I think I'm Losing it - for real

LegacyUser

I actually think I might be losing it a little bit.

There is so much going on, that pretty much anything can tip me over the edge and make me cry.

I'm not happy in work
I'm applying for new jobs, so I need time to do interviews, but I also need time off for Jury duty, and personal things, and my current place are bound to get pissed off.
My 19 yr old sis is 6.5months pregnant for a low life convict, she has no job, no money and not a single clue as to what life has in store for her.
I'm going through mortgage ****, but dunno how it'll all work with the job situation as it is.
My nanny is dying, could happen any day now.
I've so much work to do, but I can't concentrate, and I'm getting really worried that I will get so far behind that I wont be able to clear the back log

Jesus Christ, I'm almost in tears just writing this.

I argue with my best friend all day long, nothing new there, we have always been like that.

But right now, I just can't be dealing with it, and I feel like I can't say why as I'll just seem like an attention seeking drama queen.

I wish I could just run away from it all, but I can't and I just don't see it all going away.

I'm not the emotional sort, I actually feel guilty for being so whingy and I feel like I need to cop the fcuk on and get on with things.

It just doesn't seem to be that simple.

biko

First, have a long good cry. Then get it together.
We all go tough times but not everyone breaks down. Why? Because they know to control what they can, and to leave out things they cannot.

Prioritise what's important right now
1. Backlog and nanny.
2. Jury duty.
3. Interviews
4. ......

Things that you cannot control, sisters pregnancy for example, you must learn to push aside. We all have mortgages that must be paid. A lot of people hate their job but hang in there until something better comes along.

It may seem things are piling up right now but remember, although this is an unhappy time but things will look up soon!

Spud83

You seem overwhelmed with everything. I agree with Biko you need to prioritise.

First off all I think you need to clear your head from everything that’s going, this may require a cry, some exercise, something that will give you a sense of freedom.

Then you need to make a list of everything that you currently see as a problem in your life. Then you need to priorities this list, and then beside each item write two or three points that will help each situation. If you break everything down to smaller details that take up small amounts off time then you can find it easier to do.

Lastly don’t put too much pressure on yourself realise there is only so much you can do in one day, that’s where the priorities will help if you don’t get something done that’s down that list don’t worry about. Once you can say at the end of the day I’ve done all I can today then you will start to feel better IMO.

Challenging times bring strength. Hope things look better soon.

P.S I don’t think you can push your sisters pregnancy aside she may need you right now.

ntlbell

alanmurphy83 wrote:

P.S I don’t think you can push your sisters pregnancy aside she may need you right now.

It's not about pushing it aside, be there for her listen to her, let her know your there but don't try and "fix" her problems they're hers, and it's her life and only she can fix what needs fixing.

You're lucky enough to
have a best friend.
have a job.
have a nanny, I was too poor and never had one

Sometimes you have to put things into perspective, and when you take a look at people with _real_ problems ours can sometimes seem pretty small in comparison.

Spud83

ntlbell wrote:

It's not about pushing it aside, be there for her listen to her, let her know your there but don't try and "fix" her problems they're hers, and it's her life and only she can fix what needs fixing.

I agree. I just couldn't say it as well as you.

G&T

Talk to your boss in work and let him/her know that your nanny is not well and your sorry your not 100% these day's.Then are less likely to get pissed off with you and may even be really good about it.They cant bitch about jury duty, its the law you have no choice.

The mortgage crowd will be happy once you get them their money so dont quit this job till you find another.

Your sister will be fine,all you need to do is be a good listener.
You cant fix her problems and tbh I dont think she expects you to.

Sit your friend down and tell her what you told us(except that she's a whiny bitch) she may surprise you by being really nice.

Dont think you have to be all things to all people it is exhausting, talk to people as problems arise and then they wont all build up and overwhelm you.

Give your self a break ,you sound like you often help people,
it's your turn now to need help, people might have been waiting to be asked.

Big hug from me to you,sounds like you need it.

Illegal Alien

OP you're not alone and everyone gets really tough patches in their life, bar none!

I've gone through some seriously tough times in my life, I'm sure I know just how you feel, and it is rotten, but in life you can't have the sweet without the sour.

Biko's right, there are somethings you just can't control, you've got to let life play out its course no matter what it throws at you, but always keep to the front of your mind that none of these things control you.

You can decide to weather the storm. Put your head down and get through it by looking at posetive things in your life and focusing on aims and objectives and letting time gradually bring you out of your rut, or, if you really aren't happy with anything at the moment, you can adjust your entire life....these problems don't own you!

1/ Your mortgage:

Have you considerd going to your mortgage provider and asking for a mortuary (sp?) on your mortgage? This is basic a break from making payments for up to 3 months or so. Interest still accrues onto the balance of your mortgage during this period as it would normaly but you aren't required to pay any interest or capital payments for the agreed time frame

2/ Job:

If you hate it, don't put yourself through it. If you have any holiday days take them, use this time to do interviews (have them all lined up first for a specific week before taking the break) This way you're still getting paid and sorting out a new job. Even if you can't get holidays, you can still leave as the mortgage bill will be on hold until you sort out your financial/working position.

3/ Nan:

I'm sorry to hear she's not well...she should be your No.1 priority at the moment. If she may pass away soon, take time out to relax out of work and just spend time with her. Talk about her life...I was fortunate enough to get to spend time with my nan before she passed and she remenissed over her entire journey hear, as she called it, and she really had some amazing wisdom and insight that only an elderly person can give. It is amazing how much you learn about life over the years, and by the time you grasp it there's never enough time left to fully live it. Youth is definatly wasted on the young. I don't want to look back with any regrets, which is why I don't think you should ever feel like you have to do something...waisting time at something that not only you don't enjoy, but actually makes you miserable.

4/ Your Sister:

She's pregnant. It's not the end of the world. By the sounds of it, she just lacks direction. Talk to her. Make sure she understands that she has big responsabilitys ahead of her and if she really wants to be able to enjoy her life, she'll need to work to achieve it.

Maybe try and help her sort her lifes path in her head...does she want to go to college if not already doing so, and find something she likes to study. Or maybe what career path she would like to be on after the baby arrives, what would she like to do? (If not already on one) And try and help her onto the first step of a ladder she wants to climb i.e. something she can apply herself to and progress to a higher level in years to come, rather than a quick fix ladder that only has one step and it's a matter of time before she gets sick of it and jumps off!

5/ You:

You sound like you've had it tough, maybe you carry too much responsability on your shoulders. Allow yourself to feel down and miserable if you are...allow yourself to release that emotion so that you can build yourself back up.

No one said it was always going to be easy, but we can only take what life throws at us a day at a time and you need the bad times to learn how to cope and you need the good times to bask in your achievments.

Like I said; You can't have the sweet without the sour.

Best of luck. Whatever you choose to do, just try and stay positive.

LegacyUser

'My unemployed, 5k in debt, younger brother, has just told his that his girlfriend is pregnant.

I swear - you just couldn't make this **** up.

My mam is going to have a nervous break down, I can see it coming,'

dellas1979

Your sister and you brother are their own person. Is it really up to you to look after them at this age? Honest to god, you need to think of you.

What am trying to say is that you can only support your brother and sister. You cant make decisions and things like that for them. You can only act concerned. You cannot do anything for them. While, if I was in that situation, I would be worried, it would be more concern. But it wouldnt keep me awake at night.

Your nan, who is dying, probably needs to be your main priority. And your mother also.

When everything has calmed down, then look for a new job. Possibly in the meantime explain to your boss/manager why there is a backlog. They will admire you for telling them this, rather than them finding out.

Ill tell you one thing, from being in the s*it myself, all this WILL calm down, and in a few months you will admire yourself and how you coped.

Youve got to keep telling yourself that everything will be ok, and honestly, it will.