cutting myself

LegacyUser

i want to stop. i've gotten help but it amounted to "find something else to do instead"isms. they're not big or deep but they're getting more frequent and larger ect. i keep them where noone will see them. im in college and living away from home. it all stems from family problems i guess but the reason im here is to ask how to stop? im more interested in ppl who have experience because they know how addictive it is.
i talk to my bf about it and one or two friends know but they dont know how much as im too ashamed to tell them.

its only been going on for a few months but im finding smaller things are setting me off and im getting scared. i put on a good front but i was clinical depressed and put on meds but i stopped taking them because of the side affects. i do yoga and work out so please dont suggest sports.

Nevyn

meds are a stop gap measure to help you coep so that you can get help.
Go to the college health service and get an appointment to see a counsellor.

claire-g

Thaedydal wrote:

Go to the college health service and get an appointment to see a counsellor.

U can go straight to student counselling service and make appt, u dont have to go through a doctor (this should be the case in all colleges). College counsellers will have experience of this and they will not judge you. Most college counselling services are open during the summer also.

StephenC_IRL

online gaming maybee ?? or do knife related crafts if you just like seeing things being cut, if you like the pain i suggest s&m

claire-g

StephenC_IRL wrote:

online gaming maybee ?? or do knife related crafts if you just like seeing things being cut, if you like the pain i suggest s&m

Oh ya thats helpful.......

why dont you try developing some emotional intelligence?

Hermy

Frown, I don't have any advice on this subject but please be assured that we are not all as insensitive as StephenC_IRL.
My thoughts are with you.

Marksie

StephenC_IRL wrote:

online gaming maybee ?? or do knife related crafts if you just like seeing things being cut, if you like the pain i suggest s&m

Unhelpful posting will get you banned.
That is your warning StephenC_IRL

Folks, please report the post the mods will see it more quickly

biko

Self-injury usually indicates that somewhere during development a person didn't learn good ways of coping with overwhelming feelings or stress. You clearly want to stop - the best way to do this is to learn to handle the cause (stress). You really need to talk to a professional about it.

You can try this but a professional would be your best bet as every person/situation is different.
Good luck.

Steve_o

StephenC_IRL wrote:

online gaming maybee ?? or do knife related crafts if you just like seeing things being cut, if you like the pain i suggest s&m

How is that helpful ya gobsh**e....:mad:

OP...your best bet is to make an appointment with a college councillor and or another professional.

Beruthiel

StephenC_IRL wrote:

online gaming maybee ?? or do knife related crafts if you just like seeing things being cut, if you like the pain i suggest s&m

You're lucky Mark got here before me, I'd have banned you indifinately for such an idiotic comment.

jdivision

A friend *ahem* found that they were able to stop after moving away for a while from the people who were causing the emotional pain. Going on holidays for a while or moving city for a few months as my "friend" did helped them get over it. It's very addictive and escalates quite quickly so the sooner you address it the better and I'm glad to see you're trying to. There is a website dealing with self mutilation that's based in Britain that may help. Can't remember the URL unfortunately.

Maple

go back to the doctor, get yourself back on medication and go to see a counsellor. don't let this take over your life.

Drift

There's a counselling service in Dublin that deals specifically with suicide and self-harm victims. They are free and you can ring them up to organise a counselling session without having to go through a GP. Contact details etc. are on the website. It might be worth looking into OP and I presume they'd give better advice than "find something else to do" - if you got that advice from a professional its worrying.

http://www.pieta.ie/

Marksie

Beruthiel wrote:

You're lucky Mark got here before me, I'd have banned you indifinately for such an idiotic comment.

Feel free Beruthiel, i am much too generous at times

claire-g

Ultimately its a psychological issue, medication may help u cope better with emotional/psychological distress, in the short term, it will NOT solve the underlying problem.

Maple

claire-g wrote:

Ultimately its a psychological issue, medication may help u cope better with emotional/psychological distress, in the short term, it will NOT solve the underlying problem.

absolutely. if you don't learn how to deal with, cope and understand the issue at hand through counselling, once you stop taking the medication it will overwhelm you once again and you will be back to square one.

Kinetic^

An ex of mine used to do this, not sure if she got help though. However I think you should seek help asap.

LegacyUser

Hi, I just wanted to give you the perspective of someone who managed to give up. I would reccommend taking the medication, it's not going to be for ever and it does help to give you the lift you need to start making the changes. It also makes progress that little bit easier in therapy or counselling if your mood is more stable. I would definately say try counselling, and also I found cognitive behavioural therapy to be really useful. It makes you challenge your automatic negative thoughts and find the root causes of your actions. I know it's really hard to stop, but it's not impossible.

Wishing you all the best with it!

b3t4

frown wrote:

i want to stop.

That's the first hurdle over

i've gotten help but it amounted to "find something else to do instead"isms.

But this is what you are going to have to do to get over your need to cut. Cutting is a coping method which you should try to replace with something else like counseling, writing stuff down (long ranting essays are good here), hitting a pillow against a wall or anything else that releases the emotions you’ve bottled up in a save and positive manner. As you say cutting is extremely addictive so all the urge will do is fade.

Right now you need to remove any temptation to cut from your person. Everything that you have used or could use needs to be thrown away. It’s tough in the beginning but it does get easier.

it all stems from family problems i guess

Then you need to acknowledge this and work through this with a counselor.

i talk to my bf about it and one or two friends know but they dont know how much as im too ashamed to tell them.

Always remember that your boyfriend or your friends are not professionals and will not, more than likely, be able to cope with all your stuff. They are only human and must be able to feel that they can still have a laugh and a talk with you.

With regard to anti-depressants it isn’t a case that one pill fits all. Normally anti-d’s take a number of months to get into your system and when they do they might not even suit you. Head back to your doctor and try out the next lot of pills.

I self harmed for a number of years and after a number of years of not cutting I had a minor relapse in January of this year. It’s a constant battle that I’ve to deal with and find save ways to cope with. This is no easy journey. You’ll probably have quite a few relapses along the way but as time passes the time between them will become longer and longer.

Best of luck with things,
A.

LegacyUser

StephenC_IRL wrote:

online gaming maybee ?? or do knife related crafts if you just like seeing things being cut, if you like the pain i suggest s&m

People have been banned for less! This is a truly awful reply and deserves more than a warning.


OP, as someone who used to do it too, I can tell you how I managed to stop.

I was going through some really bad times in my life. I looked at what I had the power to change and what I didn't. I took a deep breath and changed what I could.

It took time but I gained strength from the confidence it took to change and I found I could deal with those things I didn't have power over that bit better because I had succeeded in creating something positive in my own life.

As I felt better about myself and became happier, I found I didn't have the desire to do it anymore. I didn't take medication or see a professional, but if that's what it takes in your case I would go for it. I don't know about other people's experiences of this, this is just my own and I wanted to let you know that it is possible to stop.

I hope what I have said helps in any way.

whatshername!!

Hey. I no what ur goin thru i used to cut too. Taking medication probly wont work in the long run The best thing u can do is talk to someone u trust. I only stopped when one of my friends saw my scars accidently and confronted me about it. Ill b honest with u quitting is very very hard to do coz every time something goes wrong u want to cut. Even now a year later i still get the urge to cut when im stressed or things go wrong.

Let your boyfriend or friends help you. You need to stop now before you cut too deep and are left badly scarred or worse. It will be hard but you have to for yourself and others around you.

At times when your stressed try chewing ice(or ripping material (i no these sounds stupid but it really does calm you)

If you want any advice or need to talk pm me if you want.

Mawg

I have no experience myself, but I once read that someone found that drawing on themselves every time they felt like cutting really helped. Obviously it's a bit messy, but do it where noone will see and don't use permanent marker and it'll wash right off.

I realise this sounds silly, but give it a go.

LegacyUser

'wow thanks for the suggestion about drawing on myself, its ideal. i used to do it when i was little and upset but i never considered using it now! i'l keep a pen handy from now on.

oh and StephenC_IRL you dont shock me. you're just a little boy with a small mind, incapable of surprising me. family members have said worse to me over the issue so some little unknown creature on the internet wont even mark my radar.

i'm in college councilling but it amounts to her telling me not to cut, go read/listen to music instead.
easily said... but when your siting on the floor, shaking and crying while being screamed at, its kinda hard to do those things.'

StephenC_IRL

ok can i ask why do you think im trying to shock you, ok maybee the s&m bit was a little weird but the rest was a legitimate attempt to help, but sorry if people found it unhelpful,

claire-g

frown wrote:

i'm in college councilling but it amounts to her telling me not to cut, go read/listen to music instead.
easily said... but when your siting on the floor, shaking and crying while being screamed at, its kinda hard to do those things.'

I suggest you find another counsellor as if this is what she is saying its not helpful, you could and have every right to ask for another counsellor in the same service or indeed you could go elsewhere (though that would most likely involve payment). Just because the college service is free its your right to chose a counsellor to whom you can relate and who is helping you do what you want to do, DO NOT allow them to have the power, its your time and your issue, they are there for you.

Drift

There's a free Suicide and Self-Harm clinic in Dublin called Pieta house. If you don't have the money for a paid counsellor and want a second opinion to your college counsellor they may be worth contacting. You can ring up for an appointment straight away you don't need to go to a GP or anything. Contact details below:

http://www.pieta.ie/

The fact that you've gone to a counsellor is a good step OP, and maybe one who specifically deals with these sorts of problems might have a better insight in helping you to stop.


On a side note for mods it appears that suicidal and self-harming thoughts come up a lot in PI, would it be possible to have a sticky with links, addresses, numbers etc. to helpful services.

claire-g

Drift wrote:

On a side note for mods it appears that suicidal and self-harming thoughts come up a lot in PI, would it be possible to have a sticky with links, addresses, numbers etc. to helpful services.

Great idea!!

Ive heard of that place too, its definately worth a call.

biko

Drift wrote:

On a side note for mods it appears that suicidal and self-harming thoughts come up a lot in PI, would it be possible to have a sticky with links, addresses, numbers etc. to helpful services.

Feel free to add the info in the sticky "THE RULES & CHARTER (and handy links)"

hupyago

my cousin runs this site http://spunout.ie/ on this subject matter ,also spiritual/self help books can be heartwarming and inspiring ,doing new things or trying things differently increase's sense of aliveness.

af_thefragile

I was feeling really **** once and so i decided to cut myself.. not really deep, just lil cuts on my arm. It sorta did seem to help take bit of the **** away.. felt like an outlet to the pain (paradox!). But then when i told bout that to my then gf, it freaked her out and she made me promise that i'ld never do it again.

Since then i've felt a few many times like cutting myself cuz of all the **** that has come with my recent breakup.. but i cant seem to break the promise i made. So i didnt cut myself again since then...

chris_oc

StephenC_IRL wrote:

online gaming maybee ?? or do knife related crafts if you just like seeing things being cut, if you like the pain i suggest s&m

what a mong..my cousin had the same problem as you op.not a laughing matter,her scars are there for life,and everyone can see them on her arms.shes better now,but she had to get counciling first..my advice is to get counciling asap.you definatly have major issues that you need to resolve.

stop takin life so seriously man,get a bitta help and you'll be back bouncin of the walls enjoyin life in no time:p

good luck with it buddy

Reku

Well, a few people seem to be pushing you to talk to friends, etc..., for some people this can help, just by being able to vent their emotional frustrations and share their fears and worries, and knowing that (as they are friends) they will really understand what you are saying and where you are coming from. Sadly this doesn't always work... (won't go into my own personal demons).

Personally I've found swimming a good way to reduce the amount of times I resort to this for the simple fact that the last thing I want is to have people staring me out of it as it'd only be a matter of time before they start thinking that I'm showing up with far too many wounds each week. The fact that you keep it to hidden parts of your body would imply that you also don't want others to see. True it will be easier for you, since being a girl you can hide a lot more of your body under a one piece swimsuit than we guys can hide in trunks, but it still might help. The urge won't go away, but at least you won't be acting on it as much.

As regards scars it's another reason to try quit, or at least cut yourself less often, I've found that over the years the amount of scaring left by cuts increases, maybe I'm just getting old or maybe I'm cutting deeper and not noticing, but still, there are enought things to feel self conscious about without throwing scar tissue into the mix.

Oddly the suggestion of online gaming (in spite of clearly being a VERY poor attempt at humour) is not that far off the mark as many people who play those games do seem to suffer from various degrees of depression, however it's more a form of escapism than actually dealing with the problem.


Unfortunately cutting yourself is like any other dependence mechanism (e.g. drugs or alcoholism) in that it will always be part of you and there will always be that part that will want to slip back when things get hard to bare, so some sort of support network (councelling or friends who know) is probably worth trying to have, just to help you stay focused on why you don't want to do it and give you someone to try talk your feelings through with.


*as an additional note (assuming the number of people chiming in with either person experience or who know people with personal experience) you'd be surprised how many people have practiced self harm at some point int their lives, so you are far from alone. Most of them have survived and gotten better, so can you.

spinandscribble

chris_oc wrote:

what a mong..my cousin had the same problem as you op.not a laughing matter,her scars are there for life,and everyone can see them on her arms.shes better now,but she had to get counciling first..my advice is to get counciling asap.you definatly have major issues that you need to resolve.

stop takin life so seriously man,get a bitta help and you'll be back bouncin of the walls enjoyin life in no time:p

good luck with it buddy

shes already IN councilling. and personally i find telling her not to take life so seriously one of the most unthoughtout things i've read in this thread.

LegacyUser

'I used to do it, years ago in school and college. I hadn't done it in about 5 years and then did it once about 2 years ago (it didn't feel like it used to).

I can tell you what set me off, and how I've pretty much stopped. I hope it helps.

I did it when I felt worthless, and deserved to be hurt. I graduated from punching myself in the face.

I mainly did my left arm (right handed). And would carve things on my torso like the word "loser".

I was caught with fresh cuts a couple of times and thought I would die of embarassment, as it was with girls that I had met and gone home with that night.

As it went on (happening every few months maybe) I was really concious of showing my arm so couldn't wear tshirts, without a long sleeve shirt over them.

I suppose the turning point came when I got out the knife one night and as I began to cut I turned the anger I felt towards myself into anger at what I was doing.

Basically a big f*ck you to the motherf*cker that was doing the cutting. f*ck you I'm not going to let this happen. f*ck you I'm not going to hide myself anymore. f*ck the world that made me feel I had to do it in the first place. f*ck everything but most of all f*ck this, I'm not going to let this sh*t be me, I refuse to let it control me anymore. I taunted myself for doing it and said f*ck you I won't. I don't know if this makes sense to you.

As time went on everytime I got in the state of mind that used to make me pick up the knife, I turned the anger towards myself to anger at whatever made me feel like that. Whatever the stimulus was, that's where my anger lay, not at myself. I began to value myself.

As I said at the start I did it once since I stopped and it felt different. There was no satisfaction. I instantly felt embarassed at what I was doing, it seemed so pointless. The urge to hurt myself is gone, even when I'm at my lowest (and I've had some pretty low points in the last year, with the old self loathing knocking at the door).

I have, over time, come to accept things that happen in my life, and value myself more than ever.

Anyway that's just how it worked out with me. I haven't thought about it in ages, not till I read this thread. I don't know if that helps any, everyone is different, but I hope it does.

For me life is good, it has highs and lows. Even the very low lows are part of the process, I don't blame myself for them anymore, they just happen. I hope things get better for you like they did for me. I guess I'm an example that it doesn't have to last forever.

I can honestly say the only part of it that's left are the scars on my arm, which show up slightly when I get a tan, but have largely faded.

All the best, the passage of time can do wonderful things for us.'

carnival_joe

yeah, the scars are a brilliant reason to stop. people looka t you funy, or feak out. I did it to. the releaase was quite something, so i get where you're coming from. honestly i stopped for two reasons- a promise to a mate and a fear of scars.

if you wanna join and chat, just pm me. maybe having a cut-buddy could help? like a support system, so when yorur temted u drop a line, text, call and get it out that way. careful of cross-dependance. its dangerous.

i can't yell at you, or tell you you are stupid. i've been there to. i can say that you'll feel better if you stop, maybe keep a diary, and let loose in that? i have to try very hard not to do it again, but i know what pushed me into it. the final straw. and i've been trying to pull away from it. anyways, the problem is internal, and the self-harm is a sympton. if you feel out of control, maybe take control in another area of your life- clothes, hair etc?

please be careful. its a hard road, and its something that is hard to talk about. councelling can help the internal prblems, as for ther high you get from doing it, well do something fun- go out and dance, do something scary (bungee jump for example). get the adrenalin going that way.

feel better
xx

LegacyUser

'I did a bit of this myself. For me there was an emotional pain that was so strong that to fight against it I tried to deaden it with physical pain, for me also there was a element of somehow wanting to see on my body some mark, some sign of what I was feeling inside.

One thing that helped me was to write and what you've done is a good start. Next time you get an urge scribble and I mean scribble, write fast and furious, make those marks somewhere else. For me to some extent I was ashamed of the severity of the pain I was feeling inside so I too hid or explained away the marks or injuries.

Try and find a way of getting the feeling out, writing helped me, perhaps for you something else. I have an theory that an emotion will turn into a thought if you can express it, and thoughts are easier to deal with. Self-harm is something professionals will have experience of so don't be afraid of speaking about it. Good luck.'