Bi girlfriend

LegacyUser

I really don't know what to do with this ... I'm seeing my gf near on a year now and I can't see it going any further.

I knew from the start she was bi, she made it clear enough in the beginning. It took me a while to accept it, but in fairness to her she only acted on it once when I was with her.

She told me straight away - gave me the whole 'I was curious' thing, and it hasn't happened since. But it's still coming between us.

Were both young enough at 18 and 19, and she's still questioning. The whole sex part of the relationship just hasn't happened yet, and I don't know if it's going to.

It just got to us even more last night when we were out. Having a few drinks with a large enough group of couples and we were just sitting there listening to them talking about sex for the night. I could tell it was getting to her as she kept leaving the group.

I was brought up on the way home, in fairness she asked me what was up with me, and I just managed to piss her off (by being honest with her). We can talk about anything except this.

Now, I'd 'never' pressure anyone into anything they didn't want to do, I'm not like that - but I can't see us going any further.
Looking around at my group of friends and they're past that part already, and with their partners a lot less time than us.

I've been honest with her, understanding with the cheating, patient with this ... but I just don't know. Is it worth throwing away a year over it?

The_Scary_Man

Unreg1 wrote:

I've been honest with her, understanding with the cheating, patient with this ... but I just don't know. Is it worth throwing away a year over it?

Cut your losses mate and walk. I think you've been caught in the trap of trying to make this girl fit into the relationship you want rather than actually making a decision as to whether you could have a relationship with her.

You see someone who will become a worthy partner and in doing so you overlook the ways she has disrespected you and your relationship. If she has cheated on you then walk away, the fact that she's difficult to even have a discussion with should just about give you the impetus to move on.

Marksie

I presume that you have agreed a closed realtionship, as opposed to an open exploratory one?

If she "cheated" with a guy how would you react?

Take the two together then think of what you want to do

Craft25

Why hasn't your relationship moved onto a sexual level yet...is the whole "Bi" thing an excuse??
Maybe your girlfriend is in a different place on that issue, by the sound of her behaviour around your friends she wants to move forward..perhaps by playing around with a girl she thought she wasn't "really" cheating on you...just letting you know that she needs it..after all she told you straight away!

At your age she is just figuring herself out, she could turn out lesbian, it could be a phase it could be anything..in fact labelling is not really a good idea.

Aftera year with you she probably really likes you..but everyone has needs that must be fulfilled.. im not saying that you should have sex if you're not ready...but just consider if this has anything to do with it. You never said why you havent moved to sex surely it cant be just because she experimented once... the two of you should lock yourselves up in a hotel room for a whole weekend with a few bottles of wine - talk, listen, smell, touch, taste, look into her eyes..surely by the end of that you'll know if you're ever gonna be able to move on. - either way

Spyral

Now, I'd 'never' pressure anyone into anything they didn't want to do, I'm not like that - but I can't see us going any further.
Looking around at my group of friends and they're past that part already, and with their partners a lot less time than us.

if you cant see it going further unless you have sex then walk. Relationships shouldnt be based on sex

LegacyUser

It's not the sex but the lack of communicaition.

It's not that a relationship 'has' to based on sex - but I see it as the most natural progression. It's been a good year, and we do love each other.
But looking around at others our age, it's not a problem for them while it is for us.

The bi bit I accepted, and now that it's been pointed out, she may be using it as an excuse.
She's willing to 'experiment' (cheat) with another girl and not with her own bf? And cheating is cheating, regardless of gender. I'm not a jealous type, but I draw the line there.

It's her first proper long relationship, while it's my 3rd, it might be that she's intimidated or something, but I just don't know, she won't talk about it.
If she refuses to even sit down and talk, that's proof enough for me she's not mature enough for it to go any further and I'll cut my losses.

I'm not losing any more sleep over this.

Marksie

Unreg1 wrote:

It's not the sex but the lack of communicaition.

In ANY relationship, good, bad or indifferent it is all about communication and never about s*x.

Fact

Caliden

How can she say she is bi if she won't even have sex with her boyfriend of 1 year? I find that silly to be honest.

Sit her down and calmy ask her about it, don't let her walk away from the issue like she has done already.

LegacyUser

Caliden wrote:

How can she say she is bi if she won't even have sex with her boyfriend of 1 year? I find that silly to be honest.

You're not the first to say that. Out of all my friends, the one I can trust with this type of talk said the same to me.

I've been more patient than any lad could be expected to be (at my age at least).
I'm not trying to be cocky, but I know I could easily have a one night stand with a randomer if I wanted - but that's not the problem.

I wouldn't be with her this long if I wasn't happy with everything else, so why can't we move on?

Victor

Are you her boyfriend (I assume you are male) or are you just a cover?

ats

Victor wrote:

Are you her boyfriend (I assume you are male) or are you just a cover?

I was thinking just that, seems strange that she has no problem being with some lass and won't even discuss it with the bf.

now that said maybe she is confused and doesn't know herself how she feels. maybe she is Bi but thinks that people may see her as a freak or some such, or maybe she is a lesbian and doesn't want it to come out so is using you for a front.

either way I think a conversation is in order. sit the lass down explain how you feel about her, how frustrating it is especially with her not talking to you about it.

I have to say lasting a year and not getting any especially at your age fair play. Oh and I'm surprised no one suggested you sit her down and suggest a threesome.

LegacyUser

Patience just ran out ... she wouldn't answer a text saying we needed to talk, and she's not answering her phone.

I'm finished with it. <just thought I'd let ya all know>

DRakE

Flaaaaaaaaaming lesbian. You've been without sex for a year? Jesus man I wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy.

LegacyUser

DRakE wrote:

Flaaaaaaaaaming lesbian. You've been without sex for a year? Jesus man I wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy.

Making up for it this Friday ... don't worry.