Insecurity Issues.........

funkrooney

Hi Guys,

I have a bit of a problem. I have a dad that has achieved a huge amount, the beautiful wife, fantastic business and very successful in his professional field. I know that this is not the only barometer in a successful life, but they are ones that despite my best efforts I hold high.

The problem I have is that I am scared to attempt anything that has a possible public failure potential to it, eg: Getting into a boxing ring, giving anything a genuinely flat out hard work attempt. I also have, strangely enough a fear of actually achieving anything of any success. I am the messer in my family,

I pick things up quiete easily and can turn my hands to stuff quiet easily,

The only thing that I have a genuine talent for I reckon, is sales, I have no issue with approaching girls and things like that and I dont get worried about it really, but when it comes to anything properly serious, or difficult, I get panicky and immensely insecure,

Has anyone been in this situation or anything like it??

Sorry if it makes no sense,

I would really appreciate your help on this,

ali.c

So rather than work your ass of and risk complete failure you float along so that if things go belly up, you can always claim well i didnt apply myself? If so yup i've been there.

you say alot about what your dads achieved etc, but you havent said what your dreams or ambitions are. You sound quite apathetic about the whole thing, but maybe i am picking you up wrong. Sounds like its time to decide what it is you want and what your prepared to do about it?

IMO its your fear of success rather than your fear of failure thats going to be the hard one to overcome. Why do you fear success? (it rehortical, not expecting you to answer btw)

Everyone fears failure, but the only way to overcome that fear is to do it. There is some famous quote that i like goes something like, courage is not the absence of fear its the mastery of fear.

As too how i got over it myself, think i had a bit of an ephiany about a year ago, where i decided that i would rather fail with a wholehearted attempt where i was genuinely proud of my efforts than faffed through life not applying myself to anything.

Little-Devil

funkrooney wrote:

Hi Guys,

I have a bit of a problem. I have a dad that has achieved a huge amount, the beautiful wife, fantastic business and very successful in his professional field. I know that this is not the only barometer in a successful life, but they are ones that despite my best efforts I hold high.

The problem I have is that I am scared to attempt anything that has a possible public failure potential to it, eg: Getting into a boxing ring, giving anything a genuinely flat out hard work attempt. I also have, strangely enough a fear of actually achieving anything of any success. I am the messer in my family,

I pick things up quiete easily and can turn my hands to stuff quiet easily,

The only thing that I have a genuine talent for I reckon, is sales, I have no issue with approaching girls and things like that and I dont get worried about it really, but when it comes to anything properly serious, or difficult, I get panicky and immensely insecure,

Has anyone been in this situation or anything like it??

Sorry if it makes no sense,

I would really appreciate your help on this,

Just out of interest how old are you? If your young and jsut out school, then questions below you will know the answers soon enough.
Have you decided what you want to in life what career path you want? I think the issue you have maybe the fact that you and everyone has a lot of respect for your dad and you pretty much want the same from people you around you in life. I'm sure like most you only gain respect when you respect others and work hard. The best thing to do is decide what you want to do if you haven't already and work hard and get that respect.

Or it could be the fact that you are afraid that you will be looked at as a failure in your family because your siblings are probably doing something that may have got them prase and you find yoursefl questioning yourself.

funkrooney

Ali c

You hit the nail on the head there, I do exactly that,

"ah sure not to worry, I didnt try that hard anyway"

What I really want from life is a decent girl, and some kids, so I can be a really good dad that is his kids friend if ya get me,

I am in my mid twenties, I have fluted around for a while, but once I go at something I do quiete well but then I wander off and do something different,

I have just started a course, to do a professional qualification and must admit that I am doing **** all so far, I find anything else as a distraction and go do that, eg: watching paramount comedy or on the internet etc,

Little Devil

A part of it is possibly that my siblings are doing other things and I feel I have to keep up, but I myself always felt that I could be doing a lot better than what I was doing thats where the new career approach came from, didnt want to look back in 10 years and think , balls I should of done something a bit more difficult, something also with a bit more status and fitting in with my potential and capabilities

Thanks guys, good advice from both of ya,

funkrooney

Has anyone else had this problem, being the son or daughter of someone that has achieved a lot and feeling under pressure that they will not be proud of you if you do not achieve the same?

limklad

funkrooney wrote:

Has anyone else had this problem, being the son or daughter of someone that has achieved a lot and feeling under pressure that they will not be proud of you if you do not achieve the same?

Of all the relationships I have witness and experience, the best parents love, support and proud of their kids no matter what hurdles in life their kids faced.

Your father or you (using his life as an example) by forcing this on you to be successful and find beautiful wife is wrong. It would be poor parenthood on his part if he (father) forces it on you.

Your path in life is your choice and it is you who have to take responsibility for it. My advice to you is 1/. to do what you love to do in work life and 2/. Find yourself a wonderful wife and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty after all is only skin deep. You can find a gorgeous looking wife but find a devious, degrading, demanding woman underneath that skin which will make your successful working ad private life miserable.

While some insecurity in our lives is necessary to drive us forwards in life, too much of it destroy our lives and set us backwards, so keep it at a healthy level by moving forwards by using it in a positive way.

Learn from mistakes/failures on your part and from others as most successful people have failed or/and learn from others before becoming successful.

ali.c

Could you get away from it for a while? You know sometimes its harder when you feel there is an expectation on you to achieve a certain status or whatever and its right in your face. Seriously just let it go. you only live once, pick something anything that you want to try and just go for it! If your anything like me you'll just end up regretting it if you dont. Ultimately it doesnt matter if they are proud of you or not, what does matter is that irregardless of their approval you obtain and maintain your self-respect. not applying yourself is merely copping out, assuming no responsibilities for your actions. Do one thing with all your soul and even if you fail you wont regret it!!
I have been there, done that and got the tee-shirt and come out the other side, if you need some support you can feel free to pm me!

445279.ie

Live your own life!!! you only get one

funkrooney

Hey Limk lad,

My dad is very supportive and will help me in any way that he can, and does, it is pressure that I put upon myself to do this, but then dont put in the work to achieve it you know,

I find it very upsetting and think I could be doing so much more, but I dont know what, and when I try I get discouraged so early on,