How Do I Let Her Down Easily?

LegacyUser

Hey, I got a problem with a girl I met a while ago. One day I was at the college canteen on me laptop when a girl walked up to me and gave me a piece of paper that had her number. I looked at it and before I could see the girl's face she had turned around and walked off, I was quite chuffed to be honest but cuz of the then upcoming exams I said to myself I'd pass on the offer for the mo'. Anywho later that day I told my mate about it and he ended up taking the piece of paper and texted her pretending to be me. He convinced me to meet up with her in the pub for a drink later that night so I reluctantly went along.

Now, I don't want to sound like a prick but when I met the girl her she wasn't nice looking........at all. I'm definitely no masterpiece myself but, I assume like everyone, I have my own "limits". At that point honestly I wanted out but to be nice I stayed there and we chatted. Her personality didn't hold up and for the night she appeared to be quite an annoying person, which I thought was obviously nerves at first (Sort of personality where they talk AT you not with you). Anywho the "date" ended and I gave no hint that we should do it again as I didn't know how to say it at that point. A few days later she starts sending me texts with "XXX" at the end of them, she had assumed the role of my girlfriend much to my suprise. Now, the lad's I know are telling me to just ignore her texts completely and don't talk to her but I'm not like that and I'm sure it would be pretty demeaning for her but I've no idea what to say as it's gone too far to the point where I won't seem like a dickhead. I'm in a real pickle here as I don't want to go back to college next Sept and be looking over my shoulder scoping for her. How can end this in the best possible way?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

Marksie

"dear Ms. xxxxx, While i enjoyed our drinks and chat. There was no vital spark or chemistry felt on my side which i associate with the beginning of a relationship."

Or something like that

_blank_

Ring her and tell her you don't want a relationship with her.

Do not allow this to get any more out of hand than it already is.

Just let her know, say something like, 'I had a ok evening, but I don't really want a relationship at the moment" - or that might leave the door open for her, say "I don't really think we're suited".

It probably took some balls on her to do that paper with number thing anyway, she'll get over it.

galah

change your phone number?


No, seriously, just tell her you're not that interested. Simple.

kmick

Ring her and say you have got back with your ex girlfriend (from Mayo if needs be) and even though she is really nice you have to break it off. It always worked for me.

muppetkiller

Or you could just reply "hey there 'insert name' thanks for the text , no news myself and the misses are headin to dinner tonight for a friends Birthday..etc.." If she doesn't take that hint you've got yourself a stalker

claire-g

Firstly, your mates are not being helpful, ignoring people is rude in general, its especially rude when you know the person and worse when it will hurt someone who obviously likes you. Be honest, either text her back and tell her your not interested in meeting again and your sorry if that hurts her feelings or meet up with her and tell her the same thing.

Secondly "XXX" doesnt necessarily mean she thinks she's your girlfriend, she probably just fancies you and after one date she probably wont crumble at the thought of not taking it any further, please give the woman some credit. She took a risk, she deserves respect (as does everyone) try to think for yourself and not be controlled by your mates.

ladylorenzo

Yeah, I agree with SeanSouth..i know its not nice to be rejected but I would much rather be told upfront rather than have OP and his mates laughin bout what a d**k i am being sending you XXX messages(In fairness though..thats a bit full on at this stage so from your point of view, you need to nip this one in the bud!)
Just telll her as it is and leave it at that. She'll build her bridge and get over it soon enough! LL

claire-g

"XXX" does not equal "bunny boiler". She probably signs all her messages off like that!!

Nevyn

Just bacuse you went on a date does not mean you are gong out.
Next time she texts decline to meet up with her again and say that you are looking for a relationship at the moment.

neuro-praxis

"Hi [her name],thanks for a nice evening on [whatever day].It was good to spend a bit of time with you but I've realised I'm really not looking for a relationship at the moment.I hope you understand.All the best,[your name]."

Then, you are free to not reply to any texts that might follow. If she wants to get together again, simply say, "No thank you" and leave it at that - no excuses.

Also, have a word with your friends. They sound like idiots. First they force you into a situation where you have to meet her, and then they encourage you to ignore her? What a bunch of gems they must be. :rolleyes:

Maple

Do not ignore her texts, thats just rude and she doesn't deserve that. Just be honest and text her back to say politely that you're not interested in meeting up with her again.

ladylorenzo

claire-g wrote:

"XXX" does not equal "bunny boiler". She probably signs all her messages off like that!!

Calm down, clam down!!Who mentioned the BB words!! I just said that it was a bit full on, thats all. Do I detect a slight chip on one's shoulder?!

claire-g

ladylorenzo wrote:

Calm down, clam down!!Who mentioned the BB words!! I just said that it was a bit full on, thats all. Do I detect a slight chip on one's shoulder?!

Maybe!!!

kaalgat

All of the above said.

You need to tell her if you don't want to be with her.

LegacyUser

'I think it is best to be straight with people.
Tell her if U don't want to see her. U needn't
make a big song and dance out of it either.'

Caliden

Tell her you didn't really click with her and there's no point in leading her along.
Don't ignore her texts or say that you don't want a relationship just now because it leaves the door open and from the sounds of it you want that door firmly closed.

best of luck and next time install a rear view mirror on that laptop!

seahorse

I'd be interested to hear how this pans out OP. Let us know how it goes.

WindSock

claire-g wrote:

give the woman some credit. She took a risk, she deserves respect.

Well put. You are probably sending out mixed messages, which you can't blame her for. Don't put her off ever trying to make the first move again, don't string her along and have your mates laugh at her behind her back. You are in college now, not school. Take some initiative and tell her the truth (with some diplomacy) so she can move on.

Doodee

dont cuddle afterwards!

LegacyUser

'First of all I think that you're being nice about the whole situation, I don't think you're being rude.

I think that her making that firsb move was really brave and cool but she's acting a little weird now. Dhe's being a bit pushy so I think she's put you in a difficult situation.

You obviously haven't responded to her texts with Xs and I take it you haven't encouraged her so I think just ignoring the texts is a good idea. It's a clear signal that you're uncomfortable and don't want anything to continue.

You didn't have a relationship or even a friendship so it's not like it's rude. You just met up with a random person, you didn't click and you don't want anything further to happen. Responding to the texts just furthers the situation and makes it seem like there was a relationship.

Of course I'm presuming that you have already texted her with a vague 'Hope you had a nice time, see you around'. She can be expected to take a hint from that.

A few months ago I went on a 'date' with a random person, it was awful but I gave him my number sort of out of politeness. Unfortunately he texted me so I texted back saying thanks for the evening, hope you had a good time etc but he texted back with Xs so I just ignored it. I think it would be abit of a slap in the face to text someone saying I'm not interested please leave me alone. Tact over straightforwardness I say.'

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

BadDate wrote:

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

my advice...and this is only a personal preference,
you should get the ride from her and then ring her to say its finished,

simple, lets not complicated think here...you are a guy after all

kaalgat

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ wrote:

my advice...and this is only a personal preference,
you should get the ride from her and then ring her to say its finished,

simple, lets not complicated think here...you are a guy after all

Not sure I like this bit of advice. It's not a very decent thing to do tbh.
As someone mentioned before, she deserves some respect for having given you her number when you didn't even know her.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

kaalgat wrote:

As someone mentioned before, she deserves some respect for having given you her number when you didn't even know her.

maybe so, but in my opinion, any woman who gives out her number to men she doesn't even know, respect is the last think they were looking for

claire-g

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ wrote:

maybe so, but in my opinion, any woman who gives out her number to men she doesn't even know, respect is the last think they were looking for

You in a relationship????

PinkPrincess26

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ wrote:

maybe so, but in my opinion, any woman who gives out her number to men she doesn't even know, respect is the last think they were looking for

Oh your so right.... she must of been thinking, i'll give this bloke my number then let him shag me and then dump me the next day..

Grow up mate seriously..

MicraBoy

A few days later she starts sending me texts with "XXX" at the end of them, she had assumed the role of my girlfriend much to my suprise.

Are you claiming that just because she signed off the text with XXX that she thinks ye are going out? Sounds to me like you are the one making assumptions here. Is there something more to what she is saying in texts?

While I agree she needs to be set straight I don't think you need to over react. Just wait to see if she invites you out again and decline politely saying you don't want to give the wrong impression and aren't looking to become involved right now.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

claire-g wrote:

You in a relationship????

yes, very happy for the past 11 years. thanks for asking,
but I'm not giving you my number...sorry

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

PinkPrincess26 wrote:

Oh your so right.... she must of been thinking, i'll give this bloke my number then let him shag me and then dump me the next day..

Grow up mate seriously..

that post was in reply to somebody else saying that she deserved a little respect for giving out here number...my point is she doesn't deserve respect for giving out her number.
as for the shag her and dump her, that is only my advice from a previous post and we are all entitled to our opinion
please try and keep up with the posts, i wont be going back over old posts here

claire-g

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ wrote:

yes, very happy for the past 11 years. thanks for asking,
but I'm not giving you my number...sorry

I was sure you were a lonely, single man. Oh well wrong again.

I still dont agree with anything you've said today.

And....i dont want your number.

Thanks all the same.

rollie

Direct her to this thread.....she has ample choice then

Marksie

Keep it on topic please.

dudara

MicraBoy wrote:

Are you claiming that just because she signed off the text with XXX that she thinks ye are going out? Sounds to me like you are the one making assumptions here.

Some people have a tendency to stick XXXs at the end of every bleddy communique. Might you be over-reacting?