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Theyre too close

  • 21-06-2007 6:00pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm seeing a girl at the moment, about 2 weeks. its great until we meet up with her gay best friend. They're really really close and tell each other everything. My sister says its normal to be really close to the gay best friend but i'm finding myself being really uncomfortable around they even though i really like her. what should i do????


Comments

  • #2
    little miss
    Closed Accounts Posts: 653 ✭✭✭little miss


    Would you be uncomfortable if she was this close to a female friend, and telling her everything, or is it just because he's a guy you feel like this?


  • #3
    seahorse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭seahorse


    The previous poster is assuming that this gay best friend is male. (No offence pp) but I am wondering are we talking about a male or a female? You didnt specify. It would influence my response, so which gender are we talking about?


  • #4
    little miss
    Closed Accounts Posts: 653 ✭✭✭little miss


    seahorse wrote:
    The previous poster is assuming that this gay best friend is male. (No offence pp) but I am wondering are we talking about a male or a female? You didnt specify. It would influence my response, so which gender are we talking about?

    Indeed I did. Well spotted. Yes, that does change things in terms of advice I agree.


  • #5
    Laslo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 831 ✭✭✭Laslo


    nr0giste1234567 wrote:
    I'm seeing a girl at the moment, about 2 weeks. its great until we meet up with her gay best friend. They're really really close and tell each other everything. My sister says its normal to be really close to the gay best friend but i'm finding myself being really uncomfortable around they even though i really like her. what should i do????

    Get over it?


  • #6
    Red Alert
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 7,486 ✭✭✭Red Alert


    Does also ask the question what about guys who have a very close female friend and vice versa. I don't think there's anything untoward about this (assuming the friend is male), and i don't think there's anything untoward either if it was a girl. Relax, get to know him/her like you would try any other of her friends.


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  • #7
    Marksie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    seahorse wrote:
    The previous poster is assuming that this gay best friend is male. (No offence pp) but I am wondering are we talking about a male or a female? You didnt specify. It would influence my response, so which gender are we talking about?

    Its a good question Seahorse. Reading the OP he states that his sister says its normal to be really close to the gay best friend.

    It strikes me that that comment is more indicative of a gay male friend. Which i think is by far the most common situation.

    In which case i would ask the OP why he feels uncomfortable? Its early days in your realtionship with your g/friend, is it because they are sharing a closeness you feel excluded from at the moment? or because you are worried they may be saying things about you?, or even a tad jealous?. In this instance the issue lies within yourself you have to decide what it is and then deal with it.


  • #8
    MojoMaker
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,939 ✭✭✭MojoMaker


    A girl's "gay best friend" moniker is exclusively used for a bloke. If her best friend was also female she would merely be referred to as the "best friend".

    Don't let pc get too carried away. There's a reason why these names/terms are used. No need to try to be too inclusive :rolleyes:


  • #9
    kkposse
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166 ✭✭kkposse


    nothin worse than a fag hag...


  • #10
    Shellie13
    Closed Accounts Posts: 346 ✭✭Shellie13


    relax!
    1-if hes gay your deff crazy to be feeling threatened!
    2-if he wasn't perfectly normal for males n females to be friends-she chose YOU to go out with right?!
    3- raising this issue will make you look crazy and girls normally side with their friends!

    chill!


  • #11
    louisecm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 289 ✭✭louisecm


    Why does the fact that this person is gay have to do with any of this? I don't see the connection... If you are bothered by any relationship in your partner's life you are entitled to those feelings, but that doesn't mean that your partner doesn't have every right to carry on with the relationship. You can mention it to her if it bothers you that much, but really the problem lies with you in my opinion.


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  • #12
    miles teg
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 372 ✭✭miles teg


    louisecm wrote:
    Why does the fact that this person is gay have to do with any of this? I don't see the connection... If you are bothered by any relationship in your partner's life you are entitled to those feelings, but that doesn't mean that your partner doesn't have every right to carry on with the relationship. You can mention it to her if it bothers you that much, but really the problem lies with you in my opinion.

    I think the person being gay is an issue. The OP stating it suggests he isn't concerned over possible affairs based on them being too close but rather he doesn't like other people know intimate details about his relationship. I wouldn't like my girlfriend telling anyone particularly intimate details about our relationship


  • #13
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    MojoMaker wrote:
    A girl's "gay best friend" moniker is exclusively used for a bloke.
    Exclusively? I would say "generally" or "most of the time", but hardly "exclusively".
    If her best friend was also female she would merely be referred to as the "best friend".
    Seahorse specifically queried whether the friend was female and gay - not just female.
    Don't let pc get too carried away. There's a reason why these names/terms are used. No need to try to be too inclusive :rolleyes:
    Hardly something to roll your eyes at. And how is it being overly PC? It was merely a query.
    kkposse wrote:
    nothin worse than a fag hag...
    Very "helpful" post.

    louisecm wrote:
    Why does the fact that this person is gay have to do with any of this?
    Nobody's making any issue of the person being gay.


  • #14
    Marksie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    KKposse: unhelpful posting will get you banned.

    Folks, could we deal with the OP question please


  • #15
    chump
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,807 ✭✭✭chump


    To be fair I'd be annoyed if my gf was divulging all details about me and our relationship to any close friend - gay or not.

    Perhaps some girls feel more comfortable divulging details to a gay friend than a female best friend - for whatever reasons, but I say NOOOOOOOOOOOO


  • #16
    seahorse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭seahorse


    MojoMaker wrote:
    A girl's "gay best friend" moniker is exclusively used for a bloke. If her best friend was also female she would merely be referred to as the "best friend".

    Don't let pc get too carried away. There's a reason why these names/terms are used. No need to try to be too inclusive :rolleyes:

    My query had nothing to do with attempting to be inclusive MojoMaker, and I dont know why you'd think it would. If this best friend is a gay female it could introduce an element of sexual jealousy in the OP's attitude towards her, if this person is a gay male obviously that rules sexual jealousy out of the equation. That is why I wanted the OP to clarify that. I dont know why that'd sail over your head because to me it's perfectly obvious.

    OP; no matter what the scenario is here I really feel two weeks is far too soon to start questioning the company your new gf chooses to keep and I'd advise you to keep any thoughts on the matter to yourself. You will only portray yourself as irrational and create an 'us against him' situation that could very quickly spell the demise of this relationship. Dont forget that at this very early stage this person has got your gf's ear, much more so than you, and it really would not be a good idea to set yourself up in opposition towards him/her.


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