Life is well to fuc*ed up to be worring about people that at the end of the mean nothing to you..

Well that's my rant anyway..

ntlbell

Cantgetalong wrote:

He can come across to some people as a bit rude. I think it’s more of a “hardman” act.

This is what it seems to be.

I'm not sure why it bothers you?

pwd

loads of possible reasons.
He could fancy you himself, or be generally frustrated if he's not meeting anyone.
He could mean it as some sort of respect to your bf. Some guys overstate boundaries while around other people's gfs.
He could dislike the sort of person you are.
Your bf might have changed in a way he dislikes after getting with you and he could blame you forthat. He might miss your bf being single - guys often relate to each other differently while they are single.
He might feel you are trying to ingratiate yourself with him to be closer to your bf, and resent that as insincere.
It could be anything really.
Best not to worry too much about it. Stop being so friendly to him yourself and you'll probably feel better. It probably would be a good idea to let your bf ask him about it

John Mason

my ex's brother hated me and wouldnt talk to me, he would turn his back to me if i tried to talk to him but then he got a friendend and me and him got on brilliantly, maybe he is just jealous that you are taking his friend from him

Chinafoot

Guitar1979 wrote:

some guys see some GF as a real threat to thier friendship with thier mates.

Bingo.

I went out with a guy for almost 2 years and from about 3 months in one of his friends was a complete and utter prick to me. It got to the point where I was so pissed off that I asked him out straight what the problem was. He said, and I quote, "I don't like you because xxx would never come home from college at weekends with us but he'll come home for you."

It ended up causing a lot of problems in the relationship because on any group nights out like 21st birthdays he would be anything from rude and ignoring me to being outright aggressive...while my darling boyfriend sat back and said nothing for fear of rocking the boat.

The breaking point came when he ****-stirred with my boyfriends mother and told her that I was out to get pregnant (I was 18 ffs!) and tthat lead to a whole world of ****e.

OP my advice to you would be to tread very carefully here. Depending on how close they are, if this is made into a big thing between them there's a good chance you won't come out on top. Would you let a fella come between you and your close friend? Doubtful. Fellas are usually no different.

Try and find out what the problem is but try to keep things as calm and nice as possible.

LegacyUser

My Gf has the same problem with one of my female friends. She just hates her this is to do with the fact that this "friend" likes me and no i have been taken off the market so she is just plain rude to my gf

ntlbell

Chinafoot wrote:

Bingo.

I went out with a guy for almost 2 years and from about 3 months in one of his friends was a complete and utter prick to me. It got to the point where I was so pissed off that I asked him out straight what the problem was. He said, and I quote, "I don't like you because xxx would never come home from college at weekends with us but he'll come home for you."

It ended up causing a lot of problems in the relationship because on any group nights out like 21st birthdays he would be anything from rude and ignoring me to being outright aggressive...while my darling boyfriend sat back and said nothing for fear of rocking the boat.

The breaking point came when he ****-stirred with my boyfriends mother and told her that I was out to get pregnant (I was 18 ffs!) and tthat lead to a whole world of ****e.

OP my advice to you would be to tread very carefully here. Depending on how close they are, if this is made into a big thing between them there's a good chance you won't come out on top. Would you let a fella come between you and your close friend? Doubtful. Fellas are usually no different.

Try and find out what the problem is but try to keep things as calm and nice as possible.

It's not really "BINGO" that was bingo for you, she has stated that others see him as rude and he seems to come across as rude in general.

Mr. Incognito

Here's a secret in life.............

Not everyone gets along. Shush. don't tell anyone.

So you don't get along and aren't best buddies, as long as you are civil to each other who cares.

In truth I'd be worried if my girlfriend got along with all my mates as I don't even get along with some of them sometimes.

Guitar1979

Ah ha LOL... that's a fact..

SetantaL wrote:

Here's a secret in life.............

Not everyone gets along. Shush. don't tell anyone.

So you don't get along and aren't best buddies, as long as you are civil to each other who cares.

In truth I'd be worried if my girlfriend got along with all my mates as I don't even get along with some of them sometimes.

Chinafoot

ntlbell wrote:

It's not really "BINGO" that was bingo for you, she has stated that others see him as rude and he seems to come across as rude in general.

She also stated that she caught him looking at her with "utter disgust on his face." Reckon he does that to everyone, do you? If the OP sees fit to post here she obviously thinks there more to it than just him being rude in general.

py2006

It could be a case of he sees you as coming between the him and his mate. How many times has a guy lost his best mate to a girl! Its a bit immature to "hate you" alright.

Usually the reasons for this is:

1. He reckons your not good enough or you are treating his friend badly.
2. Your one of these girls that dont allow their bf's see their mates all that often.
3. He fancies you.
4. He is a total idiot!

Sony

ha yeah dead on i like that post setanta!

I ,like most people it seems,have had this problem in the past too... I find the best way to go about it is just ride it out-if you can kill them with kindness well and good but from my own experience of this type of situation its down to jealousy----usually the person in question is single but "secretly" not happy about being single or theyre just plain jealous that theyre friend has found a bit of happiness and they have utter contempt towards their relationship.

His mate is doing himself no favours whatsoever though, its only a matter of time until your boyfriend just gets fed up with the baggage he's bringing so trusting that you'll stay the bundle of sweetness and light that Im sure you are-you'll come out on top in this instance - no doubt!