feeling bad about my actions.

sezermango

so heres the story.

ive been dating my gorgous gf for 5 months now, and i seriously love her. but last night i drank WAY too much(absinth, vodka, beer, tequila. etc) and i met this girl. we didnt go far(we only kissed).
but the guilt is killing me. the girl says no-one has to know, but i feel i should be honest to my gf because if she loved me she would (eventually) forgive me. we dont have lies from each other and i love that. the girl thinks "what she doesnt know cant hurt her"
what should i do????:(

Ruu_Old

It is up to you, if you can live with it. Some people will make a big deal of it and others won't. If you want an honest relationship, then tell her that you made a mistake and take it handy on the booze.

electrode

I'd tell her asap..I think the longer you leave it the worse it'll be and the guilt will be eating at you the whole time..

I was in a similat situation once but the honesty paid off..

If you just bite the bullet you feel better...and if she does break up...well ya shouldn't have done it, and you'll have to accept the consequences!?But as you said if she loves you you should be fine!

Attol

I don't know... I'd have difficulty trusting someone again even if it was just a kiss. I don't really do the whole "second chance" thing because 9/10 it ends badly.

sezermango

thank for the swift replies. if i tell her its gonna be soon or never. but please keep those suggestions coming

tell her and promise to drink less in future since you seem unable to control yourself while drunk

little miss

tell her. she has a right to know. why do people seem to think that being drunk is a good enough excuse to cheat? Do you usually drink that much? Will you ever again? If so, can you hand on heart say you'll never cheat again? Its up to your gf if she can trust you again but you'll have to work on earning her trust again. And what if this girl blabs in the future, or one of her friends does? Is it not better it all comes out now? If you want a completely honest relationship then you have to come clean otherwise that's gone.

Chinafoot

sezermango wrote:

i feel i should be honest to my gf because if she loved me she would (eventually) forgive me.

If you loved her she wouldn't have to forgive you.

Skellington

Don't tell her. Why risk losing a good thing on a drunken mistake? Thinking she'll forgive you because she loves you is a BIG assumption. Would you forgive her? Just make sure you don't do it again and move on, otherwise you'll all end up hurt.

Sangre

sezermango wrote:

but i feel i should be honest to my gf because if she loved me she would (eventually) forgive me.

where in gods name did you get this notion from?

Zillah

If there is no chance she will find out then for God's sake don't tell her!

Right now she's happy, you're not. If you tell her, you'll feel a little better, she'll feel much worse, then you'll feel even worse.

If you tell her, everyone loses. You didn't kiss someone else because you aren't happy with her or because you wanted to make her jealous, you did it because you were too drunk.

Don't tell her, don't drink that much again.

BaZmO*

Do you want to tell so that she feels better or because you want to feel better?

BrandonBlock

This is what I say to all these posts and yours is no different my friend:

If there's little or no chance of your girlfriend finding out -and- you have learned a valuable lesson and will never drink that much/kiss another girl again then ->

DO NOT TELL HER.

If you tell her, she -will- be very hurt, and never properly trust you again for the rest of your relationship and things will NEVER be the same as they were - I guarantee that.

If this was your 2nd or 3rd time doing it I'd say move on, stop hurting her. But it was a stupid drunk mistake and by the sounds of it you have learned from it.

Miss Fluff

Keep your mouth shut if are sure she won't find out from another source. Say nothing, spilling the beans makes it out to be a bigger deal then it actually is.

togster

DO NOT TELL HER.

If it is a one off don't make your guilt hurt her.

Wibbs

Yep, say nothing. I'm all for honesty in a relationship, but a lot of people wouldn't take that news too well. Look at this forum where people get freaked out by phone bills. It'll do no good. Just don't do it again.

claire-g

I cant believe there are people saying not to tell her, for god sake tell her the truth, you screwed up, you dont deserve to get away with it and drink is no excuse.

Also....she may love you and still tell you where to go, if she doesnt forgive you it doesnt mean she didnt love you it probably means she did and you hurt her.

tell her, tell her, tell her, your only making a fool of her if you dont.

Attol

claire-g wrote:

tell her, tell her, tell her, your only making a fool of her if you dont.

That is totally true. Other people know and she doesn't. How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Be honest with her but don't expect her to trust you for a while...

Tar.Aldarion

I would say tell her and would always expect to be told.

killeoin

To err is human.....

To be honest I would look deep into your own heart. If you honestly feel this bad about it just make a promise to yourself to never repeat your actions again. (This includes laying off the drink as you can never use this as an excuse again).

I don't think anyone in life no matter what their situation is can honestly say that they didn't do something that they now regret. (not just cheating)

But please please please do not start telling your friends, or go seeking advice from other people who know your gf. That is making a fool of her.

tribe

Never ever tell her.It will ruined your life.Although that you did was a guilty but dont led it forward.Once you tell her she wouldnt trust you any more.Relationship based on trust if its broken then it will falling apart, its just a common sense.

jubi lee

he's already broken her trust..

op tell her. she deserves to be told what you've done.
you will need to deal with the consequences.... no matter how drunk you were it's no excuse. you knew what you were doing.

Floppybits

OP, look you made a mistake simple as, it was a snog. Put it down to experience and learn from it. If it was something more serious than a snog then I would say that you need to tell your girlfriend. But the choice is yours.

Maple

are you only telling her because you can't live with the guilt? are you only telling her to make yourself feel better?

if it was a one off and you don't know this girl in your everyday life and there's no chance you'll bump into her again then I advocate saying nothing. Put it down to being very drunk and a once off. Having said that do not start thinking that you got away with it once so you could get away with it again, if you do cheat again then you seriously need to examine the fact whether you do actually want to be in a relationship.

If there is a chance that this will get out then tell your girlfriend straight away. If she is going to find out then its best that she hears it straight from you rather than some gossip queen.

_blank_

Don't effin tell her.

YOU feel bad. If you tell her, then SHE'LL feel bad.

If you trust yourself not to do it again, then don't tell her.

I gave this same advice to a mate a few weeks ago.

BTW, you really, really love her eh? Doubt it.

sezermango

ok. my gf and I met up yesterday and i found out the same night i was with the girl, my gf met a guy too. when we both found out, we found it kinda funny.
we talked for hours about honesty, our alcohol cosumption and if this relationship is goin anywhere. we both agree we still have feelings for each other . so we're gonna contuinue goin out to see if its changed anything.
so for the next 3 weeks or so, we're both on a "trial" run.

bandit*baby

sezermango wrote:

ok. my gf and I met up yesterday and i found out the same night i was with the girl, my gf met a guy too. when we both found out, we found it kinda funny.

thats some sense of humour :rolleyes:

Maple

sezermango wrote:

ok. my gf and I met up yesterday and i found out the same night i was with the girl, my gf met a guy too. when we both found out, we found it kinda funny.
we talked for hours about honesty, our alcohol cosumption and if this relationship is goin anywhere. we both agree we still have feelings for each other . so we're gonna contuinue goin out to see if its changed anything.
so for the next 3 weeks or so, we're both on a "trial" run.

crumbs. well best of luck with it anyway.

dellas1979

????
Am bit confused too.
One things for sure, ye both definately dont know what ye want. So that seems to be the only positive thing to come out of this.

Maybe its down to age? Are ye what, 16 or 17?

The Queen

Alls well that ends well???!!

Willymuncher

sezermango wrote:

ok. my gf and I met up yesterday and i found out the same night i was with the girl, my gf met a guy too. when we both found out, we found it kinda funny.

Sounds like yer madly in love, glad you were able to see the humour in it though, I don't think I would personally...

CliffHuxtabel

If its not too late then I say dont tell her.

No one needs to know. Shell be too annoyed to appreciate your honesty.

Be cool

CliffHuxtabel

Sorry...just noticed the whole thing was resolved.

Forget what i said

Lorax

Glad things worked out for ya OP! :-D

biko

Aah, to be 17 and in "love" again

kmick

Wait until tomorrow when you are a distance away from a hangover. Hangovers make everything seem worse.