how do you get over someone

artnotort

a few days ago my bf of about 10 months dumped me.
it was heartbreaking obviously but i didnt and havent said anything bitchy to him since hoping we could stay on good terms. i dont want to be anyone's enemy.

and initially the first day or two were okay.
but now i cant stop thinking about plans we had
like a gig we were supposed to go to yesterday and a weekend away we had planned with mates next week and it really gets me down
it seems like such a waste to break up now when we'd survived the leaving cert year and the day i finished my exams it ended.
i know i probably should just accept that it's his decision and it's what he wants and all that but i dont know were to start
i dont know how to start getting over him

OS119

its impossible in the very short term, assuming that you had a very serious relationship with someone who had an equally strong commitment to you.

if you could 'get over' such a relationship in very short order then you'd be a bit of a sociopath.

the best thing, IMV, is make a clean break. new activities, new places - and possibly new friends. it is possible to remain on good terms, but its an awful lot easier if you aren't in constant contact with each other (one of my very serious ex's - we lived together, bought a house together etc etc... - is now godmother to one of my kids and my wife is going to be her bridesmaid, but we didn't see each other for about four years after the break-up).

you just need to accept what has happened as the end of that relationship, if you don't it will end your freindships - as your friends will get bored of your whining - and it will make the possibility of a future platonic friendship with your now ex-BF impossible.

sorry its pretty bleak, but you need to give yourself a little hug and a good kick in the arse and put your life in a new direction.

microgirl

OS119 is exactly right. It is possible to get over exes and remain friends with them, but you need a clean break and you need to give it time. I'm on good terms with all my exes - we're not overly close, mainly due to physical distance and the fact that I'm lousy at keeping in touch, but we're certainly friends and chat for ages on the times we do see each other.

But a clean break is needed initially for both of you to readjust. It doesn't necessarily have to be a long break though; it's proportional to how long you were together and how serious the relationship was. You were only going out for 10 months, so it's blessing that it happened when it did (the break up) as you have the summer months when you wouldn't be as thrown together ordinarily as you might have been.

Take the summer to yourself. Certainly for the first month do *not* see him, not even in a group. Seriously. Maybe after that you might be able to be with a gang of people that he's part of, at a house party or something, but stick mainly with other friends at such a gathering. Just give yourself space and time and you'll recover. The first few days and weeks are the hardest.

artnotort

it's hard to accept it's over because i didnt want to break up.
if it had been my choice it certainly would not be like this
but i probably wont talk to him anymore anyway

LegacyUser

Same thing happened to me around ur age, I made sure he found out I scored someone else, within a day of him finding out he wanted to get back wit me...just an idea...not guaranteed to work, but either way scoring some1 will help u get over him and if u dont score some1 and say u did, he'll hopefully get jealous and want to get bak wit u, then ur in control!! Best of luck

Wibbs

As the others have said you need the clean break. No contact at all. I mean zero. Breakups are hard because basically you've been rejected by someone you opened up to. He has made the decision to split. Listen to that and except it. Even if it's only a little at first.

Look at the relationship from a distance and try and see if you missed signs of problems or you made mistakes. I say this because it takes two to tango and figuring where you went wrong will make you better the next time. Don't be too hung up on what he did(except to realise he wasn't right for you). This is all about you now.

Try to think along the lines of it's their loss. It is too. He may find another woman, but she'll never be complex person that is you. She may be better for him, but you will find someone better for you. Guaranteed. The only way you will is when you truly let him go. In fact try wishing him the best in your head. That's what actual love is. Wishing someone the very best even if it's not you. The day you do that is the day you will move on.

A word on the "lets be friends" nonsense. I've had that line before. It's a very selfish act on the part of the person that comes out with that. You can't be. Not now. Not until you wouldn't give a damn if you saw him with another woman. You may even find that when you do get through this, you will see him in a different light and friendship wouldn't be on the cards anyway. Being friends with someone you have those feelings for is unhealthy. It's like banging your head and heart against a brick wall and it also stops you being open to meeting someone else.

Another thing to avoid like the plague is jumping into another relationship too soon. 99 times out of a 100 it ends badly.

Now what you have to do is to start to get you back. That's the most important thing. If you don't get you back, you and your next relationship will suffer. Do what others have suggested, get fit, new hobbies, hang out with friends, treat yourself etc.

You will find it hard at first to get over this, but you will get through it and be better for it.

artnotort

I did this! wrote:

Same thing happened to me around ur age, I made sure he found out I scored someone else, within a day of him finding out he wanted to get back wit me...just an idea...not guaranteed to work, but either way scoring some1 will help u get over him and if u dont score some1 and say u did, he'll hopefully get jealous and want to get bak wit u, then ur in control!! Best of luck

if i did that (and i wouldnt) he'd just do it twice as bad and it'l end up hurting me more.


it'll def not work for me and i dont want to play games with him anyway. or make him come back unless his all his choice, not influenced by me

artnotort

Wibbs wrote:

As the others have said you need the clean break. No contact at all. I mean zero. Breakups are hard because basically you've been rejected by someone you opened up to. He has made the decision to split. Listen to that and except it. Even if it's only a little at first.

Look at the relationship from a distance and try and see if you missed signs of problems or you made mistakes. I say this because it takes two to tango and figuring where you went wrong will make you better the next time. Don't be too hung up on what he did(except to realise he wasn't right for you). This is all about you now.

Try to think along the lines of it's their loss. It is too. He may find another woman, but she'll never be complex person that is you. She may be better for him, but you will find someone better for you. Guaranteed. The only way you will is when you truly let him go. In fact try wishing him the best in your head. That's what actual love is. Wishing someone the very best even if it's not you. The day you do that is the day you will move on.

A word on the "lets be friends" nonsense. I've had that line before. It's a very selfish act on the part of the person that comes out with that. You can't be. Not now. Not until you wouldn't give a damn if you saw him with another woman. You may even find that when you do get through this, you will see him in a different light and friendship wouldn't be on the cards anyway. Being friends with someone you have those feelings for is unhealthy. It's like banging your head and heart against a brick wall and it also stops you being open to meeting someone else.

Another thing to avoid like the plague is jumping into another relationship too soon. 99 times out of a 100 it ends badly.

Now what you have to do is to start to get you back. That's the most important thing. If you don't get you back, you and your next relationship will suffer. Do what others have suggested, get fit, new hobbies, hang out with friends, treat yourself etc.

You will find it hard at first to get over this, but you will get through it and be better for it.

cheers mate.
made a lot of sense

Wibbs

I did this! wrote:

Same thing happened to me around ur age, I made sure he found out I scored someone else, within a day of him finding out he wanted to get back wit me...just an idea...not guaranteed to work, but either way scoring some1 will help u get over him and if u dont score some1 and say u did, he'll hopefully get jealous and want to get bak wit u, then ur in control!! Best of luck

Missed this one. This is not something anyone should do. It's incredibly stupid and immature. So lets say it "works". What are you getting back? Someone who is only there out of jealousy? Oh yea that seems real sensible. Leave the game playing on the pitch.

artnotort's response to this was bang on the money and shows she is defo going to get through this. Hell a couple of posts from you and I reckon its definitely his loss. What's that tell ya?;)

artnotort wrote:

cheers mate.
made a lot of sense

For the former I thank you, for the latter I'm going to need that in writing and signed.:D

artnotort

hah, no seriously cheers for the vote of confidence too.

it's the hardest thing to do