Essential equipment every Brother should own

DublinWriter

Essential equipment every Brother should own:

1. Laz-e-Boy Leather Recliner (cost €1,000, Arnotts)
Essential. I'm the proud owner of one of these puppies. Mini 'fridge in the left hand arm rest, 'phone in the right hand armrest. In-built heater plus ten in-built motors to massage your back and buttocks. Will recline all the way back to an almost completely horizontal position.

The only reason to get up is to number 1's and/or 2's or to save shrieking wimmin from an insect in the kitchen.

2. Ice-making machine (cost €150, Lidl)
Take that pathetic plastic ice-tray from your Fridge Freezer, hold it aloft and laugh and jeer at it before manically laughing and flushing it down the toilet (note: may take a couple of flushes).

I recently got the ice-maker from Lidl which will make a sink-full of ice in 30 minutes flat. If you really need to question why you need to make so much ice then this forum isn't for you. Think summer. Think Bulmers. Think pint-glasses filled with ice. Which leads us nicely onto...

3. Pint glasses (cost €1, Tescos)
You may need to bring that set of Waterford Crystal Glasswear that your in-laws bought you as a wedding present down to your nearest charity shop in order to make room for them. The more the merrier.

4. Frying pan.
'nuff said.

5. Slippers
An always controversial choice, but essential for us older brothers, especially when the wimmin request us to do something involving the out of doors. Yelling back "but I've got slippers on!" always confuses the wimmin and makes them eventually forget what they wanted us to do.

So what are your essential pieces of equipment Brothers?

Terrontress

Remote Controls. The more the better. TV, VCR, DVD, Xbox DVD, Media Center PC, CD Player, Amp, MD deck, Tuner, Dimmer switch for the lights.

And then go and spend about €150 on a Logitech one that will do the work of all the others and leave them lying around the living room.

Ruu_Old

This for shouting after your significant other to get something from the kitchen. No more "I can't hear you" excuse.

J.S. Pill

DublinWriter wrote:

3. Pint glasses (cost €1, Tescos)

Or free from any good student bar.

DublinWriter

Ruu wrote:

This for shouting after your significant other to get something from the kitchen. No more "I can't hear you" excuse.

That's freaky Ruu, I had originally thought of that but wanted to keep the list short.

Terrontress wrote:

And then go and spend about €150 on a Logitech one that will do the work of all the others and leave them lying around the living room.

That's even more freaky because that's exactly what I do. I've got seven remotes on the mantlepiece PLUS a Phillips All-in-One that I started to programme but lost interest.

J.S. Pill wrote:

Or free from any good student bar.

Have you no idea about the number of germs on the average student? Do you really think the SU Bar leave those glasses soaking in Milton all-night?!??

DublinWriter

*slaps head* How could I have forgot. A pair of walkie-talkies so that when herself is up the ladder aligning the dish you can tell her when she's got it facing the right way.

Wishbone Ash

DublinWriter wrote:

If you really need to question why you need to make so much ice then this forum isn't for you

Brother DublinWriter, I'm dissapointed in you. All self respecting members of the BG&RH Forum will know that the consumption of a wimmins' drink like Bulmers is frowned upon. Real men know what they want. They don't adjust their drink according to the weather or outside temperature. Real men drink beer. Full Stop.

Shame on you.Tut, tut.

DublinWriter

Wishbone Ash wrote:

Brother DublinWriter, I'm dissapointed in you. All self respecting members of the BG&RH Forum will know that the consumption of a wimmins' drink like Bulmers is frowned upon.

I apologise. I really meant Bulmers mixed with Toilet Duck.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Hang on a second. Bulmers is not a wimmins drink! Does it come with umbrelleas and cherries in a tiny ickle-glass with frosted sugar around the rim? No. Does it come in 2 litre plastic bottles? Yes. How then can you classify Bulmers as a wimmin's drink?

Wishbone Ash

DublinWriter wrote:

Does it come in 2 litre plastic bottles?

:eek: Yes, I rest my case! Have you ever seen beer in a plastic bottle? Only pansies go looking for ice. Wimmins' drink!

J.S. Pill

DublinWriter wrote:

Have you no idea about the number of germs on the average student? Do you really think the SU Bar leave those glasses soaking in Milton all-night?!??

The only student germs one need worry about are krusty germs. But krustys don't tend to go to bars, they usually sit around listening to Phish and drinking bongwater

Slow Motion

Beer Fridge !

For the single brothers who don't have a woman to go to the fridge in the kitchen to get one !

Wireless mouse and keyboard, so that you can use the 'puter from the comfort of your lazyboy !

Hagar

Bottle-opener, spare bottle-opener, emergency backup bottle-opener.

Kinetic^

Hagar wrote:

Bottle-opener, spare bottle-opener, emergency backup bottle-opener.

You have 3 wimmin? I salute you Brother Hagar!!!

Also, Bulmers FTW!!! Had Brother DublinWriter said "Bulmers Light" then I feel there would be a problem.

Slow Motion

Kenny 5 wrote:

"Bulmers Light" then I feel there would be a problem.

Anything light and I think you've got a problem !

stovelid

Kenny 5 wrote:

Also, Bulmers FTW!!! Had Brother DublinWriter said "Bulmers Light" then I feel there would be a problem.

Seconded.

As long as it's not that pear stuff, is drunk from flagons and is consumed to excess; brother DW should not be censured.

Kinetic^

Slow Motion wrote:

Anything light and I think you've got a problem !

Agreed Brother Slow Motion.

John Mason

i would have thought a woman/mammy was the most essential piece of equipment - how else would you have clean clothes, ironed, food in the cupboards, electricity to play with all your little men toys!!!!!!!!!!!!

biko

Slow Motion

irishbird wrote:

i would have thought a woman/mammy was the most essential piece of equipment - how else would you have clean clothes, ironed, food in the cupboards, electricity to play with all your little men toys!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back in the snug you !

John Mason

you buying?

Slow Motion

irishbird wrote:

you buying?

For you dearheart ! Always

Bazzy

irishbird wrote:

you buying?

Woman into snug and we will get u a girlie drink or similar and remember the golden rule only speak when spoken to or when any of us gentlemen want some sweet lovin

Quint

A bottle opener on a key ring is handy. Always in your pocket, never fumbling around in a drawer looking for one. Also handy if you're in someone elses house.
Also very important is a musical instrument you can't play. If you can play it, it's useless.

Victor

Lads, questions.

I have two boxes, much untouched. One says "Iron" and the other says "Hair dryer".

Any idea what they could be? Could the first one be one of them golf clubs?

smashey

biko wrote:

What is this gun shaped thing?

Slow Motion

smashey wrote:

What is this gun shaped thing?

I believe it's called a "Power Tool", however it looks nothing like the one I keep in my pants

Zaph

Victor wrote:

Lads, questions.

I have two boxes, much untouched. One says "Iron" and the other says "Hair dryer".

Any idea what they could be? Could the first one be one of them golf clubs?

Not sure about the first one Brother Victor, but the second one is quite clearly a towel.

DublinWriter

I just bought two electronic fly swatters from Maplins (one for home, one for office) to replace the one I'd already broken through overuse.

An essential piece of kit for saving hysterically shreiking wimmin' folk from all things that fly around indoors with minimal effort (with the exception of bees of course).

Zaph

Sounds like a handy piece of kit, how much are they?

DublinWriter

zaph wrote:

Sounds like a handy piece of kit, how much are they?

€8.99 plus batteries.

Fratton Fred

Quint wrote:

A bottle opener on a key ring is handy. Always in your pocket, never fumbling around in a drawer looking for one. Also handy if you're in someone elses house.
Also very important is a musical instrument you can't play. If you can play it, it's useless.

these are very useful and save broken teeth.

http://www.reef.com/productdetail/guys/footwear/sandals/2416

This is good also, as it doubles as a bed, unfortunately she does not come with it but the manufacturer did me the honour of naming it after moi:D

http://www.fatboy.nl/the-original/products/true

AlmightyCushion

Fratton Fred wrote:

This is good also, as it doubles as a bed, unfortunately she does not come with it but the manufacturer did me the honour of naming it after moi:D

http://www.fatboy.nl/the-original/products/true

One of my friends has one of those and they are unbelievably comfortable. A must for any brother.

jhegarty

Post 33 , lots of remote controls and not one tv......


so 37+ inch lcd or plasma, surround sound speaker, motorized satellite dish..... and to be a nice a 14" black and white in the kitchen so she can watch big brother without bitchin.....

Fratton Fred

jhegarty wrote:

and to be a nice a 14" black and white in the kitchen so she can watch big brother without bitchin.....

that sounds like a very dangerous precedent to be setting there.

AlmightyCushion

Fratton Fred wrote:

that sounds like a very dangerous precedent to be setting there.

It is a tough call. On the one hand he gets to watch his programs without bitching from the woman. On the other hand she gets the idea in to her head that she is equal and could make things worse e.g. not wanting to cook the dinner, refusing to get you a beer, demanding the vote and so on.

jhegarty

AlmightyCushion wrote:

It is a tough call. On the one hand he gets to watch his programs without bitching from the woman. On the other hand she gets the idea in to her head that she is equal and could make things worse e.g. not wanting to cook the dinner, refusing to get you a beer, demanding the vote and so on.

It shows her that her place is in the kitchen...she will of course be cooking a fry while watching....

or am I too nice...

AlmightyCushion

jhegarty wrote:

It shows her that her place is in the kitchen...she will of course be cooking a fry while watching....

or am I too nice...

Hmm. Sounds good but I'm still not too sure. As for the whole are you being too nice, there is the age old theory of "Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen. Treat 'em rough, get some muff".