Issues with best friend

robbieb

Hi all,
In a bit of a quandry lately. I've been best mates for about 20 years, but lately, i really feel 1) i have little in common with him and 2) he's really taking advantage of me.
In the past year, he has stung me for money 2/3 times, has a new circle of friends who are pretty undesirable, and wannabe tough guys, and we seem to be moving in different directions. We both have kids, but I'm trying to settle into family life and its responsibilites, he thinks he's still in school, starting fights and surrounding himself with people he wants to be like.
The most recent example is that Saturday he asked me to see if I could get him a ticket to the Artic Monkeys for his mate. I tried and eventually got one from a friend in another circle. I arranged the ticket, paid for it and then his mate never showed. My mate kept saying he'd arrange a collection for me from all those who went inour group ( most of them firends of mine he wouldnt really know ) , but i feel he should cough up himself - its embarassing for me to have him asking my friends to pay up for something he has done. Its only a few quid, but its the principle.
He also treats his girlfriend very poorly and i dont admire him anymore, especially as he is unbelievably selfish.
But what do i do? I realise there is a lot of good in him, but its more and more rare. He rings me nearly every night with f*ck all to say, but i am so busy with work and home life i dont always take the calls - then he has an attitude when i do get back to him. He's almost like a jealous girlfriend!
Can anyone tell me what to do, I'm not the type for arguments / showdowns so any info is appreciated.

Beruthiel

Well, if you have very little in common any more and he's taking advantage of you then I presume you just don't want to bother with him anymore?
If that is the case, then there is no need to confront him. Just don't make any effort from now on. Don't always be there to answer the phone, don't go bending over backwards to do him favours, eventually over time, he'll get the message.
If you wish to keep the friendship, then you're going to have tell him exactly what you said above and let the cards fall where they may.

togster

I think you should sit down with your friend and explain your problems with his behaviour. I have been in a similar situation recently but we worked it out as we have been friends for a long time and friends are important. The ball will be in his court.

Mighty_Mouse

Sweet jeebus man............what kinda of a wimp are you?

Fair enough that you're a non-confrontational person. I'm also, but there come's a point when you need to tell a person where to get off.

Its the fact that you've let it go so long being a complete pushover.
I mean even if you were to make a joke out of his requests : "yea right, I'll strap on a saddle and you can get up on me altogether....."

Why in the name of god did you put your-self out for the ticket?
((if the guy doesnt front for the ticket cant it just be sold to someone else?))

The guy sounds like a nob. What blokes; no matter how tight; ring each other for "conversation" daily?

If you really are close and want to retain the friendship, sit him down and chat to him .

If you dont, just gradually phase him out of yer life.

Skip his phone calls & dont get back to him. Maybe contact him 1 a week and say "things crazy with the kids".
"Saving for a holiday for the kids at the moment....so cant do whatever....."

Personally I'd say "you know you still owe me money?"
Or repeatedly point out quite rightly his playschool antics .....and all his "cool" mates.

Start a good proper argument with the bloke and end the relationship.

mise_me_fein

Maybe you're not as good of friends as you think.

Can you have a big row and forget about it say a week later??
If not then you're not great mates in my opinion.

Just confront your mate about the money and tell them how you think it's bull****. I wouldn't mind the part not having anything in common..........sure that's not needed. If you were good mates a long time ago then surely that stands for something.

robbieb

Mighty_Mouse wrote:

Why in the name of god did you put your-self out for the ticket?
((if the guy doesnt front for the ticket cant it just be sold to someone else?))

QUOTE]

just to explain, i got one from a good mate of mine, and when i was let down i felt obliged to honor my commitment, and felt that the same would be done to me. we did try sell ticket outside, but ended up giving it away for free, rather than just bin it.
as for being a wimp, my mate can be pretty violent at times ( never to me ) and i just dont need that hassle.

G&T

Take your friend for a pint some night.
Tell him your going to be up to your eye's with work/family for the
next while and suggest meeting up every 2 weeks to catch up and that way ye will have more to talk about.
Dont meet him when he is out with his looser friends.
Dont lend him any money

mise_me_fein

Do lend him money if he'll give it back...just confront him about it.

You're not much of a friend if you don't help him out money wise

G&T

mise_me_fein wrote:

Do lend him money if he'll give it back...just confront him about it.

You're not much of a friend if you don't help him out money wise

I think loaning money to a good friend is okay
but not to someone who isint.

mise_me_fein

Well that's you.......unless I know they're a real c*nt I'd lend them the money if I have it. That's what any decent person should do.

mirwillbeback

mise_me_fein wrote:

Well that's you.......unless I know they're a real c*nt I'd lend them the money if I have it. That's what any decent person should do.

i think you're taking the piss, or else you havent the intelligence to read the entire post. it isnt the money, its far more than that. so please read the whole post before you comment.:rolleyes:

Marksie

Stop with the personal comments. Deal with the post not the poster

r3nu4l

Robbieb, your friend has taken advantage of you time and again.

When he asks you for money, what is he doing with it? Drinking it? Using it to go to college at night? You can see how different these things are. Why should you take money from your family and give it to someone who is pissing it up against the wall at the weekend having a good time? When I've been short of money (and I have been a lot over the past 7 years), I just sacrifice and cut back on my lifestyle, I don't go asking my mates for cash so I can go boozing and living it up.

I would call him on it to be honest. Just tell him that you are settling down, you don't have a lot in common anymore, he seems to take advantage of you a lot and is very selfish. Tell him that you aren't sure you like the person he is becoming and that you are concerned about that. Let him know that you are saying these things because you are friends and taht if you didn't care about the friendship you would have said nothing and let the friendship fizzle out.

If he can't have an adult discussion with you then it's time to move on. You have a family to consider and you don't need some leech who treats his family like cr*p and likes to get in fights outside pubs. He sounds like a loser to me but if you want to retain the friendship talk to him. If it was me I'd send him packing!

mise_me_fein

I find time to talk to most of my old friends from years back all the time. I've not got a lot in common with some of them but we still can have the craic.

If there's something pissing me off I'll say it to them...just tell your mate that you're pissed off at whatever....

If his new friends are pr!cks, couldn't you tell him this too?

Your not really great mates if you cant speak to each other on this level.